#interview with the vampire#iwtv#amc tvl#jacob anderson#sam reid
seen from France
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seen from United States
seen from France
seen from Austria
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seen from United States
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seen from United Kingdom
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one more song - chapter 22
Summary: With one glance at her, Jay thinks she must be the type of girl people write songs about. Strong and powerful and mysterious, with bright blue eyes that leave him wanting more.
He wonders if she's the type of girl he could write a song about.
AN: Happy one more song day friends!! Thanks for all your love for Rockstar and Hailey. Chapter 22 is up and it’s definitely a fun (and maybe even flirty?) one! Hope you enjoy 🎶
Read on AO3
Rest Of Our Lives (And Whatever Is Beyond It) [Upstead]
yeah i couldn’t help myself after watching 9x09 i’m reeling i can’t breathe i love Upstead so much so here’s just a quick post-episode fic of Mr. and Mrs. Halstead waking up the morning after they got married!!!
Read on AO3!!!
She wonders if she’s dreaming. Maybe because she feels like she’s floating—high above the clouds where nothing and no one can touch her. Unless it’s him. She feels lighter than she has in so long, like every muscle in her body has loosened, every nerve relaxed, and it’s more than because she just had a close call with a terrible, horrible situation. Everything she’s feeling right now: this lightness, this bliss, this delight—it’s because of him.
Her husband. Her husband.
Hailey feels Jay behind her—really, she feels him all over, everywhere. His right arm is wounded under and around her and she uses it as her pillow, his bare chest is pressed to her bare back and she can feel the steady rhythm of his heart through his skin and into hers, and his freckled left arm is curled over her waist. And Hailey knows if she were to look down at his hand, she’d see the band on his ring finger that matches her own.
She looks down, and feels everything she expects to feel: dizzying happiness, blissful contentment, consuming love.
It’s real. This is real. She keeps having to tell herself that, because sometimes she’s still learning to trust this profound happiness she’s found for herself. Especially after this period of feeling like she was on the verge of losing it all. And instead of letting her do what she annoyingly sometimes does best, which is make herself worry about things that could go wrong, Hailey allows herself the grace of reveling in it.
Before Jay, Hailey never really gave marriage much thought. She’d been in relationships, she’d loved before, but none of them ever felt like they were it. None of them had felt like the peaceful, life-altering kind of love that she could settle down for. It didn’t help that her closest and most present example of marriage had been her parents, because she’d promised herself long ago that it wasn't something she ever wanted to be a part of. And the potential of bringing children into it? Hell no.
And then came Jay.
Stranger. Partner. Best friend. Lover. Husband. Everything she didn’t think she’d ever find, didn’t think she deserved. But she’d earned him. He wasn’t given to her, by any means. They earned what they have, fought tooth and nail for it, especially through recent events. Now they’re exactly where they want to be, and if this is a dream, it’s not one Hailey ever wants to wake up from.
The early morning sunlight filters through the blinds, and Jay’s internal clock is waking him up. She can sense it in the way his breathing lightens, his arm around her tightening, and the smile that grows on her lips is easy and automatic and an inherent response to Jay. His scruff tickles the skin of her neck, which he had spent the night kissing and biting and loving, just like the rest of her, as he places another kiss there.
And then he says the words that have Hailey’s heart melting by the sheer heat of love they’re spoken in.
“Good morning, Mrs. Halstead,” he rasps, quiet and reverent.
Mrs. Halstead. That’s who she is now. Hailey Anne Halstead. And she knows—and she knows Jay knows—that this new title isn’t a sign of her handing herself over to him. She’s not a man’s woman, hell no. Even Jay wouldn’t let her be that. No, this title is a sign of Hailey cementing the universal truth that is her heart—her Goddamn soul—belongs to Jay. Just like his belongs to her. They are not two halves of a person; they are whole, in their own right, and have laid themselves bare for the other—and they have been accepted. Wholly. Irrevocably.
For Hailey, her maiden name had been tied to a man who caused her so much pain, bruised, yet wearing it because it’s who she is, because she grew up and learned to carry the weight of it.
Her new name, though, is part of a man she loves most in this world, who helped shoulder her weight without being asked to, who sees all of her and loves her for it, not despite it.
And so her grin is wide, dimpled and bright, as she turns in his embrace while she greets back, “Good morning, husband,” just as her blue eyes connect with his green.
Those eyes. They look at her so intensely, nothing but a deep love bathed in purity. They’re so expressive, Jay’s eyes. They’re one of Hailey’s many favorite things about Jay—especially when he looks at her like that. He holds her close, their bare fronts pressed together under the warm blankets, their legs tangling together as he grins that sexy smirk. “That wasn’t too alpha-male for you?” Jay muses, his fingers running down her spine, and Hailey instantly thinks of the night before, her own nails digging into the skin of his back, lost in her consuming love and passion for him to the point where she drew blood. But Jay hadn’t minded. He’d enjoyed it.
Hailey laughs breathily at his question. “Nope,” she answers honestly. “It sounds right.”
Jay’s smile softens and she can feel his fingers play with her hair, brushing the locks off her shoulder. “I agree,” he murmurs before his gaze drops and he closes the distance between them, and Hailey is more than ready for the kiss he presses to her mouth.
It’s meant to be a good morning kiss, but they’re not off their high from last night. Hailey’s mouth opens under Jay’s, and he’s swift in sliding his tongue in, locked in a breathless dance with hers as her hand cups his cheek, the leg he’s got between hers tightening as he pulls her in. Hailey’s heart is thundering, like it does so every time she’s kissing Jay, electricity coming alive in her veins as she feels his left hand press to the small of her back, and the metal of his wedding band is cool against her skin in comparison to his warm touch, and it shoots a thrill down her spine at the acknowledgement of it.
His wedding band. They’re married.
And as intense, wonderful, dizzying it is to kiss Jay, those two words playing in her head make her grin against him, to the point where the kisses dissolve and Jay is chuckling as he pulls back slightly to look at her. “What?” he asks in amusement.
Her hand slides from his cheek to the back of his head, playing with the short strands of hair as she looks from his kiss-pinkened lips to his bright green eyes. “We’re married,” Hailey says—more like whispers, really, like it’s a secret just the two of them share—because, right now, it is. It’s theirs.
Jay’s smile is soft and his own adoring understanding flashes across his face. She knows that he’s feeling everything she’s feeling, too. Where it matters, they know each other like the back of their hands, and once again Hailey thanks whoever up there is listening to her for putting this man in her life. Just trying to think of what life would be like without him is nauseating—it’s unimaginable.
She and Jay—they were meant to find each other. Hailey truly does believe that.
Jay’s left hand comes to grasp hers, the gentle clinking of their rings together making her smile even more as his fingers intertwine with hers. “We are,” he murmurs in response, like it’s something he’s still trying to convince himself isn’t a dream, either.
A chuckle escapes her, and it’s kind of wet because she didn’t really have time to get emotional last night, so they’re kind of coming out now. “Can’t believe you love me enough to want the spend the rest of your life with me.”
Jay squeezes their fingers, his voice gentle. “I want more than that, Hails.”
Her gaze flickers up to meet his, the air catching in her throat at the intensity burning in his eyes. Her voice is unsurprisingly breathless as she asks, “So the whole death do us part thing—?”
“Traditional words,” Jay tells her, the corner of his lips curling into a ghost of a smile. “What I feel for you goes way past this life. It’s more than I can even begin to understand.” Hailey has to press her teeth together so her lower lip doesn’t tremble at Jay’s beautifully honest words. He presses his forehead to hers and it’s enough to let Hailey let out a shuddering breath. “But I’ll spend the rest of my life, and whatever is beyond it, showing it to you.”
His forehead is to hers, noses touching, breathing in each other’s air—being each other’s air. And as Jay’s words wrap around her heart and keep it warm and safe and protected, she gathers the words existing in her own heart to give to him. “And what I feel for you is something I didn’t think I was even capable of feeling, but I know I just had to wait to meet you to actually feel it. Now, to the rest of our lives, and whatever is beyond it—it’s what I know I can always count on.” She feels a tear escape, but doesn’t make a move to wipe away the small physical evidence of what she feels for him. “I love you, Jay.”
His lips brush against hers, and she’s sure she can feel him slightly trembling too in the safety of their bed as he whispers, “I love you. So much.”
Her exact own words, from what feels like a lifetime ago, when she first told him.
Jay kisses her again, soft and slow, a husband pouring more promises and love into his wife, and Hailey returns them wholeheartedly.
Traditional vows were what had been spoken during their intimate little ceremony at the courthouse—but their own vows, existing from the purest part of their souls that hummed with life for each other, were what were uttered verbally, and shown physically, on Hailey and Jay’s first morning as husband and wife. And for the rest of their lives—and whatever was beyond—those vows would be shown again, and again, and again, and again.
More Than Words (Upstead)
The little ways that Upstead show their love for each other besides saying "I love you"
(Im suppose to be studying for exams but i'd rather do anything but so please enjoy the result of my procrastination! fair warning - its not really proof read so please ignore any potential grammar mistakes)
Obviously they are always saying "I love you", but given everything that happened the first time Jay said it, I think that they are always trying to show their love beyond words
Jay is definitely giving little touches throughout the day. He does good to respect their agreement at work but outside of work? This man cannot keep his hands to himself
I think it would be little things like putting his hand on the small of back
In the mornings, if Hailey is out of bed before Jay, he will go behind her, wrap his arms around her and put his chin on her head. They will stay like that for a while before either one speaks
If they are both in bed at the same time, he either has her pulled on his chest or his arms around her
It's just as comforting for Jay as it is for Hailey. He has this need to have her close so he knows she's safe.
