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Funnybunny Week 3: Vampire/Vampire Hunter

synopsis: In which Caine devises a vampire mystery dinner party, Jax gets to have a little too much fun, and Pomni is repeatedly flustered while trying to hunt Jax down.

a/n: This is almost a day late, haha! Sorry about that! I hope you guys enjoy because this is a prompt I was really excited about and I think It's the fic I'm most happy with so far!

LINK TO AO3 FIC

Pomni got up carefully, dusting herself off after having been unceremoniously thrown to the ground by the portal. Gone was her jester wear. In its place was a dark red night gown. Jewelry adorned her arms and neck, and her hair was let down, cut in a short bob.

The other circus members around her stood up, dressed in different flavors of formal wear. Ragatha wore a halter-top gown, a deep royal blue, with a black shawl around her shoulders. Gangle wore a long-sleeved flowy yellow dress. Zooble donned a tweed coat over a white shirt with matching tweed slacks. And finally, Kinger had on a similar coat that doesn’t have any sleeves to match his chess piece body.

They all stood in front of a large foreboding mansion. Pomni blinked as text appeared before her, floating in the air.

YOUR ROLE: HIGH CLASS WOMAN/VAMPIRE HUNTER. YOU ARE CURRENTLY IN POSSESSION OF A CROSSBOW.

Caine had, in the spirit of Halloween, devised a murder mystery game where the objective was to find out who was the vampire and stop them. The game was supposed to take place as a dinner party in a mansion hosted by a duke.

Strangely enough, there was one missing from their current group.

“I swear, if Jax is the vampire.” Zooble muttered.

“Maybe he’s the host of the dinner party,” Gangle offered, then put her ribbon hands together anxiously. “Although…that would make him the duke.”

“I can’t tell which is worse. He’s going to be insufferable.” Zooble rolled their eyes.

They all started walking towards the mansion. Ragatha smoothed her dress down as she walked besides Pomni.

“It’s so nice to be wearing something other than that ragdoll dress,” Ragatha said. “You look really nice, Pomni.”

“Oh, thanks.” Pomni smiled shyly back at her. Her mind was mostly occupied by the fact that although the game told her she had a crossbow, she was not holding or carrying one at all, which was a bit concerning.

I hope I figure this out before I need to kill the vampire.

The mansion door was closed.

“Aha! I know what we need to do here!” Kinger shuffled up to the door. “I’m going to knock. It’s only polite, as a guest.”

He raised his fist to the door, but before he could knock, the door opened on its own.

“Or…not, I guess.” Kinger slowly walked into the house, the rest of the circus members following him.

The inside was decorated richly, with lavish carpets and expensive furniture. Pomni noted that the carpet patterns showed rabbits frolicking along the borders.

So Jax is the dinner host.

They walked into the dining room. It was a large room with a large dining table, which Pomni thought was very similar to the table that they use to eat with in the circus. Probably a reused asset.

And there was Jax, sitting at the end of the table. He was dressed in a luxurious dark-red suit that glimmered in the incandescent lights. A frilled white cravat decorated his neck, with a gleaming red ruby brooch in its center.

He looked every bit a vampire duke.

And as Zooble had predicted, he wore an obnoxious, self-important smirk on his face.

“Welcome to my dinner party. I hope you’re all ready to feast tonight~!” Jax motioned to the table in front of him.

Pomni was transfixed. Her and Jax had been growing closer over the past few days, yet she hadn’t felt this feeling for him, as she did seeing him in fancy dress.

He looked…almost handsome.

She shook her head, ignoring her thoughts, and strolled over, taking the seat right next to Jax. As soon as she sat down, Jax leaned over to her, and she could feel her cheeks heat a little.

“That’s a pretty dress you have on tonight,” Jax said.

“Um…thanks?” Pomni raised an eyebrow at him.

“Pretty lame,” Jax said, and his smile turned sharper. Pomni rolled her eyes.

“Says the purple rabbit dressed in frills.” She looked pointedly at his cravat.

“Yeah, well, I’m the duke here and it’s important I wear as much frills as possible.” Jax mockingly straightened his clothes. “I’m more important than you, after all.”

“Whatever you say.”

Wooden mannequins burst through the door from the kitchen, carrying in covered plates of food. They laid the dishes out on the table, then removed the lids. Everyone’s faces fell as they looked over the dinner options: skewers of eyeballs and brain pieces, severed half-rotting fingers, poisonous apples suspended in gelatin orbs, and large stuffed grubs.

Everyone that is, except Jax, who only smiled wider and announced, “Well, isn’t that fantastic for Halloween spirit!”

“I’ll pass.” Zooble pushed their plate away from them.

“Yeah, so will I,” Pomni grimaced at the “food” on the plates.

“What, not the adventurous, experimental type?” Jax cocked his head at Pomni teasingly. “Don’t those eyeballs look oh-so-delicious?”

“Stop picking on her,” Ragatha protested.

“I prefer my food edible,” Pomni retorted. “Why don’t you try eating one?”

“No thanks, I’m already full.” Jax leaned back into his chair.

Before Pomni could say anything else, the lights went out. The room became pitch-black. Instantly, Pomni heard several chairs move.

