#unwanted compliments

[stedeybon]

what you should do if you're a customer and you see me in my place of work doing my job and you think I look nice

Absolutely nothing

Be quiet

Keep it to yourself

[coatntails]

Just told a complete stranger that he was beautiful and had amazing hands before my brain filter kicked in and shut me up. I’m sorry for coming off as a total creeper, dude, I just want to draw your amazing bony arms and long-as-days fingers... D:

[girlzoot]

Lies and Smiles

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

don’t do that to me i don’t like the lies

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

should that have changed does the absence of my smile make my face dark why should your words make me beautiful

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

am i to be flattered by your interest won over by your charm i know how well that always works i know i will give in to the flattery i only want to ask why

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

you obviously didn’t really notice you weren’t even looking at me so how would you know why would you say what could you gain

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

i don’t want your comfort i prefer the truth don’t pretend i know you’re lying when you hurt me it’s real it’s the truth don’t kiss me with your lies

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

just love me from a distance then it won’t matter your rules won’t pertain you won’t be able to see my smile so i won’t have to hear

“Your face still glows when you smile.”

[chromanticore]

So like, this old veteran that I play chess with keeps commenting on my appearance and saying that I’m really pretty and whatever. I haven’t said anything to him about it yet, because I don’t want to tear his head off about it (he thinks he’s being nice). So he did it again today and I’m just like “thanks, you’re pretty, too” and you could visibly see the gears in his brain skipping. Amazing 10/10

[altalemur]

i have more self-confidence now, but am still tripped up when people compliment me. i think part of it is that i don’t want to be reduced to my looks, especially looks i can’t control. i don’t want most people to think i care what they think about my appearance. but that didn’t entirely cover it, because i like the input of people i know well, and am very uneasy with the input of people i don’t know well.

but then i had epiphany. i don’t trust the motives of strangers and non-intimate people who compliment me. are they just making conversation? do they want to cheer me up? are they being sincere? insincere? do they feel obliged to critique my appearance? are they actually a Mean Girl? are they a Mean Boy who flirts by dismantling a woman’s self-esteem? do they want to fuck me? i just don’t know! because they certainly aren’t going to tell me, and i don’t know them well enough to understand their motives.

[alyseofwonderland]

Weird Customer: I just wanted to let you know that you are the best looking Librarian I have ever seen. I was watching you walk around and you don't normally see Librarians as pretty as you.

Me internally: *car panic alarm noises*

Me: *gritted teeth* thanks.....

[dreiklangdimension]

Today's epiphany: I don't like being told how or what I am.* I always knew that I didn't enjoy criticism, which is a bit of a problem, because genuine criticism can be a helpful thing. What I just realized, though, is that I also don't like to be told that I'm 'really smart' or 'such an attractive young woman' or any type of out-of-the-blue praise.

And it's not just because I'm shy. It's not just because I don't want to be seen as female (hence praising my feminine traits is not getting you anywhere, pal).

No, I hate it because I've been gaslighted so much in my past.

I'm finally at a place where I have a pretty good picture of myself. I know my brain-capacity. I know what I look like. Being told that I'm 'worse than' is unwelcome, but praise usually comes in the coat of “you vastly underestimate yourself, but you are [good trait]. Now, be thankful in return!”

No, I know that already. I'm full of good traits. You didn't tell me a super-awesome secret. You are not saving me. You underestimate me even now.

This happens with people from all genders. I get it more from men, though.

*[Just to clarify: There is a big difference between “You are x-trait” and “I like your x-trait”. The first one offends me, the second one is probably a compliment.]

[killyspinacoladas]

So, I just had two black guys walk by me down the hall and they told me that they 'liked that ass'. Don't know if I should be offended or not.