Challenge to teach for wives
I have a challenge for wives to help strengthen their bond w/ their husband & strengthen their marriage.
“Wives: What if God wanted you to enjoy sex as much as your husband does? Pretty sure that was His plan. #SexTip“ - #TheMarriageBed #Quote
First the sad story that inspired this challenge, then the challenge.
As the “low-drive” spouse, I MUST force myself into a sexual mindset. It is why so many of the daily blogs I read are ones that encourage the pursuit of a physical connection w/ my spouse. I need that encouragement! It’s also why I look for fun & creative ways to engage in physical intimacy w/ my husband. I also meet w/ other women that help mentor me & encourage me.
Yesterday I met w/ two other women for coffee after lunch. Both I respect greatly & are much older than I by a few decades. I’ve gained much wisdom about life, God, marriage, & family from them. As we chatted, an item came on the news that shifted our conversation to recent politics. Then a related tangent took us in a new direction.
While looking at the protest coverage on the TV ‘S’ said “How many more marriages are they going to destroy?” After a moment she continued “I bought wholeheartedly into the women’s lib movement in the 60’s. I was free, independent, & I had sex when I wanted to have sex & only when there was something in it for me. That selfish lie destroyed the sex life between my husband & I forever; it brought us to the brink of divorce so many times. By the time I realized it was a selfish lie meant to destroy marriages, families, & homes it was too late for a complete healing.”
‘B’ agreed. “Instead of seeking God first, then my husband, then my family - I sought myself first, second, third, & so on. It was 15 years into my marriage when I suddenly realized that my husband didn’t know how to pursue me & properly excite me sexually. Then I had the horror thought that I had no idea how to do the same for him!”
I asked the obvious question “How did you fix things?”
‘S’ said “We never fixed our sex life. Time & age took it away before we could. It left a gaping hole in our lives where we should have bonded. We now pursue other things together in retirement, but they aren’t the same. They don’t unite us in the same emotional, physical, spiritual way that sex was designed to unite two flesh into one being.”
‘B’ answered “Lots of prayer & lots of sex. We had more sex in my late 40’s then we did my 20’s & 30’s. It was a terrible trade off. We waited too long. Age brought us much more challenge & frustration.”
I again asked the obvious question “How do I avoid the same mistakes?” This conversation sparked the basis for the challenges.
The first challenge setup:
* Does your husband know how to communicate love to you? For many women, the process of sex starts long before we get into bed. Does your husband know that? What does he need to know to help prepare you? Be direct, never nag! Make it clear what you need & want. Don’t assume he knows already – maybe he does, maybe he doesn’t – tell him again clearly.
- “Honey, the kids are stressing me out. It would help me tonight if you can settle them down now, please.”
- “I really need clean laundry tomorrow. Will you please help take that off my mind so I can think about more entertaining things in the bedroom?”
- “Today has me so tense. Will you please sit & let me curl up in your arms? I just want you to hold me for a long while without any other distractions.”
- “I would greatly appreciate it if you spend time w/ me helping put up dishes & clean the kitchen.”
- “Did you know that repeated science studies have shown a 30 second hug lowers heart rate, stress, & anxiety? Or know that it releases oxytocin & increases desire in women? I would be very grateful if you would intentionally pursue that daily w/ me.”
Summary #1: Communicate to your husband how to show love to you. Tell your husband what you need to reach an intimate mind-space.
The second challenge setup: The wife’s body belongs to her husband. [1 Corinthians 7:4 #Scripture]
* Have you taught your husband how to touch you to take you from zero to climax? Have you taught him the subtle differences between a light touch when you are relaxed & a light touch when you are aroused? Have you given your husband your whole body to explore & learn or are you with holding parts from him?
Only you can teach him these things! Anything he’s learned from any source that is NOT you is WRONG! Every woman is different & your husband can only learn what works FOR you FROM you!
Repeated surveys have shown that men enjoy cunnilingus much more than the media gives them credit for. Here is just one example: https://site.themarriagebed.com/surveys/how-do-you-feel-about-giving-oral
* 70% of men enjoy doing oral sex on their wives for themselves
* 66% enjoy doing it because she enjoys it.
* No men said they dislike or hate doing oral sex on their wife
* Almost half of men would do oral on their wife more often is she let them.
