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[theparselmouthvh]

Goodbye from Me

Although I've held the position of The Parselmouth’s Editor-in-Chief for five of my seven years at Hogwarts, writing a sentimental article about how it's "changed" me and how "grateful" I am just isn't really my style. Sorry, Professor Wollice - I know that's what you were hoping for. Instead, I'll keep it brief. Being Editor-in-Chief of The Parselmouth has been hard sometimes, I'm not going to deny that. But at least it was decent enough to inspire me to go for a young editor's internship at Witch Weekly (which I got, by the way, if you were wondering). And I've met a few good people, I suppose. That's all there is to say. Congrats and good luck to all the other graduating seventh years - I hope you all get jobs and don't end up on the streets. And good luck to The Parselmouth's next Editor-in-Chief, too. Seriously, you're going to need it. Bye, Slytherins! written by Asia Chadwick

[theparselmouthvh]

Dear Parselmouth...: Edition Eight

Caution: The Parselmouth claims no responsibility for any accidents, loss of friendships or otherwise unprecedented disasters that occur as a result of the advice issued below. Any questions, comments or complaints are best addressed to the editors. ————————– Dear Parselmouth, All my friends have started revising for OWLs already. Should I have started too? - Not Studious Dear Not Studious, Your friends have probably started early because they're dumb. If you're smart, revising the night before will work perfectly. Good luck with your exams! Sincerely, The Parselmouth ————————– Dear Parselmouth, Trying to keep up with duelling, gobstones, Quidditch, Arithmancy Club, choir and homework is really, really hard. How can I fit everything in? - Overachiever Dear Overachiever, Short answer: You can't. Long answer: You'll need to make a few cuts to make everything else more manageable. I'd suggest dropping out of Arithmancy Club (you shouldn't need it if you actually know what you're doing) and quitting the gobstones league (ew, gross). You're welcome. Sincerely, The Parselmouth ————————– Dear Parselmouth, How do I ask out the girl I like? - Inexperienced Dear Inexperienced, Just ask her. The worst she can do is say no! (Well, the worst she can do is hex you all the way to the Hospital Wing but they'll heal you up there in no time, so it's all good.) Sincerely, The Parselmouth ————————– Don’t forget to keep writing in with all those burning questions! written by Eden Beattie

[theparselmouthvh]

Classwork 101: How to Succeed in Divination

Struggling in a particular class? Don't want to ask your classmates for help and risk looking like an idiot? Don't want to ask your teachers for help for fear of looking worse? Fear no more! This is the fifth installment of The Parselmouth's 'How to Succeed in' series - a group of articles helping you to achieve that O grade in each and every one of your classes. Today we're looking at the achilles heel of many students at Hogwarts: Divination! TACKLING LESSONS 1. Practice! (Whether you take that to mean practising the various forms of divination you've been taught or practising the creation of made up predictions, though, I don't care. Either would work fine if I'm honest). 2. Predict as many deaths as possible. You'll score major plus points, I promise. TACKLING HOMEWORK 1. Just make it up! The wackier it is, the higher your mark will be. TACKLING THE PROFESSORS 1. Bring earmuffs and a change of clothes to every lesson, just in case one of Professor Bond's pranks goes a tad too far. 2. That being said, ignore everything Professor Bond says; his idiocy is rivalled only by Professor Gainsborough's. 3. If you're too nervous to make up your predictions, speaking to Professor Rhodes is probably your only hope of passing this class. So try not to irritate her or fall asleep in her classes. Follow these simple tips and you, like me, will pass Divination with flying colours! written by Eden Beattie