#uncomtorfable

[writing-as-survival]

I will always believe in softness and love.

I will always be vulnerable; open to new beginnings, new people, and new chances.

I will always be kind.

And nothing in this world, not even you, can take that away from me.

The cruelest people wear sweetness like a mask.

Then cry victim when they harm others.

You’re not a villain.

You’re a delusional, depressed narcissist.

No one manipulated you but yourself.

No one asked you to be inauthentic.

No one asked you to choke on your words.

I love my softness.

I love my sweetness.

I love that I can care for others and still set boundaries.

That I can stay tender without being weak.

The world made me.

Love made me.

And I want all of it.

I don’t need my mother to remind me of that.

I already know.

[writing-as-survival]

5/23

My first birthday without you.

Also the first day

you didn’t cross my mind.

[writing-as-survival]

Yes, I was such an awful friend. How dare I try to save you from yourself? You taught me that some people cannot accept help, and continue to make the same mistakes until they finally learn on their own.

[writing-as-survival]

You say that some come and some go.

Well, I wish I had gone a long time ago.

[writing-as-survival]

You will never see me trying to rebuild bonds that I didn't break

[writing-as-survival]

I really thought we were building something.

A haven, an oasis, a shelter from the storm

To find out you see it as a purgatory

An endless hell in which i torture you in every way, shape and form

I didn’t know it was misery; i thought it was love

To me you are the closest thing to the heavens above

But my glib of tongue, haste of mind

Gets me in trouble every time

I fail to realize the effects of my words before they escape my mouth

Somehow i never see it coming

When the anger strikes like lightning to my soul

The sanctuary’s ablaze

We’re up in flames

Inhaling so much smoke i can not help but choke. Tears streaming down by face by the fire I’ve provoked.

I don’t want to spend my days like this, trying to decide whether to extinguish or to abandon our home.

I know you don’t either; are we at a crossroads?

The strings of my heart long to recover what we’ve built

To continue to mend what we’ve broke

We need to work together, need to find a medium.

Neither a haven nor a purgatory is built by one alone.

[writing-as-survival]

I see you now, with your religion

People change, that’s a given

You had to kneel and wash your sins away

Put your pride aside

I can’t help but wonder if you begged forgiveness

For your behavior after our fire died

You work closely with your faith

Trying to spread the message

How would the old you feel of this deception?

God is way smarter than me, so i guess I’ll never know

Go ahead and polish your son for that good Christian glow

Live up on that pedestal

Forget the things you did before

Think you’re better than me

We’ll see who’s left when the sky opens up.

[writing-as-survival]

Go ahead and cut me off, because i knew you at your worst and you don’t want to invite me back in.

Go ahead and cut me off, because i will never beg and plead to be a part of your life again.

Go ahead and cut me off, because you’re weak and my presence makes you sin.

Go ahead and cut me off, if you think it will get under my skin...

It won’t.

an old friend (mkj)