“Okay, nobody panic.” Ragatha’s voice came from somewhere in the darkness. “I’m sure this will all be—”

She was interrupted by the sound of Gangle screaming.

“HE’S BITING ME! HE’S BITING ME! HELP ME!” Gangle shrieked loudly.

“Get off of her!” Zooble’s voice moved towards Gangle.

Two shots were fired in the air, illuminating the space in tiny bursts. In those brief snapshots of time, Pomni saw Jax with Gangle’s ribbon in his teeth, Gangle struggling to get away from him. It was too chaotic for Pomni to see or determine anything else.

Crap. Where’s my crossbow?!

As if answering her thoughts, she felt the weight of a weapon in her hand. Just then, the lights came back on, but they were dim, as though there wasn’t enough power.

Jax and Gangle were gone. Zooble, Pomni, Ragatha, and Kinger were the only ones there. Zooble was holding the gun. At the back of the room, the door leading to the rest of the mansion was swung open.

“Of course Jax is both the duke and the vampire. I’m going to get that motherf[BOINK]ker!” Zooble clenched their fists.

“Zooble, how’d you get that gun?” Ragatha asked.

“It’s my role. I’m supposed to be some rich rival to the duke.”

“Oh.” Ragatha sighed. “I’m just an ordinary girl from the countryside, so I don’t have any weapons on me.”

They both looked at Pomni across the table, who was holding a small crossbow.

“Umm, I’m the vampire huntress I guess.” Pomni looked around. “Where’s Kinger?”

The chess piece, who was just here, had suddenly vanished.

“Whatever, there’s no time to stand around and talk. We need to find him!”

Zooble charged through the open door.

“Wait! I’m coming with you, so I don’t get bitten!” Ragatha went after them.

Pomni followed.

Within the large mansion, Pomni was quickly separated from the other two as she ran through the halls. A part of her was scared to find Jax, sure that she would just become another one of his victims.

At the end of the hall was a suspiciously open door, leading into a bedroom. Pomni took a deep breath, ignored her fears, and walked in.

The sound of water running could be heard as she walked through the empty bedroom. She raised her crossbow up as she approached the bedroom’s bathroom door, which was the source of the sound.

In front of the sink stood Jax, tall and foreboding, his back turned to her. He smiled at Pomni through the mirror.

“So, you’re the vampire hunter sent to kill me.”

“Y-yeah. I am.” Pomni could have smacked herself for that. She sounded so weak and pathetic.

The faucet was still on, and from the look of Jax’s wet face, he had been using it.

“What are you doing?” Pomni asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

“Washing my mouth out. Gangle’s blood doesn’t taste nice, you know.” Jax turned to Pomni, and she saw two of his teeth were sharpened, like vampire fangs.

“Everyone has a distinct taste to their blood, apparently. Like yours, my dear jester,” Jax talked as he walked towards Pomni, forcing her to back up, “tastes like cherry syrup. Really, really sweet.” He leaned down, coming eye-to-eye with Pomni.

“I know because I can smell it on you.” Jax’s pupils turned to slits before widening again as he stood up, towering over Pomni.

“You look really pretty in that dress, by the way,” Jax said. “Did I mention that already?”

“Yeah. You did say that earlier.” Pomni kept her crossbow trained on Jax, but not with extreme seriousness. “Did you…mean it?”

“Well, I don’t know if it’s cause I’m a vampire and the…bloodlust is getting to me,” Jax said, his words slightly slurring, “but you look so sweet tonight. Like I could just eat you up.”

Pomni felt a blush spread across her face. “Wait, what—”

“Could be this dress of yours,” Jax said, leaning down. “Or the fact that your hair looks really good.”

“Jax, what’s—what are you—” Pomni took a step back.

“I saw the way you were looking at me earlier.” Jax cocked his head to the side, a wide grin on his face. “Did you like my outfit for tonight?”

“I—” Pomni stuttered.

“Where is that [BONK]er?” Zooble’s voice could be heard outside in the hall.

“Looks like that’s my cue to leave,” Jax said, quickly getting up and rushing to the door. “See you in a bit, Pomni!”

Pomni watched as Jax flew out the door, listened to the sound of gunshots and Zooble swearing some more as they missed, then some silence before Zooble and Ragatha looked into the bedroom.

“Oh, Pomni!” Ragatha exclaimed. “Glad to see he didn’t hurt you.”

“That’s weird, actually.” Zooble squinted at Pomni. “Did you see Gangle?”

“No,” Pomni said. “It was only Jax here.”

“Okay.” Zooble took a step back out the door, then looked at Pomni. “Are you okay? You look shaken.”

“I’m…fine,” Pomni said. “No need to worry about me.”

“Okay, if you say so.” Zooble made a thumbs-up gesture at Pomni, then took off down the hall after Jax, with Ragatha following.

Pomni stood in the empty bedroom for a moment, trying to process her conversation with Jax.

What was all that about? Her mind was briefly consumed by the way Jax looked at her, and his almost flirtatious words. Not almost flirtatious. Flirtatious.

Pomni shook her head. It was probably caused by him being a vampire. Caine’s adventure was probably influencing him.

