[ I just really enjoy writing banter ok... so I wrote some more.
More Vancouver 2010 Olympic shenanigans featuring the results of Calvin's cliffhanger "We need to talk" conversation and some after dinner drinks with friends.
As usual I wrote this after talking about Situations and Shenanigans with @randomoranges. There's Edgary there's Monmonton there's Monmongary if you squint... Nothing particularly explicit but there is a lot of secondhand embarrassment and a sprinkling of French.
Enjoy! ]
---
Edward nearly forgot it was February and a good foot of snow was awaiting him at home. Each minute he spent here, he felt himself thaw to the point of melting.
Spring fever had him in its tendrils, even out of sight down the long windowless hotel hallway. It was probably why he didn't sense the urgency of Calvin’s earlier statement.
“We need to talk.” Sure, Edward laughed inwardly. “Talk.”
That was code for Calvin shutting the door and thrusting him against it, hand over throat, hissing that it wasn't fair for Ed to tease him like that, that he’d noticed how easy and flirty he’d been with Étienne and how unacceptable that was. Ed might even let drop that he'd been more than just flirting with Étienne in the past, that Ed had once been his most devoted disciple.
It was a little shock when Calvin methodically kicked off his shoes, placing them neatly near the door before hanging his coat. Puzzled, Edward followed him in as Calvin sat and gestured to the other armchair expectantly. Edward sat, but only on the arm. No way was he letting whatever this was get serious.
Calvin picked up the provided ballpoint and started impatiently tapping it, glancing around like he was waiting for someone to join them. His brain, perhaps.
“Why are you smiling?” Calvin frowned at him.
Edward smoothly pivoted. “You were pretty flustered with Étienne back there, it was cute.”
Calvin flushed and opened his mouth to protest.
“I know, you want to talk to me to tell us to lay off. We will play nicer. Or I guess, I'll try to, I don't really control what he does.”
“It's not that.” Calvin waved his hands. “I know what he’s like.”
“What's the worry?”
Calvin seemed to consider the question for a long time, clearly not one he'd rehearsed.
“I just… the secret lovers thing came up and I just. I guess I realised it was not that far off from the truth.”
“I knew it,” Edward lay back smugly, “Van man is pretty irresistible.”
“Not like that I mean. Like. On the one hand,” Calvin drew up his hand and loosely pointed a circle between them. Edward got the message.
“You're laughing at me again,” Calvin frowned.
“It’s still cute,” Edward’s eyes twinkled, “Baby's first illicit relationship.”
Calvin reddened. “You mean… you've…”
Edward didn't feel compelled to give the full details. “I had a pretty good 20th century in spite of you, what can I say?”
Calvin stared at his feet, clearly losing his grasp on the reins of this conversation.
Edward sighed, he supposed it was also cute that Cal cared.
“It's in the past,” Edward was proud of his truthfulness. “Welcome to the walk-in closet.”
The pen in Calvin's hands might have been auditioning for a relay race, the way it passed back and forth.
“And on the other hand?” Edward prompted.
It worked instantly. Calvin squared himself up in his seat the way that he would before a meeting with someone he wanted to impress. Edward was so rarely on the receiving end of this that he had to double take. He didn't like being the stranger.
“What are we?” Calvin made direct eye contact as he asked.
It was Edward's turn to look nervous. Did he want him to also say “secret lovers” out loud? It was too embarrassing.
“We’re friends,” Calvin tapped the pen on the table to emphasize. Ed exhaled in relief a moment too soon.
“And friends tell each other what's up,” Calvin said authoritatively.
Shit. He really had figured out the Étienne connection, hadn't he.
It had been a nice run, Edward supposed, a good three decades of surreptitious meetings and intimacies and heartbreaks. To think he had genuinely thought he'd smoothed over enough to kick off one more decade, to squeeze even one more passionate night out of a relationship so far on the rocks they could open a ski resort on it.
He had to give it to Calvin, he didn't think he'd be perceptive enough to read that deeply into it two or three strides away, eyes in the back of his head and all. He didn't think Calvin would be perceptive enough to even initiate… whatever cringey label fit the two of them at the moment.
