#vault;

[lawtonremnant]

• ESTATE VAULT : LAWTON STUDY ROOM

[06252014]

Softly, the wind swept through them as the family feasted on their simple yet unprecedented first meal of the day; it was quite a combination after all. Nachos topped with all sorts of colors, in red, in green, and in yellow, making the dish as festive as it is already couple with sandwiches that didn't seem to match its taste. One was filled with blueberry jam for the youngest, turkey for the prettiest, and both for the hungriest. Kyungsoo couldn't help but glance over at his two loved ones, finding each moment too picture perfect when they were complete. His old notion of completeness was him and Jungsoo together. It's been them together at the beginning. Not once did he expect to have Taeyeon back in his life, and especially now, dining with his son on a beautiful Wednesday morning like it was the most normal thing for an almost newcomer to do. Things jived too well, that he couldn't expect himself to be so doubtful and pessimistic. Instead, he saw this as a good beginning, a new leaf for them to start anew, all three of them. Completeness was a subjective thing. Jungsoo may not have his biological mother and Kyungsoo may not have his first wife with him, but they both felt complete with Taeyeon, like she was the missing puzzle piece. With Taeyeon, they were complete. With Taeyeon, they were a family. The little boy put cheese sticks over his teeth and tried to make himself look like a vampire, a cheesy vampire to be exact. "Aigoo.. I think I see where my son gets his humor," Kyungsoo mumbles while flicking Jungsoo's fake cheese fangs playfully, snickering as he leaned back and nibble on his jam-filled sandwich. "You look funny, little man." Childish as he was, he too felt like being silly, taking two big pieces of nacho chips and places them in his mouth like they were big fat fangs this time. It looked dumb, yes, but seeing that precious smile and the boy's lighthearted chuckle just made his heart swell with joy that he couldn't help but do all these crazy things just to amuse him. Out goes the sanity and out goes the propriety towards the window whenever Kyungsoo focused on making his son laugh. But more so now, when he had another person to keep happy. "Pst, cutie. Open up," he whispered while holding up to feed her some of the nachos. Taeyeon willingly obliged, even teasing him with the cheese being licked extra slow to make him go crazy with want. The morning itself was nothing out of the ordinary, the morning was just made special because it was one of their many firsts together. They've been on the beach together, they've been in the mall together, they've dined under the stars together, and now they've camped outside and ate breakfast by the garden like they had an unusually early family picnic all in less than a month. Was it a fast pace? For Taeyeon, it may be, with Kyungsoo's constant namecalls that may not be befitting yet until he proves his words with justifiable actions to back it up with. But for Kyungsoo, it wasn't an issue. He was determined to make it more of a reality than a sketch in an old book, surely forgotten after being swept unser the rug. But Jungsoo didn't exactly mind it as well. For the boy, he simply enjoyed the moment. The boy deduces it to simple ideas that his Taeyeon noona says she'd be present for a long time, his Taeyeon noona cares for him and loves him a lot like she says so, and that his Taeyeon noona is closer than anyone he's ever seen appa with before. They all lived in the moment, except Kyungsoo who was slightly ahead by 0.02 seconds. He always had his thoughts jumbling like a fortune teller, with his constant fickle-mindedness that turned her off before. But with him living a little slightly moving forward more than the two, he kept a vision on his head. He kept on thinking about the three of them, all in a picture frame sequence as age took its toll. He kept thinking about spending the rest of his days in contentment whenever he looked at both Jungsoo and Taeyeon, thinking he'd be the happiest man alive if life was kept this way, was kept with these two by his side. And with a small smile, he wiped the corner of his lips and gave Taeyeon a soft gaze, avoiding her eyes timidly as though he was afraid she'd read his mind. He kept his gaze down at Jungsoo's feet as the boy's toes scratched against his leg. That was when he knew. He knew life would be perfect if he married her.

[06252014]

[ an envelope was laid down on the ground, holding a letter that was handwritten and somewhat scribbled towards the end for some reason, judging by the lazy strokes of the pen. it was right beside her heels, between Kyungsoo’s boots and Jungsoo’s sneakers on the shoe rack downstairs. ] [ l e t t e r ]

Hi.

I know we’ve from being argumentative to being declarative of our feelings these days; we settled down from being an exclamation point of angst than an exclamation point of happines trailed by an ellipsis and ended with a question mark towards our happy ending. I felt like our punctuation marks have been spot on from the beginning and our grammar together has been improved ever since.

When we went on different paths (and actually followed the rule strictly not to contact each other unless it was a life or death situation), we felt free.

We were both liberated from our old selves and out to discover a different side to things, not right away. Certainly not right away. It took a long time. It did, didn’t it? That’s what we wanted, right? A new perspective? We got them.

We both got what we deserved, even though we didn’t get each other back then.

We learned to love again, but in different ways and in different people, in different circumstances.

I love the fact that we’ve managed to keep the flame alive, even after more than a decade. This is our 13th year as friends, supposedly. Did you know that? Would you have remembered? I took note of the date too much, I guess. I wanted to celebrate it with you since we missed out on a lot of celebrations together. I guess 13 is also our lucky number, because we aren’t just friends now. Not “just friends” either. I think we’ve surpassed our old selves. There are enough Sorry’s in our last book. This one- This one is full of Thank You’s.

