I am really tired of being depressed seriously. idk why but being at home is not my fun part of the day anymore, everytime i get home i start feeling extremely bad. i be studying every day for so long but don't get anywhere and i be so unfocused. I've watched every single YouTube video, listened to audio books for self help to how to be disciplined and it never works??? i literally be wanting to be, i want it so much but i never achieve and the worst thing is that i KNOW WHY but i cant say it to anyone that i dont believe in myself to much and that i hate myself in a way that is suicidal. really. ive trying so hard to not be like that anymore but it always gets me at the end. it really pisses me off, so so fucking much. i really have so many dreams, hundreds, why almost every of them dont get even close to become reality, what do i do wrong ? i really thought i could make myself proud but i never get.... i want to be good why i cannot be good. every night i be thinking about how shitty i am and how nothing i accomplished these past 3 years and i tried so hard....
I'm tired seriously, when I'll be good at something... i really be thinking that I'm miserable, that I'm making my parents disappointed because they be spending too much money on me and they believe so much in me that i be feeling the worst person ever i swear. i really don't wanna hate myself anymore please let me be happy once in my body please