#urcelmo

[soullessbullshit]

Inspo:

[cinnamonzor]

Razum-dar: You call it “really bad at darts,” Raz calls it “freestyle acupuncture.”

Urcelmo: Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave the bar.

[soullessbullshit]

Cariel: So, what, now I’m just supposed to do anything that Raz does?! I mean, what if he jumped off a cliff?!

Urcelmo: If Razum-dar were to jump off a cliff, he would've done his due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry, so yes. If you see Razum-dar jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.

Cariel: You jump off a cliff!

Urcelmo: Gladly. Provided Razum-dar did first.  

[soullessbullshit]

Shazah: What should I call my next contingency plan?

Khali: Fuck if I know.

[next week...]

Urcelmo: Alright, Shazah, let's review your plan for...

Urcelmo: [squints at paper]

Urcelmo: Everybody leave. I want to talk to Shazah alone.

[soullessbullshit]

Urcelmo: My Queen, I know they’re being insufferably racist, but you can’t just hit the courtiers in the face.

Ayrenn: You can bitch-slap whoever you want if you glue a dead wasp to your hand.

[soullessbullshit]

Cariel, pointing to Urcelmo: Tropical shirt buttoned to the top? Dorky dad on vacation.

Cariel, pointing to Ayrenn: One or two buttons undone? Just a chill person.

Cariel, pointing to Raz: Three or more buttons? Whore.

[soullessbullshit]

Ayrenn, coming out of Tanzelwil: I’ll need to find a new advisor. Norion’s a traitor. Now he’s dead.

Urcelmo: Oh... That’s a... tragedy...

Ayrenn: Don’t weep for the stupid, you’ll be crying all day.

[soullessbullshit]

Urcelmo: No offense, but why do cat owners let them on counter tops? Do they not shed and it gets on the food?

Ayrenn: You think I have any control over these bitches?