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Unconditional Self Acceptance

This phrase alone sends me into a near anxiety attack because I instantly start listing all of the things that are wrong with me, all of the ways I fall short. But it’s something that I’ve been working on with my counselor. It goes against what society teaches us. It goes against what I grew up with. The love and acceptance that I got were contingent on my successes and my compliance. Failing or disobeying meant having that love withheld. My worth was determined by my parents until I had no true concept of it beyond them. Trying to reclaim that has been and continues to be a daunting task. My measurements don’t work anymore. My yardstick is useless. The concept of unconditional self acceptance is that no matter what, your worth does not change. That means you are worthy of love and acceptance, especially from yourself. And this idea of “you” is everything that you are and do.

What you think.

How you feel.

What you’re great at.

What you suck at.

What you’re working on.

What you’ve been through.

What you’re going through now.

Your shortcomings.

Your failures.

Your strengths.

Your successes.

You have to take all of that, every spec of it, and accept yourself exactly as you are. That’s not to say that you can’t change and work on your weaknesses or shortcomings. But while you do that, you should be accepting of them as they stand. It sounds really simple. And in theory it is. But practicing it is another story. And it is practice. You can’t do it once and “POOF!” you’re all better. You have achieved ultimate enlightenment. It’s something that you have to do all day, everyday. You have to look in the mirror and accept all of the things about yourself that society tells you aren’t goo enough. The extra weight. The skin that won’t clear up. The unruly hair. All of those surface things. And then you have to go deeper and accept all of the things that society can’t see but judges anyway.

How am I supposed to do that? How can I just decide one day that the things that have been “wrong” about me my entire life are no longer wrong? I mean, am I supposed to tackle it one thing at a time? Take it on all at once? Where do I start? It’s really overwhelming for someone who’s always been overcritical of myself so I could anticipate or prevent the disappointment and rejection I would face. The truth is I don’t know how to start or where to start or even how to judge that I’ve made any progress whatsoever. So if you have suggestions for me, I’m more than open to them. It’s definitely something that I need to talk about with my counselor next appointment.

#counseling #counseling response #unconditional self acceptance

I accept myself because I'm alive and have the capacity to enjoy my existence. I am not my behavior. I can rate my traits and my behavior, but it is impossible to rate something as complex as my 'self.' My self consists of innumerable traits, not just this one. I strive for achievement only to enhance the enjoyment of my existence, not to prove my worth. Failing at any task cannot make me a failure. I can choose to accept myself even if am unwilling or unable to change my 'character defects' because there is no law of the universe that says I can't. My approval of myself cannot come from pandering to any external source or bowing to any external authority. My self-acceptance can only come from me, and I am free to choose it at any time.

USA the principle of Unconditional Self Acceptance (SMART Recovery, Nick Rajacic)

#recovery #unconditional self acceptance #USA #smart recovery #self esteem #self worth