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the biggest tragedy of our strange and confusing median plurallet selfhood is that most plural polls and ask games don't have questions that really apply to us 😔 we're just not distinct enough to answer the "which headmates do this" or "who's your most _ headmate" kind of questions...

#underwater.post #there's the facetsona things we made as an attempt of putting names and faces to the different “sides of myself”#an exercise in a possible model of our selfhood #but i think we tend to be less “multiple people” and more... i don't know.#something that doesn't feel like just one person #a lake. a soup. an incongruity. parts that form something almost a whole. a chain of beings that looks like one person from the front #but from the side it's one changes to the next that changes to the next #and that's just how “i” can understand it. there may be other perspectives i can't quite reach #we're just not solid in our identities. it's why we tend to use water imagery to try and describe ourself #like multiple colors that flow together. like figures made of water rising out of the lake only to disolve back into it after a few minutes #there's no “I” and “Them” it's only “I/Us”#does any of that describe it? does any of that make sense?

I've been rotating plural OC ideas in my head lately. idk if anything will come of it but it's very fun

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... unfortunately due to our new wave of embracing plurality in ourself it has gotten increasingly hard to keep this blog separate from our main. we've started to want to post every random thought here instead but I would like to keep this blog on theme T-T

#underwater.post #maybe somewhere down the line we'll have to connect the two and stop masking on our main one #...but i don't think we're quite ready for that yet

I was Umbral for a couple hours today due to bad physical pain, and it made me realize that we don't have enough black pieces of clothes in our wardrobe for when they're out. we were thinking they'd probably like some comfortably loose black tshirts that could maybe be modified into fun shapes - so we'll have to keep an eye out for something like that next time we get the chance.

I think I'm discovering that different facets / states / sides of us tend to have different kinds of things that work for soothing us. some of us find cutesy stuff comforting, but for Umbral it tends to feel jarring. They generally prefer things that align more with their sense of themself - angsty music that's usually somewhere in an emo space (though we're all bad at music genres), youtube videos that are about kinda darker subjects or alternative subcultures, things that feel red/black in general...

Out of all of us Umbral definitely tends to identify less with our body, but we think they could feel a bit more grounded or comfortable if they were able to wear clothes that fits them better. And since we generally become them when we're suffering in some kind of way, I think anything that could help them feel better would be a good investment.

#underwater.post #i apologize if the inconsistent language we use is a bit confusing #we've still trying to figure out which way of talking about how we experience plurality feels most right #because to some degree we all feel like different mindsets or emotional states #but then i feel my sense of self a bit different depending on who i am #in ways that can be confusing at times #Umbral especially stands out from the rest of us #which makes sense considering why they are what they are #but that's getting outside of the scope of this post #Umbral holds a huge amount of self hatred. but i still think i love them #whoever i am now

hm. apparently even if you're trying to write about probably-traumatic memories in a sort of detatched analytical way the recollection can still make you highly uncomfortable and drastically change your mood. who knew!

#anyways. we are going to go play Subnautica now #...which is kind of funny actually. considering the theming of this blog #underwater time :D #underwater.post

we decided pretty early in the questioning process of this blog that we weren't really interested in -genic labels as part of our selves-description, but sometimes I do find myself pondering it... particularly when it comes to labels like "traumagenic" or "stressgenic"

For the majority of our questioning process we've been pretty certain we don't meet the criteria for DID, and probably not any forms of OSDD either (though that's a little less certain)

even so, being under a considerable amount of prolonged stress has very much played a role in starting our questioning and leading us to where we are now...

I want to elaborate later, but thinking about this is currently stressing me out - might reblog with some more thoughts another day if I remember and feel up to it

#underwater.post #i keep forgetting that thinking about traumatic memories is hard oops #i also feel like a slightly different version of myself now than when I started writing. funny that #I'm probably somewhere in the Lunar space now (which makes sense because they're very tied to our stressful college memories)#and was probably closer to the facet we need to remember to introduce before #it's kind of interesting because I could feel the way I type changing? Like I'm a bit more casual now #i didn't entirely realize we had that kind of difference between us...#although i guess that's kind of obvious now that i think about it. I can kind of see which of my different typing styles match which selves #huh!

Since we've started trying to give sides of ourself shapes and faces to better understand ourself lately, I wanted to come up with a description for everything that still remains undefined. the "grey spaces" between us, the messy bits of thought and personality that remain difficult to label or neatly categorize. thoughts that feel like they're coming from outside our sence of selves (particularly, a lot of the intrusive ones we get that are completely out of any of our systems of belief).

I think embodying Nebulous would likely be when we're blurry, disassociating, or otherwise not lining up with any facets we have an understanding of.

(though I will say, forms of dissassociation can also fall under Lunar & Umbral's wheelhouses as well. their sense of selves are both shaped by depersonalization / derealization in some way or another, at least in part)

(also, if anyone would like to: please feel free to ask us questions about our pluralishness/ selfhood whenever you would like. we've been feeling particularly chatty about it lately and would be happy to try and articulate things more clearly if any of this seems confusing)

#underwater.post #underwater.art #plural art #plurallet #median plurality #questioning plural #i think there is one other facet introduction I need to make #probably the one I've been closest to writing this #but I'm not sure I feel like drawing them right now #basically imagine a kind of porcelain ball-jointed doll kind of figure with completely dark eyes and you'll be in the ballpark

pondering some different designs for Stellar

I've been feeling more Stellar in the past few weeks compared to when We drew the first design, so I wanted to play around with some new designs for her! also tried out some different styles, but I think we're probably going to be sticking closer to the first one for most art on this blog

I think being a merfolk fits her a lot better - one of the main memories I associate with her is of dancing in the rain, and she's probably responsible for this whole blog being themed around water.

#plural art #median plural #median #underwater.post #underwater.art

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