#vanipost

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... Some things never change :D

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Don't ask me how I ended up checking synonyms for handjob, but I've made a great discovery

Good night💀

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It's already that time of year when a lot of bat species hibernate.

It made me wonder if bat fae, such as Lilia, experience any changes in their bodies during the cold season.

Do they feel sluggish and drowsy, regardless of the time of day? Do they need to put in extra effort to perform any sort of physical activities? Does their heart rate slow down; do they need way more hours of sleep and lesser amount of food than usual? During this time, do they prefer peace and quiet and to isolate themselves?

If that is the case, imagine how tough it must have been for Lilia during the war... His reflexes less sharp, his movements slower, having a hard time focusing... He's already weak to strong sunlight, imagine if he even had to deal with this problem on top of that🥺

On a cuter note, picture him being all cuddly with you the whole day, clinging to you in bed like a koala bear, refusing to let you go even for a moment. His face buried in your chest, his warm breath tickling your neck as you hold him close. He purrs and practically melts into your touch while you play with his hair, gently scratching the undercut part on the back of his head.

Him making any excuse to spend more time in Ramshackle with you, because your dorm isn't bustling with students all the time unlike the other seven, and your warm presence alone soothes his ancient soul.

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Saw this post on Twitter about the Diasomnia song, and it made me laugh😂

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Haaaai… can I hear your swing headcannons?

Hello there! Aaahh, someone who’s willing to read my ramblings about my chaotic husband is always welcome!💚💚

At first, I got worried, thinking, “Shit, my head’s all empty all of a sudden!”, but then the thoughts started flooding in, and I turned into goddamn Yagami Light 😂

Alright, let’s get into it!

(I put it under read more for possible spoilers)

- As we know, Swing has scars on his face. I’m pretty sure that he has more all over his body, in all shapes and sizes. Some of them are from fights with strong opponents (there must have been not too many of such people because he even overpowered Lilia, who’s pretty strong himself even way past his prime), while other scars are from wounds Swing got when he was captured by authorities, and no one can tell me they didn’t torture him during those times. (I want to strangle each and every one of those fuckers who did that to him)

- Swing pierced his ears himself (probably with questionable methods, but hey, the result is pretty good, isn’t it?😄)

- He’s had beef with the Briarland/Briar Valley elite for his entire life, especially with the senate. Just like Lilia, Swing has always been considered a lowlife and inferior by those snobs. In return, he loved fucking shit up and giving them a headache, not shying away from causing international conflicts that made them look bad.

- The man’s really good at dancing! He especially loves the more energetic, intense, and old-school dances like jive, quickstep, boogie-woogie (hehe), and, of course, swing. (He didn’t give himself that name for no reason!)

- Swing’s stomach is a bottomless pit. That man absolutely loves eating. He has a gargantuan appetite similar to Sebek, Grim, and Jade, so think twice before inviting him to an all-you-can-eat buffet… All that food will vanish before anyone can get a portion for themselves.

I headcanon that Swing has been through some pretty tough times where he would go without eating for days or eat just about anything he could find in the wilderness. I’m also pretty sure that during imprisonment, the guards starved him on purpose. So, whenever he has the opportunity to eat delicious meals, he won’t hold back. Just have some stomach medicine ready for him in case he gets a massive tummy ache from eating too much.

Oh, and if you make some nice home-cooked meal just for him? God, his smile will be brighter than the sun itself!

- Speaking of this, Swing is so used to taking anything and everything he wants by force that if you willingly share something with him or, even better, give him a gift… His brain will malfunction at first; he’ll get all flustered and not know what to say.

- The “fans” who chased him all the way to the forest in the intro scene of the event? They were definitely the authorities :D

- His centipede tattoo is very in-tune with Swing’s mood. We could see the little guy all perked up and wiggling its legs whenever Swing experienced intense emotions, such as thrill/excitement, anger, or agitation.

