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A Secret’s Worth

Summary: “You know,” Taekwoon said, laughing wearily and rubbing a hand through his hair, “Saying that I lost my memory wasn’t exactly true. And before you get all mad at me, it is much more believable than saying that I somehow made it into a world where the timelines diverged sometime when I was a teenager and I never became a part of Vixx.”

As Taekwoon and Jaehwan's friendship develops into something more, secrets need to come to light. That doesn't mean that either of them are happy about it. Sequel to take me back and Notes to Befriend Lee Jaehwan. Part 3 of my Leo in a Strange Land series.

Rating: T

Word Count: 9.5k

Also on AO3

Note: If you haven’t read the first two parts of the series, I recommend doing that first, as this won’t make much sense. You can read take me back HERE and Notes to Befriend Lee Jaehwan HERE.

“You know, I asked you a month ago if you wanted to meet the Vixx members, but you kind of ignored me,” Jaehwan said, glaring at Taekwoon from where he was sitting across from him in their coffee shop. Their semester had ended several weeks ago and they were enjoying the small break. Of course, Jaehwan was still practicing hard and attending many events and activities with Vixx, and Taekwoon was busy working on his thesis and composing, but they still considered it a break.

“Yeah,” Taekwoon said, trailing off slightly. Jaehwan glared again, this time a little more severe than his usual playful anger.

“Come on, Taekwoon-hyung,” he pouted. “I’ve met your mom, several times in fact. I know you’re a fan and everything, but you can’t avoid meeting them forever.” Taekwoon opened his mouth to reply that he could very well try, but Jaehwan cut him off before he could start. “You’re important to me; you’re my best friend. And they’re my best friends too. I want all of you to get along, and that’s never going to happen if you never meet.”

Jaehwan looked up at Takewoon from under his eyelashes, eyes serious. Taekwoon knew that even if he wanted to, and he did, he wouldn’t be able to say no.

“Fine,” Taekwoon said, rubbing a hand over his forehead, trying to fight the headache he could feel approaching. “When?”

“Thank you so much Hyung!” Jaehwan said, moving around the table to give him a hug, squeezing him extra tight. “I’ll let you know. Soon, though.”

Taekwoon sighed.

--

Taekwoon didn’t know how to feel. When he had gotten home that night, he went straight to his room, skipping dinner. His headache had developed into a migraine, and even placing his head on the pillow caused a pulse of pain, making it impossible to think or sleep. He didn’t often get migraines, but anytime he was under a lot of stress or pressure, his head decided to play games with him, making him even more stressed and unable to rest properly.

Of course he wanted to meet the rest of the Vixx members, that wasn’t even a question, but he was scared: scared that they would be unrecognizable even after knowing their counterparts for 4 years, scared that they wouldn’t like him, and scared of what meeting them meant. He wouldn’t be Vixx’s Leo to them, he would be Jaehwan’s friend Taekwoon. At least that was better than being the random, tall male fan.

He curled onto his side and brought his knees to his chest, hugging them slightly. He tried to go to sleep, but the pounding of his head was too much and even the light coming from the hallway outside his door was preventing him from getting any rest. He found himself drifting in and out, feeling almost high until his medicine kicked in and he finally fell asleep.

--

“You guys have to be nice to him,” Jaehwan said as the five Vixx members walked to the restaurant they had chosen to meet at. “He’s very nice and way too good for all of us. So please, please be on your best behavior.”

“So cute,” Wonshik said as he caressed Jaehwan’s ear. “You’re trying to protect your friend. We’re nice, though?” he said, voice lilting up at the end in a joking question. Jaehwan wasn’t really worried about how they would act, as all of the members were genuinely nice people, but he wanted then to make a good first impression.

“Now everyone,” Hakyeon said, turning around so he faced the members, very narrowly missing running into a pole and was only saved by Hongbin reaching out and pushing him slightly to the right. “Remember, Taekwoon is my age, so he’s your hyung. I know you don’t show me much respect sometimes,” there were several affronted mutters, “but treat him like a hyung.”

“You two are really making us seem like demon children,” Hongbin said. “We’ll honestly be fine? I don’t see the problem.”

“Sorry,” Jaehwan said, running a hand over his hair, just missing elbowing Wonshik in the eye. “Taekwoonie-hyung has just helped me a lot. He’s the only reason I passed theory last semester and he’s a sweet person. He’s also a fan, so he already knows your names and general personalities. He was just hesitant to meet you all, probably because he is a fan, so I just need this to go well.”

“It’ll be fine,” Hakyeon said, smiling gently. “Now, did he say he’d meet us inside? Or what?”

“He… just texted me,” Jaehwan said, grabbing his phone out of his pocket. “He’s apparently waiting outside now.”

They walked a little faster to the restaurant and Jaehwan smiled in relief when he saw Taekwoon leaning against the wall, looking cool in ripped jeans, leather boots, and a flowy shirt, half tucked in. Taekwoon turned his head slightly and spotted Jaehwan, immediately smiling and giving a small wave. Jaehwan waved back and started to walk faster.

“That’s Taekwoon?” he heard Wonshik mutter incredulously to the other members, but he didn’t care what Wonshik meant by that and as soon as he got within grabbing distance, he hugged Taekwoon, smile bright across his face.

“Well, I’m here,” Taekwoon said, still looking at Jaehwan softly, an arm planted around his waist.

“Yes, you are,” Jaehwan agreed, “and you can finally, officially, meet the members.”

Jaehwan was still staring at his face when Taekwoon’s smile dropped slightly, and it took on a more strained look as he turned his head to greet the rest of the Vixx members. “Hello,” he said in his soft voice, “I’m Taekwoon. It’s nice to meet you.”

There was a brief moment of silence before Hakyeon gave a bright smile and came up to give Taekwoon a short, slightly awkward hug. Taekwoon closed his eyes and gripped Hakyeon hard, before releasing him. The other members didn’t hug him, but they greeted him kindly before all six of them made their way into the restaurant.

They ordered 10 orders of marinated crab because Sanghyuk could eat 3 orders by himself and then chatted lightly, waiting for the food. It was a little awkward at first as the members tried to include Taekwoon in their conversations.

