Honey Badgers Eat Snakes Alive
A birthday gift for @neverending-shenanigans written by myself and @lucid-dreamer-dreams
The first time Darcy Lewis sees Steve Rogers is during the sorting ceremony. She doesn’t recall seeing him on the Hogwart’s train but then again she spent most of the time searching for Jane.
But there they were. New firsties anxiously awaiting to see what House they are to be in for the next 7 years. All hundred of them were neatly separated into two lines with two House tables on each side.
“What House you reckon you’ll be in?” Darcy clearly remembers hearing a smirking brunette ask.
Though she doesn’t recall to who.
“I’ll be in the hero’s house Gryffindor!”
The exchange in front of her goes silent after that declaration and the rest of the time is clapping and cheering for the newly sorted firsties.
Darcy anxiously looks for her cousin Jane whose Ravenclaw colors shine brightly. As she moves closer to the sorting hat, the panic rises in her. What if she isn’t smart enough to be in Ravenclaw like Jane? She’s definitely not brave enough to be in Gryffindor and definitely not sneaky for Slytherin.
Jane cheers the loudest when Darcy’s name is called and she stumbles up to the chair.
She gulps and ducks her head when the stern Professor Mcgonagall drops the sorting hat on her head.
Her glasses slide down her nose when the Sorting Hat speaks to her.
Well, well, well another Foster in Hogwarts.
“Actually, my dad’s a Lewis so I’m a Lewis.” Darcy says out loud.
You’re your own person I can see. You wish to be in the same house as your Jane correct?
No. That wouldn’t do at all. You have intelligence but you don’t possess that drive to seek out knowledge regardless of any circumstance.
Darcy had to reluctantly agree with the Hat’s thought. She’s heard stories from Jane about the crazy antics in House Ravenclaw.
Apparently Tony Stark was infamous even amongst the muggles.
Nor do you have that need to prove yourself as a courageous hero. While being in the Gryffindor house would push you out of your comfort zone, you would be unhappy.
Yeah, no. She could only recall Thor’s crazy stories about the adventures he and Sif got into…when he wasn’t snogging her cousin.
Laughter bubbled inside her when she pictured herself with Thor’s body.
Perhaps Slytherin. The hat mused in her head.
Darcy looks at the snot nosed, sneering lot. They seemed happy enough to be with each other.
There is much you wish to accomplish. A career in politics? In that house you’d make all the connections needed for your goal. Although you lack the cunning ability that is nourished in that house.
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll work hard to achieve my goal. You better believe it!” Darcy clenches her fist as she proclaimed her declaration.
Unbeknownst to her, a blond boy looked up at her in admiration.
Hm, no. You do not have the cunning trait. Silvertongues and Lyesmiths dwell in Slytherin, while you are mostly blunt and honest.
Darcy thinks of Loki, the brother of Jane’s boyfriend Thor. He was a Slytherin. She shivers. No. She wasn’t a Silvertongue.
It’s possible with your work ethic to obtain these skills but unless you already have a kernel you’ll be left behind. In that house it is dangerous to do so. You are blunt and honest, caring when others are scathing. Maybe…. yes. It is definitely where you belong.
“Where?” Darcy asks. “Slytherin?”
The Sorting Hat chuckles. Then he shouts, “Hufflepuff.”
She can see Jane’s own surprise from her table. The student across from her is scowling from the water that was spat in his direction.
The Hufflepuff table cheers loudly. She smiles hesitantly when one of the older students walks close to her.
“C’mon lass Hufflepuff is waiting for you.” Darcy struggles not to blush at the handsome boy.
“Oi! Cedric stop flirting with the firstie!” One of the other Hufflepuff hollers out.
Cedric rolls his eyes but offers his hand to help Darcy down. “Ignore them. They get excited whenever we get a newbie.”
“So you do this for every first year?” Darcy asks.
Cedric raised a brow. “Another American? What are the odds of that. As for your question it’s tradition for the second years to bring the first years down to our tables. We know how frightening it can be to be in front of hundreds of people.”
Darcy almost runs off the stage with the Sorting hat were it not for Cedric’s quick thinking that tossed the hat back on the stool. She tosses a hesitant smile at her cousin as they pass by.
