❛ i’m bit . ❜ ( killing you right back )
Confusion was the first thing he felt, which melted into disbelief and suspicion. Of course, Carl knew even Negan wasn’t invincible when it came to walkers, but had he really been bit? After all this? This was just… how it would end? It was… as simple as that? The younger male Grimes waited, not taking too long to notice the change in Negan’s breathing. Even knowing it - even seeing it - just didn’t… feel real. In a way, it almost didn’t feel right.
“…So that’s it?” He didn’t know what the Saviors would do from here, and this was, well, one way to settle everything. It just… felt all wrong. Where was the closure? Where would everything go from here? It almost felt like he needed the answer from Negan himself. Negan had caused all of this - started all of it. The moment his men attacked Daryl, Sasha and Abraham, everything had already begun. “This is how you go out?”
He was just… confused. The whole concept of this just left him feeling like he wasn’t really here. Like this might have been some kind of dream. The more he thought about it, the more it started to sink in. It was just… he’d talked to this person. He’d seen him around for so long now. He’d just be… gone, just like that. Death was a tricky thing. When a person died, nobody would ever see them again in person. For a while now, Carl himself had been literally gunning for Negan’s life. Yet here they were, and it felt… off. Weird. Wrong. Unreal.
All it took was a walker. Carl could almost laugh. A goddamn walker was what ended this stupid war. Lately, Carl hadn’t been sure how to end things. Many people wanted Negan dead and gone, and it wasn’t like Carl disagreed. Just… killing meant death and death was completely final. Carl couldn’t possibly imagine that Negan could ever truly atone for everything he’d done. There was some part of him that wondered if it wasn’t better to keep Negan alive and have him go through similar events as they had - experience their hell and for him to realize he’d been wrong. Keeping him alive or not - it was a complicated matter Carl couldn’t decide on.
It was going to end now anyway though. The choice had been taken out of Carl’s hands - out of anyone’s hands. There was no longer any need to debate what to do about Negan. He was… really going to die like this? As unbelievable as it was, and despite that it would be so unsatisfying for others, this was just how it was. Was he okay with this? He didn’t know. It was sinking in, sure; but Carl wasn’t certain how much of it was really registering properly. What was he even feeling? He felt like a mess.
“…I met someone. He was by himself. Out there. When I saw him… realized he was living the same hell me and everyone I’m with had been through before getting to Alexandria… I didn’t want to leave him alone. After that I started to wonder if maybe it was possible for more people to work together. If it was possible for this war to stop. I thought about it by myself, because my dad would never want to spare you after all this. I wondered if… if we couldn’t or didn’t kill you, what if we took away the things you cared about like you did to us? Left you in a pain that would never go away? I thought about… a lot of things.”
Glenn. Abraham. They weren’t coming back. Those wounds would stick with all of them with no chance at ever truly healing. At least with a walker bite, everyone had time to say goodbye like they had with Bob. Negan didn’t allow them time. They, too, had lacked closure. Worse, with their loved ones. "I never really found an answer. Couldn’t decide what was best, or even what I wanted - just me.” There was a distant look in his eye as he continued. Almost cold. Uncaring, at least, and not at all joyful. “…Guess it doesn’t matter what I would’ve come up with now though. You’re gonna die anyway. Whatever walker it was decided for me.”
It was odd not knowing how he felt, and he couldn’t even tell if some part of him was satisfied. It was hard to tell since Negan wouldn’t have to deal with the agony they’d all been through time and again in so many ways because of him and his men, but this was death. Even for Negan, surely he understood the full brunt of that meaning. What death was. Was even Negan afraid of death? It almost seemed unfair that he would die like this, but was it good enough if he died at all? Carl was so confused about this. What did that make him?
Finally, he took a light breath. Right… It was ending anyway. He was confused and couldn’t make sense of what was going on in his head right now, but he could at least be as humane as possible. Even if those awful thoughts fought in his head with that humane side of him, none of that mattered now. “You didn’t kill me when you could have back at the Sanctuary. Do whatever you have left to do with your time. As long as it doesn’t involve killing anyone with whatever strength you’ve got left… I’m not gonna kill you. Not here; like this.”
He could just say Negan was going to die anyway and thus it didn’t matter if Carl killed him himself at this point. He could do that. He wouldn’t. It was over. There would be a lot of things everyone needed to straighten out with this happening, and hell, there might even be chaos with the Saviors and they could decide to freely attack the communities. They had to prepare for anything now. Negan wouldn’t be there to keep them all in line. Many of them would just likely go wild, and there would be causalities.
“Tell your people or whatever. I’m going to let the others know. I’m sure I can convince them not to go after you or the Saviors to attack. Write your wills, say your goodbyes or whatever you gotta do. Consider you not killing me back then repaid.”
