I will forever be the person who says "it’s okay, I understand.." even when my heart is breaking into pieces..

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I will forever be the person who says "it’s okay, I understand.." even when my heart is breaking into pieces..
THIS
بين السطور
أحيانًا لا يكون الصمت هروبًا
بل طريقة راقية لعدم إفساد ما بداخلك
توقف… فبعض المشاعر لا تُقال بل تُحترم
Satır aralarında
Bazen sessizlik bir kaçış değildir,
aksine içindekileri bozmamak için zarif bir yoldur.
Dur… çünkü bazı duygular söylenmez, saygı duyulur.
行間にて
時には沈黙は逃げではなく、
自分の内側を壊さないための上品な方法です。
立ち止まって…いくつかの感情は言葉にするものではなく、敬うものです。
Between the lines
Sometimes silence is not an escape,
but a graceful way to protect what’s inside you.
Pause… some feelings are not meant to be spoken, but to be respected.
THE INTERVIEW
SUMMARY- The world fell in love with Michael Jackson. She fell in love with the little boy from Gary long before anyone else did. 2 years later after their breakup, she finally speaks about him. He never expected to hear his name in her voice again.
cw: angst, heartbreak, grief, mentions of relationship rumors, mentions of D*ana R*ss if you squint really hard, emotional themes, fame, bittersweet ending. This is my first time ever writing something like this so BARE WITH ME PUHLEASE. Its a little long so i hope yall don’t mind!!
Pairings: Thriller era!michael jackson x high fashion model/singer reader
Across America, televisions flickered to life.
By the next morning, every newspaper would print the same headline.
Nobody, not the reporters, not the viewers, not even Michael Jackson himself, knew that three words were about to become the most talked-about sentence in the world.
PREVIOUS DAY…
Westlake Recording Studios
Los Angeles, California
January 24, 1983
The room smelled faintly of coffee, magnetic tape, and exhaustion.
Outside the control booth, engineers adjusted dials while musicians laughed over conversations that had nothing to do with the history they were unknowingly helping create.
Michael sat quietly at the piano, distractedly tapping his fingers against the polished wood as another playback echoed through the speakers.
No one noticed the small television humming in the corner of the room.
No one paid attention to the afternoon talk show filling the silence between takes.
No one.
until a familiar laugh floated through the television speakers.
Michael’s hands stopped moving.
Burbank Studios
Burbank, California
January 24, 1983
2:05 P.M.
… “What would you say inspires you most right now? Is it a person? A song, or a-”
“Um honestly… I can be truly inspired by anything.
It can be a song, a movie, uh but.. at the moment I can say I am inspired by my… self”
She laughs softly. “By my heart, and my spirit and this new sense of…” gesturing with her hands she thinks for a moment.
“ ease and expansion that I’ve discovered within myself. Which just naturally has brought in more…” she gestures towards herself.
“I dont know, more of an energy that I haven’t experienced before I would say.” She states softly with a small smile on her face.
The interviewer hums softly “What does that look like to be inspired by yourself?”
She lowered her gaze to her lap, letting the silence settle between them as she gathered her thoughts.
After a moment, she lifted her eyes to meet the interviewer’s, a quiet vulnerability flickering across her face.
“It’s like a feeling… I dont know honestly it’s hard to put into words. But its a lot of feeling”
She laughs letting her gaze fall onto the small audience for a moment.
The interview listens intently before asking away again. “Are you an optimist?” she asks curiously.
“Yes. Yeah” she laughs shyly “I am an optimist. I am. And I believe… I do believe in the power of” she trails off for a moment.
“I guess kindness and people, seeing each other and connecting”
She gestures with two fingers from her eyes to the interviewers.
“ And yeah theres a lot of pain and ego and all that stuff which we all deal with.
But theres so much beauty within each and every one of us. And if we just…drop into that and like take a breath and just have a little more.. I don’t know compassion?”
she smiles softly
“Then yeah I have hope.” she trails off compassionately.
The interviewer listens intently before speaking
“ You’re such an intelligent and radiant young lady.” she laughs
Giving a laugh back she speaks “I try to be” she answers honestly while sighing softly.
“You seem very content with where you are in life now. Do you think you’ve found your happy ending? And… if you don’t mind me asking… about your first love or your love life at the moment?”
She lets out the smallest laugh, almost as if the question had found a place inside her she hadn’t visited in years.
She looks down at her hands before looking back up.
“My first love…”
Another quiet smile.
“It’s funny. People always ask me about who I’m with now… but nobody ever asks about the person who taught me what love was in the first place.”
“So thats an interesting question” she states raising her eyebrows slightly.