“You really don’t have to include me,” Taekwoon said, meeting their eyes after the forth awkward glance his way, “I don’t talk much anyway. Just talk like you usually would.”

“Hyung,” Jaehwan started, staring at him with a worried look on his face.

“No, seriously,” Taekwoon said, making sure they understood. “If I want to add something, I will, but just talk about whatever you would like. I hate that I’m making the atmosphere uncomfortable.”

The younger members hesitantly started talking amongst themselves, about some game or another, but Hakyeon ignored them and turned toward Taekwoon and Jaehwan, who was hanging off of him.

“Well,” Hakyeon said, “That’s okay then, but I still want to talk to you. Now, according to Jaehwan, you’re studying composing, is that right?”

“Ah, yes. I just started my MA, so I’ll be finishing in another year and a half,” Taekwoon said, turning to look at Hakyeon. Jaehwan linked their arms together and scooted his butt closer so he was pressing against Taekwoon’s side even more than before.

“He’s really good,” Jaehwan bragged, leaning over to talk to Hakyeon. Taekwoon got a whiff of his hair as the air displaced and immediately tried to distance himself from his own thoughts, as they were drifting into somewhat dangerous territory. “Did I ever play you the song he wrote for me?”

Hakyeon smiled and shook his head. “No, but I remember you crying about it. That good, huh?” he asked Taekwoon, laying a hand on his upper arm.

The gesture was very familiar. Even when Taekwoon was having a difficult time when they debuted and would push him away, Hakyeon would still try to be close to Taekwoon, would lay a comforting hand on his shoulder, or hug him. He had admitted to Hakyeon years later that he was what had kept him going during the early years, that and his own ambition. Hakyeon had cried silently to himself, burying his face in his palms for several minutes before looking back at him, tears quelled for a moment and a smile on his face. “Thank you, Taekwoon,” was all he had said in response, but it conveyed how much the words truly meant to him and made Taekwoon’s own heart ache at how much Hakyeon must have suffered because of him.

Taekwoon came out of his thoughts to Hakyeon and Jaehwan staring at him intently. “Sorry, I spaced out,” he said. “What were you talking about?”

Jaehwan pouted. “I was just reprimanding Hakyeon-hyung for doubting your skills.” He paused for several moments, staring intently at his face. “Are you alright?” he asked softly.

Taekwoon nodded and squeezed Jaehwan’s waist tight. “Really, I’m fine,” he said and was spared from any other prying questions when the food came, Taekwoon clapping his hands in delight to see so much crab being settled on the table.

“Just letting you know,” Taekwoon announced to the table when they had started to dig in, mouths already filled with crab and rice, “if I start coughing or my voice disappears, I’m fine. I’m just very slightly allergic to crab.”

“Are you joking?” Hongbin asked after a moment of silence.

Taekwoon laughed and shook his head. “I’m really not joking, but it’s not serious. And I like crab, so…” he trailed off.

There was another moment of awkward silence. Taekwoon sighed and disentangled Jaehwan’s arm from his own, making to stand up. “Sorry, I keep bringing the mood down. I’ll leave.”

“No!” the members all shouted with varying degrees of intensity, reaching out to motion for him to stay.

“We’ll just talk about something else,” Hakyeon said, looking a little panicked, his eyes shifting around the table. “You should talk to Wonshik about composing. That’s something you two have in common.”

Wonshik turned to him with a small, awkward smile. “That’s right, you’re a composition major. Do you have a specific style you like? Do you compose classical music, or music with lyrics, or…?” he trailed off. Taekwoon smiled at his attempt at communicating, knowing exactly how difficult Wonshik found this kind of small talk.

“I compose music that’s meant to be sung, but I have composed some pieces for piano as well. I took a class on piano music composition several years ago, which was a lot more interesting than I thought it would be.”

Taekwoon had perked up when they started talking about music, getting a light in his eyes that had been absent for the rest of the dinner. Jaehwan smiled at his side when he saw how passionate he got, sharing a relieved look with Hakyeon.

“I really like composing ballads and medium tempo songs, or things with interesting instrumentation-”

Taekwoon and Wonshik continued talking, Sanghyuk occasionally adding his own opinion, or asking questions as he had recently started taking an interest in composing.

“You know,” Jaehwan butted in, giving a sly look to Taekwoon, “in addition to being a good and passionate composer, Taekwoonie-hyung is also a fantastic singer. He’s better than me!”

As everyone turned to Taekwoon, he rolled his eyes, elbowing Jaehwan in the side lightly. “I’m not better than him, he has a better range and a nice tone on high notes. I’m just a decent singer.”

Jaehwan scoffed. “Don’t let him fool you. Really, he’s a great singer. He sings and plays piano at a live bar sometimes.”

Taekwoon covered his face with his hands as he felt his ears heat up at the praise. He heard Hakyeon chuckle at him and groaned, taking a deep breath before baring his face again.

“Now I’m curious, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon said, leaning forward slightly so he could see him around Jaehwan. “You used to work in an office, right?” He waited for Taekwoon to nod before continuing. “You’re clearly very musical, so why didn’t you go into music right out of college? You waited how many years before going back to school?”

Jaehwan turned toward Taekwoon as well, curious as to the answer. Somehow, this was one topic they had never talked about. But now that he thought about it, it was very strange that Taekwoon had never gone into music straight away, even getting a degree in business and working in an office for several years.

Taekwoon’s face had taken on a strange look that Jaehwan couldn’t identify, making his heart sink without him knowing why.

“Oh,” Taekwoon said, his voice somehow softer than normal. “Um, I don’t know. I, um, lost a lot of my memory from when I was a teenager until about 9 months ago. I can’t really tell you what I was thinking at the time.”

There were several intakes of breath from around the table before Jaehwan grabbed his thigh tightly, causing Taekwoon to turn toward him in askance, trying to avoid his stare as much as possible.

“Are you serious?” Jaehwan asked, his voice cracking slightly in the middle. Taekwoon opened his mouth but Jaehwan just continued. “Nevermind, I know you’re serious but… why didn’t you ever tell me?”

He sounded hurt and Taekwoon peaked up through his hair, noticing Jaehwan’s eyes and mouth drooping slightly.

