Adrift Chapter 9) Valuable lessons
.-.-.
Ivar woke up from the cold. In a half awake state he realized he was all alone. The warm, smelling form of Piglet’s back against his was gone. The dappled moonlight created a scenery of dejection and impending misery.
Both of his human travel companions disappeared and Ivar concluded it wasn’t into thin air. Nor by a stroke of lightning.
No, both Piglet and Stum hared away, deserting the weakest link. The one who made the least contribution to the collective achievement of their little group.
A peculiar sense of peace came over Ivar, “I told you so,” he muttered to himself and snickered. It came like a cold, empty sound. Numb, as the far tips of his toes and fingers. Callous, as his soul, hardened by the overwhelming rejection he’d suffered throughout his life.
As a cripple he’d always end up alone, forsaken from love, friendship, and belonging. His useless legs made him invaluable to others, unimportant, and a burden.
“I told you so,” he whispered as he glanced up at the starry night sky. Of course, Piglet was entitled to leave him in the dark of night. She’d gained a stronger, faster ally. One she could easily control, one that she didn’t need to drag along. One, that would not get her killed.
“I told you so!” He snapped, now bitter and agitated- he couldn’t comprehend why he was struck by this consuming pang of grief, betrayal, and heartache. It was ridiculous, he’d always known that Piglet wasn’t a trustworthy companion. She used him the same way he used her; for survival.
So, why did her desertion hurt him so?
‘Because she didn’t say goodbye’, Ivar realized and brought his hand up to his face. Slowly it turned into a balled fist and, in the absence of a more proper alternative, he sank his front teeth into the skin of his knuckles.
He’d bled for her, more than once. And that bitch had the audacity to flee without one word spoken.
Ivar willed his rage to spark and ignite. But icy numbness remained in the pit of his stomach and slowly froze up all the way to his ribcage.
The pressure his teeth set on the skin of his knuckles became almost unbearable. But he’d gladly choose the pain he inflicted upon himself over the aching inside his chest.
The fluttering of wings made him blink through the tears forming in the corner of his eyes. Utstott had taken position high atop a tree as he glanced down upon the piece of human misery whimpering on the moss covered soil.
The arrival of at least one ally should feel like a relief; yet Ivar glared at the bird sickened by envy. Utstott possessed wings, freedom, and a life without complicated human emotions.
“Leave me alone!” He shouted at the bird, “you are better off with that bitch and her new favorite pet, GO!” he threw his balled fist into the air and let out a deep shaky breath as Utstott spread his wings and took off, like a small white dot into the starry midnight sky.
“Go, all of you!” Ivar whispered his self fulfilling prophecy as he wrapped his good arm tightly against his chest. ‘Against the cold’ he told himself firmly, while deep down he was fully aware it was to compensate for the warmth of someone else’s tight embrace.
For a moment, he wished Piglet would have ordered Stum to decapitate him. Chop him in two pieces, like that scurvy dog. It would be a more worthy ending than dying of thirst and hunger, that was for sure.
Alone and cold Ivar sat through the night, with his one arm wrapped tightly around his empty chest.
.-.-.
Still half asleep, his ears picked up on the clumsy thud of a heavy gait, preceded by scurried tippy toes. Stiffly, Ivar tried to move himself into a sitting position. He managed to push himself upwards while leaning heavily on his left arm, craning his neck toward the sound of the footsteps.
His heart skipped a beat when his eyes took in the knotted, wind-tousled curls of Piglet, who reappeared as she dashed through a thick hedge of bush.
She clearly lost her balance there and nearly took a nosedive into a tangled mess of tree roots, but managed to break her fall by instinctively pushing out her arms.
Stum followed her like a lost pup and mimicked her motion, pressing himself down on all fours.
“By Allah…” Piglet mumbled, rubbing over her bruising knees and motioned Stum to get back up.
Ivar had watched the pair with his mouth wide open: “what are you doing here?!”
Piglet must have forgotten about how she’d abandoned him in the midst of night, or she was a damn trickster.
“What are you talking about?” She dared to ask him.
“You abandoned me!” Ivar exclaimed, amazed by her courage to come back and face him, “again!”
Piglet blinked her eyes, once, twice and a third time when she realized Ivar spoke from the heart.
“You think I left you behind?”
Oh, the guts to speak those words out loud and stand there with two innocent doe eyes. Ivar’s nostrils flared, agitated and ready to turn into a full blown rage, because apparently she needed him to say the words out loud.
“You left me! You replaced me for that creature and you didn’t even have the guts to kill me…” or say goodbye, but he swallowed those words hastily.
Piglet glanced from him to Stum, and back to Ivar before slowly raising her hands.
“Ivar, I went to pee last night and I got lost,” she pointed skywards, “Utstott found me and led me back here.”
“Oh, please Piglet!” Ivar waved angrily at her words, “then why tag Stum along?!”
“Believe me I did not want him to,” Piglet stated firmly, “but he keeps following me like my shadow,” she walked around a fallen tree and picked up a few of their humble belongings, “see, I didn’t take anything,” she held up the water bottle and with the ball of her foot she pressed the axe into view.