It was a good thing he knew better than to blurt out something incriminating like-
“I can explain,” said Calvin with the measured calm of a man about to confirm a suspiciously high charge to his banker.
“You can, can you?” Edward coughed hoarsely.
“We were at brunch,” Calvin continued, “without you.”
“Okay.”
“It's just, you've been so honest with me and I feel like I-” Calvin's composure started cracking before Edward had time to process what he was trying to confess.
“Van invited you guys and not me?” Edward tried to tease out the scandal. “That's fine. Team Olympics, also cute.”
“No,” Calvin crossed and uncrossed his legs, unsure how to even sit anymore. “I didn't invite you. I didn't want you there because, well, because when I was planning this a while back I guess I thought you were annoying and distracting.”
“You thought?”
“It was before the whole,” he gestured back and forth between them again “this Thing.”
That long…? Edward raised his eyebrows a little. “But now you don't, right? You finally realised I'm charming and sexy-”
“No, Edward,” Calvin snapped, “I was right to think what I did, because you're doing exactly what I expected you'd do if I invited you, undermining me with your sarcastic little peanut gallery commentary and making me feel like a fucking moron!”
“If the cowboy hat fits,” Edward couldn't resist.
Calvin was standing over him now. “I'm literally trying to tell you something important and you can't stop being a snide little bitch long enough to hear what I'm saying!”
“Cal, it's fine. We can see other people,” Edward stood up, gently straightening Calvin's collar and lightly patting his cheeks. He needled Cal with the same satisfaction one got from picking a scab, “I’m very happy for the three of you.”
Without a word, Calvin smacked away his fingers and shouldered past him to get around the bed. Edward watched as he shut the bathroom door quietly and heard the latch click into place before the sound of water at full blast.
“Finally,” he breathed, undoing his belt and peeling off his socks before collapsing on the bed. As he sleepily contemplated watching some TV or trying to find a more elastic waistband before they had to go to dinner, it vaguely occurred to him that Calvin forgot to bring a change of clothes in with him and if Edward were nice he would get up and leave some by the door.
He wasn't nice. His train of thought ended there as he drifted off.
As he lightly dozed, he had some awareness of the water eventually shutting off, Calvin quietly swearing, the door opening and luggage zippers flying this way and that.
Edward startled as a damp towel suddenly came hurtling into his face.
“For the record,” Calvin said, tucking in his tie as Edward blindly missed him with his return shot by a metre, “There were four of us.”
***
Dinner had been tasty enough that he was glad not to need to share it. He usually didn't mind swapping a few morsels on his plate for Calvin's and never said no to finishing off a meal for him, but eating alone seemed to be in the cards tonight.
He tidied up his spot and gradually made his way over to the bar where the others were gathering for after dinner mingling. Normally, it was the kind of thing he skipped out early on, but at the moment it was preferable to the dark grey damp outside or the static charged atmosphere of the hotel room.
Nodding politely to a few smaller locals making up for Van’s absence, Edward looked for a spot near to someone he actually wanted to talk to. Unfortunately, Calvin wasn't visible. Unfortunately, Edward only felt like talking to him.
Cal was so good at taking the lead in conversations, asking how people were and remembering stupid details about them. It made adding to ongoing conversations so much easier.
“Edmund!”
Good grief. If there was one person who could smell a hint of internal disarray like blood in the water, it would be her.
“Hello, Vi,” Edward couldn't back up into the bar any more than he already was and couldn't risk excusing himself until his drink was ready. “It's still ‘Edward’, I’m afraid.”
Vivian gave a sniff of disapproval. “Surely not,” she said assertively, as if he'd been the one to get his own name wrong.
“How was the ferry?”
“Oh, excruciating!” She laughed musically “The line was so long I thought I'd miss the sailing and leave poor Van attending at Tsawwassen when he should be-” here she paused to sip her gin and tonic with a little less ladylike precision than usual, “well, here with us would have been nice.”
