#v; talking back

[trustinginthelight]

@wefight​

Never did he think he’d ever become this much of a goddamn sad sack. It wasn’t like him, and Louis knew that firsthand. He could still hear the familiar voice in his head making him recall what his voice used to sound like, the voice that would often be the one telling him that he was better than this. What use was it to cry? He had to be the one to keep everyone else from becoming gigantic Negative Nancys, right? He just... he  couldn’t bring himself to even try to get himself out of it now. 

Louis missed his voice so much. It was his damn fault it was gone, and he had to suffer through the rest of his life without it. Just fucking great, Lou. People only really liked him for his songs, anyway. His games, maybe-- ... without his voice, what use was he? 

Those thoughts of self-hatred didn’t come around often, but it was now when they were hitting him harder than they ever had before. While he couldn’t form words, he could still make noise. So, Louis let out a frustrated call out as he punched hard at the wall on the inside of his room, one he’d had all to himself for way too long now.

[tooprettytoturn]

@rebellebetrayed | x

Hearing that made Louis nervous.

Erasing his last answer with the eraser of his pencil, he started another message out to his roommate.

Dude, you’re not gonna die. Not any time soon, anyway.

He didn’t want to say it, but looking at the way Hikaru’s middle was starting to swell? It looked more like he was gaining weight, rather than losing it from him not really being able to keep everything down. The darker haired teen didn’t look healthy by any means, but he still looked nowhere near as gaunt as Goro in the week or so before his death. 

Still, it looked... weird. Maybe it was part of his sickness, ‘r something.

We both feel like shit right now.

It’d barely been a month since Louis had lost his tongue, after all, but he was still dealing with the emotional side of things. He and Clem were doing better, but Louis’s depression over the matter hadn’t subsided at all. Not to mention it’d been a little over a month since Goro’s death, and it was clear Hikaru was still grieving. Both of them had a lot of stuff to get through.

But we’re gonna get through it. We’re gonna be fine.

[trustinginthelight]

@dcadrct​ liked for a shippy starter

He’d been clingy since they managed to get everyone home. 

Curled up to Marlon’s side, Lou had even been taking up space in his boyfriend’s bed. It was the quietest anyone had ever heard him, and in just about the worst way possible. For now, it was a practically a chore to get the brunet to head out and visit with everyone else. Clementine had been feeling an immense amount of guilt from the whole incident, while Louis himself just didn’t feel like he could face them like this, though.

What was he without his words, after all?

At the question he received, asking if he was up to heading out to go eat, Louis almost immediately found himself shaking his head. Instead, Lou pointed right in front of him, as if to motion that he’d prefer to eat in their shared room.

[tooprettytoturn]

@rebellebetrayed

In the days following the rescue of Louis, Aasim, and Omar, it was unsurprising that Louis refused to leave his room he shared with Hikaru. He just... he hadn’t been ready to face everyone. To face the people that he felt like would ridicule him, telling him he’d finally gotten the treatment he deserved.

Why couldn’t you just shut up, Louis?

This was all on you. 

Clementine was crying because of you not being able to shut your fucking mouth.

Louis would only see a select few people. Ruby, Aasim, and Hikaru. Clementine... He wanted to see her, but God. The idea of seeing her cry for him again made his stomach turn and a pit of hared for himself continually building. Instead of laughing, talking, and living life for what it was, Louis could barely force himself out of bed to  go to the bathroom.

The pain and nightmares had left him exhausted, and tears came far easier to him than they ever before.

God, he just wanted to die.

[tooprettytoturn]

@dcadrct liked for a starter

He was avoiding just about everyone like the plague, really. 

There was shame, grief, and anger filling him to the brink. Anyone who knew him well enough could probably see he was on the verge of completely exploding emotionally. Louis just didn’t want to see anyone. Didn’t want to face people and then hear the likely smart ass comments about it.

Louis wondered if Clementine had told the rest. Or Aasim. Or Omar. Any of them. What would any of them say if they knew?

What role did he serve now, if he wasn’t the one to joke around and make everyone smile?

Louis didn’t look up when he heard the knock at the door. He’d almost tried to speak, only for a rush of pain to hit him the instant he tried to move the tongue that was once there.

[tooprettytoturn]

@clemiisms liked for a starter

I don’t blame you.

He wrote it on the paper he’d been given.

That much was the truth. After all, he wouldn’t have chosen him over Violet either. Not when he felt like he was expendable, and especially not after hearing Violet scream the way she had while she’d been dragged away.

No, he’d never been angry with Clementine for that. Even after the night they’d shared, he really didn’t feel betrayed. Didn’t feel like it was an easy choice for Clem. She’d always done what she could to help, and it was clear that Violet had needed her far more than he did.

This was all just his fault. Maybe if he’d just listen for fucking once, he wouldn’t-- he wouldn’t be like this.

[trustinginthelight]

@chrysalisted​ sent: don’t know if you remember my name or not. (from sophie, to louis!)

He hadn’t seen Sophie at all in the first few weeks since they’d made it back. Self-pity, he guessed. Self-pity, self-hatred, and a general lack of confidence over taking him since his time on the boat. This was his first time really out of his room since then, with the teenager looking just a bit more gaunt than what was remembered of him, especially as his mouth was still recovering.

Louis would nod his head in response. Of course he remembered her name… Who could ever forget either of the twins? He would pick up a pencil to begin writing in the journal Aasim had given to him, to make it easier on him to communicate with everyone. On the page, he would carefully write out the words:

Missed you, Sophie.

[tooprettytoturn]

@deltataken liked for a starter

Eerie quiet settled in the cell area following what’d happened. It was a lot of screaming, sobbing, threats, and pleas-- only for it to go silent. Louis had passed out from the pain of it all. Aasim and Omar both hadn’t been scared silent in turn, though Aasim had tried to call Louis a few times to see whether he was even alive.

Louis finally woke to the taste of copper and a puddle of his own blood. Had he been lying on this back, he likely could’ve choked on the amount pooling in his mouth. Sitting himself up, he found trying to spit the oozing red out of his mouth was painful beyond belief. Oh God-- oh God, what the fuck had they done? Oh God, why couldn’t he have just fucking listened to them?

A tiny sob began to erupt from him. It all hurt. Crying hurt, but he genuinely couldn’t help it. What was he supposed to do?