I feel like we made up..?
But when I actually think about it, WE MADE NO SOLUTIONS, NO CHANGES, NO NOTHING!!! Lol!!! We talked about it and he was mostly just like “yeah…” About everything I talked about??? So like??? I don’t know what’s gonna happen lmfaoooo. Basically all we did was just lay our feelings out on the table..?
I was rly close to being just like “fuck it” last night, but then he magically ended up calling. It’s like he can sense when I’m like an inch away from being dooooone without me even saying anything, and he knows to call me haha. Idek what’s going to happen so I’m still like 😒 until he like stops acting weird.. AGAIN. It’s like the same problem just reoccurred and I’m seriously like 🌚🌚da fuq.
Anyway, he’s not coming to UTD in the fall but probably next year.
I fucking took a preworkout for the first time in forever yesterday, and preworkouts tend to have no effect on me so I took a hella strong one and accidentally took these caffeine pills like 2 hours before it…so basically I didn’t sleep😩 I took it at like 4pm and it’s now 6:48 am.
But anyway, since I was up all night I started like thinking about how nice it would be to have him and I go to the same college..fantasize, if you will…dream up our random encounters or when you meet my friends. Fantasize about you showing interest in my extracurriculars or maybe coming with us to GoodPhil. Thinking of maybe some between class lunch dates..or like when you were taking summer classes, you asked me to just give you company as you studied. Thinking maybe I could do it this time around..I want to call you jaanu in front of all of them and I want to finally go on our long over due pho date..drag you to Isang mahal and show you not just the desi side of me, but the Filipino side too....BUT THEN I KEEP REMEMBERING NOTHING WAS ACTUALLY RESOLVED. Oh lord I don’t know what to do with myself lmfao.
It’s because in my heart I know that he was a cool guy and made me happy for a while and tbh I would love to go back to before. I miss it so much..but also I’m just soooo done with all the teeter tottering. Ughhhh like..? But like whatever will be, will be.
Ugh I just want to go back to meeting up with FSA and hanging with all those babies again. I didn’t really hang out with many people this summer, despite what it looks like lol. By the end of spring semester, I kind of ended up detaching myself from a lot of them and I just want to reconnect💗 Miss FSA so much lol.