She pauses.
“We met when we were kids. Long before any of this.” She gestures toward the cameras, the lights, the studio. “Before fame had a way of changing everything.”
“He wasn’t just my boyfriend. He was my best friend. My safe place. My first everything.”
“I grew up with him. Some of my earliest memories have him somewhere in the background, so by the time we were old enough to fall in love… it almost felt like we’d been finding our way back to each other all along.”
She smiles to herself.
“We talked every single day. About absolutely everything. And I mean everything”
She emphasizes the words “everything” with a laugh.
“I loved him with everything I knew how to give.”
“When you’re young, you don’t know how to love cautiously. You don’t calculate it. You don’t keep pieces of yourself hidden in case things fall apart. You just hand someone your whole heart and trust they’ll be gentle with it.”
She exhales softly.
“I think that’s why your first love never really leaves you. Not because you’re still in love with them…” She shakes her head gently. “…but because they’re the first person who teaches your heart what it’s capable of feeling.”
The interviewer stays quiet.
“Growing up asks things of you that love alone can’t always answer.”
“As his career kept growing… so did the noise around it. Every week there seemed to be another headline. Another magazine cover. Another rumor. There was always a certain name people wanted to attach to his.”
Her eyes drift for only a second.
“He always looked me in the eyes and told me there was nothing there.”
A bittersweet smile crosses her face.
“And I believed him.”
Another pause.
“Or maybe…” she corrects herself quietly, “…I wanted to believe him more than I wanted to listen to the little voice inside me that kept asking questions.”
She folds her hands together.
“Looking back now, I don’t think I was protecting our relationship. I think I was protecting the version of him I couldn’t bear to lose.”
The room is silent.
“But I don’t blame him too much, because how could I? y’know?” she laughs.
“We were just kids trying to carry something that suddenly belonged to the entire world.”
“People think heartbreak happens all at once. It doesn’t.”
“Sometimes it happens slowly. In conversations that get shorter. In phone calls that become less frequent. In learning how to miss someone who’s still right there… until one day they aren’t.”
“Eventually, we had to become two separate people instead of one shared future.”
“We stopped talking.”
“And that…” she says, her voice barely above a whisper, “…I think was the hardest part.”
“Not the breakup.”
“Or the silence.”
“Going from telling someone every thought that crossed your mind… to wondering if they even think about you anymore.”
She smiles again, though this one doesn’t quite reach her eyes.
“Walking away from someone who’s been part of your life since childhood feels like grieving someone who’s still alive.”
“You don’t stop loving them overnight.”
“You just slowly learn how to carry the love somewhere they can’t see it anymore.”
The interviewer hesitates before asking softly,
“Do you ever think about him now?”
She laughs under her breath.
“Sometimes?”
Another small laugh.
“I’d be lying if I said only sometimes.”
“The world’s watching him now.”
“He’s… incredible.”
She smiles with unmistakable pride.
“Everywhere you go, people are talking about him. His new album’s changed everything. You can’t turn on the television without hearing his music. You can’t walk into a record store without seeing his face.”
She shakes her head with quiet admiration.
“I always knew he was going to become someone big. And extraordinary.”
“I just never imagined I’d have to watch it from so far away.”
She blinks away the emotion before continuing.
“People assume that because someone becomes famous, you stop remembering who they used to be.”
“But I don’t think of the records.”
“I don’t think of the screaming crowds.”
“I don’t think of the headlines.”
“I think of the boy who’d steal my fries when we were kids.”
She laughs softly.
“The boy who’d call just to tell me about a melody he’d written because he couldn’t wait until morning.”
“The boy who loved so quietly that the whole world never got to meet him.”
Her eyes glisten.
“That’s the man I’ll always know.”
She takes a slow breath.
“And people around me always ask if I’d change what happened.”
“But honestly… I’d say no”
“Because even though losing him broke my heart in ways I didn’t know were possible… loving him taught me that the deepest relationships aren’t always the ones that last forever.”
“Sometimes they’re simply the ones that shape you.”
“And I think a part of me will always belong to the little girl who grew up beside the little boy from Gary.”
She smiles through emotion.
“And I hope… wherever life takes him…”
“…he knows that there will always be someone in this world who’s quietly cheering for him.”
“Not because he’s become the biggest star on the planet.”
“But because at one point in time”
“…he was just a boy who held my hand.”
“…and for a little while…”
“he was home.”
The interviewer waits a moment before speaking.
“…Do you think,” she asks carefully, “that you’ve ever really gotten over him?”
She smiles.