“Did you see him much this afternoon?” Edward finally received his drink, which at least gave him something to do with his hands.
“Oh yes, thankfully we made the connection and I'm all settled in his spare room! A bit of a broom closet but I think with a few flowers it could be quite cozy.”
Taking another measured sip, she delicately inquired “and how is dear Calvin?”
At least she asked about Cal and not The Mall, Edward grimaced.
“Ever a thorn in my side.”
“And vice versa,” Vi seemed to have a little trouble with her depth perception as she poked the air in front of his chest. Maybe she just thought him untouchable. “Considering he showed up at the apartment at the same time I did.”
“He doesn't have much discretion…” Edward took a swig.
“Well, that's to be expected,” Vi smiled her not-so-secretive smile. “Don't you worry, I got some piping hot Darjeeling in his hands and he's right as rain now.”
Edward resisted saying that rain was not exactly right for the occasion.
“Is he still at Van’s?”
“I expected they would be on their way here by now,” she coughed with disapproval, “which is why I thought I should like to speak with you.”
Edward stopped trying to make panicked eye-contact with Hally across the room long enough to try to think of a reasonable response. He was supposed to be the Calvin whisperer.
“He’s been pretty stressed,” Edward started, “He thinks it’s his second shot at the Olympics or something, so I bet he’s taking Van on another last-minute round to make sure the cauldron is gonna light.”
“Oh, that explains so much.” This seemed to appease her. “It was like it was his apartment the way he tried to beat me to the kitchen.” Edward had a brief image of Van entering a meditative trance face down on his bed in the dark as the other two tried to out-host him.
He checked on Hally’s progress around the room - brightly laughing at something Samuel said, which he’d prefer to being interrogated at this point.
“How is your garden?” This was a safe topic that wouldn’t involve too much more input.
“Thriving, unfortunately!” Vi cackled before she launched into explaining the finer points of combatting the invasive (but lovely) English ivy and the similarly invasive (but delicious) blackberry bushes. Edward gamely played the ignorant arctic outpost and tried to make the right noises of surprise and wonder at the right times. Mentioning to Vi that he could only grow a single species of hydrangea in his climate was exactly the sort of thing she would seize on.
“It’s so good to see you! Ohmigosh!” He heard Hally’s voice somewhere behind Vi as others passed back and forth to pick up or drop off their glasses. Ed wasn’t positive what exactly he was hoping for her to do when she checked in, but he remembered she had a knack for turning a boring conversation on its head.
“You should really come and see the plum blossoms before you leave,” Vi’s voice was getting syrupy, “You could see them here, of course, but the ones on View Street - oh! - and Government House-!”
“I’d prefer that to the snow-”
Vi gasped, “Unparliamentary language-!” came the playful admonishment.
Ed froze as he heard a familiar laugh, warm and genuine, in response to something Hally had said. He couldn’t stop himself from twisting around to look.
“Ed!” Hally’s eyes finally locked on his, “Look who finally showed up to a meeting!” She grabbed Étienne’s shoulders, still shaking with laughter, and spun him into the group.
“I’ve been caught!” Étienne giggled and clinked his glass with hers. “Though this one has been much more enjoyable.”
“It’s such a pleasure,” Vi enthused. She didn’t perceive a whit of social distance between herself and Étienne even after all this time, something Edward envied. “How have you been enjoying the other coast so far?”
Hally and Étienne both started to speak, apologies and laughter overlapping.
“I’m only just waking up after the jet lag,” Hally leaned on Étienne for stability, “I’ve spent half the day in bed so far!”
“I’ve covered enough ground for the both of us,” Étienne put an arm around her, “I’ll show you all the best spots tomorrow. Or tonight, if you’re so inclined!”
“Ooh, tempting monsieurrr!”
“And how does it compare with the rest of our beautiful country?” Vi’s eyes sparkled with challenge.
“I have to admit,” Étienne said slyly, “It’s so welcoming that I’m starting to feel like a local.”
Edward snorted at that.