If they are out at Molly's with their friends, (especially after he's had a few) he is glued to her side. Whether his hand is on her back, on her thigh or he's holding her hand, its clear to everyone that they are there together
Speaking of hand holding, I think Jay and Hailey are constantly playing with each other's rings
They definitely have their own code surrounding hand holding, 1 squeeze means I love you, 2 means Im here and it will be okay
I think Jay also likes to play with Hailey's hair, if they are on the couch and she's in front of him, at some point his hands are in her hair
"its always so soft, I love it"
Hailey tries to teach him how to braid it, but he fails miserably. She will never tell him that she caught him watching youtube videos on how to braid hair after that
Hailey loves to be close to Jay, he's her rock and she doesn't want to leave that
I think Hailey's hand always finds her hands to Jays back or his chest. It makes her feel secure and Jay absolutely loves it
These two flirted with coffee for SO long
Its almost like a competition on who will by the other coffee
Before they lived together there were several incidents of them both showing up with two coffees
Jay loves to take a sip out of her coffee cup. He has his own but he always insists that Hailey's is better
I feel like Jay is a good cook. For Hailey's birthday, he makes a special dish that Hailey had as a kid
It absolutely makes her day
Hailey strikes me as a good baker, she's always making muffins or something. Even though they are married and living together, she still likes to wait until they get to work to surprise him with one
She would put it on his desk with a little heart sticky note
Jay loves it and it brightens his day every time
Jay was never a candle guy until he met Hailey, then he got use to all the scents around the apartment
He goes out and buys candles all the time
He's so excited to tell Hailey about them
"this one reminds me of you"
I mentioned before that Jay loves Hailey's hair and she knows this
Once she figured out his favourite shampoo thats all she would use
These two are always looking at each other
They can tell what the other is thinking without either speaking a word
After an especially hard case, before they can talk Jay just looks at her - the look tells her that everything will be okay, he is there regardless
Hailey just nods
Anytime Ruzek someone says something stupid, their eyes find each other
Jay raises his eyebrows and it always makes Hailey lose her composure
Jay loves to look at Hailey, she is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen
Hailey always catches him staring
Hailey also loves to stare at Jay, but i feel like she's a bit more subtle
In the mornings, before he wakes up she just lays there and studies his face - every freckle that is sprinkled across his cheek
They LOVE watching each other work. They are both so proud and there is so many moments that are just like hell yeah thats my husband/wife
Jay is always smiling at Hailey and it makes her melt
Hailey has the same affect on Jay
Even though they are married, they still get butterflies
I just know Hailey is an amazing singer and you cant tell me otherwise
She didn't sing often but when she did it would make Jay so happy
She started singing more just for him when she realized this fact
Every time Jay asks if Hailey is okay, he's also saying he loves her, and she knows it
When they are on their way to work, Jay always puts on the playlist Hailey made for him.
Its his go to now because it reminds him of her
Yes, I'm totally ignoring my long-fic atm and yes, I just wrote a new OS. It's the tenth part of the Chuckles and Goldilocks... and Freckles! series (you don't have to read the whole series to understand what's going on). It's basically about Upstead + their kids having lunch at her parents' house and yeah..? I hope you like it.
Click here to read it! 🥰🥰🥰
Retribution, Chapter Eight
Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven
Summary - Hailey gets shot while off-duty in a seemingly random attack, but what the intelligence unit uncovers while she’s in the hospital fighting for her life will change everything.
Sincerest apologies for the year long hiatus (if you can call it that). Another apology for the questionable writing - I haven’t written anything besides research assignments for over a year, so I’m a bit rusty, however I lost my tiny little mind over 8x03 & 8x04, so this was me trying to cope.
[also posted on ff.net and ao3] & as always, story is not beta read (we die like men)
Jay was right, as per usual; the night had dragged on for so long that Hailey was almost certain the universe was messing with her. Even through the exhaustion plaguing every cell in her body, she felt content, Jay was still pressed up against her side in the hospital bed, slowing her heart rate and calming her electrified nerves as the pair continued flipping through the seemingly endless collage of faces that made up Hailey Upton’s career in the police force. It was something that the detective wouldn’t have been able to do with any other person, the memories of hard cases and victims that she had pushed so far down now threatening to escape.
By the time the sun had risen the pair had been able to put together a list of nine names that were potential suspects. Criminals that Hailey had once locked away to keep innocent people safe, who now walked free once more. Jay was the first to lift the fog that had settled over the room, “I’ll call Vought, let him know we have potential names.” He told her, reluctantly swinging his legs off the side of the bed. “Try get some sleep, yeah?” Jay placed a kiss between her eyebrows, smoothing down her rumpled hair before leaving the room.
Hailey sat in the quiet of her hospital room, the sounds of the machines connected to her by the wires that were still connected to her body echoed through the bare room. In the midst of all the chaos, Kim had managed to bring Hailey her go-bag, which now sat discarded in the corner waiting to be opened. She wouldn’t mind changing into her own clothes, instead of being stuck in a hospital gown that left everything on show for all to see.
Taking in a deep breath, Hailey pushed herself up the bed, sitting up properly for the first time in almost 24 hours. Holding back a wince, she pushed the bedsheets back until they only covered her feet and ever so carefully manoeuvred her legs off the side of the bed, still trying to fight the persistent pain shooting through her body. Her feet just touching the floor as the door swung open, the fluorescent lights from the hallway barging into the room, along with Jay.
Jay reached her side in a matter of seconds, “What’s wrong? Why are you up? Do you need something?” his hands bracing her, moving to lie her back down.
She pushed his hands back off her, grabbing his shoulder to stay upright on the bed, “well I was trying to get some fresh clothes from my go bag,” she answered, “but I guess now that you’re back you can grab it for me.” She smirked at him playfully, pointing towards the black duffle on the floor.
Jay took a step back, turning in the direction of the bag before picking it up and placing it on one of the chairs. “There should be a button up flannel and a pair of sweats in there,” Hailey told her partner, “hopefully the buttons will make it easier to put on,” she continued, wincing as she tried to roll her right shoulder, even with the meds the doctors had given her, the pain was almost unbearable.
“You really shouldn’t be moving, Hailey, you need rest.” He told her, putting the flannel and sweats on the bed beside his injured partner.
“I’m sorry, I was under the impression that your brother was the doctor in the family,” Hailey snorted, a smile taking over her face.
Jay made a face at her, “At least let me get the nurse to come and help you.”
“They’re busy Jay, I’m not going to make them come all the way here just to help me put some clothes on.” Reaching for the clothes as she spoke, a wince escaping her lips as she tried and failed to swallow it back down.
Jay took a step closer to the bed and taking the clothes from where Hailey had failed to retrieve them from and discarded the sweats on the side table before unfolding the shirt, “fine, if you won’t let them help you, at least let me.” His eyes met hers, searching for her response, “unless that’s too weird… or I can call Kim If you want?”
The smile crept back onto her lips as she watched her usually well-spoken and stoic partner fumble and stutter over the words. “It’s fine Jay, I don’t mind you helping me. And besides, it’s 5:30 in the morning. Do you want Kim to murder you?” Hailey joked, receiving a huff of laughter in reply. Kim Burgess was a lot of things, but a morning person, she was not.
Hailey watched as Jay seemed to be contemplating how to go about dressing her, “let’s start with the sweats, yeah?” she offered, the words bringing jay back from his thoughts.
“Okay, yeah,” he replied, still not sounding completely sure of the situation. He rolled the legs of the grey pants up and crouched down in front of her. This definitely wasn’t what she imagined when she had thought about the detective on his knees in front of her, but she’d be lying if she said she didn’t slightly enjoy it. Hailey helped line her first foot up with one of the pant legs, doing the same with the next, holding in a shiver as she felt her partners thumbs brush against her calves.
Jay slid the pants up Hailey’s legs, holding his breath as he felt her skin against his fingers. “Do you want to, uh, try stand up for a second?” he asked, clearing his throat.
Hailey only nodded, not wanting her voice to betray how Jay’s touch made her feel. How it made her react. She took his hand to steady herself, his callused hands rough but comforting against her hands, she felt safe with him. When they were together, it was as if none of the things that lurked in the shadows could get her.
She braced her other hand against his shoulder as she let’s her feet touch the floor, feeling the cool of linoleum even through her socks as Jay began sliding the sweatpants up her legs, the warmth of the fabric a stark contrast to the cool of his touch.
He felt his heart start to race as he slid the pants up her thighs and under the stiff fabric of her hospital gown, listening to her breath become heavier, and the weight of her hands on his shoulders become more obvious as she fought to keep upright. Allowing his fingers to brush against the soft skin of her thighs as he started to stand; pulling the waistband over her hips to sit on waist, allowing his hands to rest over the fabric.
Hailey lifted her head, her eyes meeting the intoxicating green of Jay’s, a slight smile toying on her lips as she whispered, “you know, if this whole detective thing doesn’t work out, you’d make a pretty decent nurse.”
