Hey DONNA, I know you're reading this because you can't keep your BIG PORE-STUDDED NOSE out of my business, even here in my cute little self-financed and incredibly successful Townhouse™, but guess WHAT, he's mine now and you're never EVER going to see him again. Of course when I say "he" you know I mean your EX-husband and my CURRENT-boyfriend RICK. And you know why don't you??? Because he's currently too busy being in LOVE with ME! ME and my beautiful REAL hair (36 inches long mind you although I know you probably can't count that high, PLATINUM. NATURAL. blonde) and my beautiful REAL fingernails that don't melt when I'm taking the beautiful REAL food that I cook ((FROM SCRATCH)) out of my expensive electric oven with glass stovetop and built-in air fryer!!? That's whyyy♬ Donna. And I know you cannot cook, you cannot make green bean casserole or honey-braised ham ((FROM SCRATCH)) and I know that because he TOLD ME. But anyway that doesn't matter because you're not allowed within 1,000 feet (304 meters if you even know what those are but I VERY much doubt it) of my Townhouse©, or at least that's what the POLICE tell me! That's right babe you've been legally RESTRAINED!!! You will never see my man within your field of vision again, and if you do, if you somehow catch a glimpse of him (you'll see how in love we are btw (he has HEARTS in his EYES and BIRDS on his SHOULDERS singing sweet LOVE SONGS into his ears at all hours of the day so he'll NEVER hear you beg for forgiveness)), I will literally SNAP. I will go insane berserk out of control. So just DON'T let that happen, DON'T. I won't be able to control myself if I see you around here looking at my man or the expensive valuable luxury goods that I sell in my Townhouse® which are very affordably priced btw although I DOUBT you could afford them still because when I look at you (and I really try NOT to do that) what I see is this: DRY SKIN. RATTY HAIR. CHAPPED LIPS. CHUNKY MASCARA. KNOBBY KNEES. !!!! Your barber probably HATES you to make you look like that. Now let's reflect on this for a moment. Let's think about all of these attributes that you embody (we can also add BAD NAILBEDS and FLAT FEET or I mean I can add those things rather since math is NOT your strong suit since you can't figure out that You + My Man = NEVER happening again!!!). Think about these things. And now think about me. What do you see? STYLE. BEAUTY. GLAMOR. SILKY SMOOTH LONG NATURAL HAIR DOWN TO MY ANKLES. GLOSSY SMOOTH SKIN. Only one word springs to mind when you see me: GORGEOUS. Can you comprehend a word that long, babe? I doubt it so SINCERELY. That's all, Donna. I couldn't possibly spend another SECOND of my time typing to you since I know you know better than to EVER come near my Townhouse™®©. Oh and one more thing Miss Donna Blahna that I just remembered, and I'm sure it won't trouble you at all to stay and read on because you are of course UNEMPLOYED (!!!!!!) after being fired from the Burger Barn because everyone that walked through the doors was so SICKENED by your haircut and poor posture to the point of physical illness --- do NOT (((and I repeat do NOT)) even CONSIDER showing up to the Talent Show© on Thursday April 15th at 6:30pm located at the Crown Plaza downtown (additional parking located across the street) where I will be performing INCREDIBLE feats of gymnastic ability such as spinning through the sky like a BEAUTIFUL bird of paradise in a dazzling sequined Gucci leotard and other physical acts of dexterity and coordination that I'm sure your mind simply could not comprehend. If you showed up (and do NOT) I'm afraid that everyone would mistake you for a janitor or maybe an escaped gorilla, and turn you away which would be SO SO SO embarrassing for you. I hardly think you need anything else to be embarrassed about at this point after losing your man, your job, your ugly car, and your house in the divorce, so please do us both a favor and just DON'T show up. Okay, that's all babe ♫