It’s almost impossible to tell whether she’s smiling because she’s happy… or because she’s trying not to cry.
“I don’t think first loves are something you ‘get over.” She emphasizes with her fingers making bunny ears.
She shakes her head.
“I think you grow around them.”
“They stop hurting the way they used to.”
“You wake up one day and realize you can finally hear their name without feeling like someone knocked the air out of your lungs.” She laughs softly.
“But every now and then…”
“…a song comes on.”
“You drive past a place that reminds you of them.”
“You hear someone laugh the way they did.”
“And for just a second…”
“…you’re seventeen again.”
The interviewer nods slowly.
“If he happened to be watching this interview right now…”
“Oh gosh I hope he isn’t!” she laughs hiding her face with her hands out of embarrassment.
“…what would you want him to know?”
For the first time all afternoon…
she doesn’t answer immediately.
She looks down into her lap.
Her thumb traces the edge of the ring on her finger.
When she finally speaks, her voice is barely above a whisper.
“I hope he knows…”
“…that I never hated him.”
“No matter how much people think that’s what heartbreak turns into.”
“It doesn’t.”
“Not always.”
“Sometimes heartbreak is just love with nowhere left to go.”
Her eyes shine beneath the studio lights.
“I hope he stopped blaming himself.”
“I hope he sleeps.”
A tiny laugh escapes her.
“He never slept enough.”
“I hope he remembers to eat when he’s working.”
Another laugh.
“He’d forget.”
The audience laughs gently with her.
Then she’s quiet again.
“And…”
She swallows.
“I hope, despite everything…”
“…someone loves him gently.”
“Because the world never really did.”
The room falls completely silent.
The interviewer clears her throat.
“One last question.”
“If he walked through that door today…”
“…what would you do?”
She looks toward the studio entrance.
Almost instinctively.
As if part of her expects it.
Then she smiles.
“I don’t think I’d say anything.”
The interviewer raises an eyebrow.
“No?”
She shakes her head.
“I think…”
“…I’d just hug him.”
A long pause.
“And I’d thank him.”
“For what?”
“For giving a little girl a love so beautiful…”
“…that even all these years later…”
“…she still believes it exists.”
The interviewer asks,
“Do you have anything that reminds you of him?”
She laughs.
“Actually…”
“I still have the little cassette tape he recorded over because he wanted me to hear a song he’d written.”
“Did he ever tell you that he loved you?”
She smiles.
“Every day.”
The interviewer nods.
“Do you think he meant it?”
“I sure hope he did cause I know I did.” She states truthfully and laughs softly.
Soon after the interview ends, the camera accidentally keeps rolling. She’s taking off her microphone.
She thinks filming is over.
The interviewer quietly says,
“You still love him.”
She freezes.
Long silence.
Then without looking up
“I never said that.”
Another silence.
The interviewer smiles.
“You didn’t have to.”
“THE WOMAN WHO BROKE THE WORLD’S HEART.”
“MICHAEL JACKSON’S FIRST LOVE SPEAKS FOR THE FIRST TIME.”
“SHE CALLED HIM ‘HOME.’”
“Sometimes heartbreak is just love with nowhere left to go.’”
Thats all television hosts would replay.
People who have never even listened to Michael Jackson are crying.
Radio DJs stop talking after reading the transcript because they get emotional too.
Women write letters saying,
“I’ve never related to anything more.”
Some men even admit it’s the first interview that’s ever made them cry.
Suddenly everyone has the same question.
Has Michael Jackson seen it?
Every reporter starts asking him.
Outside recording studios.
Outside award shows.
Leaving hotels.
Before concerts.
“Michael!”
“Did you see the interview?”
“What did you think of what she said?”
“Do you still love her?”
He doesn’t answer.
Not once.
Until one evening.
Someone catches him outside a limousine.
A reporter shouts,
“She said you were home.”
Michael stops walking.
Just for a second.
He looks down.
Smiles the smallest, saddest smile anyone has ever seen.
And then finally answers what everyones been dying to know.
a/n: like i said before this is my first fic soo please let me know if you liked this. i hope this is a good plot and not too wack but anywho lmk how i did and give me some tips to improve!! this interview was also inspired a little by alexa demies interview😉😉
longing to be romanticized
until you’ve attracted the wrong kind.
it’s a one way street
every ending unique.
makeup & white lies
until life is opaque and bleek.
friends criticize
men fantasize
it’s all the same.
(original/written by me)
-ty
Better Left Unspoken
A/N: This is just a cute fluffy oneshot I managed to come up with, been super busy lately and things I've written for your requests haven't been the best. So here is this in the meantime before I improve the rest!
