From the Gardens of Rome to the Modern City Park: A Journey through the History of Cruising
For centuries, city parks and gardens have been more than just places of relaxation and strolling; they have also been silent witnesses to intimate encounters and discreet glances. For gay men, these public spaces have historically offered rare opportunities to meet, with the openness or secrecy of these encounters shifting according to the cultural and historical context of the time. Today, in an era of growing acceptance and openness, these gatherings have become more visible, though the tradition of such meeting places stretches back through the ages.
The Open Gardens of Ancient Rome
In ancient Rome, there were places where men could meet openly, without shame or secrecy. The Romans had a remarkable tolerance toward certain forms of sexuality, especially evident in their public baths, or thermae. These baths served as places of personal care and social exchange but also provided a relaxed, almost intimate atmosphere where homoerotic encounters were not uncommon. Large public gardens, such as the Gardens of Lucullus and the Gardens of Maecenas, were also popular meeting points that allowed a degree of anonymity. These parks and gardens weren’t specifically intended for intimate encounters, but they provided enough space for connections that society generally accepted, as long as social norms and hierarchies were respected.
The 18th and 19th Centuries: From Discreet to Open
With the emergence of modern cities and public parks in the 18th and 19th centuries, especially in metropolises like London and Paris, opportunities for discreet meetings grew again. Though societal rejection remained strong, urban parks and gardens offered sprawling, often dimly lit spaces that allowed for discretion. Well-known meeting points emerged in places like London’s Hyde Park and Paris’ Bois de Boulogne, where men could encounter each other despite the risk of discrimination or even arrest. Over the years, these parks developed into quiet refuges where men could meet without necessarily having to hide – at least not entirely.
Today’s City Park: From Secrecy to Openness
Today, city parks continue to be popular meeting places for gay men, though the social environment has significantly changed. In many countries, such gatherings are now more visible and socially accepted, allowing encounters to occur without the same fear of discrimination or persecution. Cruising in parks is no longer inevitably associated with secrecy and is instead seen as part of queer culture. Modern parks like New York’s Central Park or Berlin’s Tiergarten remain favored spots where people seeking connection and affection can gather.
A Continuum of Encounters into the Digital Age
From the gardens of ancient Rome to the hidden meeting spots of the 18th century and the city parks of our time, a thread runs through history. Parks and gardens have, over centuries, held special meaning as meeting places for gay men—sometimes as secret, sometimes as open spaces for connection. They bear witness to the enduring human need for companionship and intimacy, even under challenging circumstances.
Today, many of these encounters have shifted to the digital realm, on platforms and dating apps. Yet city parks remain a romantic alternative for those who appreciate spontaneity and the tangible experience of real-life interaction.
Sound: LUNO AI - manually cut
Images: SD-1.5, SDXL - manually post-worked
Img2Vid: Kling AI - manually cut
Sisterhood is about four best friends reconnecting after Neryah Hunnicutt announced her divorce from her high school sweetheart, Dominic Hunnicutt, at Genesis' 8th-grade graduation party. The girls, separated by their careers, come together in support of Neryah as she embarks on a journey of teenage drama and single motherhood. But Marí, Valour, and Syara soon remembered why they ran from their hometown.
Sisterhood isn't just a bond. Sisterhood is about trust. Sisterhood is about loyalty. Sisterhood is about forgiveness. Follow these four sisters on a journey of growth, a journey of self-worth and a journey peace.
Meet the Girls & Cast
[note: the mobile version hasn't been edited yet. Please request Desktop mode to enjoy the full experience. Mobile edition will be available soon.]
Title Design:
Color Palette:
Theme Song:
Genre: Romance, Drama, & Urban
Fandoms: Abbott Elementary, High School Musical, Bel-Air, & Star
Release Date: TBA
Platforms: Tumblr & Audio Book: YouTube
Interested in Voice acting? Click The Link to see the available roles.
summary: brain blank, sorry. just know it’s about christmas!
cw: extremely light angst, cussing, dialogue heavy but y'all knew that
wc: 4.6K
a/n: this is old and i never posted it here but merry christmas lol
Chanel P.O.V
I stared at the ceiling, listening to Mo talk about everything under the sun. The smell of cookies was in the air, reminding me I was in a house full of people, so I needed to make the most of it. The Christmas music playing, made me look down at my outfit.
"Y'all wear matching PJs every year? Or just when I'm here?" I questioned.
"BG don't be like that," Mo said, turning around with a mug on her face.
"I'm just asking Mo," I said with a small laugh.
It was Christmas Eve, and I was kinda sad. I couldn't go home this year because I had a big project I needed to complete for work so I'm staying at Mo's. I miss my family but they knew when I got this big girl job, things like this would happen.
"You acting like you don't like us or something."
"I love y'all, I'm just a lil sad."
"Awww pooh pooh."
I looked at Mo as she walked over to where I was sitting on her bed and threw her arms around me.