It’s day 366 of our 365-page book. This is a loose paper. It’s day 1 all over again. And it’s not in the same book, you see. It’s a new leaf, perhaps written a little too late.

12 years. It’s not so bad, is it? A lot has changed.

You’re not Taeyeon. And I’m not Kyungsoo.

You’re Taeyeon + 12 years XP and I’m Kyungsoo + 12 years XP complete with a Jungsoo tailing at level 3 going on 4, but you and me– We’re both at the top level now. Same character, but with upgraded stuff.

Today’s page 1 again, as I’ve said. It’s funny, huh? How we got things in order even if we knew there were missing elements. We tried to fill in each other’s gaps and felt whole again even without each other.

But in reality, I could always be whole without you. I could survive without you, if we haven’t crossed paths again. But I love you so so so much, and I’ve been a fool not to show that enough 12-13 years ago. And nw, I just choose to be with you.

I just choose to be whole with you.

I choose you today, Taeyeon.

I’d choose you tomorrow, Taeyeon.

And I’d choose you everyday..

..because we’re starting over, and I’m making a book that I can refill with pages over and over again this time. One that doesn’t have to have a last page marked at 365.

It’s an open-ended book, that’s bound to be a good one. It’s (hard)bound to be a happy one.

[06252014]

Step, step, step.

On an early Wednesday morning, a soft pitter patter of footsteps woke Jungsoo up, followed by the closing of a door, thinking it was one of those large, colorful monsters that popped out of the closet just like that movie he and his appa watched together one summer. Instead of being afraid, he was curious just like any child, wondering if their fur was truly soft or if their tails were quite long and how many were their eyes or teeth. But when the small boy opened his eyes, luckily thanking the door that wasn’t able to close properly, he saw a tall figure wearing white with a fussy styled version of his hair. It must be.. Appa! He thought, while adjusting his eyesight through the darkness of the room. Because there was no way it was someone else, there was no way his appa would let mean burglars in their home. His appa told him of invisible forcefields and whatnot, and as long as his appa was there, no one was allowed to harm him.

But why was he awake at this hour?

Was his appa sensing some danger? He couldn’t tell what his appa was doing, walking along the hallway, and neither could he understand how they were both awake in the middle of the night. His appa always woke up only when his cellphone rang for calls from the hospital, or only when the light from a creak between the curtains managed to hit him right on the face. Through the eyes of a young barely four-year-old Jungsoo, he connects the “grown up” things to what he observes in his toys and in television, like the cellphone’s similarity in purpose to a walkie talkie while the light was ultimately dubbed as Mr. Sun whether he liked it or not. It might have been weird to do so but it was a way for children to simplify things, kind of how they translate it to their own language.

Jungsoo already had a sense of responsibility since Kyungsoo raised him well enough to distinguish a lot of things right and wrong. He knew the lights should be off when it wasn’t needed, the faucets should be closed so as not to waste water, not to accept anything from strangers, and that walking away from where his appa was might make him a lost boy. He didn’t want to be a lost boy, as much as he frolicked and pranced to his desires when he is at home. Jungsoo saw in Peter Pan that they didn’t exactly have families; and Jungsoo associated families with love, and with love, he felt secure, he felt happy. So as much of a hardheaded spoiled child he can be with having only Kyungsoo around, he knew when his father was serious. He could sense it in those eyes. There was something in it that looked important not to ignore.

But tonight, his appa had a different look in his eyes. Was appa hungry? Was appa having tummy aches again? Was appa having those nights that he woke up with water on his eyes? The man looked awfully sleepy but seemed to drag himself around for something significant. So the curious little boy rolled off from his superhero-themed covers, with his stubby little legs dangling from the bed while he yawned, holding that emergency Green Lantern portable flashlight his father bought for him and instructed him to use only when he needed to go to the bathroom pee in the middle of the night so he wouldn’t trip. He took baby steps in searching for the walking figure until his eyes set onto the open light from one of the big rooms in the house, down by the far end. It was his appa’s little office area and his arts and crafts area as well, earning a spot right next to each other’s but with the desk being shorter and its stool wooden and sturdy.

Jungsoo called his appa after knocking on the door politely. He could see the man was just as surpised as he was judging from the way his neck snapped when he faced the door, quick to rise from his seat and carry him up while scrunching his nose. “Why are you awake, little man? I could’ve sworn you were snoring awhile ago,” Kyungsoo muses as they settled back on the comfy seat, being placed on his appa’s lap. “Aigoo, appa can’t sleep tonight. He has to do something.” But the little boy didn’t budge, wiggling his legs as though he was about to throw a fit when he was told that he’d be put back to bed. “You’ll stick around, hm? Will you help appa then?” And with that, Kyungsoo explained everything to his son in the simplest terms he could. It wasn’t a complicated thing to do, but Kyungsoo felt like he owed an explanation to him before giving him tasks.