C/W: Re4 Leon x reader, roommates, sort of grumpy x sunshine? fluff, domestic fluff, cuteness and sweetness, unspoken feelings, Leon can't tell you how he feels
W/C: 2k
Music echoes around the apartment, filling the walls with the tunes of your favourite playlist. Your feet dance around the room, eyes closed as your body moves with the beat, living in your own little world.
Your roommate is still at work, granting you plenty of time to enjoy the empty shared space. Though he's not too much of a bother anyway, he's super friendly, helpful with cleaning and cooking, and lets you do whatever you want without judging or complaining. You surprisingly feel so comfortable around him, like he's someone you've known for ages.
He often goes away for days on end for his job, you don't know exactly what he does, and given the state in which he returns in, you don't think you really want to know. Anytime he has come home looking like he's been dragged through the depth of hell and back, covered in muck, blood and cuts, you waste no time to clean him up. You help him into the shower, disinfect his wounds, throw away the mess of his ruined clothes, and patch him up with your bandages.
You've caught him watching you whilst doing this a few times, almost as if he is admiring you. But you think nothing of it, he's been away for a while, he's exhausted and in pain. But even on regular days, normal moments where you're simply completing a chore, you can feel the burn of his gaze searing through your skin. If it were anyone else, you'd probably feel unsettled, but instead your stomach fills with butterflies.
You're so oblivious to your current surroundings, music blasting as you sing your heart out, using a makeshift microphone out of your hairbrush, that you didn't hear the front door open, nor did you notice the thud of a heavy bag falling onto the floor.
Leon stands in the living room, in both shock and awe as he watches you in so much joy with an amused smile on his face. He'd thought coming back home after a mission to loud music and his roommate acting as if she was performing a concert for...someone, would irritate him. But it's quite the opposite.
His eyes track down your frame, noticing how you're wearing his hoodie, entirely oversized, the sleeves sagging on your arms and the length covering your bare thighs. Though when your arms reach up, he gets a peek of the pretty pink boyshorts being the only piece of fabric covering you. His heart thuds in his chest, harshly swallowing back all the feelings blooming in his chest.
He doesn't really know how to approach this, knowing that if he were to tap your shoulder you'd most likely scream in fear, and he doesn't want to scare you. But he just cannot take his eyes off of you, it's like you've caught him in a trance, hypnotising him with the movement of your hips and the sound of your voice singing along so freely.
He decides not to bother you, to let you enjoy yourself so peacefully for a little longer as he heads to the kitchen. He pours himself a drink, still watching you over the rim of the glass as you waltz around the living room.
Leon shrugs off his jacket, leaving him in his tight, dark-blue work shirt with a few new scars covering his arms, though it isn't as bad as what he normally returns with, he got lucky during this mission, and it seems like he's gotten lucky with his roommate, something he thinks quite often.
It's only until you spin around, eyes opening and landing on Leon casually leaning against the countertop, his gaze fixed on you with a small smirk that you squeal in shock. "Leon!" You exclaim, running over to him and throwing your arms around his neck, forcing him into a hug. He huffs out a laugh, bringing his arms around your frame, inhaling your sweet scent that reminds him he's home.
He shouldn't feel like this over his roommate, you both agreed to catching no feelings to make sure this arrangement doesn't get messy. But, can you blame him? You're like the sun, putting him at ease, warming him up and making him smile so effortlessly with your light.
"When did you get home?" You ask, pulling away and dropping your arms back to your sides. You soon realise you're only wearing his hoodie, but you don't really care. You've walked around in just a baggy t-shirt a few times before, the benefits of being so comfortable and feeling safe around someone.
"Uhh.." He looks up at the ceiling, "About 10 minutes ago."
"What? Why didn't you say anything?" You lightly smack his chest, feeling the tight muscle burning through the fabric between your hand and his skin for just a brief moment.
He shakes his head with a small smile, "Didn't wanna disturb you, you looked like you were having fun."
"Well now it's even more fun!" You wink at him, and he already knows what you're planning.
You step back, playfully beckoning a finger from him to follow you. He stands still for a while with a smirk as you begin to dance again, pointing your fingers in his direction. "Come onnnn, let loose for a bit." You draw your words out before twirling around, your hair flowing around your frame.
"I need to shower and freshen up." Leon states, his arms folded against his chest, trying his best to stand his ground.
"You can do that after! Just a few minutes, pleaseeee? It'll help you relax, shake off some of that tension from work." You plead, stopping your movement with a fake frown.
It's impossible for Leon to say no to you, he has a soft spot only for you. You're his weakness, but he can't tell you that. He can't tell you much of what he feels for you.