"Talk to MoMo. Tell me why you sad."
I shrugged my shoulders, biting my lip.
She leaned back, turning me towards her.
"Chanel, come on."
I sat criss crossed before playing with my fingers.
"Ion know Mo. This the first year I can't spend the holidays with my family, my man going out of town, I got so much fucking work to do. I'm just sad."
Mo stared at me with a pout before wrapping her arms around me again.
"Where Mr. Jones at anyway?"
"He's going back to Queens to spend the holidays with Jungle. His flight leaving tonight." I rolled my eyes as I said that last part.
"BG you can't be mad that he got a family."
"I'm not. I just wish he could spend Christmas wit me."
"I ain't never seen you like this over a man."
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I can't explain it. I wanna be in that nigga skin."
Mo screamed, making me laugh.
"My bitch in love."
"Ok, nobody said nothing about love."
"Yeah, yeah. Only a matter of time."
I was getting ready to say respond when my phone started vibrating on the bed. We both looked at it and Nasir was facetiming me. Mo grabbed the phone before I could and answered.
"Hey Mr. Jones," she said innocently.
"What's going on MoMo?"
"We at my parents house and BG being sad."
"Mo!"
"Man ... give her the phone."
Mo handed me the phone with a smile and got up heading towards the door.
"Mo I hate you."
"Love you too."
She walked out and shut the door behind her. I held the phone up and Nas was looking at me with those eyes.
"Nasirrrrrrr. I told you stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?? This just my face girl."
I smacked my lips before getting up to go sit at Mo's vanity. I propped the phone up before sitting down and propping my head up in my hand.
"What can I do for you Mr. Jones?"
"Don't call me that BG. Make me feel weird."
"That's your name ain't it? But no forreal, what's up?"
"Why you sad?"
"It's nothing."
He gave me a look. "Come on BG. Tell poppa what's wrong."
"Boy ..." I said while blushing.
"But no forreal, what's the matter sweetheart?"
"Nothing"
"Chanel ..."
"Oh my godddd, I said nothing."
"If you don't wanna talk to me I can get off the phone."
"Don't do that. I just thought you would be on your flight by now."
"That's why I was calling you. My flight got cancelled so I'm staying here for christmas."
I couldn't stop the smile from crossing my face.
"So i get to see you then?"
"Yes BG. You at Mo's?"
"Yeah, but I can meet you at your place?"
He let out a laugh making me frown.
"Chill BG. I'm coming over there. Rome and Syl invited me."
"Um ..."
"Just say whatchu wanna say."
"I don't know. I just wanted to actually be with you. Not having to sneak around."
"Whatchu mean? We don't gotta sneak around. You my woman."
"Yeah but you're Mr. Jerome's bestfriend. I couldn't disrespect their house like that."
It was silence before Nas spoke.
"Listen. We grown. He grown. I'm not saying we gotta be in here getting freaky but we don't gotta sneak around BG."
"I don't know ..."
"You want me to talk to him?"
"No! It's embarrassing enough that he know we together."
"Embarrassing? So you embarrassed to be with me?"
"No that's not what I'm saying."
"Well whatchu saying Chanel? Cause that's what I'm hearing."
"It's not like that."
"Ok well when you figure it out, let me know."
He didn't even let me get a word in before hanging up. My jaw dropped cause he ain't never acted like that with me before. Using the word embarrassed probably wasn't the best but he gotta see where I'm coming from.
I clicked his name to call him back but the phone just rang and rang. Putting my head in my hands, I could feel my eyes getting watery until eventually a few tears fell. I did not need Nas being mad at me right now.
I heard the door open and Mama Syl's voice rang out.
"BG? I got dinner rea- What's wrong??"
I wiped my face as best as I could, sniffling before raising my head up.
"Nothing Mama Syl."
"Baby you crying at Christmas."
I let out a small laugh. Even though I was sad, that was funny. I wiped my nose as she came and sat in one of Mo's bean-bags.
"Come sit next to me."
I did as she said and sat on the other beanbag facing her.
"Now what's wrong? And don't lie to me."
I let out a big sigh before speaking.
"I dont know. This the first christmas I'm not with my mama and my job got me doing so much. It's just a lot and the stress is getting to me."
"Uh huh. What else?"
"Whatchu mean?"
"I understand you sad about that stuff. But it's something else too."
"Um ..."
"Look I understand you miss your family, but you make the big bucks. You can see them at any time. And you knew your big girl job was gonna be like this. So what's really got you crying?"
I was silent as I played with my fingers, not wanting to tell her. I heard her sigh before she grabbed one of my hands in hers.
"What's his name?"
"Huh??"
"Uh huh. What's his name? This boy that got you crying."
"He not a boy," I mumbled.
"Ok what's her name?"
"Nooo," I mumbled. "I can't tell you his name."
"Why? Do I know him?"
I took my hand from her and put my head in my hands.
