#unfortunately relatable

[kaylasartwork]

A long awaited phone call happened Thursday

[dogearry]

Giovanni's Room (1956) - James Baldwin

[bluejays-sunnydays]

Vali’s long-suffering head drop

[littlemonkeyguy]

season 2 fitz headcanon where he had scratches all over his body because he clawed/itched at himself often due to believing he had bugs crawling all over him

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

hdkaidsjdiais men will literally be richard nixon instead of going to therapy................

(from rick perlstein's nixonland: the rise of a president and the fracturing of america)

[urlocaltwinkrey]

[yurisoldierm]

[orange-sora]

Thinking back to your childhood days and you remember so many moments of love and joy. At some point, you had started seeing the sacrifices and efforts made by your parents to make them happen. Then you think about all the things that you never got to have, that were so easy for your peers and a feeling of past resentment makes your skin itch. You know, you grew up poor. Atleast poorer than some people.

And the thought of your parents create ripples in your heart. Feelings of gratitude and annoyance. Thankful because you see how much they cared. Everything was hard earned. Irritated because it didn't make all your problems go away. Why was it never enough? They weren't invincible. You can't be either. Yet you can't ignore everything you lacked. You wished, the understanding made it easier. And you fear, your kids will resent you the same way. They will also not have everything they want.

Poverty doesn't completely disappear. Hardwork doesn't earn much. But it fills you with joy and pride, how your parents have lived. With morality and never-ending kindness. Atleast you got that from them. The guilt, however, never stops running through your veins. Don't you wish to live up to their expectations? They don't have many. They are nice that way. Yet you want to live up to yours. You wanted to be bigger, for them. Make their hands softer, make them smile more, make them less tired. Maybe that will compensate for everything you took from them. But in the process, you get angrier, at life, at failures, at your losses. It shows up in cruel words you yell in the worst times to the people least likely to blame you. Another boulder of guilt strapped to your back now.

Life is out of your hands. Why else did your parents give up on their dreams? Why did you? Why was it so easy to give up on what you wanted? Why is it so difficult to live with the loss nevertheless? It's the right thing to do, the only thing to do. You fear, they'll be gone before you they get to really live. You fear, they'll be gone, before you get to pay the debts. You fear, the ones left behind, will never be as whole again, a family broken by time. Aa natural as it gets. You fear and you fear, the worthlessness of it all piles high like sky scrapers.

One day, though, it will get better. Your passions will find their way home. Your parents will learn to love life. Accept it. You will too. You can see the sky now. The reward is never what you expected.

And like everything in life, at the end of it all, the good is what continues to resonates.