I like to check the StaticBelle tag on occasion bcuz the pairing is genuinely rlly interesting to me, and recently Ive noticed a couple ppl combining StaticBelle with Chaggie! So as the resident VoxVel guy I have decided to propose a worse option: the evil yuri square where Vox is nonbinary and dating both Charlie and Velvette, Velvette is dating Vox and Vaggie, Vaggie is dating Velvette and Charlie... you get it. Charlie/Velvette and Vox/Vaggie are optional but Charlie/Velvette at the very least is encouraged. Also it's evil because Vox and Velvette are both terrible. What do we think of my Evil Yuri Square guys.
how carmilla inducts vaggie into the overlords only partly for fun and velvette is so pissed off about it she plots to fake romance vaggie in revenge
and Velvette maybe might have been slightly more into her and Vaggie's rap battle then she realizes oh whoops, oh no
@barblaz-arts this is your fault not mine. Point the blame inward.
the set up
Carmilla
satisfied with her investment in the hotel and Vaggie, gets her to come along to the next overlord meeting purely just to increase her new ally’s power and her own, completely with no ulterior or petty motives
Alastor
horrified static twitching smile, politely raises the point that he considers the hotel to already be HIS turf
Zestial
amused, tickled, and delighted Carmilla has made a friend and is finally having some fun, politely pulls out a chair for Vaggie at the table
Other overlords
scared of Zestial, respectful of Carmilla, fresh from rewatching footage of Vaggie gleefully impaling exorcists with the spear she brought along to the meeting. Say nothing
Velvette
arrives late on purpose bc she doesn't give a shit WHY THE FUCK IS /SHE/ HERE??
Carmilla
maybe smiling just a little
The battle over letting Vaggie sit in as an honorary overlord, as rapped very intensely at each other by Velvette and Vaggie:
Velvette: Hear ye, hear ye! Look what the Carmine dragged in~
(cue music number)
Here’s a chirpy little birdy, the harpy of hell’s daughter,
come demanding things left and right like her words hold any water.
No souls no turf, sorry girl, nope, no seat at the table,
and with one eye gone she sure doesn’t even look so able.
Appearances are everything- if that’s something you can see,
your optics next to ours would get hashtag embarrassment from me.
Overlords, over all
you know hells a hard-ass place.
Charity and mercy? Ha!
Weakness and disgrace!
Carmilla says she’s worthy, Carmilla made a deal,
the more fights they pick with heaven
the more sales for Carmine’s steel.
Don’t buy the crap they’re pushing, say fuck that and resist!
We’re the power of earthly Sinners, and she’s a-
(Velvette just barely remembers her plan to keep the Exorcist intel she's dug up as a secret from everyone, fellow hothead Vees included, until exactly the right moment shows up- and being sat in the same room as Carmilla, Alastor, and Vaggie, within easy spear range, is /not/ that moment)
-she’s just some lacky with a list!
We’ve got our own cred to keep up, to keep hells Sinners all in check.
She’d be the collar on the leash of a royal rope tied round our neck.
Vaggie: Are you done?
Velvette: Sure thing, sweetness.
Vaggie: Great.
My name’s Vaggie and I’m busy, I’ve got bigger fucks to fry,
so sorry if I’m blunt but I’ve got no time to lie-
Your cred’s a bunch of bullshit.
You think this is where I wanna sit?
I’ve got our hotel to go home to,
with heaven hellbent to destroy it.
We all saw you sit back, cowards, and watch the Radio Demon run,
so whose turf really is it? Who faced Extermination and won?
Who’s been there for Sinners
while you’ve used them like a knife?
Charlie’s the real Sinner’s power,
she protects them with her life.
She’s got better stuff to do than listen to you whine,
someone’s gotta hear it though, and if it’s me then fine.
You’re not the worst assholes I’ve seen play with others souls,
and you’re all Sinners scared of dying, so we even share some goals.
Unlike all of you though, me and Charlie
we don’t have to pay and trade.
Instead of buying a Sinner’s soul and time
we can trust the friends we’ve made.
I didn’t make them stay and fight, they gave their all for free.
Who looks weaker in that light? You overlords, or me?
Vaggie: Also, you really think poking fun at the half blind woman is a win for you? Ask the corpses of the Exorcists who thought they could get the drop on me. My girlfriend says the eyepatch looks hot and hers is the only opinion I care about. So fuck off.
.....