"Yes," it coming out muffled due to my mouth being covered.
"I know it ain't my big headed ass son Marcus."
I never shot my head up so fast.
"Oh my God no!"
I put my hand over my mouth before we both busted out laughing.
"Girl I just had to check. You know he a lil hoe."
"It's not Marcus, I promise."
She squinted her eyes at me before getting a smirk on her face. I looked at her with confusion.
"It's Nas ain't it?"
If I had a drink I would spit it out right now.
"Huh!?"
"I knew y'all was together."
"Wait what?"
"I been knew. I was just waiting for you to say something."
"He told you?"
"Mo did actually. You know that girl can't hold water."
"Ima kill her."
"Don't hurt my baby. It was really an accident."
I gave her a look that clearly said I didn't believe her.
"I'm serious. You know Mo just be talking and stuff slip out."
"Ok so what happened?" I asked with a laugh.
"We were on the phone and I guess you had sent her a text cause she started talking about how happy she was that you had a man, and that she loved seeing you happy. So I was like "Oh who's her man" and she said "Mr. Jones" and just continued talking like nothing happened."
My jaw dropped.
"And then I was like "Nas?" and I guess she realized she said it and begged me not to say anything to you."
"I'ma slap her."
"She means well, don't do that."
Mama Syl squeezed my shoulder as we shared a laugh.
"Now what he do that got you all sad like this?"
"More like what I did."
"What happened?"
I gave her a quick recap of the call and how it ended with him hanging up on me.
"And now he mad at me."
"It's just a misunderstanding BG. Just talk to him."
"I mean he said he was coming over," I looked at the time on my phone. "So I guess I'll do it then."
"Well you might wanna prepare, cause I'm pretty sure he pulling in right now."
We looked out Mo's window and sure enough his car was coming up the driveway.
"I'll let you get yourself together." She gave me a small hug and a kiss on the cheek before leaving out.
I blew out a breath before making sure my face was clear.
I walked into the living room and everyone was sitting, talking. I noticed Nasir sitting next to Mr. Jerome, laughing and joking. He had managed to already have on the PJs that we all did, making all of us match.
I caught the attention of Mo's brother Marcus first.
"Finally BG! We hungry." He hopped up running into the kitchen.
"Marcus I know you better stop running in my house!"
"Sorry mama!"
Everybody stood to walk in the kitchen when me and Nasir locked eyes. I was the first to break eye contact when Mo grabbed my hand, pulling me into the kitchen.
"Mama told me about y'all lil argument."
"Of course she did."
"Girl boo. But y'all need to make up, cause you look sad."
"Wait forreal?"
She nodded her head sadly.
"Like OD sad. And I'm sure he can tell."
I rolled my eyes at that.
"Anyway what we eating?"
"BG, make up with him after dinner and i'm not playing witchu."
"Yes mother."
We laughed, getting down plates and stuff so we could eat. Everybody sat around the dinner table, talking, eating. Nas was sitting across from me and I could feel his eyes on me every now and again.
Mo kept hitting my hand tryna get me to look at him but I would just hit her back.
Once dinner was over, everyone was helping clean the kitchen.
"BG can you put this in the pantry?"
I nodded and took the ingredients from her and went to the pantry which was a little off the kitchen.
Not too soon after stepping into the pantry, I heard the door open.
"Need some help?" Nas' gravelly soft voice flooded my ears.
"Uh, yeah." I handed him something off top and we set about putting stuff in empty places on the shelf.
"Nas -" "BG -"
We both went to speak at the same time.
"Nah you go ahead," I muttered with my head down.
It was silence before he cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry BG."
My head snapped up in confusion.
"Sorry?"
"Yeah, I was being a big baby to you earlier and I'm sorry."
"Wait ..."
"I know you wasn't embarrassed by me. I was just feeling a lil irritated with everything going on."
I stuck my lip out in a pout. I don't even know how he be getting me like this but he do.
"BG, I swear if you start crying ..."
"I'm nottt," I whined.
Nas set everything in his arms down, motioning for me to do the same. He waved me over to him, getting closer to me, before sliding his arms around my waist. My arms naturally went around his neck, before we squeezed each other in a hug. Nas leaned back before laughing a little.
"Come on sweetheart, why you crying?"
His thumbs swiped my cheeks, wiping away the tears I didn't even know had came out.
"I don't know. I was sad and then you was mad at me. It was a lot."
"I know and I'm sorry. Poppa not mad no more." I smacked my lips, giving Nas a lil hit on the shoulder.
"Better not be."
All of a sudden we heard music playing over the speakers.
"Ain't this your girl?"
"It's Christmas time again, can't wait to hear those sleigh bells ringing"
I could feel my eyes watering again, making Nas laugh at me and squeeze my waist.
"Give poppa a kiss crybaby."
I giggled before leaning in to kiss him. We got so into it we didn't hear or see the pantry door open. Someone gasped and we pulled apart. We looked and it was Marcus standing there with his mouth open.
