Before the war but after Aizen’s imprisonment Kaisa had been in the Fifth Division. She’s the Fifth Seat, one who has a bad habit of overworking herself and drinking coffee as a meal. Under Hirako’s command Kaisa had started to flourish more than in her Sixth Division days. She’d been doing better as the Seventh Seat of the Sixth, but due to circumstances (practically being Renji’s little sister @wild-pineapple-butt ) she had transferred divisions in order to not cause him any issues of picking favorites.
Before the Quincy invasion Kaisa had been on patrol in the outer Rukon districts and followed an adjuchas into Hueco Mundo. This turned out to be a horrible mistake on her part. She hadn’t known that the Jailer Quilge Opie (@biskael) had already taken up residence there with his soldat and systematically hunting hollows and anyone who opposed him. The young soul couldn’t bear to see the cruelty and death that he brought with him and tried to stand up to him in order to try and protect those who weren’t able to protect themselves. This put her in the pathway of Quilge and he’d overwhelmed her. She had been strong, but not strong enough to fare well against him.
Kaisa fought with all her might, utilizing kido and trying to break free. Unfortunately the Jailer was much stronger than she was. He seemed to be amused by her at first but that turned into irritation quite quickly as Kaisa’s tongue continued to lash out at him as he had her restrained. She was his prisoner but the soul refused to break so easy.
The hell she went through isn’t for the faint of heart. This isn’t a full account of what she went through, but to show how she was broken down by him.
First he’d used her as target practice, shooting his arrows at her for fun and even with the screams he elicited she wouldn’t bow to him. She would not kowtow. Being used as target practice she was scarred from where some of the arrows pierced her. The two most prominent from his arrows are in separate places. One just above her right elbow in the bicep, then the other just under her ribs on her left side. There were many other scars and some more internal than physically able to be seen. Her shoulders were yanked out of their sockets due to how she was chained. Her body weight got too much as she hung there and it tore the ligaments after multiple days of it.
There was a moment she had been able to run, weak as she was, but quickly brought back by his soldat. So far, Kaisa hadn’t given in, hadn’t broken, but he made it physically impossible for her to run away again. The achilles tendon had been severed, and she couldn’t even pace the cell that he threw her in when he wasn’t enjoying himself with causing her pain.
She wasn’t the only one jailed and tortured. Far from it. There were multitudes of victims that she saw break, saw be viciously murdered. The screams haunted her then and still do after. There had been times that she prayed for death, knowing it would be easier than to continue being his prisoner, yet she was kept alive with just enough bread and water. They were scraps, but enough to keep her alive for when he decided to see if she would break and bow to him and turn on everyone she knew. She wouldn’t bend her knee or “lick his boot.” Instead, she continued to mouth off and spit at him. This caused her more pain and more torture. He was irritated with her, and even though Kaisa was scared, how she showed it was to taunt him and try to incite more rage. Part of her had been hoping it would be the final nail in her coffin. It hadn’t been though.
Every time she was thrown back in her cell, she couldn’t get the screams of the other prisoners out of her head. She couldn’t block them out. The noise of the reishi vibrating was another sound that she was unable to ignore. It was relentless and wore her down. Each day that passed, she both feared and hoped it would be her last. Her mistake in following the adjuchas, then trying to protect hollows from him, earned her a place as one of his victims.
Just as she lay there in her cell bloodied and bruised from the last torture session, she thought that it was finally her time. Kaisa almost completely given up. She was so close to either begging him to kill her or giving in and bowing to him as her new commander. It was shameful and horrible. Kaisa hated herself for it, but that was where she was. She only had two options. Death or surrender, and even though she was close to choosing death, surrender was starting to sound like the best option if she wanted to keep her life. She’d never thought that she’d be liberated from the prison, but she had. Kaisa hadn’t seen who managed it, but she was too weak to move. She didn’t know who stabilized her, who brought her back, or anything until she woke up in the intensive care unit of the Yonbantai. So many bones were broken, some shattered. She was weak and had been touch and go, much like many other soldiers within the unit. Kaisa still doesn’t really know how long she’d been a patient in the Fourth, doesn’t know how she even survived the horrors she went through. She doesn’t even believe she deserves to have lived after truly considering surrendering to their enemies.
Kaisa’s shame and hatred of herself brought her to the state she is currently in. Because of her actions and being so close to surrendering and becoming a traitor, Kaisa chopped her long blonde locks herself just under her chin. It was done as penance for what happened. She gave in, she broke. She believes wholeheartedly that she should not have survived the ordeal, that she shouldn’t have been rescued when so many people lost their lives. Kaisa was useless during the war. That is unforgivable.
Because of her feelings about what happened during the war, Kaisa has become much less stable and more self-destructive than she had been when her actions cost the lives of members of the third so long ago. She feels so much guilt for not being of any use, for even considering allowing herself to crossover to the enemy’s side. This guilt has been eating away at her, and even just being on light duty and desk duty, Kaisa finds ways to throw herself into dangerous situations. Hirako asked her if she was trying to kill herself. Maybe she is. Maybe it’s the only real way for her to be forgiven in her mind.
She’s in therapy. Hirako took her off duty until she started to get help. Weekly, she goes to Isane to discuss and work herself out. Therapy is rough. Some days are better than others. She’s still broken, still hating herself, and is haunted by her time as prisoner. She can’t sleep, can barely eat, and wants something, anything to numb her from every emotion she’s feeling. She can’t handle the emotions and wants more than anything just to stop feeling them even for a short time.
