#venting machine

[this-is-krikkit]

i want to rip off parts of my body so bad it's like an actual itch. like a physical urge, like having nausea for days but not actually getting sick so you just carry that unease with you and you can't eat and it's all you can think about yk? like i could cry of frustration that i can't do that and i feel so fucking stupid about it because like. how fucking insane am i to feel that way when i know, rationally, that of course it's not possible?? i just??? wrong body wrong thoughts and no brains ig?????

[romanticfistfightz]

not only its 8 am and already got yelled at but also found out a new way to piss off my mother in less than 5 seconds. the trick? show adhd symptoms that aren't just Being Distracted

[this-is-krikkit]

if you need to feel better about something embarrassing you did, i've got a little anecdote for you

last night i went to a work party where i got stupid drunk and, around 3 in the morning, ended up hugging a bunch of coworkers (nurses are the best people in the world, by the way, in case you didn't know) to express my thankfulness that they didn't make me feel like a complete moron this semester and lowkey saved my life in that hostile environment

and then i found myself standing in front of That Boss of Mine I Hate The Most, who opened his arms like he expected a hug too. and naturally i took a step back and said yelled, actually: "no way, i'm not hugging you! i hate you SO MUCH, dude!" and then i laughed my most honest and ugliest laugh, and went and got everyone (not him) another round of shots

ah, and i've got two weeks left on this job, and one 24h shift with him coming up.

you're welcome?

[this-is-krikkit]

get this. so these assholes spent six whole months telling me what a dumbass i am, pointing out publicly that my reasonings made zero sense and endangered people instead of helping, laughing at my attempts to understand complicated cases and failing to do so in the blink of an eye, dismissing my future field of expertise that they famously despise.......

and those same people are now telling me, direct translation, that i'm a great person to work with and will no doubt have a long and impressive career BUT..... we all agree: your biggest flaw is that you severely lack self confidence 😕😕😕

YEAH??? NO SHIT??? YOU GUYS SPENT HALF A YEAR EFFECTIVELY DESTROYING IT???? 💀💀💀

[romanticfistfightz]

okay i know this might not be important to a lot of you but basically my country made my existence, along with millions of others, illegal just because we're lgbt. and also called it "an ideology, not humans". so thats great im lovin it here

[romanticfistfightz]

hhhhhh i wanna try going by a different name i mean like. a second name??? like i still like ray i just found an alternative?? that id love if people called me that??? and it came out of a joke i made for my bf and then i thought abt it and i realized id fucking l o v e that but also its just hhhhhhh i wouldnt know how to explain to people that i wanna be called that but i also still am ray i guess??? it would just feel super great to be called the new one??? but also its an english word and i live in poland n ppl have problems w ray as a name anyway??? and it might be confusing or annoying??? or just straight up dumb?? and im??? hhhhhhhhh

[romanticfistfightz]

wanting to go by a different name vs the fear of being annoying and looking dumb bc of it: f  i  g  h  t 

[romanticfistfightz]

hey uhm okay ik this will probsbly read like another dumb tumbrl shitpost and im sorry but im not. quite able to think properly rn but uh could like,, someone. anyone. somehow let me now theyre real and they exist and im not fucking alone and that things are Real co z i feel like im oging to fuckin lose it in a moment