“What? You think I’m too ‘eastern bastard’, hm?” Étienne turned his eyes on him like lasers and Edward couldn’t say he wasn’t craving it. “Trop québécois? Alors qu’y’a “Québec Street” juste à côté?”
“So you’re giving directions like a local then?”
“Tournez à droite, chuis à l’Hôtel Whatever, mon numéro-” he and Hally dissolved into giggles again.
“You should have seen him at Waterfront, telling everyone not to waste their time with the maple candy,” Hally explained. “They were so delighted to run into a real Canadien.”
“I ken’t ‘elp ‘aving de h’adorable h’accent,” Étienne sighed as if it were a curse and not something he ramped up when it suited him.
The four of them turned towards the sputtering cough. It seemed that Samuel had unwittingly tuned into this conversation.
Étienne pounced. “Sam is well h’aware because ‘es done it too. Only when ‘e does zis, ‘e does eet wis a Parisien accent, so zat ze touristes know ‘ow sophistiqué ‘e iz, unlike dose câlisse de gars de Montréal wit’ deir froques end deir chars-”
Samuel rolled his eyes but let himself into the circle and tersely replied “I do not.”
Vi patted his arm sympathetically, “Well, I at least think you are charming just the way you are,” to which she received a placid smile.
“Alright,” Hally took a step back as she waved and made faces at her next stop, “Can I leave Étienne with you responsible adults?”
“Non,” Samuel deadpanned.
“You’re not leaving me with them,” Étienne grinned wickedly, “You’re leaving them with me.”
“What about you, Eddy, you alright?” Hally squeezed his shoulder as he nodded with a smile. “Good. We’ll catch up later.”
“Over donairs,” Ed affirmed.
“NO!” Hally called back, waving him off.
“So what did we interrupt?” Étienne noticed his empty glass and held it up, “Any recommendations?”
“Empress 1908,” Vi held up the remains of her blue gin and tonic, “I’m partial to Indigo, but you might enjoy Elderflower Rose. Sweet and spicy!”
“Comme moé!” He smiled and turned to consult the bartender.
“So,” Vi turned her attention back to Edward and he hoped Hally had instilled enough strength in him for whatever came next. “We were talking about how you should see the plum blossoms,”
“Uh huh.”
“Maybe with someone special?” Was she actually wink wink nudge nudging him…?
“I don’t follow.”
“Forgive me for prying,” she said with no clear intention that she was at all sorry, “but were you not following her across the room with your eyes our entire conversation? Did you not turn towards her when you heard her laughter? Was that not a tender exchange of parting glances you just shared?”
Oh, so they’re having this conversation. Did they not already have this conversation…?
“Oh, no no, Hally and I are just friends,” Edward did his best attempt at non-chalance, “I’m gay, actually.”
Please don’t bring up The Mall, please don’t bring- was it his imagination or was Samuel giving him a once-over? Edward’s brow wrinkled in confusion as Sam turned back to his drink with a dismissive shrug. Okay then.
“Oh!” Vivian gasped, “Well then!” She stared at him for what felt like forever before looking past him.
Edward followed her gaze to Étienne, who had returned with his blood red drink and fangs to match.
“Are you now?”
Ed would have loved to throttle him. Among other things.
“In that case,” Vi beamed as if she had already written the happily ever after, “perhaps the two of you would enjoy a romantic carriage ride under the petals?”
It was finally Samuel’s turn to laugh. “My brother’s sense of romance is…” he sucked in his cheek in thought. “Unsalvageable.”
“With you as a role model, it’s no surprise.” Étienne replied blithely, “I would be delighted to visit, with or without the romance, at the very least for more of this gin.”
Vi was pleased with this concession, but the gears and pulleys seemed to continue rotating in her head. “Would you ever consider dating?” She turned to Étienne.
“Dating Edward or dating in general?” He made direct eye contact with Edward as he sipped.
“Either!” Vi looked at Edward expectantly, as if she wanted him to express an interest or better yet, some coquettish self-deprecating shyness.
He wasn’t really in the mood.