“Sorry, it’s just… not something I like to think about,” Taekwoon told him quietly, “it was a pretty difficult time for me and I was still struggling through it even when I met you.”

Jaehwan said he understood, but the rest of the meal was stilted and strained and Taekwoon apologized what seemed like a hundred times to the Vixx members for bringing down the mood and making the whole meal awkward. They apologized right back to him and as they were leaving, Hakyeon hugged him tightly, murmuring an apology in his ear before letting go and smiling at him, eyes warm and inviting, looking every part the Hakyeon Taekwoon had left behind. Instead of hurting, it made him feel better inside that maybe he hadn’t ruined everything.

“You’re not walking back with them?” Taekwoon asked as they had waved goodbye, Jaehwan staying by his side, a warm hand placed on his shoulder.

“I figured you and I could take the long way back,” Jaehwan said, giving him a restrained smile.

They walked for a few minutes in silence, just listening to the loud laughter and chatter coming from the groups they passed, or from the open doors of restaurants. After several blocks, Jaewan asked, not even turning to look at Taekwoon, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

They walked a few more steps in silence as Taekwoon gathered his thoughts, trying to find the right words. “Jaehwan,” he said softly, “you know I care about you, right?”

Jaehwan stubbornly stayed silent for a few seconds before murmuring his assent.

“I… it was a terrible time for me. One day, I had woken up, very confused because I wasn’t where I thought I would be. I knew nothing about a job I had supposedly had for years, and I wasn’t doing what I thought I should be doing. I never hit my head and I still remembered some things, like the big events that had happened around the world, but I hadn’t known myself, and that was the worst part of it all, not knowing how I became the person I was.”

“I just feel like a terrible friend, that I never knew,” Jaehwan said, hurt clear in his voice. “And I’m angry at myself for being hit so hard by something that affects you and not me, that I’m this selfish to only be thinking about my own hurt when you had experienced this…” Jaehwan trailed off before running a hand through his hair, messing up the coifed hairstyle so a few strands fell in his eyes.

Taekwoon wrapped an arm around Jaehwan’s waist and squeezed him in a side hug before letting go, smiling at Jaehwan when their eyes met. “You know,” he said, “there was one good thing that came out of my memory loss.” Jaehwan tilted his head questioningly. “Well, it brought me to you, didn’t it?” he asked, smiling at him again, eyes soft. “We never would have met.”

Jaehwan’s breath caught at both the statement and the smile directed at him, feeling dizzy for a moment before he could take a deep breath and steady himself, completely thrown by the feelings the moment had brought up.

The rest of the walk to the apartment Jaehwan shared with the Vixx members was lighter, both of them joking around and talking about safer topics, things back to normal. They hugged goodbye, clinging a little longer than normal before they parted ways, Jaehwan making his way upstairs and Taekwoon to the train station.

--

“So, how was your walk?” Hakyeon asked Jaehwan when he made his way inside, putting a strange emphasis on the last word that Jaehwan ignored.

All four members were sitting on the couch, waiting for Jaehwan to make his way home. He should have been expecting this and known that they would want to interrogate him.

“He’s nice,” Hakyeon said as he led Jaehwan over to the couch to sit down with them. “Not what I was expecting, but he’s nice.”

“I’m sorry the dinner was so awkward,” Jaehwan said, rubbing a hand over his face. “Taekwoon’s an awkward person in general, and then I kind of threw him in the middle of things, I swear he’s a nice person.”

“Didn’t I just say that he was nice?” Hakyeon asked, giving Jaehwan a look.

“He’s different from your other friends,” Wonshik said, “calmer and more mature. Not that your other friends aren’t, but… yeah, they aren’t. Taekwoon-hyung is better.”

“I mean,” Hongbin started, “sure it was awkward, but we approve of your friendship, and wasn’t that what the whole dinner was about?”

“I may be a little in love with him,” Jaehwan said, groaning into his hands. Sanghyuk snorted and patted him on the back.

“You are more than a little in love with him,” he said, earning a quick kick from their leader. “You hung onto every word he said and were ridiculously clingy. You are so far gone, it’s hilarious.”

“Ugh, do you think he knows?” Jaehwan asked, covering his eyes with his arm.

“Probably not,” Hakyeon said, shrugging. “But it’s difficult to know.” He paused, judging Jaehwan’s expression before continuing. “It’s alright to be in love with him.”

Jaehwan just shook his head. “No it’s not. He’s going to hate me.”

“I don’t think that man has a bone in his body that could hate you.”

--

During the next month and a half, Jaehwan had started and completed musical rehearsals, and opening night was upon them. Jaehwan had, of course, secured a ticket for Taekwoon without him even having to ask, and was able to give it to him during one of the very few times they were able to meet during that busy time period. School was back in session for the semester and Taekwoon was busy composing, and Jaehwan busy with his own coursework and schedules in addition to rehearsals. They didn’t have any of the same classes this time around, so they made do with seeing each other whenever they were both available, which was rare.

You’re still coming tonight, right? Jaehwan texted while his manager drove him to the theatre. It took a few minutes to get a response.

Of course. Wouldn’t miss it.

Jaehwan smiled. You going to be free afterwards?

The next message came quicker. Yeah, wanna do something?

Yeah, but I have a schedule early in the morning so not for long.

That’s fine. Text me after the show so I know where to meet you.

J J J

--

“You were great!” Taekwoon said as he gave Jaehwan a hug. When they released each other, he handed him the bouquet he was holding and smiled softly as he watched Jaehwan sniff at the flowers.

Jaehwan was still slightly sweaty and his stage makeup was a little worse for wear when the two of them finally met their gazes.

“Do you really think so?” Jaehwan asked, pouting toward Taekwoon. Taekwoon just nodded, a happy smile on his face and he held out his arms again to give him another hug, holding him tight against his chest one more time.

“No but seriously, you were stunning,” Taekwoon said, “I couldn’t concentrate on anyone else. Nobody compared.”

Jaehwan blushed slightly at the compliments and smiled at Taekwoon, his eyes crinkling around the edges.

“So,” Jaehwan said, “what do you want to do? I have a blissful 4 hours before I should head back to the dorm.”