Some of the Hufflepuff girls embrace her-which wow that wasn’t a thing she expected but what she totally needed- and a few of the guys squeeze her in half hugs. The warmth at being accepted had to be unique because she doesn’t remember her classmates being this kind in America. In fact, they could be downright cruel, labeling her as “other” without her even doing magic in front of people.
Darcy gasps in surprise when her robes and the rest of her uniform is bespelled to match the colors of her house, yellow and black with a badger on the crest.
“A proper badger.” Darcy nearly goes cross eyed when her nose is poked.
“Huh, didn’t exactly expect them to be so friendly.” The smirking brunet from earlier says.
Darcy was sort of embarrassed that she couldn’t recall his name. That was like Jane level of absentmindedness.
The boy raises a brow and offers a hand. “Name’s James Buchanan Barnes. Nice to meet ya.”
Darcy gratefully takes the hand. “Darcy Lewis.”
“I know, I think the whole table knows your name from the way they screeched out ‘We got Foster’s cousin!’.”
Awkward silence descends on them forcing Darcy to pay close attention to the last students to be sorted.
“ROGERS, STEVE!” The professor calls out from her scroll.
A skinny, worryingly so, blond boy clumsily goes up the stage.
Less than a minute goes by before the Sorting Hat bellows out
Beside her James pales rapidly. And Rogers looks in their direction with piercing blue eyes.
******
The years are kind to Hufflepuff house or at least that is what Darcy likes to think as they draw near to their seventh year.
In her not so humble opinion, most of her house grew up to be very attractive. Poor Cedric’s back was almost ramrod straight for two whole years as he drew more and more appreciative gazes upon his form.
The prefect always had volunteered partners for late night patrols from all houses. Astounding that all it took to unite the Hogwarts female and male population was bronze tousled hair and a pretty smile.
His death took such a toll on their house. The random students who came up to express their sorrows at his loss.
Cho Chang couldn’t even look at their house colors without bursting into tears.
Darcy prays to Morgana that the boy who helped her settle into Hogwarts found peace. She knows James feels the same.
James- Bucky as he was referred to by the blond snake- was a devil in wizard flesh. Thank Merlin contraceptive spells existed.
Darcy grew out of her awkward phase and turned into a very attractive girl. Her long dark hair tumbled from her shoulders and her body was quite curvaceous.
She stares in the mirror and twists herself side to side. And nearly pouts when she sees how her skirt lifts up. Darcy knew she should have taken Jane’s old uniform instead of keeping the one from fifth year.
“Yes you’re beautiful hurry up, Darcy.” A voice says from across the hall.
Most of the dormitory ignores it, the phrase commonplace since the beginning of their first year.
Darcy does hurry up as she detects an impatient lit in her best friend’s tone. One she’s very familiar with and she ducks out of the way from a tickling hex.
“You’re so impatient, James.” She huffs.
James rolls his eyes and tugs her along outside the dorm. They both automatically bid their housemates a goodbye as the door closes behind them.
“Can ya blame me, doll? You’ve never given me a chance to introduce you to Stevie. I’m gonna milk it for all it’s worth.” A crooked grin and twinkling eyes are thrown her way.
“How Slytherin of you.” Darcy wrinkles her nose.
Darcy still doesn’t understand how she got roped into this meeting.
Her unplanned visit to the Infirmary.
“Don’t be like that, doll. Professor Sprout is always telling us to believe in the best of others.” James chides.
Still doesn’t mean Darcy will. She’s heard all about the reputation of Steve Rogers.
How he attacked Gryffindors unprovoked and got away with it. Not to mention he was found on the floor, fists in that Dumstrang student Rumslow’s face. Why should she be willing to extend her friendship bubble to him?
Roger must have hexed James because she could not fathom how he’d be able to stand being around such a bully.
So focused on her inner musings, Darcy’s nose met a very firm, muscular chest. Strong hands softly gripped her upper arm and moved her to the side.
Darcy nearly reaches for her wand when her eyes meet a pair of bright blue eyes. Her mouth nearly drops.
“No introductions yet and you’re already injuring people, you menace.” James laughs as he lunges for a hug from the hulking blond.
Said menace sheepishly laughs and hugs James back. There’s pure enjoyment in the way they greet each other that it shocks Darcy.
“Is this Darce?” Steve looks over Darcy, holding out a hand. He looks a bit flustered. “Sorry about walkin’ right into you.”
“A Slytherin who can apologize? That’s a first.”