Once her mind was clear again, Pomni took off out the door to go find him.

Following his trail, she found herself outside behind the mansion, where a sprawling hedge maze was laid out before her, lit up only by the moonlight from overhead. She sighed, before jumping into the fray.

Pomni made her way through the maze blindly, until she wasn’t sure if she was making progress or simply walking in circles. Through the hedges, she caught voices and sounds.

“Stay with me, I don’t want you getting lost,” Zooble said to Ragatha.

“Guys?” Pomni called. But there wasn’t a response back. Pomni kept walking until she heard a different voice.

“Oh, that’s just it! I’ve figured it all out.”

“Kinger?” Pomni called out.

“Pomni? Oh, Pomni, is that you?”

“Yeah, I’m on the other side of this hedge.” Pomni moved closer to the hedge. “Are you safe?”

“Me? Oh, yeah.”

“Have you seen Jax?” Pomni asked.

“Jax? I mean, I did, at the dinner table. But other than that, not really. I found Gangle but she was sucked dry already. She was very weak, but still alive.”

“Oh, okay,” Pomni said.

“Oh! I think I see something,” Kinger said. Pomni could hear him moving away from the hedge. “I’ll be right back.”

“Kinger?” Pomni called out. But he was gone. “Rats.”

“All by yourself?”

Pomni jumped, turning around to find Jax. He leaned to the side, smirking at her.

“What? You’re looking for me, aren’t you? So here I am.” Jax put a hand on his hip. “I have a deal to make with you.”

“What do you want?” Pomni asked.

“I’ll let you shoot me,” Jax said as he crouched down, “if you let me taste you.”

“Taste me?” Pomni asked. “Like, drinking my blood? I’m not letting you do that.”

“I didn’t say anything about drinking blood! Just tasting.” Jax spread his arms out in a grand gesture. “So, whaddaya say?”

Pomni squinted at him. But, against her better judgement, she pointed her crossbow down.

“Fine. As long as I shoot you after this.”

“Deal.” With those words, Jax surged forward, knocking the crossbow out of Pomni’s hands and grabbing her arm to pin her against the hedge. Pomni gasped, the air partially knocked out of her lungs. Jax leaned in, his head next to Pomni’s.

“You do smell…really sweet.” Jax whispered.

“Pleasedon’tbitemepleasedon’tbitemepleasedon’tbiteme…” Pomni squeaked. Jax moved his head closer to her neck, and Pomni squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself.

Instead of a sharp pain, Pomni felt something wet and warm instead.

“Are you licking me?”

She felt as Jax licked the length of her neck, making tingles go down her spine. He pulled away, grinning.

“That was so gross.” Pomni glared at Jax. “Are you happy now?”

“Hmmm. Yeah. You know, there’s more than one way to taste you if you know what I mean.” Jax looked at Pomni pointedly. “There’s always…mouth to mouth.”

“You mean kissing?”

“I mean. That’s another word for it.”

“You want to kiss me?”

“You know what, I think I’ve upheld my end of the de—”

Pomni jumped forward, kissing Jax at the corner of his mouth. She laughed as he stumbled back, in shock.

“Just wanted to knock you off your high horse. You’ve been pretty annoying this whole adventure.” Pomni walked back to pick up her crossbow. When she turned around, Jax was right behind her, eyes slit, fangs out.

“Wait. We had a deal.” Pomni tried to aim her crossbow at Jax but he pushed her down, wrestling it out of her hands.

“Never make deals with a hungry vampire, Pomni. I feel like that’s rule number one of vampires.” Jax leaned over her.

“That’s—that’s not a rule!” Pomni protested.

“Yeah it is, cause I said so—”

Pomni heard a gunshot and saw the bullet go through Jax’s head.

“Finally found you.” Zooble’s voice came from the side. Ragatha stood behind them.

There was a loud DING sound, and a giant digital banner unfurled in the sky, reading YOU WIN!

Jax got up, virtually unharmed, dusting himself off. “Congratulations,” he said sarcastically towards Zooble. “Ya got me.”

“I sure did. Man, was that satisfying,” Zooble retorted.

“Pomni! Are you okay?” Ragatha asked.

“I’m fine,” Pomni said.

Jax offered her his hand, and Pomni accepted, letting him pull her up.

“Hope I didn’t scare ya too much,” Jax said with little weight to his words. “You know how Caine’s adventures are. You just get really immersed in them.”

“Yeah, yeah. Stop playing off your loss,” Zooble said.

“Hey, I’m accepting my loss gracefully,” Jax protested.

With a snap, all the circus members were returned to the circus tent, back to normal.

“WEll, WELL, WELL, my PERSNICKETY KINKAJOUS! I hope you all enjoyed that Halloweeeeeen special!” Caine floated above them.

Zooble walked over to Gangle, checking in on her. Kinger, seemingly snapped out of some trance, looked around, back to his dazed usual self. Pomni watched as Jax strolled away.

“You were so weird,” Pomni said as she caught up to him.

“Weird? I was just playing my part!”

“Oh yeah, I bet the licking was you playing your part.”

“Licking? I think you’re making that up.”

“Jax!”

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