xthirteenth
[ ❁ ] —; ❝I didn't know we were expecting visitors- Welcome to Corona.❞
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xthirteenth
[ ❁ ] —; ❝I didn't know we were expecting visitors- Welcome to Corona.❞
The forest is, and always has been, her safe haven.
When she was younger, steering Rocinante through the tall, imposing trees -- losing the both of them to the woods for hours on end -- she had lived for those moments. If she could, she'd have taken her steed and lived alone, surrounded by nothing but trees and animals and f r e e d o m.
And then she grew up.
Despite escaping one prison only to land herself in another -- this one far more extravagant, Regina found that being Queen didn't necessarily mean being free. She got what ever she wanted, except what she wanted was impossible and what she craved was improbable. The Queen? Galavanting about within bandit infested forestry? How preposterous.
She had stood there, leaning against her balcony and staring in to the distance with longing in her eyes. Lip secured between teeth as she gnaws on plump flesh and finally, she can't take it any longer. Being cooped up like some animal, brought out and put on display only when needed -- she needed something, anything, to ease the pang in her heart. Sneaking from the castle would soon become an art to Regina, made easier only by her lessons with the Dark One but those would come later and for now, she's trying to steer her steed away from the castle walls without being noticed.
A feat she accomplishes, but only barely.
Wandering the trails in the early morning light has always managed to calm her, sooth her worries and for just a moment, a single second of peace and quiet, she can forget. Until Rocinante startles and rears back on hind legs, forcing her to grasp at his reigns and whisper soothing words in to his ear, chest pressed against his neck, whilst she glances around for whatever -- or whomever -- managed to spook him.
And she sees a girl.
Head canting to the side, back straightening as her stallion manages to halt his steps and now only his breaths are evident of his previous scare. "... Hello."
"I think -- I might be lost."
She never should have left the manor. Now she has no idea where she is, or how to get back. Mother's going to be absolutely furious.
"I'm -- not -- interested."
insanity; ɪnˈsanəti/ noun 1. the state of being seriously mentally ill; madness. "he suffered from bouts of insanity" synonyms: mental illness, mental disorder, mental derangement, madness, insaneness, dementia, dementedness, lunacy, instability, unsoundness of mind, loss of reason; More
It's the voices in her head that break her. Not of the lives she's taken or the victim's she's tortured. But the people she used to care about, her family. It doesn't matter to her, they don't matter to her. But something deep inside her heart, well hidden by the madness the dark mark brought upon her, something stirs and for a brief moment, she remembers.
She remembers her sisters. The love they had for her and the faith that she would not fall to their mother's manipulation's but she was not strong enough, she would never be strong enough. She was the oldest, she was born and moulded and she is a Slytherin. She is a Pureblood. She is a Black. She would never be anything more than that but they would be. They would have the chance to be something other than what they were told to be and deep down, that's what she wanted. Even if it's not what she said.
She remembers her cousins. Sirius and Regulas and how close they used to be. She still held Regulas in her grasp, clinging to him because he was all she had left but Sirius -- oh, it had gone so very wrong with him. House pride came between them and from there, the wedge only grew larger. He was a traitor! A betrayer! How dare he turn against the family when family was all they had! She felt slighted. She felt abandoned. How could he choose a Potter over his own flesh and blood?!
It's her mother's voice that makes her cringe, makes her skin crawl and sometimes, makes the shame flood through her body.
'I'm so proud of you Bella'
'Such a good girl Bella'
'Just like mommy'
She screams and she screams but no one can hear her because no one cares anymore. She sold her soul the moment ink blackened her skin and there is no coming back from that. Not for her. So she retreats. She withdraws and that only makes the voices louder and louder until suddenly she's angry all of the damn time and he -- oh, the Lord takes that anger and he twists it in to madness and suddenly the voices are gone. Now, there's only Bellatrix.
But Bellatrix Black is dead.
And Bellatrix Lestrange takes her place, shackled in chains and shrouded in darkness, the cold bitter air of Azkaban chills her skin, and she laughs.
She can't stop laughing.