“Well, in that case,” Taekwoon said as he started walking toward the exit, motioning for Jaehwan to follow, “Do you want to go to a noraebang? Just unwind and have some fun?”

Jaehwan looked at him suspiciously. “You don’t really seem the type,” he said. But Taekwoon just smiled back at him.

“No I don’t, do I?” he asked before putting his arm around Jaehwan’s shoulders and setting them off at a brisk pace. “I do have the ulterior motive of wanting to sing with you, though, so…” he trailed off.

Jaehwan inhaled sharply through his nose but pretended the words didn’t affect him.

When they had made their way into the noraebang room and the lights were dimmed, the colored lights flashing, the two of them relaxed and let go, intending to have fun singing their hearts out.

While Taekwoon was singing some ballad made prettier by his voice, Jaehwan stared at him intensely, unable to look away from the way Taekwoon’s lips formed the lyrics, the way his mouth opened and closed with each breath he took. He looked ethereal under the colored lights, his eyes heavy lidded as he sang, not needing the lyrics displayed on the screen.

His thoughts made Jaehwan angry at himself, knowing that Taekwoon would never like him back, that it would always be this thing hanging heavy over his head, something he would never be able to confess, but would have to carry with him for the rest of their friendship. But when Taekwoon finished his song, one last note hanging in the air as he turned to smile at Jaehwan, handing him the microphone for the next song, Jaehwan’s heart couldn’t take it anymore.

He stood up and walked slowly and deliberately toward Taekwoon. Taekwoon was holding his arm out, microphone weighing down his hand, but Jaehwan bypassed it and threw his arms around Taekwoon’s shoulders, hands going to the back of his head to pull him down so their lips met.

He was met with pliant lips and enjoyed the few seconds they were connected until Taekwoon pulled away, his sharp intake of breath clear even over the heavy instrumental of the forgotten song.

Jaehwan watched as Taekwoon took a step back, almost falling over the table before collapsing on the couch and covering his face with his hands, his whole body drooped forward.

“I can’t,” he muttered, voice softer than usual as he spoke through his hands.

Jaehwan tensed up, angry at himself for letting his feelings get that far. “I’m sorry,” he said, causing Taekwoon to raise his head, dark circles already forming around his eyes, made worse by the lights in the room

“No it’s okay,” Taekwoon said, meeting Jaehwan’s eyes. “It’s really not you at all. It’s me. I’m so messed up you don’t even know,” he said, dragging a hand angrily through his hair before dropping back to scratch at his neck.

“No, it’s okay. I understand” Jaehwan said, peering hard at the floor, seeing the slight shine of sticky spilled beer from whoever had occupied the room previously. He understood that Taekwoon wouldn’t want to be with him.

Taekwoon made a frustrated sound, dragging the air through his teeth. “No, it’s really not you,” he insisted, looking into Jaehwan’s eyes, trying to make him understand. “This would be fine, except…” he trailed off.

Jaehwan took a step back, crossing his arms to try and get some kind of comfort. “You don’t have to explain yourself. I understand you don’t want me. Sorr-”

“No!” Taekwoon said, almost at a shout as he stood up, his hands clenched into his shirt. “No, please. I just… I just need to think,” Taekwoon said, unconsciously mirroring Jaehwan’s pose. “Don’t stop being my friend. I just need to think. And then I’ll explain.”

Taekwoon was looking at him with such soulful eyes, pleading with Jaehwan to understand him. Jaehwan finally nodded and Taekwoon sighed in relief.

“Okay, I’m going to go now,” he said, grabbing his phone as he stepped around Jaehwan. Jaehwan just looked on as Taekwoon went out the door and glanced back once before rushing down the hallway.

Jaehwan took several minutes to settle himself and then walked out to the front desk, intent to pay their tab. He choked up a little bit when the woman said that it was already paid, but didn’t let his tears escape him until he left the building. He sat down on some steps, put his face in his hands, and cried.

--

Hakyeon immediately ushered Jaehwan into his arms when he saw him, probably taking note of his weak steps and red-rimmed eyes.

“Not go well?” he asked in a soft voice, not even having to ask what would make him so upset. That was what made Hakyeon such a great leader and friend; he was always aware of the happenings of his life so he could be there to help him pick up the pieces.

Jaehwan sighed. “He said he needed to think, that he still wanted to be friends it wasn’t me, it was him, blah blah blah,” he said, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m so stupid.”

“No,” Hakyeon said, putting an arm around Jaehwan’s shoulders. “You’re not. He said he needed time, right?” he asked, trying to peer at Jaehwan’s face, lips upturned in a soft smile. Jaehwan nodded slowly. “He told us he lost his memory, and clearly he has some issues to work out surrounding that, so give him the space and allow him time to process how his life is going. Sure, he hurt you, and that matters, but he also went through something that none of us can understand,” Jaehwan’s heart clenched at the thought, “and I’m glad he’s deciding to work on his mental health now, rather than 6 months into a relationship.”

“He still hurt me,” Jaehwan mumbled, not intending for it to be heard, and definitely not intending to sound so bitter. Hakyeon just squeezed him harder.

“Yes, he did,” Hakyeon said, reaching a hand toward Jaehwan’s chin to turn it, forcing him to look at Hakyeon’s expression. “You are important too, but you need to protect your feelings just as much as you project them. Your mental health is just as important as Taekwoon’s. Understand?”

Jaehwan blinked a few times slowly, then nodded his head. Hakyeon gave him another smile and squeezed his knee, fingers digging in comfortably before he stood up and made his way out of the room, intent to give Jaehwan some alone time.

Jaehwan just stared at his phone as he clenched it in his fist. He didn’t know how long he sat there as millions of thoughts and scenarios passed through his mind. Finally, with shaking fingers he typed out a message, pressing send before he decided to delete it.

we’re still friends. take all the time you need.

An hour later, after he had gotten out of the bathroom, face freshly clean from any leftover makeup, Jaehwan looked at his phone and saw a return message from Taekwoon. It was simple, but it brought a small smile to Jaehwan’s face.

thanks.