His eyes didn’t leave hers as he spoke, a laugh escaping from his throat, “good to know, I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.” Now it was his turn to lose his breath as he felt one of her hands slide from his shoulder to cup his jaw, a finger running over the slight stubble he’d let grow.
“Hailey…” he breathed, trying to hide the shakiness in his voice. God, he was absolute putty in her hands and she’d barely even touched him.
Hailey’s breathing was equally as shaky as she smiled at him, still moving her thumb against his cheek.
Tears threatened to fall as he returned her smile, “I was so scared, Hails, I-I don’t know what I would have done if you had died…” this time he didn’t try to hide the emotion in his voice as he spoke, “I thought I’d lost you.”
She used her hand to guide him down, his lips meeting hers. The kiss was soft, as if to say “I’m right here, Jay. I’m not going anywhere.”
She felt her own tears fall down her cheeks as they finally separated, giving him a small smile as their eyes met once more. “You know, this was the first time someone has put more clothes on me before kissing me.”
Jay choked out a laugh “I guess I’m just not like the other guys then” he spoke, his words full of the humour and comfort that is always there when they’re together, bringing his lips back down to hers to kiss her once more.
Inevitable (The One Where Everyone Finds Out) [Upstead]
Summary: There’s different moments where Trudy Platt and the rest of Intelligence finds out about Jay and Hailey’s relationship. And this is how it goes.
Read on AO3!!!!!
Trudy Platt
She didn’t become a sergeant, get to where she is today, without being a skilled cop. And, frankly, it’s insulting that anyone even thinks that they can get anything past her. She greets them every morning when they walk through the doors and up the stairs of the precinct, her words accompanying a subtle smirk on the days the two of them walk in together. And those days are often—except lately, she notices the slight difference in the gait of their steps, in the closeness of their arms brushing one another as they walk into the 21st district.
She wonders if she imagines it, but scoffs the idea right out of her head because, come on, she’s Trudy Platt and she knows what she sees, when she sees it. She’s known Jay Halstead for years, and although she may have met Hailey Upton when the blonde was just a little girl, Trudy’s grown close to and has come to know her even more over the years she’s been at Intelligence. So she sees, she notices the subtle shifts in their smiles early in the morning, the lingering looks when Jay opens punches the code and opens the gate leading up the stairs to the Intelligence bullpen, holding it open as he smiles down at Hailey before she walks up, following her in immediately after.
Hell, she saw it before the two of them got their heads out of their asses and did something about what was going on in their hearts. She saw it when Jay was doing his best not to mope when his partner had been shipped off to New York, seemingly trying to get through the weeks until Hailey was back in Chicago—where she belonged. Trudy had half a mind to tease him relentlessly over it—especially after hearing from Randall how Jay would wind up at Molly’s after shift with the others, grumbling about the lack of Hailey and wishing the next few weeks would just fly back so he could get his partner back already.
Trudy’s pretty sure it was the alcohol that made his lips more loose than normal.
Funnily enough, she feels proud, in a maternal way, of Jay. It didn’t take long after Hailey’s return from her stint with the feds for the two of them to finally give into whatever had been brewing between them—arguably for years. Guess they both got a taste of what life was like without the other, after being side by side for years, and finally decided to do something about it.
They’re living in a bubble of privacy, Trudy knows, and she respects that. They’re professionals, and she knows both Hailey and Jay’s history with dating co-workers. But Trudy can’t help but think, when she glances up at them from her front desk and notices their easy banter and soft smiles and shoulders more relaxed than she’s ever seen either of them, that this thing between the two detectives was one that was going to last.
So, of course, she can’t help but let them know they have her support, in true Trudy Platt fashion: casual in the way she drops the bomb that she knows.
It’s a late Friday night when she buzzes herself up to Intelligence, ambling up the stairs. One corner of the bullpen is lit up, being Jay and Hailey’s desks, and the gentle echo of their easy going chatter and laughter is soft against the walls. They’re the only ones here, the others having left already, their computer screens glowing and papers and files piled on their desks.
“Burning the midnight oil?” Trudy asks by way of greeting.
Jay looks up from the paperwork he was hunched over while Hailey glances over her shoulder. With a lazy smile, Jay responds, “Par for the course for the only two detectives in the unit.”
Trudy comes to stand by their desks as Hailey’s lips upturn into a smirk, glancing at Jay before looking up at Trudy. “It’s only taking us this long ’cause I have to double check Jay’s grammar,” she innocently teases, causing Jay to roll his eyes at the playful jab.
“Riveting way to spend your Friday night,” Trudy muses. “I’m sure you two would prefer some fine dining as opposed to this.” She watches them blink in confusion, their gazes meeting only briefly, and she suppresses a smirk. “Eh, who am I kidding? You’re more of a beer and pizza kinda couple, aren’t ya?”
It’s when she drops the couple that they both seem to freeze up, ever so slightly but enough to put a pause on their pens working on the paperwork, the subtle widening of both of their eyes giving them away. Trudy has the urge to laugh. Two of the best detectives in the district—hell, in all of Chicago—and they can’t seem to keep their cool when she blatantly calls them out on their relationship. Maybe they needed to go through undercover training again.
Jay breaks the amusing silence first with a clearing of his throat as he shifts in his seat, grip on his pen tight as his gaze darts from Hailey to Trudy. “Uh, Sarge, what are you—”
Trudy waves him off with a roll of her gray eyes. “Oh, don’t even try to come up with some half assed excuse. You think I became a sergeant because of my youthful good looks?” She quirks an eyebrow at the two of them; Jay’s blinking up at her and Hailey’s chewing the corner of her lower lip, and Trudy thinks she’s trying not to laugh—whether it’s out of nerves or amusement, Trudy can’t be too sure. Maybe a bit of both. “The others may not have picked up on it, but it’s cute that you thought you could keep it from me.”
Jay lets out a breath, sinking back into his seat, looking at Hailey for help. The blonde folds her arms on top of the desk, looking up at Trudy. “We’re just—it’s still new, between us. Telling people isn’t really a priority, you know?”
And Trudy does know. She’s seen too many relationships start and end because of the complications that come with working together. Jay and Erin. Kim and Adam. Kim and Sean. Hailey and Adam. Lots could go wrong, but Trudy looks at Hailey and Jay, recalls all of their terribly hidden smiles and endearing looks, and she has a good feeling about them. She’s only ever had that feeling about one other couple, but Kim and Adam are a matter of their own.
So she smirks—or, well, at least she tries to, but she’s pretty sure it comes off as an encouraging smile. Which is fine, because both of them relax when she says, “Don’t worry—your secret’s safe with me.” They share a smile and Trudy tries not to shake her head at that secret language thing they’ve got going on with their eyes. She steps away from their joined desks. “Anyway, we’re debating downstairs on ordering either Chinese or Thai. What’re you two in the mood for?”
“Thai,” they both answer simultaneously. Then, Jay quickly adds, “Just not from the place on Pulaski. Hailey got food poisoning last time she had it.”
Trudy glances at Hailey, who blinks at Jay before a small smile tilts her lips, like she’s softened at the fact that he remembers, and if Trudy was anyone else, she may have aww’d at the small act of adoration between them.
Instead, she just nods and continues towards the stairs, throwing a, “Call down your orders. I’ll let you know when it’s here, lovebirds.”
She smirks because she’s pretty sure Hailey chokes on air as she returns a strained, “Thanks, Sarge.”
Kim Burgess
The diner smells like fresh coffee, bacon, and pancakes, all of which sit on plates on the table in front of her, with the addition of waffles. Utensils clink against plates and the bell at the kitchen window rings every so often with a new order up, a low clamor in the diner, but Kim finds peace in it. She’s sitting at the table with Makayla and Hailey, a little girls breakfast to start off their Sunday morning.
She feels content as she and Hailey talk about things that don’t have to do with work, especially for Makayla’s sake. So instead, they chat about the new show Kim started watching, and the new pairs of shoes Hailey bought for herself yesterday as an impulse buy because she never buys nice things for herself, and Hailey even asks Makayla how school’s going. It’s easy going and casual and pleasant, even when Hailey’s phone buzzes and when she glances at the screen, she lets out a low groan.
“Is everything okay?” Kim asks, eyebrows raising as she lowers her cup of coffee.
Hailey quickly glances at her, blue eyes bright as they sit by the window, a half smile quirking at her lips. “Yeah, everything’s good,” she answers with a chuckle, unlocking her phone. “Jay just sent me a game of Archery to play. Y’know, on iMessage.”
The knowledge of that amuses Kim far more than it probably should. “Oh, yeah? And, what, you have a thing against games?” she asks with a light laugh.
“No,” Hailey says with a roll of her eyes, giving a quick toss of her blonde hair behind her shoulder, since it was the rare occasion where she has her hair down. “He’s just freaky good at it. I’m pretty sure it has to do with him being a sniper,” she adds with a scrunch of her nose.
As if she can’t help herself, Hailey accepts the request, and Kim and Makayla watch, both amused, as Hailey’s eyebrows furrow in concentration as she tries to make her shots. She huffs a couple of moments later, lips twisting as she puts her phone down, shooting them an apologetic look, probably feeling guilty for using her phone while they were at breakfast.
But Kim didn’t care, instead, she indulges. “Last time I checked, you were pretty good with a long gun, too.”