“Étienne and I have already established we could never date,” he started dryly, “Every time we get together we’re too busy being catty about the decor and what everyone’s wearing for any meaningful conversation.” He couldn’t quite figure out whether the light in Étienne’s eyes was evidence of a long smouldering Wrath or some twisted Pride.
The corner of Vi’s mouth curled up in a grin, as if she’d solved the mystery and was ready to inform the parlour.
“You know who might appreciate a carriage ride instead,” she chuckled as she finished the end of her gin and raised her other hand, palm up, to gesture over Edward’s shoulder.
Cal finally made it after all, it seemed. He was talking animatedly to a small gathering in front of Van as if he were taking publicity requests.
Edward didn’t process Vi’s implication nearly as fast as Étienne did. Laughing so hard he was gasping for breath, Étienne clutched the bar while Samuel took a couple of steps back in case the gin escaped its glass.
Étienne was still laughing while Vi left Edward her best wishes for them to “make up soon” and fully engaged Samuel in a discussion of spring decorating, no doubt inspired by Edward’s typically snide comment earlier.
Edward turned to Étienne with patient derision.
“Are you done?”
“Rien dans la tête,” he sang between giggles, “tout dans les yeux-”
“Shut your trap,” Edward scoffed.
“Un corps de maître, une peau de feu-”
“Bye-bye.” Edward thunked his glass on the bar and held Étienne upright rather than let him collapse into his shoulder as the laughing fit started again.
“Since we’re on the subject,” Edward started casually, “What can you tell me about Secret Brunch?”
Étienne’s laughter became pained moans.
“Told you, han?”
“More like he made a big deal out of telling me and never got around to it.”
“There isn't much to tell,” Étienne nursed his drink with more care, “Mr. Yeehoo approached me with grand visions about team building and mentoring and circle jerking or whatever it is and I turned him down-”
“Did you turn him down or did you politely say you'd think about it?” Edward teased, knowing from Étienne’s expression he'd hit on something, “It's just as well, if you'd turned him down outright it would have made him twice as hard to get rid of.”
“Van begged me for my wisdom and experience, so I reconsidered for his sake.”
“Right,” Edward couldn't imagine Van begging for anything. “It seemed to go well yesterday, at any rate.”
“I had two miserable years of practice,” Étienne sighed, “but occasionally a truly sublime culinary experience.”
“Two YEARS?” Edward looked for his drink before remembering it was empty. “He managed to organize this under my nose for YEARS?”
“It was, as you say, a Big Deal to him.”
Edward thought back to the financial crisis and racked his brain for something that might have indicated secret meetings. He had a vague memory of a fight they'd had over something stupid, Ed’s lack of ambition or something. Edward remembered rushing to finish some half assed presentation he didn't want to give. Cal bugging him about introducing him to Étienne like they hadn't been friends for roughly 200 years.
“He said he didn't invite me on purpose. I figured it was some little Olympic club so that didn't bother me but…”
“You did do Commonwealth,” Étienne affirmed.
“Did he invite anyone else? Winn did Pan Am twice.”
“I don't know,” Étienne was looking away at the crowd now and smiling at passersby.
That statement seemed to confirm Edward’s suspicions about the fourth person. He knew better than to push the subject with Étienne.
“I'm a little bitter he trusts you more than he trusts me,” Edward’s pretend pout felt a little too on point. “He said I was too much of a snide little bitch to come, so what does that make you?”
He basked under Étienne’s gaze again like a heat lamp.
“An experienced one. Got my Masters,” he smiled. “BhD. Licensed to teach.”
“And what kind of lessons were there at Secret Brunch?”
“Make sure the fucking roof retracts,” Étienne downed his gin, “And that men can indeed have babies.”
“You did this for meals?” Edward absently thought about the things Étienne had done for his cooking.
“My BC bud supplier wasn’t talking to me, so I had to go to the source,” Étienne jabbed him a little too hard in the ribs.
“You weren’t showing up to meetings,” Edward hit him right back.
“You stopped showing up to hockey games,” Étienne tweaked Edward’s nose.
Edward had nothing to say to that. Drawing his mouth into a thin flat line, he pushed away from the bar.