--

Time went on as usual for Jaehwan and soon two weeks had passed. The only difference between these weeks and the past several months was the severe lack of texts from Taekwoon. The frequent ruminations about life, or notes about whatever song he was working on mixed with a healthy dose of pictures and stories from his nephew used to help Jaehwan get through his busy work and school schedule, but the weeks just moved passed him, a little more boring.

The other members noticed something was wrong too. Hakyeon promised he hadn’t told them what happened, but no matter what Jaehwan wanted to think, they were actually smarter than a lot of people gave them credit for. So he put up with their weird version of coddling for exactly twelve days before exploding at them.

“Yes, Taekwoon did say, and I quote ‘give me some time,’ and yes I cried on my way home, but you guys don’t get to treat me like glass because of it!” he ranted, throwing the shirt he had just balled up in his fist to Wonshik when he opened his mouth, looking apologetic.

“Don’t you dare say anything related to my heartbreak at all,” he threatened, pointing at them with his finger, trying to look as menacing as possible. “I will get over it on my own time.”

“Um, sorry,” Wonshik said, rubbing at his neck as he glanced at Hongbin and Sanghyuk, who both looked a little taken aback at the genuine anger coming out of their member. While Jaehwan was never really calm, his anger was always a little more fake or cute and almost never something serious. “I did actually have something to say though,” he continued, giving a strange smile to Jaehwan.

“What?” Jaehwan asked, folding his arms over his chest.

“Well, I glanced over at your phone when it lit up a while ago, and noticed that it was actually Taekwoon-hyung, so…” he trailed off before slowly backing away when Jaehwan took a step forward.

“What?” he asked again, this time a little breathless. He felt around in his pocket before looking around the room when he couldn’t locate his phone. It took a few long seconds to spot it, but he finally did and glared at it from where it lay innocently on a chair.

He walked forward, ignoring his members and grasped it gently in his hand. He unlocked it and his heart clenched tightly when he noticed that Taekwoon had, in fact, texted him. There were actually three messages from him. He sunk down to the floor for some support and it wasn’t until he was seated fully on the ground that he realized there was a chair right in front of him and it probably would have been better to just sit there.

With shaking fingers, Jaehwan opened their messages.

Um, hey, Jaehwan. First, thanks for giving me the space I needed. I really appreciate it.

Whenever you aren’t busy, can we talk?

But only if you still want to.

The last message was sent 10 minutes after the first two and it made Jaehwan feel terrible as he imagined Taekwoon sending him the messages and when Jaehwan hadn’t immediately responded, thinking that Jaehwan didn’t want to be his friend anymore.

It took him several minutes to compose a reply, and when he finally did, he pressed send with shaking hands.

Do you have some time tonight? I can come over after practice.

Taekwoon texted back one minute later and Jaehwan let out a shaky breath as he read.

Of course. See you tonight. I missed you.

--

“Hey,” Taekwoon said as he opened the door. There were a few seconds of awkwardness as they decided if they should hug or not, but finally Jaehwan pushed away the feeling and gave him a tight hug, burying his face into his best friend’s shoulder. They stayed like that for several seconds before they pulled away and smiled at each other.

“Um, thanks,” Taekwoon said, eyes as soft as ever. Jaehwan felt his whole body relax, glad at the sign from Taekwoon that they were still close, that he still meant something to him.

Jaehwan nodded in acknowledgement and motioned with his arm, silently asking if he could step inside. Taekwoon immediately stepped away, allowing Jaehwan to pass and watched on in silence, arms wrapped around his body as Jaehwan took off his shoes.

“”Let’s go to my room,” Taekwoon said in his quiet voice. Jaehwan followed behind him, stopping only briefly to say hello to Taekwoon’s mother before they settled into his room. Jaehwan looked around for any indication on where to sit, but Taekwoon just pulled him to his bed and forced him to sit down and get comfortable. Jaehwan watched as Taekwoon played with the sleeves on his shirt, pulling at a loose thread and worrying it around his finger.

“If you’re still not comfortable,” Jaehwan started but stopped, unsure of how to finish. That he would leave? Because he definitely did not want to leave. Not yet. He was relieved when Taekwoon shook his head.

“Um…” he trailed off, still playing with his sleeves. “This is going to be a very strange story, and I don’t expect you to believe me, and it might change everything, but I swear to you, this is what I believe to be the truth.”

Jaehwan scrunched up his eyebrows, confused, but nodded his assent. “I will always believe you. You’re my best friend,” he said. “That’s what friends do.”

He smiled at Taekwoon, but Taekwoon didn’t seem to believe his assurances, giving him a wary smile in return. He continued to play with his sleeves and started to chew on his lip. Jaehwan wished that he could reach out and touch him, sooth his worries, but that didn’t seem to be what Taekwoon needed at the moment.

“In 2011, I joined Jellyfish Entertainment as a trainee-”

Jaehwan’s eyes widened as he leaned forward, trying to get a closer look at Taekwoon’s face. “But-!”

“Please, don’t interrupt me,” Taekwoon said, rubbing his temples harshly, turning the skin a light pink. “Hakyeon doesn’t recognize me because I am 99% sure that that didn’t happen here.”

Jaehwan tried to puzzle through that statement and opened and closed his mouth several times, trying to formulate a response but remembering that he was asked to stay quiet. But no matter how he thought of that statement, it didn’t make sense.

“You know,” Taekwoon said, laughing wearily and rubbing a hand through his hair, “Saying that I lost my memory wasn’t exactly true. And before you get all mad at me, it is much more believable than saying that I somehow made it into a world where the timelines diverged sometime when I was a teenager and I never became a part of Vixx.”

The last sentence was expelled in a whoosh of air, but Jaehwan could only feel his muscles getting tighter as he clenched a fist into his jeans, rubbing the material roughly against his skin. He wanted to run as far away from the situation as he could, but his body wouldn’t let him, tense and immobile where he sat, his eyes fixed on the shadowed face of someone he (used to?) consider a friend.