- Swing is pretty good with little kids. It was demonstrated whenever he interacted with the troublesome trio (Lock, Shock, and Barrel). When he sees children getting picked on, he goes into big brother mode and steps in. Kids usually call him uncle or big brother. And yeah, there are also children who are scared shitless of him because of his height and how intimidating he looks :D

I think he’d be a very fun dad or uncle, always coming up with exciting games the kids could play with him and/or each other. Children get bored easily and constantly seek thrill and fun, much like Swing himself. :D

- He’s usually very gentlemanly and suave with women, calling them little miss or miss if they are younger, and ma’am if he’s addressing a married or older woman. We could actually see that when he talked to Sally. (for now, let’s ignore the fact that he kidnapped her😆) If you’re a lady, expect the good old kiss on the hand from him as a greeting~

Relationship headcanons (with some spice~):

- If his centipede tattoo lets you pet it and it’s all snuggly and friendly with you, then congrats: you’re officially recognised as Swing’s mate, hehe. You’re stuck with both of them for life <3 Also, Swing would be delighted to see that you, unlike other people, are not creeped out by the little guy.

- Being in a relationship with Swing means constant cuddles, kisses, and hugs – the poor man’s touch-starved! He gives the best bear hugs: warm, nicely tight, enveloping you with his big body. Swing’s hugs are never half-assed, he makes sure to squeeze you properly <3

When feeling downcast or irritated, he’d lay his head on your lap with a grumble and either begin to vent to you about what/who upset him or stay completely silent and just bask in your comforting presence. One thing is sure: he’d find peace in your gentle embrace; bonus points if you start running your fingers through his hair.

No matter the situation, Swing loves being touchy with you. If you are cuddling, he likes playing with your hair or caressing your legs (more on that later~). Are you washing the dishes or mopping the floor? He’ll sneak up behind you and let his hands roam all over your body. Even better if he whispers dirty things in your ear🤤 That man is horny for you 24/7.

He doesn’t shy away from PDA either – on the contrary! He will make sure everyone around you knows who you belong to.

- I’ve always had the firm belief that fae ears, including Swing’s, are extremely sensitive and erogenous, so touching them is considered a very intimate act. You want to turn him on? Start peppering those ears with kisses, bites, and licks, or just trace the shell with your fingertips, and see what happens~

- He, on the other hand, is obsessed with your legs. I mean, Oogie Boogie has a leg fetish, so it’s safe to assume Swing is no different :D

Miniskirts, fishnet stockings, shorts, high heels, you name it – wear any of these (even better if you combine certain pieces), and he’ll go absolutely crazy for you. Be prepared to walk funny the next day.

- The man’s kinky as fuck, and he’ll also encourage you to express yourself and tell him all about your little fantasies freely. He’ll never shame you for it. I mean, look at what he says here:

Swing seeks constant excitement even in the bedroom, to the point he makes it a gamble. One day, he’ll put on a condom, then fuck you raw the next. Imagine him deciding about that by flipping that damn coin🤣

“Will Swing-san pull out in time or will he end up putting a baby inside you~? Which one do you think will happen? Let’s find out together~!” is something I can totally picture him say xD

If anyone read this all the way, I appreciate it 😄

Thank you so much for sending me this ask, I had tons of fun writing it!

(screenshots taken from Valkyrii's translated videos on YT)

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What is it with hot fae dilfs and wanting to be cute?😆

(Translation credits go to Ekala and Valkyrii on YT!)

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POV: Lilia going down on you

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Alright, so we are all familiar with pregnant women getting the weirdest cravings, right?

Imagine this: you are expecting Lilia's child. And what you start craving, is something that leaves everyone, including yourself, in utter shock.

You crave Lilia's food.

The banana cake with pieces of liver in it? Heavenly. Soup in which he put yogurt, eggs, hot paprika, and god knows what else? Seconds, please! Roasted lizard? A delicacy!

The look of horror and utter disbelief on Sebek, Malleus, and Silver's faces as they watch you devour Lilia's strangest culinary creations is absolutely priceless.

But what you really can't get enough of, is the way your husband's face lights up when you tell him you want him to cook for you every day. Lilia's radiant smile, his cheerful humming coming from the kitchen as he prepares your next probably inedible meal, are worth more than any treasure in the world.