"Well well well," he started. "I knew you had a man but I ain't know it was Mr. Jones."
I rolled my eyes, before unwrapping my arms from around Nas.
"Marcus you getting on my nerves already."
"I ain't even do nothing to you."
"Yeah yeah."
I went to walk around him when he grabbed my wrist.
"You know I can't keep this secret without some persuasion." He grinned before rubbing his fingers together.
I threw my head back in laughter before grabbing Nas and going to where everyone else was. Marcus following shortly after.
We began walking to the living room, Marcus and Nas on either side of me.
"Your mama and daddy already know, so it ain't a secret to keep."
"And you don't care?!"
"It's nothing I can do. They been knew."
"But you ain't tell me?"
"You suck at keeping secrets Marcus."
We all entered the living room at the same time, me and Nas going to sit on the couch next to each other. No one batted an eye at us being on each other.
"So nobody care that BG and Mr. Jones on each other like this?"
"They boyfriend and girlfriend, that's what they supposed to do," Mo's little sister Mel said.
"Hold up," I sat up. "How you know?"
"I heard Mo when she told mama."
"And you kept it a secret this whole time?"
"Who was I gonna tell?"
Marcus had his hands on his hips in disbelief. "You should've told me!"
"No, you talk too much."
We all laughed cause even little kids knew Marcus talked too much.
"I can't believe my own family treating me like this. Michael you knew too?"
"Yeah, I was there when Mr. Jones told daddy."
I couldn't do nothing my shake my head. How did everybody know we was together.
"I can't keep nothing a secret in this family," I said.
"Come on BG, you been around us for how long? You knew that." Mr. Jerome said from his seat.
We all laughed except Marcus who was still looking stupid, staring at all of us.
"You gone keep standing there looking dumb or you gone watch movies with us?" Mo asked.
"Fine," Marcus grumbled.
We all got comfortable, Nas' arms going around me while the movie started up. I felt a hand tap my leg, looking up it was Mel.
"Can I lay with y'all?"
"Of course you can lil bit," Nas replied, scooting over a little. She grinned before hopping up in between us. Nas' arm went behind my head, while my arms went around Mel.
"Mr. Jones put your arms around BG too. Cause she cold," Mel whispered.
"Whatever you say boss."
I chuckled, before scooting even closer to Nas so he could throw his other arm over us.
CHRISTMAS MORNING
I opened my eyes to the sound of laughter and talking. The bed was empty so Nas must've been with everybody else.
After about 20 minutes I managed to get up and head downstairs, where everyone sat around the tree.
"BG!! You're awake!"
Mel ran over to me, hugging my waist.
"Merry Christmas y'all! I am, now we can open gifts."
"Finally," Mel said with relief.
"Lil girl y'all could've opened them without me," I said with an eye roll.
"I tried that. Daddy said everybody had to be here."
I couldn't stop the laugh from escaping. She was something else.
"Ok well stop talking to me and open up them gifts."
Mel gave me a grin before running over to the tree.
She started moving presents around, handing them to each person, sorting through them. Once she was finished, we all had a little pile of gifts next to us, even Nas and she was left with hers under the tree.
"Lemme open mine first and then I wanna see y'all's," Mel said before turning around and getting busy. We sat and ooh'ed and ahh'ed at everything she opened and showed us, even though we bought all this stuff for her. Once she had everything opened, she leaned back on Nas like she was just so tired.
"Whew, okay y'all can open your gifts now. I'm beat!"
"Girl you barely did anything," Marcus said.
Mel waved him off before scooting back into Nas' lap.
"Just hurry up."
We all laughed cause she was a mess. One by one everyone started opening their gifts, each getting more expensive than the last. You could tell since now everyone was grown, we was spending real money on gifts.
I was the last person so when it got to me, everyone was staring at me with smiles on their faces.
"Damn, why y'all more excited than I am?"
"Girl quit all that cussing and just open the gifts."
"Ok ok."
"Open mine first BG," Mel piped up.
"Okayyyyy, fine."
I picked up the gift that said it was from her and shook the box a little.
"I wonder what it is??"
"Just open it!"
"Okay dang."
I ripped the paper off and it was a box with "Manolo Blahnik" written across the top. I let out a yell as I grabbed Mel in my arms and planted kisses all over her face.
"Melanie!!! How did you know I wanted these??"
"You haven't even opened the box to see if they really in there." Marcus interjected.
I waved him off. "I know my girl."
I took the top off and sure enough, the light brown loafers I wanted. I squealed again, squeezing Mel in my arms one more time.
"I love them! How did you know I wanted these?"
"Mama was talking about getting them for you, but I wanted to instead."
"You don't even have no money lol girl," Marcus said.
"Yes I do. You're just mad you're broke."
We all tried to hold in our laughs cause we knew he was embarrassed.