“I know it sounds absolutely insane,” Taekwoon started again, clearing his throat several times as he stared at the corner of his bed, steadfastly avoiding Jaehwan’s eyes. “But I was part of Vixx for four years. We shared the title of main vocal. You were always the cute one,” he laughed hollowly. “I went through Mydol with all of you, I was one of the 6 members chosen, and then all of a sudden-”

“-Shut up,” Jaehwan said, fists still clenched as he glared at Taekwoon. His voice was low from anger, not even mustering up enough energy to yell. But there was enough venom in his voice that Taekwoon immediately shut up, still avoiding his gaze. A tear slowly trickled from his eye, not quite making it down half a cheek before it was swept away with a long sleeve.

“How dare you,” Jaehwan seethed. He got closer to Taekwoon and grabbed onto his wrist, twisting it so Taekwoon would look at him. “How dare you do this to me. I thought you were my friend! And yet-”

“And yet what, Jaehwan?” Taekwoon asked, finally raising his head and voice. “How do you think I feel? Do you know who my friends are? You. Just you. I have no friends because I woke up in this stupid body working a job I hated, literally having no idea who I am. Do you think I would jeopardize the friendship I have with the only person, besides my family, who matters to me?”

“I expected you to not be absolutely insane,” Jaehwan said back, voice rising along with Taekwoon’s. “I mean, what the fuck? What kind of idiot do you take me for? An alternate timeline? So what was the final goal, huh? Make me fall in love with you and then expose all my secrets to the media?”

“I wanted to be your friend again!” Taekwoon said, voice cracking on the final word. “You don’t understand how lonely it is to go from being a part of something and having people who care about you to having absolutely nothing, feeling like you’re going crazy, and having your body reject you. So no, Jaehwan, I wasn’t in it for the laughs. I became your friend because I missed you and there was no way I was going to let you go again.”

Silence followed as Jaehwan took in what Taekwoon said and examined his face, noticing the sadness in his eyes, hidden by the present rage.

“I loved you, you know?” Jaehwan said softly, not sure if he wanted Taekwoon to hear him or not. Taekwoon said nothing, just buried his face in his hands and rubbed at his eyes, very obviously covering up tears.

“I… need to leave,” Jaehwan said. He stood up and opened the door, not looking back to glance at Taekwoon, and he ignored the sharp intake of breath followed by a choked sob he heard coming from behind the door once it closed.

He was almost to the door when he heard a voice call to him.

“Oh, Jaehwan,” Taekwoon’s mom said, her voice surprised and happy, clearly not reading the mood that Jaehwan was in at the moment. “I thought you would be here a while longer.”

“Sorry Mrs. Jung, I was just leaving.”

“I feel like a bad host,” she said, “I didn’t even offer you any tea or snacks. You know,” she said, smiling at him, “I just brewed some tea. Would you like some?”

He couldn’t refuse her offer.

They sat in a companionable silence for several minutes as they sipped at their tea. “I’m glad you’re my son’s friend,” Taekwoon’s mom said, breaking the silence.

Jaehwan raised an eyebrow slightly as he looked up from his tea. “May I ask why?”

She gave a small smile before glancing to the side and fiddling with her necklace, an action so much like her son that it made Jaehwan’s heart ache. “A while ago, Taekwoon had an… accident, I guess would be the correct word. He told you, right?” she asked Jaehwan. He nodded slowly, trying to figure out where she was going with the statement. “It was a terrifying time for our whole family. He didn’t know where he was, didn’t know what he went to school to study, completely unaware of the job he had. We all feared that he had had a bad head injury that went unnoticed, but… nothing. The doctors found no sign of any trauma.”

There were a few moments of silence before Jaehwan spoke up. “But, he got better, right?”

Taekwoon’s mother sighed. “I don’t think so. He suffered in that job until he got accepted into school. And that was a shock to everyone. No one knew he wanted to study music. But, I think he is slowly becoming happier, and you are definitely helping with that,” she said, laying a hand over Jaehwan’s where it rested on the top of the table.

“I don’t think so,” Jaehwan said quietly, remembering the scene he had left behind in Taekwoon’s bedroom.

“Don’t underestimate yourself. He started smiling more around you, and ever since meeting you, he has slowly become the happy boy that used to be my son.”

Jaehwan stood up quickly, the chair scraping against the floor. “I… give me a minute. Excuse me,” he said, barely noticing her nod of acceptance as she stood up to clear away his tea cup.

Jaehwan’s mind was in turmoil, trying to process the information he just heard. He was so sure he did the right thing, yelling at him and getting as far away as he could, which, apparently, was not very far. He slapped a palm silently to his head and muttered “why?” when he noticed his feet had taken him right back to the door he had closed not even ten minutes ago. He paced back and forth for several minutes before he finally raised a hand and knocked on the door. There was no noise of movement from inside, so Jaehwan reached out a shaky hand and slowly pushed open the door.

“Mom, I’m not feeling well,” Taekwoon said quietly from where he was curled up on the bed, his back facing the door.

Jaehwan cleared his throat several times, finding it difficult to make a noise, his mouth and throat dry, before he finally spoke. “I’m not your mother.”

Taekwoon sat up quickly, whipping his head around to stare at Jaehwan, his eyes wide and mouth slightly open. “What…?” he trailed off, not even blinking as he stared at Jaehwan, curling his arms around his body as Jaehwan took a step toward him.

“Now, it’s my turn to talk,” Jaehwan said, taking another step, and another step until he was finally in front of Taekwoon, close enough to reach a hand out and touch him, but he didn’t. “You just get to listen.”

Taekwoon nodded, staring up at Jaehwan’s face.

“I don’t know if I can believe your story, because it’s hard to believe and frankly impossible, but I do know that I care about you, and that you clearly care about me because why else would you even tell me? Don’t answer that,” Jaehwan said as Taekwoon opened his mouth. “I’ve always believed in the magic of people, and maybe you were brought here to make me happier or maybe you’re lying or just have an overactive imagination. But I know that since meeting you, I have become the best version of myself. So no matter what the truth is and no matter what I will believe in time, I know that I care about you and probably always will.”

Jaehwan finally exhaled, releasing all the breath that was gathering in his chest from the anxiety of the situation. He barely even noticed as Taekwoon stood up, but was all too aware as he came closer, chests nearly touching as his hands reached up to cup Jaehwan’s face. He pulled him even closer and Jaehwan just closed his eyes when their lips met, bringing his arms up to circle Taekwoon’s waist. It was a short kiss, and afterwards Taekwoon placed his arms around Jaehwan’s shoulders and tucked his face into his neck.