“Against a professional sniper?” Hailey snorts, cutting a piece of her syrup drenched waffles. “Not a chance.” She shoves the piece into her mouth, chewing for a moment before swallowing and pinning Kim with a gaze. She points her fork at the brunette and little girl, eyes darting between them. “Don’t ever tell Jay I said that.”
Kim raises her hands in defense, sharing a secretive wink with Makayla, who giggles before biting into her pancakes. The conversation digresses to other topics, with Hailey grunting in frustration when Jay sends his turn back, both Makayla and Kim leaning over to see his play. Kim lets out a low impressed whistle when he hits the center of the target on all three turns, earning a withering stare from Hailey before she sends her turn back. She does not, in fact, get all three center targets, but pretty damn close. Not close enough for her, though.
Eventually, Jay wins, which makes Hailey turn her phone subtly away from Makayla because Kim just knows she’s sending back a bunch of expletives to the other detective, which makes Kim chuckle in amusement. Putting her phone down, Hailey finishes off the rest of her waffles before letting out another huff.
“I need to wash my hands. I have syrup all over them,” she comments, frowning at her fingers like she’s wondering how it got there.
Makayla giggles. “You’re a messier eater than me.”
Hailey smirks at her. “Yeah? I’m still taller than you, kiddo.”
This time, Kim smirks into the rim of her mug as she hums, “At least you’re taller than someone.”
Hailey shoots her a glare, though it lacks any real anger as she gets up and walks off in the direction of the bathroom. Kim and Makayla continue with their food, and as they do, Hailey’s phone, which she left on the table, buzzes with a new message. And Kim doesn’t mean to accidentally glance at the screen, doesn’t mean to read the message that lights up the screen, followed by another that comes through right at that moment, but when she reads that one, she damn near chokes on her sip of coffee.
Jay Halstead: Don’t be mad, Hails. We can play a round of Word Hunt so you can kick my ass.
Jay Halstead: If that’s not satisfying enough, come over after breakfast and I’ll make it up to you.
Kim didn’t need to be a detective to know what he meant by that.
Her eyes widen, gaping at the screen until it blackened, and she’s pretty sure she looks comical in the way she’s staring, trying to process what she just read. It’s not until Makayla asks, “Are you okay?” that Kim blinks herself out of her stupor.
She clears her throat, glancing at her kid as she flashes a smile. “Oh, yeah, I’m super okay.” She tries not to cringe at her words, but Makayla doesn’t blink twice, going back to her food.
But Kim, oh man, she’s reeling. Jay and Hailey. Hailey and Jay. They’re together. They’re so, so definitely together and Kim can’t believe it but, God, at the same time, she totally can. In the time it takes for Hailey to get back, Kim thinks of the last few weeks, moments she may have missed because she was either not looking for them or because Jay and Hailey were just that discreet. Which, you know, wouldn’t be surprising because they are detectives, after all. Hell, they came to Molly’s, but there were some nights where they were nowhere to be found, but Kim assumed they were too tired to hang out after work and headed home. It hadn’t clicked that they went home together.
A disbelieving smile tilts Kim’s lips up, leaning back in her chair as she gazes at the seat Hailey had occupied.
No wonder the two of them had seemed so light lately, walking with a pep in their step. She can’t believe she missed it.
When Hailey returns, Kim schools her features, not wanting to give her newfound knowledge away. She watches, discreetly, as Hailey checks her phone, catches the way her jaw feathers and lips purse for the briefest moment, like she’s trying to suppress her smile. Kim has a hard time fighting off her own.
Unable to help herself, Kim lightly says, “You wanna join us at the park?” Hailey glances up at her and Kim innocently adds, “Unless you, like, have other plans.”
Kim almost misses the way Hailey looks down at her phone, so quick it was barely noticeable, but now she knows what to look for, and it’s right there. “Uh, no, no other plans,” Hailey says, flashing a smile. “None I can’t push back, anyway.”
Kim’s fighting the damn smile. “You sure?” she asks, trying not to let on that she knows more than she should.
“Mhm,” Hailey nods. “All good.”
This is just too good. Kim’s not gonna push Hailey, because if she and Jay want to keep their relationship under wraps, that’s their business. But, damn, that doesn’t mean Kim can’t have some fun.
Hopefully Jay can wait a little longer until Hailey goes home to him.
Kevin Atwater
“Kev, you good? You good?!”
“Yeah, yeah—you?” Kevin asks, dark eyes sliding over to Jay as the two of them slowly, cautiously rise to their feet.
Kevin’s heart is pounding, an aftermath of the rain of bullets they just dodged, as Jay nods while looking around the scene. Pieces of glass are shattered around them, thanks to the cars they had found cover behind in the abandoned lot. Shady place for a meet, even shadier place for two undercover cops to get lured because they got made.
“Yeah,” Jay huffs, lips curling in annoyance as they look around the scene. He gave a shake of his head. “What a mess.”
“Hey—you two okay?” Kim’s voice sounds, and the two of them look up to see their team making their way over.
Kevin and Jay give their affirmatives, and Kevin watches as Hailey’s blue eyes run over Jay, like she needs to check for injuries rather than just taking his word. And, at first, Kevin thinks it’s just partners being partners, but his eyebrows quirks, ever so slightly, when he sees Jay just lightly touch her arm as he flashes her a smile. It seems to relax Hailey, and there’s just something about it that has Kevin eyeing them suspiciously.
But then Sarge walks up and they have to work the scene, so Kevin doesn’t think about it again.
Until later, when they’re back at the district, and he’s walking down the hall towards the locker room, stopping short when he hears the familiar voices drift down, as quiet as they’re trying to be. He doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he stops by the open doorway as Jay’s voice sounds from inside.
“Hails, I promise, I’m fine,” he’s saying, his tone light yet gentle.
“Can you blame me for being worried?” comes Hailey’s response, a sigh following her words. “You’re a bullet magnet. It’s stressful.”
Kevin hears Jay chuckle shortly, as if he’s trying not to add to Hailey’s worry but he can’t help himself from letting the sound loose. “Isn’t that part of the job description?”
“Cute.” Her voice is dry, making Kevin’s lips quirk up in amusement. “But if you get shot again, I’m gonna be very upset, and you’re gonna have to get reacquainted with your hand.”
Kevin does a double take at Hailey’s words, coated in sweetness he recognizes as cunning, blinking in bewilderment. He’s pretty sure he hears Jay choke on air and Kevin’s mind is reeling, wondering if he heard Hailey right—wondering if he understood her unmistakable statement properly.
When Jay’s voice lowers as he says, “I think that punishment’s a little too severe—” Kevin knows that, yup, he most definitely heard things right.
And that’s when he turns right back around and walks back the way he came from, shaking his head at himself as he tries to both come to terms with what he just heard and erase it from his head, too.
Jay and Hailey. He wants to say he’s surprised but, hell, he’s not. Not at all.
He spends the rest of the day, and the next, focusing on the case, and it’s not until it’s wrapped up, the bad guys behind bars, that he finally unwinds at Molly’s with everyone else. When he spots Jay and Hailey sitting at the bar, chatting with Severide and Stella, Kevin suddenly remembers the conversation he’d overheard in the locker room, and he raises an eyebrow as he takes his drink and walks over to a table that’s occupied by Kim.
Only, her gaze is directed to where Kevin’s had been, and his eyes narrow as he sits down and says without preamble, “What’re you looking at?” Of course, he knows what she’s looking at. Who she’s looking at.
Her brown eyes dart to him, blinking before she quickly says, “Nothing,” while taking a long sip of her beer.
Oh, she’s lying. Kevin leans forward on the table, excitement sparking in his gaze because now he’s wondering if Kim knows something that’s also the something Kevin knows. He watches as her gaze, as if without her permission, slides over towards the detectives of their unit, and Kevin purposefully follows her gaze, watching as Stella and Hailey laugh at something a grinning Severide said while Jay rolls his eyes, though a smirk dances on his lips. And even from where he sits, Kevin sees the way Jay’s eyes linger on Hailey, smirking as he watches her laugh, definitely not at all how just a work partner looks at another partner.
Kevin’s eyebrows raise and he looks back at Kim, but she’s already looking at him, her eyes widening in realization the second their gazes connect. Kim’s jaw drops as she leans forward, gaping at him before hissing, “Do you know something?”
“Do you know something?” he shoots back just as quietly, an air of conspiration brewing between the two of them. Kim narrows her eyes and Kevin suppresses a sigh. He’d been partners with her for too long to know this isn’t a battle he’s going to win. So Kevin discreetly ticks his head over to the bar and asks, “Are Halstead and Upton—”
“Dating?” Kim finishes, that spark of excitement returning in her eyes as a grin grows on her face. She’s practically bouncing in her seat, which is all kinds of amusing. “Oh, my God, yes, I’m pretty sure they are.” She leans forward again, practically half on top of the table. “I accidentally saw a text on Hailey’s phone from Jay a couple weeks ago that tipped me off.”
“Weeks ago?” Kevin rebuts, eyebrows shooting up once more. He glances back at the bar, where Jay is now talking to Matt, leaning his back against the bar as he remains sitting on the stool, arm resting on the countertop, very close to where Hailey’s was. Could mean nothing—but Kevin was looking at them with new eyes. Gaze swinging back to Kim, he asks, “How long do you think they’ve been together?”
