#vocation stories

[spiritualdirections]

Happy Feast of St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Rather than reblogging these individually, here are some posts, going back to 2016, on St. Teresa the woman, the thinker, and the saint:

The Nazi contribution to Edith Stein’s becoming St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

A Boston connection to St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Edith Stein as Catholic Queen Esther

St. Teresa Benedicta on The phenomenology of original sin

[asteroidsj]

(unfinished title)

“Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep going No feeling is final” ― Rainer Maria Rilke

The insights lent by Ms. Leah Sy and Ms. Macy Eusebio were enlightening and relevant. I particularly related to Ms. Eusebio’s journey to discovering her Lasallian Vocation.

Ms. Eusebio mentioned how she failed an exam during her time as an ECE student, and that this was one of the few catalysts in pushing her to eventually take the program meant for her, Behavioral Science. I relate to this experience quite a lot because I too, also had an academic failure as a catalyst to my taking up my current program, Physics. I was never good at math, never good at physics (in fact I had failed math tests by the dozen in Junior High), so when I had my first (and only) physics class in Senior High, I was worried. 

The class turned out to be fun; I learned more about the foundational math concepts required to understand physics. I got a full perfect on the first exam (trigonometry and 1D Kinematics) and i was on a high. However, the second topic rolled around, 2D Kinematics, and I got into a little trouble. When the grades came out, I remember feeling the dread as our teacher called our names, one by one. Most papers were being handed out to not show the scores. Some were able to laugh it off (this is something I’m still working on), but when I got up to take my paper with the very red score not showing, I remember our teacher asking me: “Ms. Sy, anong nangyari?” 

That experience pushed me to start taking physics seriously, even though it was what we called a “minor” subject. I did not think I would end up in physics, only that I had to give equal importance to it. I tried to get into the Nursing program, but ultimately didn’t fit the cut for the interview. I got into Biology in DLSU, but I used the Venn diagram to evaluate how I would like it (the Venn diagram that Ms. Leah Sy recommend really works wonders), and I eventually concluded that, although Biology was my passion, I would not enjoy working in the field. Somehow I ended up in Physics, and I have not regretted it since. 

With DLSU’s guidance, I found passion to continue in my chosen program and to think about what it really means to be a Lasallian physicist. With that, I am confident that in the future, my Lasallian vocation is to be a scientist, and campaign for the end of ignorance for the upliftment of the oppressed. I’d like to thank Ms. Leah Sy and Ms. Macy Eusebio for their thoughts, because I was once again reminded of the journey I went through before reaching this point. 

My journey is not yet done, and who knows? One thing I have learned form the stories I’ve heard is that nothing is ever final. For now, I am happy to recognize myself in my chosen vocation in the context of Lasallian values, and I am happy to just be here, getting ready for the next step in my journey. 

[spiritualdirections]

Mother Teresa’s Call

Today, Pope Francis will canonize Mother Theresa of Calcutta one of the most famous saints, and one of the greatest, of the 20th century. Here’s an account she wrote of her call to found the Missionaries of Charity. (From a September 1946 letter in Come, Be My Light)

“During the year very often I have had that longing to be all for Jesus and to make other souls—Indian especially, come and love Him fervently, but as I thought this to be one of my desires I put it off again and again. To identify myself so much with Indian girls would be out of the question...I have been and am very happy as a Loreto Nun.—To leave that what I love and expose myself to new labors and suffering which will be great, to be the laughing stock of so many—especially religious, to cling [to] and choose deliberately the hard things of an Indian life—to [cling to and choose] loneliness and ignominy—uncertainty—and all because Jesus wants it—because something is calling me to leave all and gather the few—to live His life—to do His work in India. In all my prayers and Holy Communions He is continually asking “Wilt thou refuse? When there was a question of thy soul I did not think of Myself but gave myself freely for thee on the Cross and now what about thee? Wilt thou refuse? I want Indian Nuns victims of my love, who would be Mary and Martha, who would be so very united to me as to radiate My love on souls. I want free Nuns covered with my poverty of the Cross—I want obedient Nuns covered with my obedience on the Cross. I want full of love Nuns covered with My Charity of the Cross.—Wilt thou refuse to do this for Me?” 