“Thank you,” he murmured. “I’m so sorry.”

--

Hakyeon noticed the strange mood Jaehwan was in the moment he stepped into their apartment.

“What’s wrong?” he asked while Jaehwan took off his shoes, his voice low so no one else would hear.

“God, it’s so messed up Hyung,” Jaehwan said, scrubbing a hand harshly over his face. “I don’t even know how to explain it.”

“Did he hurt you?” Hakyeon asked, bringing his arms up to touch Jaehwan’s shoulders, as if that would be able to tell him where he hurt. But Jaehwan just shook his head and took a small step backward.

“He kissed me. The me of yesterday would have been happy, but I’m not.”

“Jaehwan,” Hakyeon said voice soft.

“I’m going to bed,” Jaehwan cut him off before walking briskly to his room and slamming the door.

He crawled into bed without even taking off his clothes, knowing that he would regret going to sleep without washing his face, but he was so tired. When he was about to turn off the light, his phone made a soft buzzing noise, signaling an incoming message.

I was going to tell you, but tonight all of that… happened. I wrote us a song. Do you want to record it with me next week?

Jaehwan just stared up at the ceiling for a few minutes, trying to formulate a reply, still unsure of himself and where they stood together. He finally typed out a response with shaking fingers.

Sure. I’ll let you know the details later, but we can record at my company. Wonshik can help.

Okay

--

“Why did you volunteer my services again?” Wonshik asked where the stood outside the building, waiting for Taekwoon to come. “You could have just as easily done this at the University.”

Jaehwan shook his head. “Things are kind of… awkward right now. I needed to not be alone with him, and hopefully you will act as a buffer in case anything happens.”

“What happened again?” Wonshik tried to prod, but Jaehwan just rolled his eyes.

“Nothing I am going to tell you. And I see him, so you need to shut your mouth, okay?”

Wonshik just rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Jaehwan gave Taekwoon a tentative smile as he walked up to the pair by the door. He looked tired, but Jaehwan expected nothing less especially if he compared it to his own sleeping habits currently. They probably both looked a pair with their dark circles and drooping eyes. Taekwoon was wearing ripped jeans and a loose sweater looking the same as when they first met, and it made Jaehwan’s heart clench.

“It’s good to see you,” Taekwoon said softly, returning Jaehwan’s small smile. He turned to Wonshik, “Thank you for volunteering to help us. I have some money and am willing to pay you-”

“No,” both Jaehwan and Wonshik said at the same time. They glanced at each other before Wonshik continued. “No, you’re Jaehwan-hyung’s friend. You don’t need to pay me. I’m happy to help.”

Taekwoon stared at him for a moment before walking to the door. “Well, let’s get started then so we don’t take up too much of your time.”

Taekwoon pushed open the door and then started walking toward the studio before turning back, waiting for the other two to lead him to the studio that he shouldn’t know the location of.

“So, I have my external hard drive, we can just plug that in to your computer and work from there, lay the vocal tracks down,” Taekwoon said. “I already have a guide, it just needs to be recorded. Shouldn’t take too long.”

Wonshik shrugged. “Fine with me. I really am doing nothing except composing today, so I have all the time in the world. Just let me worry about the production aspects.”

Taekwoon gave him a small smile, “Thanks.”

Jaehwan clenched Taekwoon’s elbow as they walked in to the studio and went into the sound booth, Taekwoon snagging an extra pair of headphones to plug in so that he could hear the guide and Ravi’s instructions clearly.

“I hope you’re okay recording first,” Taekwoon said, glancing at Jaehwan as he stood by the microphone, adjusting the height slightly so it fell in the optimal singing position. “I kind of… want the song to be a surprise. I’ll do all the harmonies. I only made the guide for your parts anyway.”

“Why all the secrecy?” Jaehwan asked, eyeing Taekwoon. He just shrugged in response.

“I’m just… I want it to be perfect, you know?” he asked. “It means a lot to me and I don’t want you hearing an unfinished product.”

Jaehwan opened his mouth to respond but was interrupted by Wonshik’s voice over the headphones. “Just letting you both know, but I can hear you. Any mushy, private conversations will have to wait until I am far gone from this room.”

Jaehwan rolled his eyes and stuck up his middle finger, making sure Wonshik could see it clearly before pulling up a stool for Taekwoon to sit on.

The recording went smoothly, both Taekwoon and Wonshik stopping to give Jaehwan advice on better phrasing and emotions. But through all the technical production aspects, Jaehwan could feel the effect that another song written for him had, the beauty it held even just from hearing the first phrase he was to sing. It wasn’t long before his part was done to the satisfaction of Taekwoon and Wonshik.

“And now, you need to step out for an hour or so,” Taekwoon said, standing up from the stool and stretching his back from where he was hunched over for so long without back support.

“What? Why?” Jaaehwan asked. “You listened to all of my mistakes, I want to listen to yours too!” he pouted. Taekwoon just shook his head.

“This is technically a gift for you,” Taekwoon said, smiling slightly at the look on Jaehwan’s face. “You can hear it when it’s finished. And for that, I need an hour.”

Jaehwan pouted some more before finally relenting, dragging a hand across Taekwoon’s shoulder as he walked across the small room to open the heavy door, delighting in seeing Taekwoon shiver.

“This is some friend you have here,” Wonshik muttered to him as he walked by, grabbing his phone from the table he was sitting at.

“I’m going crazy,” Jaehwan muttered back as he passed him on his way to the door to the hallway.

“Good luck then,” Wonshik said back. Jaehwan just nodded as he closed the door.

“Now, it’s just you and me, hyung,” Wonshik said, pressing the button so Taekwoon could hear him. “What do you want to do first?”

Taekwoon hesitated slightly before answering. “Can we just… do the whole thing through once?”

Wonshik blinked. “Are you sure? That’s kind of…” he trailed off, still unsure on how to talk to Jaehwan’s friend.

“I know it will be more difficult for you when putting everything together,” Taekwoon acknowledged, “but I would be more comfortable just singing it from the beginning with Jaehwan’s vocals.”