"Marcus leave your sister alone. She paid for those all by herself," Mama Syl added.
"But how?"
"Don't worry about where my money come from chump."
"Ok Mel that's enough."
I was lowkey ignoring them now, twisting and turning the shoe in my hand.
"Ok BG you got more gifts, come on now."
I put the shoe back in the box and set it to the side.
"Y'all gone have a hard time beating Mel."
Everybody rolled their eyes and waved me to open the next one.
"This one says from Michael and Marcus. Y'all couldn't even get me a gift separately? Lame."
They both waved me off before I went to rip the paper.
Taking off all the paper, it was an envelope. Looking confused, I opened the envelope and saw a bunch of papers. I took them out, reading the top one before screaming to the top of my lungs.
I stood up, grabbing Mo and making her jump with me while I kept screaming.
"Ok as much as I like how happy you are, are you gone say why you screaming?!"
"Bitch we going to the Maldives!!!!!"
Mo screamed with me and we just kept jumping and hugging each other. After a good 2 minutes, Marcus grabbed us, shaking our shoulders so we could stop screaming.
"Sorry y'all, i'm just so excited."
"Uh huh. Open the one from us next BG."
I grabbed the small package from Mama Syl and it said it was from her and Mr. Jerome.
"If it's a car, I'ma cry."
"I promise it's not a car BG," Mr. Jerome said with a laugh.
I giggled opening up the gift. It was 1 sheet of paper, making everybody crowd around to see what it was. Reading the first line had my eyes watering already. Setting the paper down, I got up and threw myself around Mama Syl and Mr. Jerome.
"I love y'all."
"We love you too BG, now quit this crying."
"What she get?"
"They paid my rent for the year."
"You officially apart of the family BG," Michael said wrapping his arm around my shoulder.
"They did this for us when we got our first grown up jobs too, congratulations."
I wiped my eyes, so happy that I was able to share this moment with the ones I loved.
"I already gave BG her gift," Mo said with a smirk. Yeah she gave me a gift alright. It was a bag full of lingerie and sex toys for me to "rock Mr. Jones' world". Don't seem like a gift for me but I'll let it slide.
"Alright, where's your gift Mr. Jones?"
"We exchanging gifts later, just something between us you know?"
"Awwwww, that's so cute. I love y'all." Mo said with her lip in a pout.
"Yuck, spare me the details," Marcus said with a wave of his hand and a fake gag.
"Boy bye." I threw my hand up rolling my eyes.
"Ok, let's get the movie started."
—————————————————————————————
I walked into Nas' room, where I slept last night, putting all my presents next to my stuff. I was supposed to sleep with Mo but once my man showed up and our relationship was out in the open, she knew what it was.
I grabbed his gift in my hands, turning it around and around, my heart beating out of my chest. I didn't know how he would react, but I hope he'll be happy. I heard the door close, meaning Nas came in. I put the gift behind my back, turning around to greet him.
"Sweetheart I know my gift behind your back," he said with a chuckle.
"I know, but I still like the element of surprise," I responded, leaning up to give him a kiss.
"Ok, I'll go first then." He handed me a big box, and warned me not to shake it.
"You know me so well."
I sat it on the floor, opening it carefully. I opened the box, seeing a brown mass sitting there. I was getting ready to squeal when Nas put his hand over my mouth.
"If you wake her up, we gone fight."
My eyes watered, before I swiped my fingers under them.
"Come here crybaby," Nas said while holding his arms out for me.
I waved him off, before picking up the puppy out of the box.
"I'm already being replaced," He mumbled.
"Stop," I said, not paying him any attention.
I held up the puppy, tryna get her to wake up but her eyes stayed close and she stayed still.
"I hope you didn't drug her to keep her asleep."
"I would never. She probably tired from playing all morning, I had to hide her from you."
"She's so cute," I said in a baby voice.
"Look at her collar."
I laid her back in my arms so I could see. It was a tiffany blue collar with a tiffany heart charm on it. One side said your standard "If Found, Return to Tiffany" but the other said "From Poppa, To Mama"
"Ok I think you taking this Poppa thing a little too far."
"It's just a joke, calm down Chanel."
"My name is BG to you, Poppa," I said with a wink.
He gave me a small smirk before taking the puppy from me, setting her back in the box but leaving it open.
He grabbed my arms wrapping them around his neck, his favorite thing to do. His arms going around my waist, hands resting on my ass.
"I thought you said I was taking Poppa too far?"
"Maybe I like it," I shrugged.
"Yeah?" He gave my ass a slap making me giggle.
"Ok wait, before you get freaky." I picked his gift up off the bed. "Merry Christmas Mr. Jones."
He gave me a look before grabbing the box. Once all the paper was off, it was a big rectangle velvet box.
"You got me a chain? You ballin' ain't you?"
"Just open it."
He opened it with a laugh before I saw the smile fall off his face. His fingers were tracing the entire thing and I could see tears pooling in his eyes.