He lets out a dramatic sigh, throwing his head back as his feet heavily drag towards you, your face lighting up with a grin as you realise you got your way with him once again. You grab his hands, encouraging him to try to dance with you, you try your best not to laugh at how stiff he is. His attempts at dancing include some movement of his arms and a thin, unimpressed smile painted on his face.
"You're like a robot, Le. Actually no, I think a robot would be a better dancer than you." You finally let out a giggle.
"Good thing my job role doesn't involve dancing then." He blatantly replies.
You lift up his arm, high enough for you to spin yourself in his grip, returning back to his face as his eyes soften towards you. You continue to move his arms in a push and pull method, jumping around enthusiastically to try and get him to do something other than stand still.
After a few more moments, he finally cracks and joins in with a bit more effort than before. His arms lose the previous tension, his feet actually step around as he dances with you. You don't care how cringe he may look right now, you're just glad your attempt in distracting him and hopefully making him feel a bit better has worked.
What you don't know is how much your attempt has actually left a mark on him. His heart is full of emotion, emotions which he isn't used to feeling, looking down at how joyful you are that he's dancing so terribly with you. He's never smiled so much in his life before living with you, it's a nice contrast to the darkness and violence he's surrounded with in his everyday work life.
And although the agreement between you two prevents Leon from ever telling you how he feels, he can't help but fear that even if he were to tell you, that the part of his life that he keeps separate from his time with you would somehow corrupt you into feeling and becoming like him. He could never be the reason your brightness dims, it would destroy him.
The guilt eats him alive every night he tries to sleep, with other thoughts of the people he has lost on missions, and vivid images of the nightmarish scenes engraved into his mind. As much as he has tried to get rid of these feelings, there's always something you do that draws them back out, ten times stronger than before.
Whether that has been helping him through a nightmare, when you've heard noises from his room and check on him to see him tossing and turning in his bed, you wait at his side, holding his hand until they pass or until he wakes up. Or even offering to make him his comfort meal when you see he's having a bad day.
"I'm gonna clean up now." Leon announces, dropping his hands down from yours, the loss of warmth from your contact sends shivers throughout his body.
"Fine, can we order some food tonight? We can watch a movie or something, I saw a trailer for this new film that came out not long ago. It looks really good." You ramble on.
Leon smiles at you, nodding his head. "Of course."
You beam with excitement, searching for your phone and reading through menus of nearby takeout restaurants for something the both of you would like as Leon showers. You hear the water abruptly stop running after a while, the bathroom door opening with steam seeping out.
You're already all comfy on the couch, a fluffy blanket thrown over yourself, leaning into the pillows with your knees tucked into your chest. The film you have chosen is waiting on pause. You turn your head around to see Leon walking over to the kitchen, retrieving two glasses and pouring your favorite drink into both.
Your eyes drop down to his small black shirt straining against his chest and arms, his baggy grey sweatpants hanging loosely at his waist. You absolutely love seeing him look so comfortable like this.
He strolls over to the couch, handing you the drink without saying anything before he sits down beside you, slouching deep into the couch, his legs parting slightly with a sigh.
"What did you order?" He asks.
"Chinese." You cheekily grin, knowing it's one of Leon's all time favourite meals.
A smile pulls at the corner of his lips "You know me so well." He tilts his head at you before pointing his eyes toward the TV, signalling for you to press play. You shift in your seat angling yourself so you're not going to feel all achey 20 minutes into the film and so that you can keep an eye on the front door, and totally not so you can see Leon better.
Throughout the movie, Leon can't help but feel a tingling ache for you, wishing he could somehow have you cuddle into him and hold you close. But he knows he can't, he keeps quiet, sticking to his side of the couch.
After your food arrives and you devour your meal, the rest of the film is nearly forgotten. You find yourself falling into a food coma, tired from all the dancing earlier today. Your head lazily falls onto one of Leon's thighs, a content sigh escaping your lips as you snuggle into the fabric, your arm stretching over his lap.
Leon freezes for a second, not knowing what to do, he gently rests a hand on your shoulder, pulling the blanket over your body. His eyes begin to feel heavy, mirroring your own exhaustion. He rests his head back onto the cushion behind him, letting himself be taken by whatever sleep he can get.
The smile on his face fails to disappear for a while, the feeling of you leaning onto his body fills him up with so much warmth, so many thoughts and feelings swimming around his brain. He's never felt so happy, so safe and wanted around someone before. And it pains him to not tell you.
A/N: This idea has been sat as a draft for ages but it’s just so cute, love the grumpy x sunshine trope for Leon
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