“Probably a month or something, I’m guessing,” she says. “Maybe a little longer? They’re good at keeping it under wraps.”
“They’re detectives. Are you surprised?” Kevin quips, smiling into his glass as he takes another sip of his beer. He scoffs then, putting the glass down as Molly’s stays lively around them.
Kim rolls her eyes, tapping her fingers on the table. “Okay, they’re not that good.” She motions a finger between them. “We found out.”
Kevin’s smile widens. “Maybe we should be detectives.”
Raising her glass, Kim clinked her bottle with Kevin’s glass. “From your lips to God’s ears.”
Adam Ruzek
There are three instances that occur that have Adam wondering about the relationship of the two detectives in his unit before his assumption is confirmed.
The first is when they’re at a charity event that Deputy Miller forces all of Intelligence to attend. They’re in their blues, standing tall and proud as Chicago officers, and Adam can’t wait to untuck his shirt, unclip the tie, and sit down for a beer rather than the fancy liquor pouring in the glasses. Adam’s never been one to booze and schmooze, and while he knows the event is for a good cause, he also knows it’s mostly politics and rich people showing off their, well, richness.
He’s walking back into the banquet hall after taking a bathroom break, and he spots Jay and Hailey standing at the bar, talking amongst themselves. When Adam had last caught sight of them, they were pretending to look fascinated by the speeches going on, hiding their boredom well. Now, though, their grins are genuine as they talk. About what, Adam has no clue. But he sees Jay has his phone out, directing the screen towards Hailey as he shows her something, and Adam sees the way Jay’s gaze is fixated on Hailey. He sees the smile that widens his normally stoic buddy as Hailey laughs, shaking her head, and Adam is pretty damn sure Jay’s eyes fucking sparkle.
When the hell was the last time Jay Halstead’s eyes did that?
It’s a small moment, mundane to the unassuming eye, but Adam clocks it in and tucks it away for another time anyway.
The second instance is much more severe, driven by concern and adrenaline. Amidst racing after two persons of interest in a silver Honda, another car had—purposefully—crashed into Jay’s truck, and it’s later when the team realizes that their suspects seem to have a third member in their small home invasion crew, who had crashed into the truck as a distraction. But that’s for them to deal with later.
When Adam arrives on scene in his jeep with Kim in the passenger, he hops out, concerned gaze flickering around. He winces at the sight of the truck, the backseat door on the passenger side done in from the collision. He then looks for his team members, gravel and glass crunching under his boots, and he’s pretty sure he can hear the sound of Jay’s voice over the chatter of the other officers on scene.
“Guys, I’m fine—I’m fine. Let me go check on Hailey.” And then Jay appears, walking around the ambulance he had been treated in, and before Adam can call out his name, he watches as Jay’s quick walk breaks into a jog towards the other ambulance. “Hailey!” he calls, and Adam hears the barely constrained worry and panic in his voice.
Adam slows his walk as Jay approaches the back of the ambulance, Hailey sitting on the edge as she gets treated by a paramedic. From where he stands, Adam sees the cuts on her face, the blood a little cleaned up, blonde hair escaping from her ponytail as she lets herself get treated. But her gaze flickers to Jay as he runs over, and Adam watches as the detective hovers over the other as the paramedic turns away.
“You okay?” Jay asks, green eyes flickering all over her face, and Adam catches the way his jaw clenches at the sight of her cuts. Jay is sporting a few of his own, but Adam knows that Jay knows how lucky Hailey got. The collision had been on her side, and if she comes out of this with only some cuts and bruises, it’s nothing short of a miracle.
“I’m fine,” Hailey nods, head tipped back to look up at him. “What about you?”
Jay scoffs. “Don’t worry about me. You’re the one who took the hit.” And Adam’s eyebrows flicker up as Jay’s hand reaches out, his fingers just barely brushing against her cheek, and Hailey’s leaning into his touch as he eyes the bruises and cuts. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Hailey chuckles softly. “I’m sure,” she nods, giving him a gentle smile that Adam sees relaxes Jay’s shoulders just a little bit. “Sorry about the truck, though,” she adds with a wince.
Jay shakes his head, releasing a sharp breath like he can’t believe she thinks he cares more about his truck than her. His hand goes from her cheek to clasp the back of her neck, and Adam doesn’t miss the way Jay’s thumb brushes against her pulse point, like he needs to feel her heartbeat even though she’s perfectly alive and well in front of him. “I don’t give a shit about the truck,” Jay says, and if Adam wasn’t as close as he now was, he probably would have missed it. “So long as you’re okay.”
And, okay, maybe that’s just partners being partners. Adam would have believed that—if it wasn’t for how the two of them jump apart when he makes himself known, looking like they had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been. Interesting, indeed.
Finally, the third and last instance is Makayla’s birthday. The weather outside was great, so they invited their unit, all of Makayla’s friends from school, and both Kim and Adam’s sisters and their kids to the park, as per the birthday girl’s request. Picnic tables were set up with loads of food, balloons were dancing in the wind, and the air was filled with the sounds of children screaming and laughing as they played. There’s juice for the kids, beer for the adults, and Adam stands by with a smile on his face as he watches Makayla play with the widest grin.
Everyone has already arrived, Adam notes—or, well, almost everyone. He squints against the sun as he takes a sip of his beer, catching sight of Jay and Hailey crossing the street where his truck is parked, a colorful gift bag in Hailey’s hand as they approach where the party is. The two of them are chatting, laughing animatedly, and Adam thinks nothing of it except that he’s glad they made it. Not that he thought they’d miss it. They love Makayla too much for that.
“Hey, sorry we’re late,” Hailey says breathlessly with a smile as she greets Kim with a hug, while Adam clasps his hand with Jay’s and pulls him in for one, too. “Jay misplaced Makayla’s gift in his ridiculously messy apartment.”
Joint gift, huh?
Adam raises his eyebrows at Jay, amused, while Jay rolls his green eyes and Kim snickers. “Is that why you’re holding onto it for dear life?” she asks teasingly, nodding down to the gift bag in Hailey’s hand.
Before Hailey can answer, Jay pipes in, “She trusts me with her life but not with a gift,” and shoots Hailey an exasperated look for good measure.
That only makes the rest of them laugh as Hailey smiles up at him sweetly, her dimples popping and blue eyes sparkling against the sun. “Gotta draw the line somewhere.”
Jay huffs out a breath, meeting Adam’s gaze and raising his eyebrows pointedly. “I need a beer.”
Adam instantly gestures him over. “Oh, yeah, come on, man,” he says, leading him towards the coolers where the drinks were. He bends down, pulling out a beer for his friend, and as Jay pops it open, Adam inquires, “Do you and Hailey ever arrive anywhere without each other?”
He poses the question innocently, joking in good nature, and Jay’s gaze meets his as he sips his beer before answering with a shrug, “Her place was on the way here from mine.” He shoots Adam a shit-eating grin. “Carpooling’s good for the environment, Ruze.”
They gather around with others, chatting away as they enjoy their drinks and the food that Kim and Adam ordered. At one point, as Adam stands with Jay and Kevin talking, he watches as Makayla runs up to their group, and Adam watches as she runs up to the ladies and exclaims, “Hi, Aunt Hailey!”
Adam smiles as Makayla hugs Hailey, who laughs and returns the hug. “Hi, sweetheart. Happy birthday!” Hailey grins.
The two of them dissolve into a conversation, and when Adam looks away, he sees the way Jay’s gaze is lingering on Hailey and Makayla, and Adam is kind of enthralled by the look in his friend’s eyes. There’s a softness in the detective’s green eyes, a small curling of his lips as he watches Hailey talk with Makayla, the sound of her laughter dancing in the air towards them. Adam’s eyebrows raise and he’s almost certain that there’s nothing that could pull Jay’s gaze away from the blonde of the group.
Adam recognizes the longing on Jay’s face, and he doesn’t know how, but he can tell it’s not a longing for just Hailey, but a desire to have this with her. A kid. A family of his own. Adam realizes, then, that he recognizes the look because he can feel it on his own face whenever he looks at Kim and Makayla, and he has it, in their own special Kim-and-Adam way. And as he looks at Jay, he sees that the longing isn’t a sad kind of thing—it’s hopeful. Like Jay knows that this future is one that is actually in his grasp, the small smile dancing on his mouth.
And Adam knows.
He knows, the confirmation striking him like lightning, that Jay and Hailey are together. And in that moment, the last few months flash across his mind, moments between the two detective partners that Adam glossed over because he thought it was just them being, well, partners—but now he knows those moments seemed softer, more intimate, because they’re partners. The realization of it is, somehow, both surprising but also not. Because Jay and Hailey—they make sense. They balance each other out in the field, and of course that goes home with them, too.
Frankly, if he really thinks about it, he’s not that shocked as he thought he was at first. It really was only a matter of time for Jay and Hailey, wasn’t it? Adam smiles into the lip of his beer bottle as Jay forces his gaze away from Hailey, prompting his eyes to meet Adam’s, and the officer watches as Jay wipes whatever look he wore and replaces it with a stoic look, returning to his conversation with Kevin.
But Adam saw. Adam knows. And even though Jay doesn’t have to say anything, Adam is happy for him, for them.