* Most men are totally into every aspect of doing oral on their wife.
Have you taught your husband what you enjoy about oral sex?
What about other parts of your body?
My husband is a ‘leg man’. It was easy to teach him what I liked & I learned to get comfortable w/ the touches he liked.
I am an ‘ass girl’. For years, I secretly liked it when he would gently place his hand there or would give it a soft squeeze. I hesitated exploring & teaching him for so long because my upbringing said it was wrong to enjoy being touched there. It has only been recently that I have begun to teach my husband when I like a firm massage (after a squat workout!), when I like a soft caress (stressful day), & when I just want a gentle touch (most days). He is slowly learning when it is a good time to give a gentle squeeze when we hug versus a pick-me-up-by-both-hands-squeeze hug. It’s still my responsibility to be highly communicative to him to tell him what kind of touch I want & need as I explicitly tell him what to do & how long to do it. The rewards are great as he continues to learn the are of my body that feels surprisingly good to me.
While neither one of us considers ourselves to be ‘breast people’, we’ve repeatedly found the benefits of me teaching him how to touch, kiss, caress, & suck on my almost-too-sensitive-to-play-w/-breasts. I’ve blogged about this before where I have all but begged wives to teach their husbands their breasts: https://miniskirtday.tumblr.com/post/155296659456/teach-your-husband-your-breasts
Spouse breast play is good for your sex life!
https://miniskirtday.tumblr.com/post/158046146951/breast-play-is-best-in-marriage
Even better, science studies have found STRONG evidence that the time a husband enjoys the breasts of his wife is linked to good health & increased desire for his wife!
Summary #2 Teach your husband to know your body sexually as well as he knows his.
The third challenge setup: The husband’s body belongs to his wife. [1 Corinthians 7:4 #Scripture]
* Do you know your husbands body? Do you know when you are teasing him & when you are stimulating him? Do you know his body well enough to know when he is about to climax so that you can hold him off for a bit longer or know his body well enough to know when he has hit the point-of-no-return?
* Do you know which part of your body stimulates him the most? How does he react when you use your hands, mouth, breast, ass, legs, feet, ect? Why not have a fun flirty exploratory night? Maybe he loves the visual of one but the stimulation of another?
* Do you know how to give fellatio? If your version is to just put it in your mouth & wait till your neck is sore, then you have a lot to learn!
* Can you give him a quickie w/ your mouth &/or hands that is as fast as he can do it himself? Do you know when he enjoys a strong grip versus when he prefers a soft grip? Can you recognize w/ your mouth &/or hands the pulses that indicate his building orgasm?
* Have you ever encouraged him to masturbate for you? Have you watched him as he does it? What stroke does he prefer? Does it change at different levels of arousal? Is it fast? Is it slow? Does he change grip or focus when he approaches orgasm?
A wife should NEVER encourage her husband to masturbate by himself or to other women. The next time he is in the mood but you may not be, encourage him to masturbate for you. Give him a sexy smile, flirt w/ your eyes, & tease him a bit visually. Then watch what he does & how he pleasures himself. Learn from it & then try it out.
Need more suggestions on things to try on him? Gather ideas from http://www.marriagebed.tips/ & then try them out.
Summary #3 Learn your husbands body sexually as well as you know yours.
The challenge!
* Plan out SIX (6) days this month for sexual connection w/ your spouse.
* In the days leading up to each of the six planned events explicitly tell your husband TWO (2) things that he should do to help prepare you for sex for that event (hugs, laundry, flowers, ect).
* Plan one night where you watch & learn as he stimulates himself.
* Plan two nights where you try to apply what you learned.
* Plan five nights where you teach him how to stimulate you. Let at least one night be exclusively your breasts.
* Every night you should clearly tell your husband one thing he can do that will improve the moment for you as a teachable moment.
Notice that there is overlap in the number of things to plan & the number of night available. That is intentional! Be creative in how you approach the situation. Here’s one example:
Explicitly tell him that the kids rooms need to be cleaned & he should over see the process. Explicitly tell him you would like back massage to relax. Tell him one thing about the massage that he could learn for next time. Teach him how to do that one thing & let him practice. When you are relaxed & ready, invite him to sex.
There you go! Plan out 6 nights this month to learn & teach sex w/ your husband! Whatever your current skill level is, increase it this month!
