Always A Misfit
I always seem to defy description in some way or another. Some part of what makes me, me always has to be different. I seem to always have some unnamed abnormality, in some part of my psychology, neurology, or spiritual path, in particular.
Rewind to my childhood... Now I know I had Attention Deficit Disorder about 10-15 years before medical science recognized it as a legit neurological condition. So all through my childhood I got labeled as lazy and scatterbrained.
At around 18 years old, while I was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I developed this frustrating and strange thing in my legs where they had this uncontrollable, almost involuntary urge to move, flop and squirm mostly at night when I was trying to sleep. I tried and tried to explain it to doctors. I said it felt almost like somebody plugged my legs into an electric outlet and flipped a switch to on. Like having Tourette's in my legs. And about 10-15 years later I learned they finally came up with a name for it... Restless Leg Syndrome.
But I guess I'm just supposed to be a misfit. I was born just one year too late to be a Baby Boomer, but I'm older than most gen Xs I know. On the Gregorian calendar based Zodiac, I was born only one or two days too late to be a Virgo. I'm just barely a Libra. So it seems like I share traits of both. I was born at 11:11 p.m., less than one hour away from the next day.
Spiritually... I was raised Seventh Day Adventist, so I was too "Jewish" for most Christians and too "Christian" for most Jews. Now, I've left the Seventh Day Adventist religion, but I'm not able to convert to Judaism yet, so I'm still in "Limbo Land". Still a misfit.
I'm beginning to embrace it though. I'm considering that maybe I'm meant to be my own kind of trailblazer. Maybe I'm not supposed to fit into a category created by someone else. Maybe I'm supposed to forge my own path and possibly make a way for fellow misfits coming along after me. Maybe I'm supposed to take a hint from my earlier experiences and run with it.
Which is my reason for being here on Tumblr where I have an opportunity to create a space, blaze a trail, for me, and my brand of misfits coming along later on, to find and not feel so alien. Perhaps to find some purpose in our kind of misfit status.
So I don't care, right now, whether I have many or any followers. If this doesn't result in me creating a unique community right away, but helps an established community find me and say, "Hey you! You belong over here with us! Get over here!" that'll will be fine too.
I'm just tired of trying to jump through endless hoops to try to fit into someone else's idea of what I'm supposed to be. And judging from what I'm seeing, a lot of other people are too. While they might not be the same kind of misfit I am, I support their right to be one as long as it's not harmful in any way.
