❛ i broke my own heart when i fell for you. ❜ rue + lexi!!
one sentence poetry meme ( accepting ) + @unferal // lexi
Lexi’s there when she wakes up in the hospital. And it’s kind of fucked up because she’s still in her prom dress, mascara smudged in a way that lets her know that she’s been crying, and, while the jolt of waking up in a strange place is shocking, it oddly hurts less the second time. An unfamiliar ceiling... but a familiar silhouette that she can tell is still hung over from last night’s revelries, and she wonders where her mom is, or Gia, and thinks, maybe they’re in the cafeteria. Is left to SUFFER knowing the disappointment that she’s brought onto all of them again, head turning to feel that nauseating rush that comes from going too hard after a stretch of sobriety...
And while she doesn’t mean to, she’s crying, fuck, she’s so god damn pathetic, and Lexi wakes, looking at her with that rounded confusion that she suppose stuck with her since she arrived. The see-sawing emotional range of anger and relief, she knows it too well, wanting to tell her that she’s REALLY FUCKING SORRY for this, and she told her that she’s a burden, didn’t she? How that feels an almost insurmountable climb to feeling just okay, and, she’s fucking selfish isn’t she, knowing that she’d be here again, but so desperate in the moment to drown out the reality in which Jules was gone.
A fact that she’s sure escapes nobody here, despite the chaos.
“Hey you.” her voice sounds fucking cracked, tongue hesitant to swipe over her lips, dried as all hell by now. “I’m...” the SORRY doesn’t quite make it, Lexi’s there at the side of her bed with her hand squeezing onto hers, as she says something that she’s pretty fucking glad her mom’s not here to overhear, and it shouldn’t be like this, love proclamations in sterilized hallways that smelled like bleach and urine, but here she is. And regretting it too. Yeah, well, everybody leaves me, don’t they? But Rue isn’t bitter, just, cries as she tries to get the words out, she doesn’t mean to hurt Lexi like this, doesn’t know why, she’d even want to love her in the first place. Of all people in the world, Lexi’s had a front row seat to her fuck ups since the age of 5. And all she’s done is take it for granted, holding on, all the more desperately, to the hand that feels limp within her own. “Don’t, I’m... I’m useless, I’m...”
She’s pretty sure she’s not even done breaking it.