I put my arm around him, resting my head on his shoulder.
"Do you like it?" I asked in a small voice.
I had gotten him a chain with a photo of his mother in the dead center, with the words "Loving you forever" underneath. His mother had died a few years ago and I knew she was still a soft spot for him and his brother. I looked at his face, and tears were silently streaming down his face as he continued to touch the photo.
"I didn't mean to make you upset," I said in an almost whisper.
He set the chain down before pulling me into his lap.
"That's the nicest thing anybody ever did for me Chanel. And I mean that."
I couldn't stop the grin from forming on my face as he hugged me like his life depended on it. I let him cry for a little bit while we just held each other. After about 10 minutes, I could hear his sniffles, meaning he was done crying. I stood up, grabbing the chain off the bed.
"Lemme put it on you."
He turned around letting me secure the chain around his neck. He stood up facing me, the photo smack dab in the middle of his chest. My fingers grazed the photo before trailing up his chest, until I had his jaw in my hand. We made eye contact before leaning in and smashing our lips together.
A knock interrupted us, making us pull apart.
"Mama said hurry up so we can start cooking dinner."
"Ok we'll be out in a sec!"
I heard the steps retreating and turned back to Nas. He gave me one more kiss before taking the chain off, putting it back in the box.
"Let's go out there before they come up here again," Nas mumbled.
"Fine."
I waited for him to get presentable again before he grabbed my hand, leading us out of the door. I stopped before tugging on his hand, making him stop before we could walk out.
"What?"
"Lemme put a baby in you."
"Put a baby in me?"
"Yeah, lemme get you pregnant."
"I don't think that's how that works BG."
"I know but a girl can dream."
"Yeah but why you gotta dream right now??"
I smacked my lips, frowning up my face, before tugging his hand and walking out of the room to the stairs.
"BG," I turned and Nas' lips were right by my ears. "I'll let you put a baby in me if you fix your face right now."
I couldn't stop the smirk from forming on my face.
"It's a great Christmas after all."
“ Losing my mind, think I look good when I’m really just high. Scared of my life, can a bitch get by? Sick of listening to everyone else. Sick of my pride, sick of just saying shit, just to be nice. Sick of this world, how do I get by? Miles running wild in my head.”
Giovanna Ramos X Black Fem.
Summary
“Clarity is a state of mind. And freedom ain’t real either, so who’s sold you that lie?” A love story told in a therapy session, about two young girls that were once mad for one another. By a recovering drug addict, who’s life revolves entirely around the green mile of North Carolina.
That she so desperately wants to escape.
Word count: 2,259
Themes: friends to lovers, LGBT, derealization, coming out of the closet, growth, homophobia, substance abuse, summer, violence, mental health, religion, family problems and secrets, young adults, mature, self discovery, eventual fluff, eventual smut, therapy, North Carolina, countryside, poverty, trauma, urban romance, urban fiction, ghetto.
Divider by: @firefly-graphics
Author’s Note
hi everyone! this is a story that i decided to transfer over from my wattpad account. that i recently just started at the end of december. because i felt the need to share it here, over on this platform as well.
so that all of you guys would also be able to read/ give me feedback on how it is, and what you’d like to see occur? as the story progresses on. so i hope that you all like it, and also feel free to follow me on wattpad as well! my username is supersensitivepisces on there 🧚🏽
also, inspiration to create this story? came from my love for Giovanna. ( she’s so aesthetically pleasing flf me.) as well as a movie that i had been watching, the day that i decided to publish this onto my account back in december.
PROLOGUE.
" I'll never meet a girl like you again. Out of everything I lost, I lost a friend. Tryna get over you, tryna convince myself every night. It's just another night, even though deep down I'm traumatized."
HASSAN
4 hassan
U r the omega of my heart. The foundation 4 my concept of love, when I think of what a black woman should be. It's you that I first think of.
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U will never fully understand how deeply my heart feels for you. I worry that we'll grow apart, and I'll end up losing you.
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U bring me to a climax without sex, and u do it all with regal grace. U r my heart in human form, a friend I could never replace.
____________________________________________
– from gio.
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11/7/18
Oak City Therapy
Lillington, NC
" When I was younger, around like five or six years old? I used to bug my mom and tell her about how I wanted to be a firefighter. So I could save lies and put out fires? Like the people who I'd watch on tv would do."
Tapping the tips of her fingertips onto the dark oak wood coffee table, that was located in the center of the dim lit office room. Giovanna kept her head facing downwards.
Finding that, refusing to make direct eye contact with her therapist of 3 years, who was named Marsha? Was far more comfortable and peaceful for her nerves, as well as her emotional state.
That had so desperately wanted to crumble and falter, into tiny small pieces of despair. But you see, that was the one thing on this fucked up planet, we call earth? That Giovanna was against.
Showing emotions and allowing herself to be vulnerable? Were just two things she'd rather die over, before she'd allow them to be seen by the entire world.