A couple nights later, the whole unit is at Molly’s, winding down after a case successfully closed. Music plays and chatter is consistent, as always, and Adam’s muscles are eased after a couple of beers. He sits on a high stool at a table with Kim and Hailey, talking about anything but work, ready to leave it behind as they venture home after this.
“I thought this week would never end,” Hailey says with a sigh, running her fingers through her hair. The blonde locks are out of their usual ponytail, falling in waves over her shoulders. “I’m ready to knock out, if I’m being honest.”
She finishes the rest of her drink and Kim raises an eyebrow. “What, already?” she asks, shoulders dropping as she pouts. “Aw, come on, Hail, stay for one more.”
That’s when Kevin and Jay approach them, and Kevin raises an eyebrow as he looks at the blonde of the group. “You’re heading out?”
Hailey smiles up at them, her own shoulders slumping where she sits across Kim and Adam. “Yeah, I’m so tired, you guys,” she tells them apologetically, chuckling lightly.
Jay, who had been watching her, downs the rest of his beer and sets the bottle on the table. “Come on,” he says, nodding his head over to the door. “I’ll drive you.”
Adam’s eyebrows flick up as Hailey offers him a smile, getting off the stool. Her smile widens slightly as she looks at the rest of them and says, “I’ll see you guys in the morning. Have a good night.”
They all offer their goodbyes, and Adam watches as Hailey and Jay walk out, close together to the point their arms press together as they go. Kevin slides into Hailey’s abandoned seat, and once the door closes behind the two detectives, Adam turns to his two remaining friends and declares, “So, those two are definitely together, right?”
Kevin and Kim’s gazes meet for a split second before they nod. Kim’s eyebrows pull together, eyes closing as she puckers her lips and nods knowingly. “Oh, yeah, definitely,” she answers.
Kevin grins at Adam. “Took you this long to figure it out, Ruze? Kim and I found out a while ago.”
Adam’s bewildered at that, looking between the two of them in offense that they discovered this big thing and didn’t tell him about it before he shakes his head. “I wanted to make sure, thanks very much.” He blows out a breath then as the two of them grin, and Adam shakes his head as he raises his eyebrows. “Unbelievable.”
“Is it, though?” Kim hums, quirking an eyebrow. “More like inevitable.”
Kevin nods in agreement. “Definitely inevitable.”
“We can’t say anything to them, though,” Kim says, sitting up as she looks at the two men pointedly. “They’re keeping it low-key for a reason. Let them have that.”
They both nod at that, totally on board. Adam understands. There’s been plenty of in-office dating, himself obviously included, so he gets why Jay and Hailey are keeping their relationship to themselves. And as much as he’d like to tease his two friends about it, he respects them even more to keep quiet, to let them enjoy what they have without other people’s eyes on them, their whispers breaking the barrier that keeps Jay and Hailey secure in their relationship.
Adam smiles into the rim of his beer, taking another sip. If anyone deserves to enjoy the intimacy of a private relationship, it’s Jay and Hailey. They were years in the making, weren’t they?
Inevitable. He mouths the word, smile widening slightly. Yeah—it fits them just right.
For All Of It [Upstead]
Just a little Upstead piece based on an ask I got, of Upstead moving into their new place and a little missing moment we didn’t get to see. Kinda fluffy, some angst if you squint, but a whole lotta love!
Read also on my AO3!
“I know the view’s pretty and all, Hailey, but you could help us, ya know.”
Jay glanced up at his brother’s words, smirking at the irritated look Will was trying to go for, but was failing at. Instead, Will grinned teasingly, his smile widening when Jay saw Hailey turn away from the tall windows with a view of the city, smiling sheepishly. Still, she wasn’t going to let Will get away with it. “Jeez. For someone who deals with patients all day, you surprisingly have none,” she teased, stepping off the elevated platform that led to the balcony doors before heading towards the front door of the house.
“Ha-ha,” Will sarcastically replied with a roll of his eyes, setting down a box that was labeled books in Hailey’s quick scrawl in Sharpie. “Don’t make me throw your books off the balcony.”
The blonde pointed a warning finger at him, pausing by the door. “Don’t make me taze you, Halstead,” was all she said before disappearing out the front door.
Jay bit the inside of his cheek, suppressing his laugh as he placed a box labeled kitchenware on the counter of the open plan kitchen. Will looked at him. “Your fiancée’s tiny but terrifying.”
Raising an eyebrow, Jay mused, “I know it didn’t take you this long to figure it out.”
“Of course not,” Will scoffed, lifting the cap he wore to run a hand through his red hair before setting it back down. “I’m just gonna sleep with one eye open from now on since she’s gonna be my sister.”
That had Jay grinning. Hearing Will call Hailey his sister brought a warmth to Jay’s chest he hadn’t expected, but welcomed all the same. She’d been his family, long before they got together, before he—she—proposed, and to have his brother recognize her as such meant more to Jay than he could comprehend.
Hailey traipsed back into the house a moment later, carrying another box before putting it down towards the side. Standing straight, she let out a breath and put her hands on her hips. Looking towards Jay, she said, “I’m gonna pick up the last few boxes from the apartment. Want me to pick up lunch on the way?” she asked, looking between the two brothers.
Will narrowed his eyes. “You’re just trying to get us to unload the rest of the boxes from the truck aren’t you?” he accused, arms crossing over his chest.
Hailey mimicked the movement. “I just said I have to carry the other boxes from the apartment. Does that sound like I’m trying to get out of doing the work?” she shot back. Jay merely sipped his water, lips curving up in a smile. Jesus Christ, the two of them—they behaved more like siblings than he and Will did sometimes, and it was always amusing to witness. “I also just offered to feed you.”
“I’m helping you two move in—the least you could do is offer to feed me.”
Before Hailey could shoot back her own retort, Jay cut in with a laugh. “That sounds good, Hails. Will and I’ll take care of the rest of the stuff.”
She smiled, dimples and all, before grabbing her keys off the counter in the kitchen. “Great. I’ll be back in forty,” she said, stopping long enough to roll up on her toes and press a quick kiss to Jay’s lips before walking to the door. “You both behave.”
They’d already unloaded most of the boxes from the moving van, and finished up in the next fifteen or so minutes. So while they waited for Hailey to return, Jay and Will sat down on the steps leading up to the balcony, the midafternoon sun brightening the entire open space of his new home, as they drank beer. The bottles had been some of the first few things Jay and Hailey put in the fridge of their new kitchen.
“Gotta tell you man,” Will spoke up, prompting Jay to glance at him. His brother sat, one leg folded and the other resting on the step below him, arm resting on his knee as his dark eyes took in the space around them. “It’s a nice place you got yourselves.” He looked at Jay, raising his bottle slightly. “I’m happy for you. For all of it.”
Jay met his gaze, raising a single eyebrow curiously. “All of it?”
Will nodded, lowering the bottle from his mouth and swallowing his sip. “Yeah, you know—” he gestured around the house. “You’re settling down. For real. You bought a house with the woman you love. You’re engaged. I’m happy for you,” he repeated with a grin. “Let me be a proud big brother.”
Emotion tightened Jay’s chest, but he didn’t push it down or aside like he once may have. He’s worked hard, particularly over the last couple of years, to be more in tune with his emotions, to express them and acknowledge them rather than putting them in a box to never be dealt with again. A lot of that, Jay knew, had to do with Hailey and her presence in his life, and how important she became to him over the years. Being in a healthy, communicative and trusting relationship wasn’t something either of them were used to, but they put in the work because they loved each other more than anything, and wanted it to work. They understood each other, better than anyone else, and putting in the effort to make their relationship work wasn’t ever seen as work or tiring; it just was. Because there was a lot of love, trust, and respect between them, and so why wouldn’t they put in the time to be happy together?
They’d been through a lot, both separate and together, and the kind of peace they found in one another had been unfamiliar, but quickly became something they could count on. Hailey was his partner in every sense of the word that mattered, and his relationship with her, this bond they’d formed, was the most important thing to Jay. And to have her in a way that no one else has had, and to give himself to her in a way he never trusted anyone else to have, was enough for Jay to know that this was it. This was the real thing.
(Of course, this was a fact cemented in life long before Jay ever acknowledged it. It was about time he caught up.)
“Thanks, man,” Jay said appreciatively, lips pressing together yet curving up in a grateful smile. He looked ahead at the sea of boxes, but the sight didn’t make him alarmed or exasperated at the idea of having to unpack all of them. Instead, the warmth in his chest spread, a lightness that made the smile come easily. The sight was, in fact, a glimpse of the future he and Hailey were taking part in. “She’s it for me.”
He could feel his brother’s gaze on him, and when Jay glanced over, he saw the warm smile softening Will’s features. “I know,” he murmured. He looked to his right then, out the windows, taking in the bright sky and skyscrapers in the distance. After a beat of silence, Will said, “Mom and Dad would be so happy for you. They would’ve loved her, too.”
The tightening in Jay’s chest turned a smidge painful; not because he didn’t want to talk about his parents, but because, not for the first time, Jay wished they were here. It wasn’t often he talked about his parents, the loss of them both too painful, especially with how things had ended between him and his Dad. But he did think of them often. Especially during the last few days, when he’d been packing up his apartment and had come across pictures and other mementos from his childhood, catching sight of the smiling faces of his parents, and of himself and Will when they were younger.
