To my first ‘serious’ relationship
I’’m rolling my eyes writing that🙄🙄🙄. You were outgoing, charismatic and within 6 days of spending every day together we were exclusive. I actually don’t remember much of what we did together now.. we had a year where we were both at Uni together and although it pains me to say it I guess I did love you then. But there were already warning signs right from the start. You were so insecure and made comments about me that only heightened my existing insecurities and it was because of these I defended your actions. It was exhausting explaining to others that you actually were “really sweet” and were “only trying to be funny” and I dreaded what you would say to people next. Even then you had begun to lie about things you were doing or had done in order to make yourself appear more impressive. You even made up bullshit stories about your experiences of the army. I was so scared to confront you because of how awful it would make me if I was wrong...but I knew. I was not as gullible as you thought I was but I made exceptions for you as you painted yourself as a poor, misunderstood boy and I wanted to be the one to rescue you from your pain. Not challenging you was on me as much as you.
You were so childish with your ridiculous walkouts and luckily after the second birthday in a row I was left in tears after things you said to me -publicly- I had had enough. I can see now how that relationship was so unbalanced. I held you up whereas you pushed me back. I previously regretted not breaking up with you sooner but I understand this now- of course it took me time to get to that conclusion. It was daunting to leave the first person I imagined having a future with and going through this process helped me better value my own happiness.
Big up my parents for not bringing you along to my graduation though🙌