Or in this specific case? Her friends, along with her father. Who had played a humongous part, in why she chose to be nonchalant while acting unfazed? About majority of the things that would occur inside of her life.
".. I too? Used to dream of being a firefighter myself. When I was around that exact age, but I'm assuming that specific dream of yours must've gotten lost. Somewhere down the line as you aged up? If you aren't uncomfortable telling me about why or how? That occurred.."
Marsha eased her way into questioning the young woman who sat before her, slowly and hesitantly. Making sure that each of the words she'd spoken? Came out soft, in a calm and delicate manner.
As she leaned her backside up against her office chair, with eyes full of hope and wonder. That held a bit of gloominess inside them as well too. Once she noticed the way that Giovanna's breathing had begun to pick up a bit.
Just as her short, but not too short fingernails, that were painted a matte black color? Had begun to dig into the surface of the desk she sat at. Almost as if she were trying to dig a deep hole into the center of it, that would allow her to shield and hide herself away?
From having to answer the difficult question? That had been asked of her.
" ..I wouldn't say that my passion to accomplish that specific dream? Got lost. Because even after my mom had passed away, from having cancer? Apart of me still wanted to pursue that goal. But at the same time? Another part of me, like the part that held high hopes and expectations for things? Had diminished inside of me completely, after I lost my mom.."
" ..And I'm not really sure that if me being an only child, plays a part in that? Because don't get me wrong, I was loved wholeheartedly? By both of my parents equally when I was younger. But I don't know...sometimes now? Like when I'm alone or high from being off pills or something? I start to realize that really? It was only my mom that had loved me wholeheartedly back then.."
" Instead of it being my dad."
" And why is it, that you feel as if your father doesn't love you Giovanna?" Marsha continued to ask all the questions, that were written down onto her clipboard hesitantly.
Feeling an unsettling sensation begin to wash over her slowly. When Giovanna had taken it upon herself to shift around inside her seat. Which allowed the left sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt to rise. And give Marsha the opportunity, to catch a glimpse of all the fresh and faded scar markings that were present there.
From Giovanna, inflicting a significant amount of self harm unto herself.
" I know that he doesn't love me? Because he's voiced that statement every single day. Over the last twelve years? Repeatedly." Giovanna chuckled bitterly, all while gnawing on the inside of her jaw using her teeth.
" Me being a lesbian? Probably is another one of the reasons why he hates me too. But all in all? He just doesn't love or care for me period? In the way that a normal father would love their child."
And that fact alone? Was sadly true.
" Him not loving me or treating me properly? Doesn't bother me at all though. Because I'm used to it now, and I know that me saying that? Probably sounds stupid right? And it might also make you assume that I may or may not have Stockholm syndrome? Being that I'm okay with the fact that my father's been treating me like shit, while sometimes abusing me and more? For over twelve years."
" Yes, the way that you are going on about how his lack of love and affection, doesn't bother you? Does raise a few red flags for me. As far as you possibly being a victim of having Stockholm syndrome? But it also makes me worry more about your emotional and mental state? Even more. Being that when you really sit and sum up the timeframe, of you losing your mother? Down to your father's continuous abuse?"
" It seems that through all of that? You haven't been able to feel any of the proper care, love or attention? That a person who's endured losing a parent at a young age? Should get to feel. And that may also be another reason, as to why you feel the need to be so distant. While hiding away your true feelings, because honestly Giovanna? I'm gonna tell you something from my own personal experiences with life."
"..That have helped me find closure and peace? Within myself. After being a victim of my own? To some of the same exact problems that you've been having."
Sitting her clipboard aside, after grabbing a few tissues out of the box that was towards her right. Marsha had begun opening up about her past life, to Giovanna. As a way to encourage the younger woman and try to get through to her in a way, that talking and asking simple therapy questions? Couldn't do.
But of course? As always, Giovanna didn't care to hear any of it. Which allowed every word that left from out of Marsha's mouth, to enter inside of one ear, and come floating directly through the other.
Just as she found herself beginning to grow a bit offended, once Marsha had begun to talk about love and relationships. And how someone in Giovanna's state, didn't really need to engage in any form of romantic or sexual interactions? With another person.
Due to the lack of her father not showing her enough love or care properly? When she was a young age.
" I've been in love before." Were the first few words that left from out of Giovanna's mouth. As she cut into the middle of Marsha's speech, not really caring or giving a fuck if she had come off rude or not? After doing so.
" I'm actually in love right now? If you want me to be honest. I'm just not on speaking terms with the person? Who owns the other half of my heart right now."
" Really?" Marsha questioned slowly, sounding a bit shocked and caught off guard by Giovanna's statement.
" Mm-hm." Giovanna nodded her head slowly, feeling a small smile begin to form at the corners of her lips. Once the thought of her distant and angelic lover? Had begun to enter inside of her mind slowly.
