#univited

[chronivore]

[virginpornstar]

If one has a party and all the guests can think about who is not there, then whose party is it?

Aunt Elizabeth (The Great)

[kaitmatthewsart]

The Uninvited Guest She is sudden. Sometimes, she is not. She may appear Without warning. Or not. She’s famous for creeping closer, A little at a time. However she arrives, And for the time being, She is no friend of mine. She may offer glimpses of her future self Oblivion to the minds of youth. Or not. Mostly she waits patiently, For truth, For time passing, For those who don’t pretend. She will come to someone like you. to someone like me. To everyone in the end. . . . #univited #bookcoverart #bookcoverillustration #death #artandpoetry #beautifulbizarremagazine #darkart #imaginefx #imaginefxmagazine #illustration_seeking #portrait_lovers_united #digitalpainting #digitalart #vintagevibe #fashionillustration #scythe #lily #deathpersonified #darkart https://www.instagram.com/p/CL9d-mLneth/?igshid=6viel2h20cq7

[chronivore]

[stonerandaloner]

[becomingwho-blog]

Chapter One: I’d Rather Ignore Honesty

Two weeks ago, I was at a Woman’s Bible Study that my best friend and I had recently started going to. Due to our schedules, well more like mine, we didn’t get to go every time they had a meeting. We tried. We had come late in the game and weren’t completely able to follow all they were talking about. Turns out they were reading a book, a book neither one of us possessed but were very intrigued hearing about. A wonderful soul in my group who had completely read through the book, back and forth, and wanted to pass it forward. Forward into my direction. I am a lover of books and with the right book will spend hours reading, maybe even days. This is how I got my hands on “Uninvited” by Lysa TerKeurst.

In this process of self-discovery, I felt like this book would be the perfect partner in understanding some major parts of myself. The book was about “feeling loved when you fell less than, left out, and lonely” and I definitely feel all of those on a constant basis.  I wanted to analyze and compare my thoughts and her words. What would stick out to me and what would we both hold in common as it pertains to being?

So, I delve into the first chapter. Immediately connecting with its title, because let’s be honest no one enjoys totally unfiltered honesty.

Honesty has become to be seen as a weapon to so many people. We don’t open up to others and be completely honest in fear of having our own truth used against us. I know I am one of those people, I fear of opening up and being honest and vulnerable because one of two things always happen. Either they use it against me or they let me open up just to leave. My mind has conditioned me to believe those are my two outcomes with being honest to others. I continually wait for the other shoe to drop in all my relationships, and almost always it does. One thing she says in this chapter that really does attach itself to my soul is “honesty isn’t trying to hurt me. It’s trying to heal me.” I would like to say all that all my honest moments have ended in me feeling like I was stuck in a nightmare wear I mysteriously appear naked in front of crowd, but there have been few instances were my honesty was met with compassion and encouraging words. Even then, I wait for that stupid shoe to hit the ground at an expedited rate and explode in my face.

I guess you can say that my fear of total honesty stems from rejection. My therapist said it and so did this book. Being honest in my case was other peoples cop out as to why I could not be a part of their lives. I remember going through a brief phase were I continually said how much I didn’t want to be accepted by everyone else. I didn’t want to “conform to what everyone else wanted me to be”. Truth is no one wanted me to be a certain way, I did. I did and felt as if I failed at it. I was so bad at being like other people and holding onto my own demons I walked around feeling set apart. I felt rejected but not because I was in every instance but because after being rejected a few times I started rejecting myself. I made it impossible to be accepted. She describes this as self-rejection. “Self-rejection paves the landing strip for the rejection of others to arrive and pull on up to the gates of our hearts.” This quote could never be truer. Being rejected by others for reasons you fell you have “talked to yourself about” is what makes rejection even worse. And it adds to the weight in your spirit and truly does start to poison your soul with continuous self-doubt.

At the end of this chapter she talks about the line, the label and the lie. “We connect an event from today to something harsh someone once said. That person’s line becomes a label. The label becomes a lie. And the lie becomes a liability in how we think about ourselves and interact in every future relationship.”

My goal for this week is to go through in my mind and to uncover those lies, what makes me feel the way I do when it comes to rejection? What do I have to “talk to myself about” the most? I will do this and debunk all those lies that are floating around in my head.

[poetic0freedom-blog]

univited guest

Nobody ever suggested me to create a blog, nor have I ever known anyone personally who has or had a blog. But since I have my exams on my head and being a great procrastinator, I am creating this because I am a girl and I have a mind. Also, I think that girls, or people in general, are very.... fragmented. Tagged. Labeled. Take your pick of the word, you know what I mean. A person is never just a simple definition of a single word. Or a sentence. Or even a hardcover edition of poetry. But despite all this, everyone is "conveniently" grouped into labels - "geek" "bitch" "doll" "jock" "jerk" whatever. So this is just my mind on a webpage, trying to share whatever I think is relatabale to me. P.S.- Opinions are welcome.(if anyone ever reads this)

[takingroot21]

Rejection

Rejection is an ugly truth we all will experience at some point in this life. It steals the security of everything we thought was beautiful and stable and it leaves us scared, fragile and vulnerable than ever.