She wants to punch herself as the words come out. James is giving her a Look™ and Steve is suddenly the definition of Kicked Puppy. She didn’t even realize someone so big and buff could looked like a kicked puppy. Thor doesn’t count. But Rogers was definitely golden retriever edition.
“And yeah,” she takes the hand left hanging in the air like a dead rat, shaking even as she wants to bolt, “I’m Darcy. ‘Darce’ to this weirdo obsessed with nicknames.”
“You know you love it, doll.” James gives her a lascivious smirk. “Admit it.”
Steve rolls his eyes. “Quite the charmer, Buck.”
The twin groans that followed his statement made Bucky grin. Nice to see his best friends agree on something.
“I appreciate a good pun like any good Hufflepuff but that sucked.” Darcy says.
“I agree.” Steve shakes his head at James. “We know you can do better than that.”
Darcy glances at him, surprised to be included. She distracted by her younger cousin Luna, however. She comes down the hallway, as soft and sweet and glassy-eyed as always. She pauses when she sees Darcy and her company, smile growing.
“Darcy!” She calls joyfully. “James. Steve.”
“Luna.” Darcy shifts her stance a little, protective of her younger cousin. She was picked on alot since Jane had graduated and Darcy was a Hufflepuff, usually for her peculiarities. Knowing Steve was a bully had Darcy ready to rip him apart at the slightest moment’s notice if he even glanced at Luna rudely. “Don’t you have class right now?”
“I’m on the way to the bathroom.” Luna replies, before turning to Steve. She pulls from a pocket a radish, a Quibbler, and a gold coin, offering them to him. “Thank you for helping me find my shoes and sweater yesterday.”
Steve blushes, rubbing the back of his neck. “Wasn’t a problem.” He responds, taking the gifts. “Thank you, Luna.”
Luna gives a closed-eyed smile. “The radish is the right size for a necklace, it’ll keep away the nargles. And the gold coin is for any leprechauns you meet. They’re quite mean if you don’t have gold to offer.”
“And the Daily Quibbler?”
Luna hums a little. “I dog-eared the articles you might like.” She goes around them. “Have a rainy day.”
Darcy watches her cousin go, surprised. She looks at Steve who’s careful to pocket the coin and slips the radish into the folds of his robes. He flips through the Quibbler after, handing each article Luna had dog-eared.
“What was that,” she demands after a moment.
“Oh.” Steve blushed again. “Luna’s shoes and sweater were stolen and strung up around the school again.” He shrugged. “I helped her find them and get them back.”
James tosses a sympathetic look towards Luna’s back. Some of the stories he heard weren’t pretty.
Darcy frowns. “Are you serious? She’s still being bullied?” She shoves her sleeves up, murder in her eyes.
One of the sure ways to piss off a Hufflepuff is to attack their close people. Darcy’s already planning to attack.
James anticipates her moving and neatly steps aside while holding up an arm to stop her.
“James I will take you down with the asses who hurt her.”
“You don’t know who hurt her.” James says in a gentle, firm tone. “Or if she was hurt.”
Darcy huffs. “Once they see me coming I’ll know. And just taking her things is hurting her, James. Just because they didn’t touch her doesn’t mean she wasn’t emotionally wounded.”
James drops his arm with a sigh. Steve stops them both when he speaks, “It was Crabbe. He was boasting about taking the “Looney”s things last week. I didn’t catch him in the act so I couldn’t do anything. But I hexed him anyway.”
Darcy narrowed her eyes. “Crabbe? Who the hell is Crabbe?”
“One of Malfoy’s followers. Steve, I thought you got him sorted out?” Bucky groaned.
He wants to face palm himself when Steve shakes his head. Oh man. James knew by looking at Darcy it wasn’t going to end well for any Slytherin.
“Yeah Steve,” Darcy’s teeth gnash together, “why haven’t you sorted that little twat?”
Steve’s brow furrows. “Don’t call him that. Draco was doing okay right up until that imposter turned him into a ferret.”
Oh man. Darcy should have known. Snakes only protect other snakes.
“I’ll call him whatever I want. That snake is getting out of hand with his attitude. Fix it or I will.” Darcy has no fear about getting in the giant blond’s face. Her finger hurts from the way she poked at his chest.
Had James not lifted her wand during this exchange she would have hexed Steve right then and there. Thank Merlin for small miracles.