" And why aren't the two of you on speaking terms? If you don't mind me asking."
" Because I'm..." Trailing off at the end of her sentence, Giovanna had begun to still her breathing. Just as her dark brown eyes started to glisten, and blur her vision up with tears.
" Because you're what, Giovanna?" Marsha pressed her for an answer, knowing almost immediately? What the younger girls response would've been like, once she re-opened up her mouth to speak.
" ..I'm damaged goods, Miss Marsha.."
" Like I have a heart, of course? And I know how to love and treat someone properly, even though I myself? Never got to receive that same exact treatment, from the people I deserved it from. I still know how to love and treat someone good? Despite that. But I just..."
" You're just a product of your environment. And even though treating someone kindly and loving them correctly? Doesn't come difficult. Sometimes accepting back that same love and energy? Can be a bit difficult. When all you've ever known was toxicity and dysfunction."
" But see, the thing about me accepting it back? Wasn't the problem Miss Marsha. The problem was my self esteem and my communication. Because there were times when I said things out of anger or out of being afraid? That had drove Hassan away from me too."
" Hassan?" Marsha repeated the name of Giovanna's lover slowly. " Hassan is such a pretty name, and I'm sure that she must be a pretty girl too? With how emotional and vulnerable you're getting while talking about her."
And that? She was indeed.
But of course, pretty? Wouldn't even be a suitable word to describe her at all. Because you see, Hassan? Was angelic. Just like everything else about her personality and character? Was too.
" Experiencing her love and even the attention she gave to me, before we ever became a thing? Was a privilege I wish that I never took for granted." Giovanna answered quietly, picking with the bracelet on her arm, that was giving to her by Hassan herself.
" And I know before, when I had first gotten here? I told you about how growing up as a child, with both of my parents while my mom was still alive? Was the time period where my want to do lots of things? Had been very strong."
" But even when she died and my dad became more hostile towards me? I still craved to be something or let alone somebody? Who'd be great. I just didn't know how or where to start first? For me to be able to accomplish any of those things period? Until I met Hassan.."
"..And she came into my world, allowing everything that once looked black and white? Turn colorful and vibrant. So that I could be guided out of my selfish, stuck up ways, and be the person who she swore up above to God and the heavens? That I was created to be."
" And what kind of person was that?" Marsha found herself growing a bit emotional as time passed, as she sat with her arms folded tightly. Trying not to make a fool out of herself, for crying and weeping over her client's newfound vulnerability and bravery.
That she had gained out of the blue, due to talking about her past. Or in this case? Still present lover. Who she wholeheartedly still loved very deeply, to this day.
" The kind of person who always showed patience and kindness, despite being robbed of all their goodness and purity? Far too early than I should've been. That's the kind of person? She saw me as. Even through the good, the bad and the ugly? She always looked at me, with eyes that held so much love and adoration. That at often times? I'd get scared."
" While wondering how a person like me? Could win over the heart of someone like her, you know? But even then after everything that's happened and changed over the years? I'd never stop loving her ever."
" And why is that Giovanna?"
" Because finding someone who'd love you through any and everything, despite the fact that you might not even deserve it at all? Is very fucking rare these days."
" And I have Hassan's heart? In the same exact way she has mine. So why would I ever let go or move onto someone else? When I know for certain that we'll find our way back to one another. Just like we always have? During the past."
" And you're willing to wait however long it may take, until that day ends up coming?"
" Oh? Absolutely." Giovanna's head nodded up and down quickly. " If I had to wait another year or even ten more? I'd do it without question."
" Because Hassan is worth the wait. And if I ended up having to grow old and wrinkly, just for that day to come back to me? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all."
" ..I'd just accept her back into my life fully, with open arms. Because that's all I've been wanting again and looking forward to? For the last two years."
if you’d like to be tagged in the next part? just comment below. & also feel free to leave thoughts down there as well too!
20 year old Reminisce Brown has built walls around her heart after a devastating betrayal shattered her trust in love. Juggling two jobs while caring for her ailing grandmother, romance is the last thing on her mind—until she crosses paths with Exodus Carter, the 24-year-old heir to a dangerous street legacy. Known as Hood Royalty, Exodus is respected, feared, and adored by many, but it's Reminisce's quiet strength that captures his heart.
Determined to win her over, Exodus shows her a side of him no one else sees: loyal, passionate, and fiercely devoted. But as their worlds collide, Reminisce is drawn into the chaos of his life, facing dangers she never imagined. With rivals threatening their love and enemies closing in, Exodus must prove that even in the darkest places, love can burn brighter than fear.
In a world of loyalty, betrayal, and unbreakable bonds, can love truly conquer all?
A typical character that represents specific actions, nuances, and characteristics.
I love thinking about the common threads between the genres and books that I love ❤️
Character archetypes are widely used across all genres. These are some of the many archetypes for women characters that I have noticed in Black Urban Fiction.
