I like thinking about little Wen Yuan waking up at Cloud Recesses. He doesn't remember anything. He knows he doesn't belong there, and he knows he's away from his family, but there's Hanguang-jun, who is big and strong and quiet, like a beautiful lake. When he talks to a-Yuan his voice is soft and calm and he's always willing to pick a-Yuan up and hold him in his strong, steady arms. A-Yuan gets pretty new robes and a neverending supply of food. Hanguang-jun gets very hurt one day, or sick; after that, for a long time, he doesn't come out of his house, but a-Yuan still gets to visit him every evening. He calls him gege sometimes, and once, accidentally, baba, but it only makes Hanguang-jun smile.
A-Yuan does it again the next evening, pretending it just comes out of his mouth without meaning to, because it keeps making Hanguang-jun smile.
In the mornings, a-Yuan goes to class with a lot of other children his age. He learns about cultivation, which will make him grow strong and healthy if he works hard at it. He likes that. He wants to be as big as Hanguang-jun. He also learns about the rules. Teacher explains new rules every day. A-Yuan likes that, too. He wants to be a good boy, and the rules tell him exactly how.
One day he fights with a-Yi during play time, though, and suddenly he feels so many feelings he can barely tell what his hands are doing; then everything is quiet and a-Yi is lying on the floor, staring, and there are big ugly scratch marks down the left side of his face, with bright red blood flowing horribly out of them. A-Yuan did that. He was bad, he was awful, and he hurt a-Yi. He's told he doesn't get to see Hanguang-jun tonight, as punishment. He doesn't deserve to hear Hanguang-jun's beautiful voice anymore. He cries until his face hurts, thinking how Hanguang-jun will be disappointed in him. How he ruined everything.
The next morning, he's woken up before dawn by Hanguang-jun himself, who is standing and walking and everything, although the effort makes his face even whiter than ususl. Hanguang-jun picks a-Yuan up and holds him like he'll never let him go and takes him straight to Sect Leader's house, and a-Yuan would be scared but he's too confused.
Sect Leader looks shocked to see them. "Wangji, why are you out -- you shouldn't even be out of bed, look at your back -- at least put the child down."
"The child," Hanguang-jun says, "comes to see me every day. I took my punishment. That was the deal." A-Yuan can tell that he's furious. Madly, dangerously furious. Furious enough to make even Sect Leader subdued.
Sect Leader calls for some people to call for some other people. Finally, one of the teachers appears, looking incongruously shaken. She glances at Hanguang-jun while quietly explaining to Sect Leader how shamefully bad a-Yuan was, how he earned his punishment. A-Yuan cringes. He expects Hanguang-jun to look at a-Yuan with disappointment, with shock. Instead, Hanguang-jun holds a-Yuan even tighter.
Some things are said that a-Yuan doesn't understand. Finally, Sect Leader tells Teacher not to do anything like that ever again without consulting him.
When a-Yuan is outside alone with Hanguang-jun, he bursts into tears. "A-Yuan didn't mean to hurt a-Yi," he says.
Hanguang-jun, magically calm now, crouches to look a-Yuan in the face. "I did not think so," he says. "He is your good friend, is he not? Did you apologize to him?"
A-Yuan scrunches his face hard, thinking back all the way to yesterday. "He... he said a-Yuan shouldn't cry? And he said he hopes he gets cool scars like the older boys get from nighthunting. And he said there are baby bunnies in the West Hill."
For some reason, that makes Hanguang-jun almost smile. "Good," he says, like that's an end to it.
A-Yuan is more confused than ever. "But a-Yuan was bad!" he says. "I... I broke the rules. I'm a bad boy. Teacher said."
"Teacher was wrong," Hanguang-jun says. A shocking statement, but Hanguang-jun's voice leaves no room for argument. "A-Yuan is a boy who is trying to be good, yes?"
"It is not easy, sometimes."
A-Yuan looks down at his shoes.
"But it will become easier and easier, a-Yuan," Hanguang-jun says. "You will learn, in time, not to let violent emotions overcome you in the moment. And then you will be governed by your kind heart and your clear mind. I think a-Yuan might even manage to follow the rules and be good."
A-Yuan doesn't completely understand. Isn't following the rules the definition of being good? But he is lightheaded with relief. Hanguang-jun is not angry, or disappointed. He still wants to see a-Yuan every day. And he talks like being good is... is something you learn. Something you improve at by practicing. A-Yuan likes that. It feels fair, when you can get something by working for it.
The sunrise shines on them as Hanguang-jun takes a-Yuan by the hand and takes him to school, where a-Yuan's friends are waiting for him, and a-Yuan will learn how to be good and wise, and cultivate his qi, and fly on a sword. There are tiny sea-blue flowers blooming in the beautiful garden outside Sect Leader's house, and there will be big, delicious bowls of rice for lunch.