In these big moments of his life—proposing to Hailey, buying a house with her—Jay thought of his parents, of how they wouldn’t be there to witness him getting married, of having a family of his own eventually. Jay had never been this happy, this at peace, before in his life like he was with Hailey, and it felt cruel, not being able to share this happiness with his parents.
Pushing down the lump that formed in his throat, Jay’s voice was slightly hoarse as he let out a quiet chuckle. “Mom always wanted a daughter,” he mused, looking at the ground before him. “No doubt she and Hailey would’ve ganged up on me.”
Next to him, Will let out a snort of a laugh. “Absolutely. You would’ve been outnumbered every time.”
The two brothers remained sitting on the floor, talking and reminiscing and drinking, until the unlocked front door opened and Hailey walked in, carrying two bags from their favorite Thai place, hair thrown up in a loose ponytail. She raised her eyebrows at him, kicking the door shut behind them. “Hard at work?” she dryly asked, approaching where they sat.
“I need to be fed first before I do anymore work,” Will grinned, taking one of the bags from her and setting it down.
“Is that what you tell your patients?” Hailey quipped as she sat down next to Jay, a teasing glint in her blue eyes as she pulled out the containers of food. “One sec, let me eat this protein bar before I figure out why you’re having trouble breathing.”
“Please,” Will scoffed, opening the container of pad thai. He shifted to sit facing them, cross legged. “I would never do that if a patient was in respiratory distress.” He raised his eyebrows. “If they had a broken bone, however, that’s a different story.”
Hailey let out a laugh at that, grin wide and dimples deep, and Jay shook his head at his brother, smirking slightly. “You’re a terrible person.”
Will pointed at Jay with a plastic fork, eyebrows shooting up once more. “Would a terrible person spend his day off helping you move into your new place?” He stabbed a piece of chicken with a flare of finality. “I don’t think so.”
*****
Jay wandered down the stairs, the distinct sound of music pulling him towards the main part of the house as his bare feet padded down the steps. Entering the open space of the living room and kitchen, he caught sight of Hailey. The living room area was dark, but the kitchen was illuminated, and he watched Hailey absently hum along to the unfamiliar, slow tune playing through her phone as she pulled out a stack of plates from a box and set them up on a low shelf of one of the cabinets.
He wasn’t surprised to see her already beginning to do some unpacking as he stepped out of the shower, as eager as him to make this house their home. A soft smile graced Jay’s lips as he quietly wandered towards the kitchen, Hailey turning around in time to see him approach, a small smile upturning her mouth, too.
“You know this could’ve waited until morning, right?” he mused, standing next to her as he peered into the open box. A pile of bowls remained inside to be put away.
“I know,” Hailey said easily. “I couldn’t help myself.”
His eyebrows raised. “I can see that,” he chuckled, catching sight of an already empty box on the ground that once contained mugs and glasses. He gave a tug to the hem of her shirt. “Come on—we can continue tomorrow.”
“Just let me put these away,” she insisted, already reaching for the bowls. Since they were the only things left in the box, Jay didn’t argue, instead watched as she brought them over to the other cabinet and opened it. Amusement thrummed his veins when Hailey tilted her head back and let out a small noise of exasperation, because the bowls had to go on the middle shelf, and she couldn’t quite reach it. “Should’ve bought a house that was friendlier to people on the shorter side,” she grumbled.
Jay leaned back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest as he smirked. “Hey, you’re the one who fell in love with this place first.”
She turned to face him. “I was blinded by the view,” she said, jerking her chin towards the tall windows. Jay’s smirk widened as she all but pouted, holding the pile of five bowls out to him. “Help.”
Chuckling lowly, Jay pushed himself off the counter and took them from her, easily reaching up and placing them on the shelf. Looking down at his fiancée, Jay hummed, “Maybe we should get you a stepping stool.”
Hailey narrowed her blue eyes. “I’ll kill you.”
“We aren’t married yet. You won’t get my pension.”
She broke out into a laugh, the sound perfectly at home within the walls of this house. Stepping towards him, Hailey wound her arms around Jay’s waist, tilting her head back so her glimmering blue eyes could meet his green. Dimples in view, she returned, “I guess I can wait, then.”
He laughed quietly as he pressed his lips to the top of her head, his own arms wrapping around her, reveling in her warmth. She smelled of coconut and vanilla, as always, the scent grounding him, making him hold her tighter to him. The song playing through her phone ended, and the familiar tune of Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley began playing, and Hailey pulled away from him enough to look up to meet his gaze.
“Dance with me?” she asked quietly, almost shyly.
Didn’t she know by now he’d give her anything she wanted?
With a gentle smile of his own, Jay took her hand in his and walked her around the counter towards the living room, the space slightly darker but there was more room than in the kitchen. The smooth baritone of Elvis Presley’s voice reverberated gently off the for-now empty walls of their house as Jay pulled Hailey close, one arm around her waist while his other hand gripped her smaller one. A content smile danced on her lips as they swayed to the music, the living room illuminated only by the kitchen lights and the lights of the city spread beyond the windows.
There was a calmness in their new home, untouched by the vigor and clamor of their everyday lives as they let the music drape over them, moving them in a gentle dance. Hailey rested her cheek against Jay’s chest as they danced, and he knew she could feel the steady thumping of his heart, a lively indicator of how content he felt at the moment. In the quietness of their home, with Hailey in his arms, Jay felt nothing but peace.
“Thank you.” Hailey’s voice was so quiet, Jay wasn’t sure he’d heard her at first.
When her words registered, he glanced down at the top of her blonde head, head tilting ever so slightly to see that her eyes were closed. “For what?” he asked gently.
She was silent for a moment before her hand squeezed his. “For being the reason that I can believe being this happy isn’t just a dream. For being here with me. For wanting to have a life with me. For all of it.”
For all of it. Isn’t that what Will had said just earlier today? That he was happy for Jay—for all of it?
Jay’s heart jumped, feeling that familiar rush he felt in his veins whenever he thought of Hailey, whenever he thought of what he felt for her and for her only. He’d never loved anyone the way he loved Hailey, and he knew this feeling was reserved just for her. She was his present and his future. And every day he knew how lucky he was to have her.
He unwound his arm from around her waist, only to cup her cheek to get her to look up at him. Her blue eyes were glazed over with a sheen of tears she hadn’t yet let go of, and as much as it pained him to see Hailey cry, he knew these were good tears. Happy tears. I-can’t-believe-this-is-my-life-but-I’m-grateful-for-it tears. His heart hurt for her, for the past she suffered from that made her believe this kind of life, this kind of happiness, wasn’t something she would be able to have. Now that she had it, Jay knew how much she cherished it, how fiercely protective she was of it and of him. It made him love her all the more, if that was possible.
“You don’t have to thank me for any of it, Hailey,” Jay said softly, thumb brushing across the soft skin of her cheek, just in time to catch the tear that escaped. He smiled. “You deserve it. We both do.”
Her throat worked, and she looked like she was about to say something before she pressed her lips together and exhaled softly through her nose. Jay waited patiently, and Hailey met his gaze once again and whispered, “I love you.”
Jay wondered, for a brief moment, if that's what she had wanted to say, but decided that in this moment, this was what she needed to say. And Jay never took Hailey’s I love you confessions lightly, not when he knew how difficult it was for her, in the beginning, to accept them from him and utter them herself. Now, every time Hailey said those three words to him, it felt like the first time, and the rush was thrilling every damn time.
So Jay pushed aside the idea of Hailey potentially having something else to say, giving her the benefit of the doubt and realizing that when she was ready to tell him what she needed to, she would. He trusted her, as she trusted him, never pushing him to discomfort. He would always do the same for her.
Jay ducked his head, his lips a hair's breadth away from hers when he returned, “I love you, too,” before closing the gap and kissing her. She melted into him, arms winding around his neck as his tightened around her waist, kissing her like she was the very air he needed to breathe, kissing her to tell her that he, too, was thankful for her. For all of it.
Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You, Baby [Upstead]
okay, listen. i KNOW i already wrote a post 9x04 Upstead fic, but this came to me at like 6am this morning. it’s more exposition heavy centering around Jay’s perspective after his conversation with Voight up to him arriving back home to Hailey in bed. i just wanted to write my interpretation of what was going on in his head, and i feel like i didn’t even get all of it, but this is what the end result was. hope you enjoy!!
Read on AO3!!!!
The ache in Jay’s chest made it difficult to breathe. Out of everything he’d ever been through, he didn’t think he ever experienced pain like this—hurting because the one person he loved most in the world was hurting so deeply. His mind was running a mile a minute, memories picking out every instance Hailey had seemed off in the last few weeks; instances he had picked up, instances that concerned him, but he had never pushed her, instead waited for her to come to him. But she hadn’t. She’d carried this with her for weeks, allowed it to drown her to the point where she couldn’t come up for air, and as Jay drove, he felt that twisting, pinching ache that he had been too late in looking into what happened.
He could hear nothing but the thundering of his heart, just barely drowned out by the sound of Hailey’s broken voice, broken sobs, broken breathing when she’d had that panic attack.
I shouldn’t have been there.
I killed him.
It’s destroying me.