“The term’s almost done. Draco won’t cause any problems for Luna or anyone else. And if you would refrain from touching me, I’d be grateful.” Steve does not move and waits for the badger girl to lift her hand. He feared he’d see finger nail indents in his skin once he heads to the shower.
Steve does not miss the dark glower sent his way as Darcy suddenly spins and stalks away. His eyes shift to James who is stiff and still.
“AND DON’T THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE YOU STANDING THERE PLAYING DEAD JAMES.” James flinched.
“Some doll you have, Bucky.” Steve crosses his arms in irritation.
What an aggressive girl. He could understand protecting Luna. The Ravenclaw girl had always been friendly and polite if somewhat odd to anyone who came across her. The silver haired girl had taken one look at Steve in all of his angered glory and offered him some radishes after he had beaten off her bullies.
But she did not know Draco the way Steve knew him. Steve could see how lost that boy was. Constantly craving the attention from a father that was not there. Steve remembered that first year when Draco would boast about his father throughout the day. How he struggled to emulate his father’s smug drawl and swagger.
Steve knows what it’s like to follow a father’s example. The only problem was that Draco’s father was wrong as hell.
He might not have been the most cunning of his classmates but he knew how to research well enough. Lucius Malfoy was a dangerous man and if Draco followed in his footsteps…it did not bear thinking. Sara Rogers had always taught him to do the right thing if it was in his power. And it was in his power to make sure Draco didn’t follow the steps of those came before him.
Covered in green and silver, with an imposing scowl on his face, James could see why most people avoided this Slytherin student. Steve had righteous indignation on his face and James could practically feel the thunder clouds brewing over his head.
“I did tell you she’s a spitfire.” James retorts.
He starts walking only slowing enough for Steve to sigh and follow him.
“Like a Chinese Fireball. I thought she was going to hex me.” Steve replies.
James raises his hand and twirls the cherry oak, 10 inch wand in his hand. He couldn’t help the laughter that escapes him at Steve’s face.
“I figured it was best to level the battlefield in case the two of you came to blows.”
Steve always had such unfortunate luck with women.
—
The nerve of him, Jane. I swear that this is the last time James drags me anywhere. He always gets me in trouble or mad with the antics he pulls. Really he should have been sorted in Gryffindor with all those other adrenaline-riddled idiots. How do you stand it? And oooooh don’t even get me started on that snake friend of his. And by snake I mean Slytherin so wipe that confused look off your face. Seriously! A snake! After the way those bastards used to treat you and Thor on Loki’s command. He defended, DEFENDED, that pale haired little swot that picks on Luna. Can you believe it? James has to be enchanted. Anyways, please write back as soon as you can. James hates it that I complain about his friend and I need to vent before I explode.
Darcy sighs by the fire as she eagerly rips open the letter that Jane sent back after Darcy, fuming, wrote to her about her woes.
Jane talks about her work in the world of meshing science and magic to make her Einstein-Rosen Bridge. Darcy enjoys the jargon thrown at her because it was the same jargon her Muggle mother spouted over summer holiday, excited about the summer stars far more than Darcy and just as much as Jane.
But it does nothing to help Darcy control her rage over the Slytherin so she places the letter in her trunk. Other letters are lovingly stacked up and nearly spilling over the rest of her papers. Like her cousin, Darcy had taken to keeping all her written works.
The trunk, golden vines etched into the dark wood and a large golden tree in the middle, is stationed at the end of the bed. She hits her toes on the edges every morning when she rushes to get ready.
She huffs as she stares at the ceiling. Woodland animals dance about uncaring of her troubles.
“Darcy?” Her roommate Aislin Summers calls out hesitantly.
Of all the girls in her year, Darcy found Aislin to be the sweetest. Hair as red as firewhiskey, she could fit in with the Weasley clan. Once Fred and George Weasley tried poaching the girl only to back off when James and her came at them.
“Yeah?” She sits up and yawns. Darcy frowns at the sour taste in her mouth.
“You’re going to miss supper if you don’t get up.” A quick glance shows that Aislin was closer to the door than Darcy had assumed.
Her hair is neatly braided and set to the side, with her robes perfectly pressed. It was clear that the redhead was ready to leave. It was only her friendliness with her roommate and a possible guilty conscious that makes her stay.
A loud rumbling of her stomach is the only sound in the room.
“I’m coming.” Darcy says as she bolts off the bed.