Piglet then managed to get down to his face, so close it made him feel uncomfortable. Her dark eyes wandered over his face until she stared him straight in the eyes.
“I wasn’t lying when I told you I couldn’t bare to be the reason for your death.”
His heart made a little leap and for a moment everything around him was too overwhelming and too much to process. Piglet’s return shook the foundation of his mindset; she simply came too close.
So, as a reaction he did the only logical thing he could think of. To be honest, he allowed his instinct to do all of the hard work and simply zoned out of the situation.
His good hand raked through her hazard of hair and with one harsh tug he pushed her. Letting go of her hair, he watched Piglet drop backwards with a loud yelp. She landed on her ass, legs swaying in the air momentarily before her feet pressed themselves into the ground and kicked forward.
Dirt and a few small pebbles hit him in the face which made him frantically rub his eyes and give Piglet time to get back on her feet and out of reach.
Leaning towards her, Ivar snarled: “do not ever think of betraying me!”
“Or what, you will scold me to death?!” Piglet spat and dusted off the palm of her hands, “or beat me, choke me, harass me, insult me?” She was seething now, voice skipping a few beats as she raged on, “men, all the same! Even you, Ivar-half-a-man,” she scolded, pointing directly at his crotch.
“-I am not a thing,” Piglet continued, “I am not yours, nor will I ever be! You may hate me, I do not care. But you will not treat me like you did in De Haar. You don’t have any leverage over me now, cripple. I am an equal, I am a future queen and right now I am the only reason you are still alive!”
Ivar hadn’t tried to interfere during her rant, it had been impossible to fit a word in between her seething sentences.
Ivar shrugged his good shoulder and muttered: “fair enough. I’ll teach you to navigate by stars,” he added after a pause, “so you can find your way back when you feel the urge to piss in the midst of night,” he explained when Piglet’s eyebrow rose so high it disappeared underneath the curls of her hair.
She slowly realised that this was as much of an apology she’d be able to peel from Ivar and settled with a hum.
.-.-.
“Piglet?
“Hmmm?”
“You reek.”
The two of them sat shoulder to shoulder against a tree while Stum threw berries at Utstott. Piglet’s eyes narrowed and she grunted something angrily in her mother’s tongue before Ivar rose up his good arm.
“We’ve recently established some sort of ground rules, I will try to treat you like an equal, so by the Gods, can you wash off the filth and stench coming from every inch of your body?”
Piglet shook her head bluntly, “no I will not, it keeps men at bay.”
Ivar rolled his eyes and gestured to his abdomen, “you know I can’t defile you and Stum’s more closely related to animals than men. You have nothing to fear.”
“I wasn’t referring to you nor Stum,” Piglet retorted, “I mean men in general. You are hurt and Stum… is-”
“-an absolute imbecile?” Ivar helpfully pointed out.
“Simple,” Piglet chose her word firm, “Stum is simple. I can’t rely on either of you two. And you can’t expect me to fend off a man who’s twice my weight and size.”
“Of course you can,” Ivar answered and extended his left hand towards her, “the human body is rather feeble and soft, if you know the right place,” his index finger pressed just underneath Piglet’s ribcage.
“Stab a man here, upwards. You will hit a lot of organs. Never stab a man here,” Ivar redrew his arm and touched his own chest, “it’s tempting, because this is where the heart lays,” he said while drawing a small circle, “but it’s protected by a cage of ribs. It’s hard to stab through bone, not impossible. But hard,” tracing down over his own chest he dapped his index and middle finger right underneath his lowest rib, “if you find yourself overpowered and on your back,
stab a man here, it most likely will be fatal. And if you’d like to make an example out of your harasser, cut off his prick and shove it up his arse.”
Piglet snorted, “you are a disgusting pig.”
Ivar arched a sly brow: “that makes two of us, but only one has the ability to attract flies,” sagging against the tree he tilted his head towards Piglet, “I’ll make you a deal, if I gift you a dagger, will you do something about your deteriorating personal hygiene?”
Piglet’s forehead puckered for a while before she thoughtfully answered: “if you can teach me how to protect myself I’ll rid myself of my current protection.”
“T’s a deal,” Ivar spoke solemnly, “first I’ll teach you to navigate by stars and when I’m healed I will teach you how to kill a man.”
“As long as you don’t teach me how to shove his prick up his arse.”
.-.-.
A/N: A main reason why I write in general is to dig into human emotions and thoughts. And I really enjoy getting into Ivar’s POV’s. I am happy how far this version of Ivar has evolved away from the Ivar season 5 and 6. To be honest, I disliked season 6 a lot. Many main characters became very dull and one dimensional, they made choices that made absolutely no senses to their previous actions. And this pre-season-five Ivar is just a joy to push away from the path of tyrant. His period as a slave inside de Haar changed his character and vision, he gained some forms of friendship and -as much as he’ll deny it- grew some sort of feelings for a Christian. I think this chapter carries another important piece of his mental development, his fellow travelers did return. They had no reason -no personal gain as Ivar sees it- to do so. But they did -that’s more then Ragnar-worst-example-for-a-father can say-.
That’s enough writer’s rambling. Many things for reading and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Xoxoxo Nukyster
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