I need to runaway.
Not literally runaway but a much needed vacation. And yes it is summer time here and all. But it has not felt relaxing at all. With the troubles of my romantic relationship and the distance that takes up fights to the fortune events of yet another one of my siblings residing in take facility full of other trouble souls, OH and the wonderful entanglements of the everyday novela of my mother's marriage, can't forget the harsh vibes provided by my pretentiousness now jesusfreak-still-don't-how-love-my-sister-temper-anger- brother of mine. Yes it has not been a very well summer, may I add that along with working two jobs and having no social life besides the thurs-Saturday nightly after job walks with my I-Am-always-fighting-with not-so-much, but-indeed-is- boyfriend around downtown Providence. I frankly need some space. FORM EVERYTHING, AND EVERYONE.
So finishing this little rant up, I don't know if I should go all out and buy an overly price ticket to see and spend some much needed quality time with my distant familia. Yes, well I am working my ass of to have enough money in order to buy myself a car and have one less weight over my mother's shoulder. So I am going to saying that I will have 3000 american $$ to my name. Which I however should use 1,000 to get some peace into my mind should be a good idea.
First option:
California. The land of fun. Lord, I miss California and everything about it. This would be a righteous idea seeing that I can go check out schools FIDM being a main one, and take trips to lovely places like laguna, LA, San Diego, Malibu, and many other places where my face is not known my any one. Adding the fact that I will be chilling by the pool with my fav boy cousin Joshua, who has a bombing social life and into the hall rock, indie, screne in Temecula. I can also stay with my non related but totally considered Aunt Vale, in LA. Where I can check out the fashion distract and see if I can really move to LA next year. I do love and miss Tia Vale. She's just like my mom, without her acting like my mom. My mom in a more best friend type of way. Her vibe is vibrant and melo. I can also add to the list that I would be only 8hours away for Tucson, therefore I can also go visit the mexican side of my guatemalan uncle. Yes, taking a trip where the tortillas are heaven. OH, and a trip to Las Vegas is much needed in fact, a recommendation. So California might seem like a lovely idea, feeding myself with summery adventures and exciting nights. Yes.
But then there is,
Option 2,
Guatemala. The land which I took my first breath in, spoke my first words, and got the first taste and certainly not the last of my dysfunctional family. Let me start by saying that I have not seen the island of eternal spring in over 10 years. I was a child when I was removed form my habitat and haven't been back since. One reason because the right time hasn't appear and most importantly because I haven't felt ready to fly over to my past and meet a bunch of strangers that are called family. But if I do go, I can re meet those wonderful family members who watched me as a child that I know nothing about. And that they don't know much about me. For all I know, it could be very bad or very good. I can have so closure in my soul and redeem myself for the insecurities that take up my mind in why I am the black sheep of the Crocker Pinto Clan, and did not get the traits of Ireland or the skin color of pale inside my DNA. I can finally meet the family that I look more alike, the grandmother I remind everyone of and the Father who I barely speak to. I can go see my two grandmothers, spend some time with the crocker grandfather. Ride around in his motorcycle and take lovely pictures and share them on fucking facebook!!! I can also get to know my father and he ccan get to know me. Then I can be able to figure myself out , a little more. See the traits I did inherit form the barrios last name. Where did my creative sign come about? Where did my bitch ass side reside? I can leave the captial, and go to the lovely town of Puerto Barrios, and spend lovely afternoons with my dearest prima and see the other side of the world and how they live. Beaches, and the hottest heat known to man. I can be among her homies and love live. Forget about the one I have here. Be with my best friend, spend memories, and dream of the future in peace. I can also connect with my aunts and find intimacy with my family that I surely need to see asap. I am turning 18, I mean I need to see the other side of the world. My past and discover what is to be me. They say Guatemala is a peaceful place to be at, and I am much looking forward to peace.
OR............
Option tres.
I can stay, in this small state in this small town. And well spend the last two weeks before my senior year and just work on my art and study for the SATS. If my sister comes home, then be here to support her and help here heal. I will then be only working at my first job and not talk to anyone and just prepare myself for the upcoming school year. Work on my college essays, tour a couple more schools here in new england, and at the end go on a big shopping trip in New York with my mom. And try to focus on my future most importantly.
So which Should I choose?