Uncaring of the disheveled appearance she gave off, Darcy grabs her wand and heads out with Aislin.
“Normally I wouldn’t bother you since James is always around to walk with you, but I saw him head out to go write to that pretty girl from Dumstrang. You know? The one who looks like she could hit you with a Bulger without even looking?” Aislin says.
Darcy only nods. Yeah, she definitely knows the girl. Natasha Romanova was one of the few female Quidditch players from Dumstrang. James had been knocked in the head by her during a late night forbidden game.
Instead of getting mad or pretending like she didn’t exist, James only stood up and gave her a confused grin. Natasha had haughtily sniffed in his direction before dragging her sniggering teammate Clint Barton away.
Now all three exchange letters when they can.
Really she had to talk to that boy about his terrible taste in people.
The mouth watering scents from the kitchens cling to the girls as they leave Hufflepuff territory. They pass by the barrels of pumpkin juice and are a bit farther from the basement area when Aislin stops.
“Something wrong?” Darcy asks when she notices the red head sigh in frustration.
“I forgot my wand. I’m going to go back and get it.”
“It’s dinner. Just leave it, I have mine in case something happens.” Darcy says.
Aislin waves her off telling her, “Just go ahead and I’ll catch up later.” And turns back to their cosy common room.
Leaving Darcy alone in the halls.
Darcy sighs and shakes her head at the absentmindedness of her classmate. It wasn’t unusual for the girl to forget things so she really shouldn’t be too surprised when it happens at the most inconvenient times.
The journey to reach the Great Hall is quiet with only the sounds of her footsteps to keep her company.
The sniffling sounds of a child and the quiet murmurs of someone reaches her ears forcing her to walk towards the sound. The people in the paintings are gone. No doubt to feast with the other paintings in the Hall. Really the flames of the torches were the sole living thing there.
Well, not including Darcy and, apparently, two other people.
Darcy comes around the corner and finds Steve crouched down, looking uncomfortable and tiny. He’s smiling gently, talking to a crying first year. The first year is curled into the wall, clutching a book from the library.
The kid in question is a boy from Ravenclaw- a glance showed the bronze and blue colors- and he’s nodding to whatever Steve is saying, rubbing at his eyes. His glasses are fogged up from the heat of his tears.
Steve reaches out, petting his hair, an unruly brown that could be in better shape. “Peter, want me to escort you back to the Ravenclaw commons?”
“What’s going on?” Darcy asks, eyes narrowing on the situation.
The boy– Peter, according to Steve– curls into Steve and trembles.
Steve picks the boy up like it’s nothing.
“None of your concern, Lewis.”
“It is my concern seeing as he’s crying and near my dormitory.” Darcy crosses her arms, scowling at him.
“Last I checked, he’s actually closer to mine.” Steve tilts his head left as he carefully shifts Peter, and Darcy refuses to look the few meters ahead that it would take to see the entrance to the dungeons. “And the Bloody Baron went to let the headmasters know Nott tried to hex a first year, so it’s all taken care of, Lewis.”
Darcy scowls again. “Quit calling me that.”
“What? Lewis?” Steve raises an eyebrow.
Darcy wants to do something about that half smirk sent her way.
“My name is Darcy, so use it.” She corrects. She feels like stomping her foot but isn’t five anymore.
“Be a little nicer and I will.”
Peter says something that’s mumbled into Steve’s collar, and Steve’s attention is completely diverted again. He looks so… Darcy hates to say it, but attractive when helping someone or a protective figure.
Steve talks quietly but Darcy still makes out some of what he says. “Yeah, I’ll take you to MJ. She’s a Gryffindor, right?”
Steve glances at Darcy briefly, then looks away. “I’ve gotta go.” He tells her. “See you later.”
Darcy takes a half-aborted step forward, unsure of what she’s going to do but knowing it’ll happen anyway. Then she doesn’t, watching Steve carry Peter away.
“Dammit it all.” She huffs right as Aislin comes back and the two boys are gone around another corner.
“You didn’t have to wait.” Aislin pouts a little and Darcy turns. Her roommate frowns. “Are you okay? You look a little upset.”
“I’m fine.” Darcy shakes her head. “Just… some things were, uh, pointed out to me.”
Aislin gives her a curious look all night when Darcy keeps sneaking glances at the Slytherin table and wistfully sighing.