Velvette
can't think of a good clap back, weirdly having trouble thinking at all while Vaggie's glaring at her, but also kinda doesn't want the battle to end just yet
Velvette
Warns her to sit quietly during the meeting and let the REAL overlords talk, then gets up close and personal with Vaggie and excuses it by whisper-threatening that it’d just take one text to make her friend Angel Dust’s work hours a living hell
Vaggie, irritably pushing her back at spearpoint, clearly resisting the urge to Stab
reminds Velvette that Angel’s work hours with Velvette’s pathetic manchild of a friend are already a living hell for him, and he STILL talks back to Val anyway, and that’s WHY Vaggie is taking a seat at the overlord’s table, to try helping the other sinners that people like Velvette have left behind because they're too scared and spineless to help anything except themselves
(Ding! Bullseye)
Velvette
looks actually pissed and not at all smirky anymore, leans in while ignoring the spear-
Carmilla
smoothly starts the meeting right then before anyone other than Vaggie ends up losing an one eye
Velvette ends up being the one who spends the whole meeting unusually quiet, staring thoughtfully at Vaggie between making furious vent texts. She's somehow less upset about Charlie's pet murder angel sitting with the overlords than she is over losing her cool and almost skewering herself on Vaggie's spear like an idiot
That's a Vox and Val thing to do, that's why they need her, the only one of the Vees to NOT screw herself over some random looser who doesn't even like her
... but what if she could MAKE Vaggie like her?
If she could steal Carmilla's new tamed Exorcist- Charlie's right hand woman, part of why Val's toy still had a bolt hole in hell to hide in, and the only reason Alastor had met a hell princess with enough hope for her dreams she'd throw in with an overlord to finally get the ball rolling on them-
And Vaggie's switched sides before, miss ex Exorcist living in hell and picking fights with heaven. Why not help her do it again?
Poor overworked glorified secretary. Velvette knows for a FACT that her and the princess haven't been seen out on a single date since the hotel opened. With nothing else in hell for her but her girlfriend, that has to be getting to Vaggie, right? She could do with some appreciation.
If nothing else, the hell princess will probably be very sensitive to anyone else openly and personally appreciating her girlfriend. She might even do something rash, something to show the overlords and all of hell just how far they could trust in hellborn royalty.
Vaggie or no Vaggie, Velvette could work with that too.
She might even be able to blackmail Vaggie into working for the Vees, in exchange for NOT letting all of hell know that the hotel of supposed love and hope had a Exorcist stalking it's halls.
The beauty of that is Velvette wouldn't even have to sic any of her own souls on them. Just tell the Sinners the truth and watch the angry, vengeful, terrified mob tear Vaggie and everything she'd ever touched to shreds. All win, no loss. Vox would have already done it if he knew. She wouldn't mind sitting back with some popcorn and liveblogging the carnage with him and Val, if it came to it.
Ohhh but the satisfaction if she COULD take the Exorcist right out from under all of them...
And having an angel on their side would give the Vees one hell of leg up in whatever shit heaven thinks up next. They could really use a manager too, at this point in their business expansion- Velvette's got too much of her own shit these days to deal with Vox and Val's on top of it. A fourth Vee, in a coordination role, not interested in farming any souls or turf of her own, would be perfect- especially one that can cut through both bodies and bullshit.
Her name even fits with their theming. Velvette and Vaggie, the flipside to Valentino and Vox...
Hmm.
Velvette: Realizes she's been staring at Vaggie again, and Vaggie's noticed, and spares her exactly one second to give her a quick Glower before going back to arguing with someone.
Velvette: smiles and snaps a picture
The princess of hell is right about one thing. The eyepatch really is quite a Look.
-
Velvette some unspecified time later: It’s just for the bit okay
Vox: You seem to be wearing one of her feathers as a necklace
Velvette: Duh I'm wearing it- almost got hellfire crisped by the princess while snagging it off her
Vox: And the uh, stroking of it?
Velvette: Alllll part of the plan
Vox: You've made a whole private website of her
Velvette: You think faking being in love is some bullshit commercial you can just half-ass your way through with a pretty face and the right outfit? Especially when she used to be an Exorcist? I need intel! Research! The woman dresses as sharp as she is, Vox, and her fav accessory is a soul killing spear
Vox: You and your fixation on women with weapons...
Velvette: Ew. Shut up. This blog is about going down on h- getting my roleplay down right, damn it! This is WORK!
Best ship with less than 100 works on AO3 round 1 part 3: Sam x Joe vs Vaggi x Velvette
Sam x Joe
Vaggi(e) x Velvette
Voting ended onMar 13
Sam x Joe (0): "Ok hear me out guys, I know most people either won't know the characters or won't ship them but think about how well they would fit together as a ship!"
Vaggi x Velvette (37): "Vaggi can fix Velvette or Velvette can make her worse"