She was being ripped apart from the inside out, the weight of her secret that never should’ve been hers to bear crushing her until she completely broke. Jay’s grip on the steering wheel tightened, despite the dull ache in his knuckles, and he had half a mind to turn the truck around, find Voight, and deliver more than just a single punch. The anger pulsed in his veins at the thought of their sergeant, a man who, on more than one occasion, had told his unit to tell him the truth so he could lie for them. Jay had always felt uneasy about that claim, but he’d trusted Voight. Over the years, though, Jay saw what trusting Voight could do to a person, had become wary of it.
Now, Hailey had trusted Voight, and she was paying for it with her soul. And while Jay couldn’t have known what would happen, he desperately wished he’d somehow been able to prevent Hailey from getting trapped in one of Voight’s dark, twisting webs.
Jay swallowed as he stopped at a red light, leaning back in the chair, his throat slightly raw from yelling earlier. In the quiet of his truck, he inhaled deeply, held his breath for a moment, before exhaling slowly in hopes of calming himself down. No matter how many times he tried, it didn’t seem to work. His jaw set, teeth grinding together, and the sudden stinging in his eyes didn’t surprise him. Hailey’s face played in his head; not her beautiful, dimpled smile that made her blue eyes sparkle and crinkle at the corners, but rather the panic that pinkened her cheeks and nose, red rimmed eyes glassy with tears and dark circles because she hadn’t been sleeping at all.
Voight did this to her. And Jay would never forgive him for it.
The light turned green and Jay blinked a couple of times to settle his vision, pressing the gas as his other hand came up to wipe under his eyes. All he wanted was to get home, to see Hailey, to hold her. He knew now. She didn’t have to carry this burden on her own. And while Jay wasn’t entirely sure on how to make this better, the least he could do was be with Hailey, assure her that he was never, not in a million years, going to go anywhere. She may not have told him what was going on, and while Jay was disappointed and hurt, he couldn’t blame her. Not when he knew what Voight was like.
At the thought of the sergeant, Jay’s grip on the steering wheel tightened once more, lips curling in a sneer. He remembered, in that moment, the way Hailey completely changed when Voight walked into the locker room in the middle of her panic attack. He remembered the way Hailey had pulled away from him, her back straightening and sobs quietening, looking at their boss with an expression that Jay could only read as terrified and blank at the same time.
He remembered how Voight had asked Hailey if she was okay, and how she’d whispered a barely audible I’m fine. “Fuck,” Jay cursed, the guttural sound echoing in the cab of the truck. It took him that moment to truly confirm the realization that something was going on, and Voight’s arrival right there hadn’t been him checking to see if Hailey was alright—it was him checking to see if she’d keep quiet around Jay.
God. He wanted to kill him, which was fucking ironic, because wasn’t that how this entire mess started?
His home was quiet and dark when he arrived, entering into the living room. In the kitchen, he saw the half full bottle of whiskey, and Jay’s throat tightened as he grabbed the bottle and put it away, out of sight. He let his gaze wander for a moment, taking in his new home—their new home. They’d finished unpacking, had all of the furniture placed where they wanted, settling into a life to welcome their new chapter. Jay looked at the few photo frames on the TV stand, the others that were hanging on the wall. Pictures of him and Will, of Hailey with her brothers, photos of them with their friends, of them together. Jay let out a breath, quiet and shaky, at the sight of her wide grin frozen in all of those photographs, the genuine happiness she showed tightening something in his chest. He’d give anything to see her smile like that again, to erase any darkness and hurt from her life, no matter how improbable that may seem.
Slowly, Jay made his way towards their bedroom, heart thumping, stopping instantly when he got to the doorway. He froze where he stood, hands burying themselves in the pocket of his jeans, uncaring of the denim grazing at his raw knuckles.
Hailey slept in their bed, on her side, over the covers, in pajamas and one of his old sweatshirts. An empty glass was on her bedside, just a drop or so of the amber liquid still left inside, and Jay knew she’d been drinking to help herself fall asleep, and that alone felt like a punch to the gut. He stood, watching her, and everything hurt.
The anger he felt—not a single shred of it was directed towards Hailey, only Voight. Jay knew Voight’s habits by now, how he could destroy the people he claimed to care about. He’d seen it happen multiple times—with Al, even with Erin. And Jay had hoped losing Al the way they did, that Voight would change. Now he knew that was too naive of him. Now, as he stared at the love of his life, the woman he didn’t dare think of living without, Jay wished he could’ve protected her in some way.
Everything in him felt heavy as he watched Hailey sleep, the moon splashing in from the skylight above illuminating the bruises and cuts discoloring her face. She’d been hurting, far longer than those marks arrived, and Jay wished she had let him in. He wished she’d trusted him enough to tell him what was going on. And he got it—he really did—that she was scared, that maybe she thought she was even protecting him from keeping him in the dark. She’d rather get dragged down alone than bring him with her because she was fiercely protective of the people she loved. But, God, Jay wished she understood that he’d rather be on her side—good, bad, ugly—than let her go through any of it alone.
In that moment, Jay thought of her marriage proposal, and how hurt and disbelieving she had looked and sounded when he told her earlier today that it wasn’t really her that proposed. Not for one second did Jay doubt Hailey’s love for him; he wanted to marry her, more than anything else in the world. She was it for him, had been for longer than he realized, and he just wanted to do it right. He wanted to make sure not that she was all in, but that she was in the right state of mind to propose—and to accept his proposal. But no matter what, Jay knew it would be him and her in the end, always.
Time seemed to freeze when Hailey suddenly jerked awake, blue eyes meeting his green through the slightly illuminated space of their room. He watched as she leaned up on her arms, her startled gaze never leaving his, and saw the way the surprise melted into recognition, realization, as he looked at her. Jay’s head tilted to the side, ever so slightly, the ache of what she was going through bleeding through, his gaze feeling heavy with sadness, maybe even a little bit of hurt and disappointment because he couldn’t keep it at bay.
He saw the moment she understood that he knew, the line of tension forming between their gazes tightening. The silence between them was deafening, and even from where Jay stood he could hear the way Hailey’s breath hitched in her throat as she slowly, cautiously sat up properly. But she remained silent otherwise, and Jay knew it was because she was waiting for him to say something, to acknowledge this devastating secret of hers that he now knew.
Truthfully, Jay wasn’t sure how to go about it. He didn’t know what to say, other than tell her that it would be okay, but even that seemed redundant. Jay didn’t know if everything would be okay, but he knew that he would damn well try to make it as such. He would do anything to help ease this unwanted burden off of her. For Hailey, he’d do anything. If there was one thing he was sure of, it was that.
“Jay. . .”
Her voice, quiet and hoarse, pulled him out of his thoughts, realizing he’d gotten too lost in them as he took in the nervous, anxious expression settled into Hailey’s features. Her lips parted, like she wanted to say something more, but no sound came out, save for a silent, choked sob that had her entire body shuddering. It was enough to spring Jay into action.
He moved carefully towards the bed, Hailey’s gaze locked onto his, and instead of settling down on the mattress, he found himself crouching down next to her. Jay looked up at her, and his movements were slow as he reached for her hand, giving her enough time to pull away if she needed to. But she didn’t, much to Jay’s relief, as she let him take her smaller hand in his. His heart twisted at how cold her skin felt, how small she looked as she looked down at him through eyes that were already glassy with unshed tears. He could see the beginnings of her breathing quickening as her chest rose and fell more rapidly than normal, and Jay swallowed the lump in his throat as he squeezed her hand.
His voice was a rasp because of his conversation with Voight, but his words were steady. “You and me,” he said, determined, reassuring green eyes locked onto her heartbreaking, tired blue. “We’re in it together, Hailey. No matter what.”
Her throat worked, her voice as small as she looked, “You shouldn’t have—”
Jay cut her off, because he knew where she could be going with this.
You shouldn’t have to deal with this.
You shouldn’t have to share this burden.
You shouldn’t have been kept in the dark.
You shouldn’t have to be with someone like me.
And Jay refused to let her say any of that. He refused to let her believe any of it.
“Yes, I should,” he said gently, firmly, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. “Good, bad, ugly—I have you. Lean on me. No matter what, I’m here.”
A shuddering breath escaped her, accompanying the few tears that fell from her eyes, and Jay’s heart clenched once more at the sight of her. He couldn’t imagine the pain she was in, how exhausted she must be. She wouldn’t deal with this on her own for a second longer.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, defeated and tired. “I’m so sorry.”
She broke, then, tears streaming and choked cries sounding in the room, and Jay moved. “Baby,” was all he could murmur out before he sat on the bed and in one swift move pulled her into him. Hailey cried into his chest, clutching the front of his shirt, his arms wrapping around her shaking frame as he rested his cheek on top of her head, her hair still slightly damp from the shower she must’ve taken.
He held her as she cried, his eyes squeezing shut, hand rubbing up and down her back. It was the worst thing, watching the person you loved fall apart in front of you, unable to do anything but hold them and whisper that you’ve got them, you love them, you weren’t going anywhere. There was so much they needed to talk about; Jay needed Hailey to tell him what happened, not wanting to go solely on Voight’s version of events, but that could wait until morning.
For now, he would hold Hailey through the night. He would tell her he loved her. For now, that would have to be enough. And if she could sleep through the night because his hold on her chased the demons away for the moment, that would also be enough. But that didn’t mean there was a limit as to what Jay would do for Hailey. He was more than ready to show it because he didn’t care what he would have to do—when it came to Hailey, he’d go to the farthest fucking galaxy because the moon was just too close.
