@deathtaken | plotted starter
its been months since the tri - centennial, 𝙼𝙾𝙽𝚃𝙷𝚂 since kevin last saw or heard from ian. the boy driving away after 𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙴𝙻𝚈 getting out alive was the last kevin saw, their relationship 𝙳𝙸𝚂𝙰𝙿𝙿𝙴𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶 with ian’s van as it left in a hurry. he had no idea if ian was okay, no clue if he was even alive, but he wasn’t willing to just 𝙻𝙴𝚃 𝙶𝙾 of everything that there was between them.
perhaps it was his 𝙻𝙰𝚂𝚃 𝙳𝙸𝚃𝙲𝙷 𝙴𝙵𝙵𝙾𝚁𝚃, one last shot to make life worth living. not that he could do anything about it if it didn’t work, he’d already 𝚃𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙳 and it hadn’t done anything for him, death had made it clear that kevin doesn’t get to decide when he’s had enough; as always kevin is 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝙸𝙽 𝙲𝙾𝙽𝚃𝚁𝙾𝙻 of his own fate. it doesn’t feel like just a few months ago that they had all been living happily, that he and ian and jason had all hit the 𝙱𝙴𝚂𝚃 𝙿𝙾𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝙿𝙾𝙸𝙽𝚃 in their relationship that they could ever get to. it felt like a lifetime since he’d lost half of his heart on that roller coaster, and it somehow felt 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝙽 𝙻𝙾𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁 since he lost the second half at the tri - centennial.
if he was going to be 𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙲𝙴𝙳 to survive he at least wanted to do it with someone he loved, and while joe and nick and frankie meant the world to him lately all they’d been doing was telling him that he needed to be 𝙲𝙰𝚁𝙴𝙵𝚄𝙻. ‘you don’t wanna end up 𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝙽𝙸𝙲𝙺’ being one of the first things joe said, something nick had seemed almost 𝙾𝙵𝙵𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙴𝙳 by even if joe was right. but all they did was worry about him, and while they had 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝚁𝙴𝙰𝚂𝙾𝙽 to worry there was one thing kevin could promise them: 𝙷𝙴 𝚆𝙰𝚂𝙽'𝚃 𝙶𝙾𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙾 𝙳𝙸𝙴. that was the only thing he knew for sure, and in a huge contrast to the last time he was thinking that, this time he actually 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃𝚂 𝚃𝙾.
he’d 𝙷𝙸𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝚂𝙾𝙼𝙴𝙾𝙽𝙴 to track ian down, starting with one of nicks friends but quickly moving to someone more 𝙿𝚁𝙾𝙵𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽𝙰𝙻 when a busy college student couldn’t fix the problem immediately. and it had taken a while, but the guy had found him. 𝙰𝙻𝙸𝚅𝙴, safe, far away. kevin had told himself that he’d be 𝙾𝙺𝙰𝚈 so long as he knew ian was okay, but the moment he saw the address he realized how much he’d been 𝙻𝚈𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝚃𝙾 𝙷𝙸𝙼𝚂𝙴𝙻𝙵.
it wasn’t too 𝙷𝙰𝚁𝙳 to get the money to make the trip happen, kevin had gotten 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 at finding ways to get money lately. living an unhealthy and 𝙲𝙾𝚂𝚃𝙻𝚈 lifestyle would do that to you. and while he’d now have to take his addictions on the road with him, there was 𝙽𝙾𝚃𝙷𝙸𝙽𝙶 that would stop him from getting to ian again.
but then, after 𝙵𝙰𝚁 𝚃𝙾𝙾 𝙼𝚄𝙲𝙷 𝚆𝙾𝚁𝙺, he’s standing on the doorstep to the address he’d been given, and he wonders if it’s a 𝙶𝙾𝙾𝙳 𝙸𝙳𝙴𝙰. he knows he wants nothing more than to see ian, but he’s not sure he wants to see ian 𝙻𝙸𝙺𝙴 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂. he’s a mess, has been for 𝙰 𝚆𝙷𝙸𝙻𝙴, not at all the boy ian had left behind. he’s a shell of the boy ian had loved, his life spiraling downwards at a quick rate. the 𝙲𝙻𝙴𝙰𝙽 𝙲𝚄𝚃 boy in a dress shirt and a letterman jacket was gone, replaced by messy hair and stubble and clothes that didn’t exactly scream 𝙲𝙻𝙴𝙰𝙽. not to mention that he had no idea if ian would actually 𝚆𝙰𝙽𝚃 to see him, or if he’d even recognize him. he’d heard frankie say that if it wasn’t for the fact that they lived together he’d never 𝙶𝚄𝙴𝚂𝚂 it was him, months of drinking and drugs 𝚃𝙰𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙸𝚃𝚂 𝚃𝙾𝙻𝙻 on his appearance as well as his personality.
but then he knocks, and he’s 𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚁𝙸𝙵𝙸𝙴𝙳, and its like he’s standing in ian’s doorway the first night they’d kissed 𝙰𝙻𝙻 𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁 𝙰𝙶𝙰𝙸𝙽. he’d been so nervous that it wouldn’t work out, so nervous that the boy would change his mind, nervous at simply the thought of being with 𝙸𝙰𝙽 𝙼𝙲𝙺𝙸𝙽𝙻𝙴𝚈. but now here he was, in love and 𝙳𝙴𝚂𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙰𝚃𝙴 and alone. standing there constantly torn between if he wants to 𝚁𝚄𝙽 before ian can turn him away or if he’d stand there and knock 𝙴𝚅𝙴𝚁𝚈 𝙷𝙾𝚄𝚁 until ian would finally give in and open the door.