Wonshik just sighed, but he complied. “Okay. We’ll try it once and then go from there.”

As the music started, the intro melody floating through the air, Wonshik realized that he had never heard Taekwoon sing before. As soon as Taekwoon opened his mouth to begin, Wonshik found a hand slowly rising to cover his mouth. Somehow, without hearing it even once, Taekwoon was able to perfectly sing and harmonize with Jaehwan, their vocal colors blending seamlessly. Wonshik didn’t even realize when the song came to an end, his brain on autopilot as he stopped the recording.

He pressed the button to talk to Taekwoon, his voice dryer and deeper than ever as he spoke. “Come out here and listen… it was beautiful.” The last part was said softly, almost in an afterthought murmured to himself, but Taekwoon gave a small smile as he heard.

“Was it okay?” Taekwoon asked, his voice soft. Wonshik nodded.

“Yeah, it was fine. You have a nice voice. You two work well together.” Wonshik didn’t know how to interpret the sad smile that came across Taekwoon’s face.

As they listened to the song, both of them made notes on what needed to be changed, and the next half an hour was spent chopping the initial recording and adding in improved sections. By the time Jaehwan had wandered back down to the studio, they had been finished for fifteen minutes.

Both men looked up when Jaehwan entered. He gave them both a small smile, but glared playfully and shook his head at Wonshik’s mouthed “marry him.” He made his way over to the couch to sit next to Taekwoon when his phone buzzed.

no seriously, marry him. i don’t know what you did to deserve him, but he wants you bad

Jaehwan raised an eyebrow at the message and glanced between Taekwoon and Wonshik before finally speaking. “So, can I hear my song now?”

Wonshik rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. I see what you really came here for. Not even a thank you for your amazing friend and producer.”

“Just play it,” Jaehwan responded.

The music began and started calm, Jaehwan listening to his own voice and enjoying the song until Taekwoon’s voice joined him, effortlessly harmonizing. The more he listened, the more Jaehwan’s stomach dropped until he felt quite ill by the end of the song.

Taekwoon and Wonshik stared at him, both looking worried, wondering at Jaehwan’s reaction.

“Sorry, Wonshik, you need to go for a few minutes,” he said, not even taking his eyes off of Taekwoon’s face. He doesn’t really register when Wonshik closes the door with a soft click.

Taekwoon just stared at Jaehwan, trying to figure out what he was going to do.

“You know what, Taekwoon?” asked Jaehwan. “Fuck you. Why…” he started, trailing off and dragging a hair through his hair, biting his lip in frustration.

“Sorry,” Taekwoon said quietly, standing up. “I’ll-”

“I think I believe you,” Jaehwan said, cutting him off. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I do believe you.” Taekwoon stared at him with wide eyes, his mouth parted. “Of all the things in the world, the fact that our voices just combined to make that, that we… I don’t even know what I’m saying, but I can’t believe, that in any universe, we weren’t meant to sing together. How…” he looked up at Taekwoon. “We were meant to create music together, and I don’t know why this happened to you, I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything, but… I believe you.”

Taekwoon held a hand up to his mouth, tears shining in his eyes. “Are you serious?”

Jaehwan nodded, taking a step closer and nodding. “Yeah, I’m fucking serious. And if I’m crazy for believing you, then let’s just be crazy together,” he said before taking one last step to meet Taekwoon and reached out to kiss him.

--

“You guys have to be nice to him,” Jaehwan said, glaring at his members. “Taekwoon is sensitive and-”

“This is starting to sound familiar,” Hongbin said, cutting him off. “We’ve all met him before, remember? We had that awkward dinner together like six months ago. We were perfect- ow!” Hongbin complained as he was elbowed by Hakyeon. “Watch where you shove those things.”

It was the perfect moment for a “that’s what she said” joke courtesy of Jaehwan, but he kept silent, biting the skin around his finger nail.

“I… you’re meeting him as my boyfriend now. That’s a little more than just my friends meeting my friends,” said Jaehwan. “This means a lot to him. He feels really bad about how that dinner went.”

“He really loves you, Jaehwan-hyung,” Wonshik said, giving him a smile. Wonshik was the only member who had met Taekwoon more than once. Over the past several months, the two even met without Jaehwan as a buffer to drink coffee and discuss music. It made Jaehwan slightly jealous, but he was quick to fight the emotion down, knowing how important good relationships with the members was for Taekwoon.

“I know,” Jaehwan said. “And he’s almost here. He sent a text saying that he knows we ordered chicken, but he was stressing out so he made us all food. Looks like we’ll be having a feast tonight.”

“Why don’t you go down and meet him?” Hakyeon asked gently, steering the other members to the dining area. “We’ll set up the table.”

Jaehwan nodded and waved goodbye as he slipped on his shoes. As soon as he stepped off the elevator, he noticed his boyfriend walking through the doors of the building. Jaehwan grinned at him, raising an eyebrow at the many packages he was holding.

“You really shouldn’t have cooked this much,” Jaehwan said, taking some of the bags from his boyfriend. “We did order chicken.”

Taekwoon just smiled back. “I know, but I wanted to. I was a little nervous about meeting them again.”

Jaehwan laid the bags down on the floor of the elevator and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Everything will be fine. Wonshik already loves you, and Hakyeon loves you for how much you love me. It’s only the maknaes you need to win over, and that’s easy with food.”

Taekwoon smiled again. “Why do you think I cooked so much?”

They were laughing when Jaehwan opened the door, their shoulders brushing as they made their way inside, taking off their shoes and bringing the food to the kitchen.

“Hi everyone, I’m Taekwoon,” he said when they made their way to the table, giving the brightest, most genuine smile Jaehwan had ever seen on his face. “It’s nice to meet you. Again.”

As the members greeted him, some with more enthusiasm than others, Jaehwan smiled to himself, knowing that somehow, everything would be okay.

Notes: Thank you everyone who supported me on this fic. I may come out with another one, but who knows if it will be in 2 months or two years. This is officially the end of Leo and Ken’s story, though. If you want to chat, please message me here, or you can talk to me on my main vixx blog leothevixxn.

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