My own Jesus—what you ask it is beyond me—I can hardly understand half of the things you want—I am unworthy—I am sinful—I am weak—Go Jesus and find a more worthy soul, a more generous one. “You have become My Spouse for my love—you have come to India for Me. The thirst you had for souls brought you so far.—Are you afraid now to take one more step for your Spouse—for Me—for souls? Is your generosity grown cold? Am I a second to you? You did not die for souls—that is why you don’t care what happens to them—Your heart was never drowned in sorrow as was My Mother’s.—We both gave our all for souls—and you? You are afraid, that you will lose your vocation—you will become a secular—you will be wanting in perseverance. No—your vocation is to love and suffer and save souls and by taking the step you will fulfill My Heart’s desire for you. You will dress in simple Indian clothes or rather like My Mother dressed—simple and poor. Your present habit is holy because it is My symbol. Your sarie will become holy because it will be My symbol.” 

Give me light.—Send me Thy own Spirit—which will teach me Thy own Will—which will give me strength to do the things that are pleasing to Thee. Jesus, My Jesus, don’t let me be deceived.—If it is You who want this, give proof of it, if not let it leave my soul.—I trust you blindly—will you let my soul be lost? I am so afraid Jesus—I am so terribly afraid—let me not be deceived—I am so afraid.—This fear shows me how much I love myself.—I am afraid of the suffering that will come—through leading that Indian life—clothing like them, eating like them, sleeping like them—living with them and never having anything my way. How much comfort has taken possession of my heart. “You have been always saying ‘do with me whatever you wish.’ Now I want to act, let me do it—My little Spouse, My own little one.—Do not fear—I shall be with you always. You will suffer and you suffer now—but if you are My own little Spouse—the Spouse of the crucified Jesus—you will have to bear these torments in your heart.—Let me act—Refuse me not. Trust me lovingly—trust me blindly.” Jesus, my own Jesus—I am only Thine—I am so stupid—I do not know what to say—but do with me whatever You wish.

[spiritualdirections]

The Nazi contribution to Edith Stein’s becoming St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross

Edith Stein had wanted to join the Carmelites immediately after her conversion in 1922, but her spiritual director thought it too soon. So she instead taught at various schools, until the Nazis made that impossible:

From ‘‘THE DESTINY OF THIS PEOPLE IS MY OWN…’’: EDITH STEIN’S PARADOXICAL SAINTHOOD” by Oliva M. Espin

[In 1932, Stein] was offered a position at the Institute for Scientific Pedagogy in Munster—a teacher training, higher education institution. In Munster she lived at the Collegium Marianum, a residence that housed some faculty and students of the Institute...

[In 1933,] she was asked by the director of the Pedagogical Institute to stop lecturing because she was a Jew. Supposedly, she was to stay in the Marianum doing research, with the restriction that she could not meet her classes. By the end of the academic year she was informed that her contract would not be renewed. In one of her many statements of identification with the Jewish people, she wrote in reaction to this news: 

“I was almost relieved to find myself now involved in the common fate of my people, but I had of course to consider what I was to do.” (The Road to Carmel”)

And what she decided after her dismissal was that the time had come to honor her greatest desire, born after reading the autobiography  of Teresa of Avila and her conversion to Catholicism twelve years earlier: enter a Carmelite monastery.

So, it was the Nazi persecution of Jews, and the pressure brought to bear on all German institutions to remove those of Jewish descent from public life, that left Edith Stein without a job. And that liberated her to enter the convent. Perhaps without this professional setback, she might have continued just putting one foot in front of the other and never found the right moment to revisit the question of her religious vocation. So the Nazis provoked Edith Stein into joining the convent and taking the name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross.

God can draw good from even the worst evils.