Expectations.
Why do I expect more from you?
Why do I hold onto hope that you’ll do more?
Do I really expect you to change?
I need to get used to being disappointed by you.
I should be used to disappointment from you.
A part of me hopes you’ll change that for your child, but I have to leave that hope behind.
You ain’t shit.
You willingly give up time with your child to do other things as if you have so much time with her.
Now, I’m not complaining getting extra time with her but it would be nice to know that she was your priority like she is mine.
You ain’t shit.
Your life is about you and revolves around you. Having a child doesn’t push you towards a goal to succeed.
Having a child doesn’t push you to get your shit together, whether that’s mentally, physically, emotionally, or financially.
You ain’t shit.
Being a parent is a full time job. It’s nothing part time like you treat it. It’s not all about fun and games when you are raising a human being.
Here I am willing to help you get your shit together in a healthy way for your child and instead it’s about you. It’s about your anger and hate for yourself and your actions. It’s about having someone to help you take care of your child as if you’re not the parent.
This journey and your behavior has shown me that I don’t need a partner in my life to care for my child. Maybe it is ideal, but it’s not reality.
Life is about showing your child healthy relationships and how to be strong yourself.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve held back the tears of frustration to make sure that smile remained on her face. It’s not about me. It’s about her and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure she’s good.
You ain’t shit.
I don’t expect it to change anytime soon and I can’t protect her from seeing that. She will. I promise she will and I will be here for her as I always have been. She will appreciate me for being the strong woman I am and not dealing with bullshit I don’t deserve. Bullshit she doesn’t deserve to see.
I love my child.
She is my rock.
She is my heart.
She is my soul.