“Eddyyy, come back!” Étienne wheedled. “Don’t you want to know what I’m doing after this?”
If Edward really had anywhere else to go he wouldn’t have stopped like that.
He turned around and gave the best impatient “What?” expression he could. Étienne crooked his finger and reeled him back in. They hadn’t played this game in a while and it felt just a little demeaning, and Edward wanted more.
“I promised to be discreet for once,” It was like one second he was on his way out and the next he could smell Étienne’s aftershave again, fuck. “I met some lovely visitors at the airport who crossed a great many time zones and will no doubt be up all night…”
“Uh huh.”
“And again, I am under the impression that the place they came from is not as open as ours, but I think one or two might be to your taste.”
“I see.”
“Bravo for your honesty earlier, by the way” Étienne slowly blinked his long lashes, “I'm trying to figure out how to reward this behaviour.”
“I've been doing it on my own for the past ten years,” Edward replied, “you have a lot to make up for.”
“We have some time to get started before I’m expecting any guests.”
“They better not play hockey.”
Étienne laughed loudly and ruffled Edward’s hair.
He hated how the low snuck up on him after only one drink. The contact was almost too much and he tried to keep focused, not to look around at their peers, not to pull away. Things were different now. Looking directly into Étienne’s eyes would keep him grounded - the exact thought that seemed to precede all his worst decisions.
Étienne, gleeful and emboldened, took his time pulling his fingers off Edward’s scalp, trailing them behind his ear, running his thumb down his cheek, grazing down his neck before flitting away only to clap him on the shoulder.
“Chuis dans la 323,” Étienne’s grin reached his eyes before he leaned a little more weight on Edward’s shoulder, “Tu vas devoir m’porter, oké?”
This was obscene, Edward thought. Surely he knows he can't get away with it in a room of their colleagues, friends, family for Christ's sake.
“How-dee,” speak of the devil and he will appear in a stupid white hat and fringed leather jacket. “Just getting started, hey Étienne?”
In response, Étienne leaned his entire face into the arm on Edward’s shoulder to compensate for what his laughter was doing to his balance.
“Is he okay?” Calvin shot a concerned look to Edward, who attempted a shrug with his free shoulder. It seemed they were being civil again, which suited him fine.
“C'est difficile de s'en aller-”
“He’s fine.”
“- trouver un homme pour me toucher-!”
“He’s singing.”
“People sing when they drink.”
“Well, check your phone okay Étienne? And set an alarm, otherwise I'll bring my hangover cure straight to you.”
“C'est pas d'ma faute si quand tu m'approches je deviens chaude,” Étienne said innocently, fanning himself.
Getting nowhere, Calvin turned back to Edward. “We’re catching up later?”
“I might be back late,” Ed found himself saying. “Don't wait up if you're tired. He's allowed one more drink and then I’m making sure he gets back to his room in one piece.” He felt Étienne’s hand take a little victory lap down his spine: Edward had to stop himself from stepping on his toe.
Calvin nodded sceptically. “I’ll see ya,” he said, deflating slightly as if he had already resigned himself to this kind of brush off.
“Bye-bye!” Étienne waved cheerfully as Calvin left to continue circulating among the guests.
“Hm hm, ‘catch up’, is that what they call it now?”
Ed pushed him, but Étienne only returned closer.
“Now what's this about buying me a drink?”
“I’m buying you time," Edward said, watching Calvin vanish into the next group. “I'm going to wash up, and then you're going to make it up to me.”
“Don’t you miss all the other androids?”
“Not at all,” said Elio. “The only time I met another android, I became extremely irritated with the creature. I confess I wished to hit it in the face. It is the one occasion on which I have felt those strong emotions that you born-humans seem to feel all the time.”
“Don’t you feel anything?” Vivian said. By now they were walking briskly and they were nearly at the corner into the hall. “Don’t you even feel happy?”
“No, but neither do I feel sad,” Elio said. “Amusement I do feel, and much contentment. The alarms and fusses of generations of born-humans keep me entertained all the time.”