“You probably think she’s one of appa’s friends from the hospital, didn’t you? Aigoo, she’s a famous noona way back then and until now, actually..” Kyungsoo begins by explaining that he and Taeyeon noona have known each other way before a little Do Jungsoo was born, way before this house was built, and way before appa grew some white hair on his head. They count through the years he hasn’t seen her after something that ‘happened’ and only got to meet again thanks to the mini grocery of miracles in Gangnam. “And poof– Appa bumped carts with her– Like that ride in the fair!” The little boy took it in and digested the information, completely immersed by the thought of doing something for his Taeyeon noona, as suggested by his own appa.

…

Taeyeon noona.

She was nice, Jungsoo thought.

She was special.

She gives me more ice cream, she buys me nice clothes, she buys me that toy that shows cool tricks on television and she let me drive, he justifies in his head. But Jungsoo also noticed that his appa was a lot more fun with Taeyeon around. He saw how his appa would usually fall asleep when they played in the evenings, only to be woken up for his alarm for Jungsoo’s bedtime. But nowadays, it was he who fell asleep first before appa or Taeyeon noona would. His appa was also clearly willing to let him try more things when there were other people to watch over him. And Kyungsoo rarely did that since he would only entrust that child with his relatives, closest friends, and now, with Taeyeon noona.

He sees how his appa is close to Taeyeon noona and vice versa. He sees that his appa smiles more often, laughs more loudly, and talks less about work. And in that, he sees how Taeyeon noona makes his appa happy.

.. And if appa was happy, he must be loved. Right? Right, that was how the boy broke it down. Whomever made his appa made him happy too.

So the boy nodded, even taking initative to help with whatever was needed, which was only a bunch of papers and some crayons and pens he’d need. “We won’t do much, little man. Just a few simple ingredients to make that woman smile. Isn’t her smile pretty?” Jungsoo nods as he gripped the crayons from his desk. “Taeyeon noona’s smile is what we aim for today, little man. Then we’ll go to the beach together after the surprise. Deal?”

They bumped fists, clearly stating the reply.

Deal.

It was a gentleman’s agreement.

While Jungsoo was furiously drawing down details of little notes on his pad paper, Kyungsoo was busy on his own desk. Kyungsoo specifically assured him that their plan would go smoothly. The rest will be his appa’s doing, left for big boys like him since Jungsoo knew for a fact that he wasn’t that big of a boy just yet. He couldn’t reach his appa’s head just yet, he couldn’t speak as loud and as low as his appa, he couln’t drive on the street like his appa could, and he didn’t have that magic wallet his appa always has on his backpocket that was ready to get him anything he wanted. Jungsoo knew that stuff was for big boys, and he knew someday he’d be one.

They both agreed to finish in just an hour, just before Mr. Sun came along and just before his Taeyeon noona woke up from her sleep. They had a lot of time on their hands and Jungsoo kept everything neat, after being told that Taeyeon noona will be impressed enough to keep his artworks in her own fridge like they do. This little boy was confident it would happen; this little boy was determined it will happen. Plus, it was an easy task. All he had to do was draw a family, with him, Kyungsoo and Taeyeon in it just like they would be in an ordinary day like any day this week.

“There, just like that Jungsoo. Put a nice dress for noona like the red one she wore on your date. Yeah, she said she was your date–” They joked around like long-time friends never forgotten by time and never bound by age difference, making Kyungsoo wonder if there was any other father that felt that way with his own son. Even he felt a bit distant with his father back then.

When they both finished each other’s assigned task, they carried on with their plan ahead of schedule, having 30 minutes until sunrise before Taeyeon would be greeted wih an alarm from Kyungsoo’s phone. They had to have timing so they wouldn’t be too sunburnt in the beach later. His appa packed their clothes after rummaging through the ones shopped for just yesterday while the little boy was assigned to stick these little notes to random places around the house. One was on the keyboard, on a clock, on the wall, on a chair, on the couch, on top of the covered oven, on the floor and lastly, on the shoe rack. Afterwards, Jungsoo simply sat outside the door, looking at the garden while waiting.

Kyungsoo managed to put everything in a black duffel bag, hastily going to put it in the trunk of their car before running up the stairs, light on his feet, tiptoeing to his room to tape out a few pieces of paper on the wall. The man was too anxious, looking over his shoulder from time to time so as to blindfold Taeyeon in case she woke up abruptly. But luckily, Taeyeon slept like a log that he felt a bit guilty for having to place his phone close to her ear just to wake her up. It was set for 5 minutes before it resonated at the highest volume, before Kyungsoo ran like a madman on his way downstairs.

Jungsoo waited and waited until he started leaning on the side, which made his appa laugh. “Bored already? The fun hasn’t even started yet,” Kyungsoo whispers while throwing out a picnic blanket on the grass. They laid there together, watching the sun rise for the first time together. They never did that before. They always woke up too late for it now.

“Mornings are beautiful, aren’t they?” The little boy nodded, crossing his leg over the other like what his appa just did. There were seconds left on the alarm and Kyungsoo saw his wristwatch reminding him of it.

00:05

00:04

00:03

00:02

00:01

00:00

With a smile, he nuzzled the little boy’s cheek. “Today’s going to be a good day, baby. I can feel it in my bones.”