presenting with much commentary: my family
mood: exasperated
music: the line - mood rings
It was my birthday yesterday. I'm just on the other side of my mid-thirties and part of working on myself means understanding when the way I'm being treated is Abnormal and/or Not Okay.
My mom's side of the family are what I like to describe as Duck Dynasty conservatives. We're from the wrong part of the country for "true" rednecks but that's what they have always been, through and through, even though they live ten minutes out of a midsize city (that they hate). They are complete teetotalers-- they think that if you have so much as an airplane-size bottle of booze in your house, you're an alcoholic who will surely lose your job, your home, and die an early and miserable death. (In fairness we do have a family history of crippling alcoholism. For all her problems, my mom has never been an alcoholic and does drink very occasionally, we just never ever tell anyone else in her family.) They are also nosy and will open cabinets and drawers and refrigerators. My partner and I have a fair amount of guests over and we have a sizeable bar with a mini fridge-- some stuff we buy and some stuff is left after a party. I have not had a housewarming or even a casual get together inviting them to my house because it is A Lot Of Work to disassemble all that into boxes, hide it somewhere away from prying eyes, and make the remaining area look natural. My mom is pushy, thin-skinned and loves to assume the worst possible intentions so she has given me a lot of flak and guilt tripping ("after everything I and my family have done for you...") about me not having had them over.
So, in Saturday my partner and I had a birthday party with my friends. I had a great time showered with much love and care of a bunch of amazing people I know. My mother knew this was happening and did not come (she wasn't invited lmao). I woke up yesterday and busted ass to clean up the kitchen. My partner did a lot of tidying and picking things up. My mom pressured us to have people over for cake after our planned dual birthday dinner (hers is three days after mine). We had to do a full sweep to put away all the alcohol and all evidence of alcohol being present the night before. She drives but hates to do it to go anywhere but the grocery store or the doctor's office, so ON MY BIRTHDAY we were having to go pick her up and would have to leave our own house after everyone else left to drop her off afterwards. Do you think she offered to go to the store and pick up a basic ass cake, or to make one? Nay, friend, nay. WE HAD TO MAKE THE TIME TO DO THAT TOO.
Then, today. My father calls me. I have a fraught relationship with him too for different reasons. I didn't talk to him yesterday and I missed his call today. He had ignored that I had said I was going to make plans to celebrate with him and my aunt when I was available. He was annoyed that I hadn't answered his calls because he assumed we were getting dinner today although nothing of the sort had been agreed to. He answered the phone being snarky, then got mad that his public housing apartment was forcing them to report assets and income (YOU FUCKING VOTED FOR THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS YOU COULD HAVE LISTENED TO ANY NEWS OTHER THAN BRAINROT YOUTUBE FOR THE LAST YEAR YOU WERE COMPLICIT IN THIS AND YOU THOUGHT YOU WOULD BE SPARED AS A WHITE MAN AAAAAAAAAAA). He also went on a tirade about meeting a guy who prays to Mary and the saints at his CATHOLIC CHURCH (YOU WERE BORN AND RAISED CATHOLIC YOU WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL YOU HAD TO DO THE ROSARY WHY DO YOU GO TO A CATHOLIC CHURCH WHEN YOU REALLY JUST WANT TO BE AN EVANGELICAL PROTESTANT THIS IS CATHOLICISM THIS IS LITERALLY WHAT YOU ARE AGREEING TO WHEN YOU GO TO THEIR CHURCH AAAAAAAAAAAA). First time he has talked to me since my birthday and he didn't say happy birthday one time and just got mad about stuff during the half hour phone call.
Anyway my family is bananas, my friends are cool and I'm so glad I have them. Recording these memories because I've discovered it's vindicating when I have those moments where I'm gaslighting myself.