#vardan thorn

[dr-vardan-thorn]

(Inspired by @ask-siebren-de-kuiper ‘s vampire head cannons, and it’s October’s eve currently so… Vampire time! I might have gone a bit above and beyond past the “keep reading” line, view if you are eighteen plus)

My own head cannon would suggest that Vardan would prefer his legs being bitten; he’s too paranoid of neural damage or effects interfering with his arms/hands. Besides, the inner thigh is super sensitive anyway <3)

[dr-vardan-thorn]

His Favorite Person

Look at these nerds...

so fun fact: I looked up the meaning behind certain tulips and wanted white for Siebren to where because they represent a new beginning. I might have also been inspired by a demi-sexual pride flag for his outfit. 

[dr-vardan-thorn]

This question kinda hit home for me... I am only speaking from my personal experiences (admittedly, I have not tried group therapy for myself yet, but I have considered it), so take it as you may.

Depression and Anxiety can be hard to deal with at times. A mind can be a battlefield within itself, it all depends on what you supply to each side that can make the difference. There are days you don't want to do anything, but you can't let that little demon win, do something (no matter how little or big) just to spite it. Is that voice telling you that you are not worthy? Tell it off. Do not let it win. Sooner or later, that loud voice will be muffled and life will go forward. It all depends on you and your choices really. If you go through intrusive thoughts, in my experience, they can be considered normal; we as human beings are thinking machines- our brain literally does not stop working, thoughts and connections are created with every second of every day. Dark or toxic thinking does not define who you are as a person. They are only thoughts and they can pass by like a fog by a breeze. But if you realize that you are feeling desensitized by such thoughts, and you are feeling trapped within your own mind, please do (not try- do) your best to seek help. Ultimately, it's up to you if you want to reach out. That change is up to you. It'll be hard work, but I believe you can do it.

Love and forgive yourself first. Take care!

[dr-vardan-thorn]

6 years ago: How they met (WIP)

Vardan looked back upon that day fondly, the day he met his anchor without realizing it. Going into space was exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Luckily, someone had a keen eye and reached out to steady him. Perhaps his stay at the station wouldn't be so bad.

[dr-vardan-thorn]

Dr. Siebren de Kuiper had been contained in a transportation pod in order to descend back to Earth's surface; which seemed both too big yet too small to the Physicist's fluctuating mind. His only companion was a lone physician wearing a similar uniform to his own. Dr. Thorn watched the outside as it shifted and altitude started to drop. He glanced across to watch his comrade warily and with a heart heavy with pity and determination. He had appointed himself as Dr. de Kuiper's doctor until the facility stated otherwise, Dr. Thorn certainly had the documents to back himself up and certainly the clearance.

"I know things may seem, scrambled, Siebren," Dr. Thorn offered gently, "I'll see to it you'll be taken care of. Personally."

He was a lean man, Dr. Thorn. Dark hair with a some silver streaks peaking through his jaw length hair. He had a feline face with a neatly trimmed goatee around his mouth, with the sharpest green eyes; only they were gentle in the traumatized astrophysicist's direction.

 “How could you know so much, Doctor? You haven’t seen what I’ve seen. You haven’t seen the universe, you know nothing. Yet- I’m sorry. I-“

Siebren fell silent, his hands shaking as he clenched then close, “It’s all an illusion, can’t you see?” the man slowly looked up at Dr. Thorn, his eyes showed just how broken he’d become.

Dr. Thorn took a moment to select his word carefully, he wouldn't want his friend to go into a fit. "I think illusions are a matter of perspective really," he grinned gently enough before it faded. "But you are right, I can't know what you have seen. I doubt I could even begin to fathom it. But you -are- real, Siebren. You are not Schrödenger's cat, I promise you," Dr. Thorn touched Siebren's shoulder lightly, "You are real, my friend. I promise you that."

“Are you sure? For all you know, you’re lying to yourself. You’re free, yet I’m trapped, why must it be like this? Why did this have to happen?”

He looked down at his hands, “What other universe, are we switched places? I presume that we are, we can do it easily since this is all not at all real.” Dr. Thorn slowly shifted his hand from Siebren's shoulder down to his wrist, a surgeon's touch really. "In my reality, right now, you are here and you are solid to me. Do you feel my hand, Doctor? Do you feel the pressure I'm giving your wrist? Because I can feel your pulse."

This was oddly close for Dr. Thorn. Usually, he kept things professional with clinical questions and gentle prods for information. Seeing his colleague so, confused and fractured, Dr. Thorn just knew that he had to be that grounding rope to keep Siebren figuratively tethered in reality and from being catatonic; he only wanted to offer what comfort he could. "If you can feel me, then surely I am real, right? Let's try to focus on that, okay?"

 “What if a feeling is also an illusion. What if I’m the one that’s not real, what if I’m just a memory? Perhaps I existed at one point in time, now? Maybe not.”

The astrophysicist looked down, “Maybe the real me is trapped in a labyrinth. Maybe I’m still me, trapped in what we call reality. Reality can be perceived as many things. A never-ending maze. A maze with a prize. Or..” he turned back to his old colleague. “We could all just be trapped forever without knowing it. In our own minds. Whatever you’d like it to be, I’m fine with it.”

The Dutchman turned away once more, his hands now resting on his lap.

 That almost broke Thorn's heart as he tried to interpret what Siebren was saying to him. "Perhaps we're all in a figurative maze in some form or another," he seemed to agree with a slow nod. "Our minds are constantly thinking, planning, spinning around and around; we are all machines in away." Thorn pressed his lips together as he thought of what else to say, "If I can help guide you to become whole again, I would do it in a heartbeat. However, I can't stitch you back together, I think you would have to do that on your own but..." he trailed off for a moment as he studied the broken man's face again, "I want to help you however I can, Siebren. You were a marvel and an inspiration to me back in the station. The way you would make your marker fly across your board, it was like you were a conductor. You were finding harmony in a din of chaos. It will be hard, but I'm sure we can get through this maze together." Thorn's thumb rubbed over the back of Dr. de Kuiper's hand. "I think that prize in that maze is yourself, Siebren, does that seem fair?"

Sieben looked back at his old friend, and smiled softly, “I don’t believe you're correct, but even then and still now, I care for you at a degree. I will agree to try to find whoever... Whatever I was before I found everything out. Maybe it’s true that it’s better to not know than to knit the truth.”

He hummed, “But I can't stop with my science, not yet. That melody.. the universe... Everything is calling for me to show you all the truth. And I will. I know you all will not like it.”

There was a pause of concern, but the doctor spoke up none the less. "It's good enough for me, my friend," Thorn answered, perhaps with a flicker of hope. "I am willing to listen to any lesson you're willing to teach."

They were to reach planetside soon. Dr. Thorn felt the heaviness within the pod as the outside of it started to glow somewhat. "Heh, so many advances in technology and the pods still catch fire upon reentry. It'll be strange to be weighed down by Earth's pull again after three years, eh?" he looked back at Siebren. "I already feel fifty pounds heavier," which was an exaggeration surely and a feeble attempt at humor. Vardan Thorn often had trouble with making jokes. "We should be there within the hour."