#voidcalling

[foundcarcosa]

It stormed on the day the decision was made. It is storming now.

At least the universe knows what’s up.

[foundcarcosa]

I don’t know whence (or, er. from whom) this sudden storm of wind and lightning and cosmic fury came, but I sure hope my gratitude for it was obvious

[foundcarcosa]

My current stage of Learning: freedom from compulsion, and from false witness.

The way it feels reminds me of when Roland Umber forcibly extracted himself from the colour palette/eye thing that that guy in Hannibal had tried to put him in. I’ve been glued into this cycle that I am beginning to see the flaws in, that is starting to repulse me, and now I have to rip myself out of it. It hurts, and it’s hard, and I think I won’t be able to do it -- but I’m doing it. I did it. I will do it again.

But I am learning my power, my agency. I am learning to discern between my own voice/Can Calah’s/O’Dim’s, and the voice of whatever stupid cyclical fear-bound thoughtform thing I unwittingly created those years ago when I first saw the Tower.

“It is time to die. The cycle requires it. You must!” Yeah, yeah. There is a death that the cycle requires, False Witness. And it ain’t mine.

[chalicenlnd]

 𖦹 🌱˓ ༊*·˚ shen. \ 🇨🇦 🇨🇳

undergrad student and full-time bullshitter.

occasionally I draw and write and engage in fandom spaces (@exileorexodus)

this is a personal blog that i post to when im bored, and so i talk about really mundane things

[chalicenlnd]

06/08/2025. Funky ahh tarot spread

I asked it for general life advice and anything I need to know but I ended up getting it more love life-adjacent. Ig that makes sense since everything else is pretty balanced atm. Not that our relationship isn’t but it could prbly use more work from my side at this current point in time

I feel like the unveiled is my deck, and the black and cosmos oracle decks are specifically Z’s. Dunno if that makes sense. The unveiled just feels much more. human and intuitive to me. The other two feel explicitly like I’m being told directly from some outer force instead of from within myself

my interpretations r below

nine of pentacles signifies abundance and independence, being financially stable, upright like here it’s an affirmation card. knight of wands is having energy and following a constant trajectory, but advice to be careful of expending too much or I’ll crash (and the meds won’t be able to help with that). Taking that to mean that I’ve been doing much better recently but I shouldn’t get cocky (it would be right). Love wise it tells me to take initiative and put effort in. I realized that I have this complex about already putting so much effort in that I expect the other half of things to just be handed to me but I’ve been putting them in the areas that don’t NEED them at this point in time, and I’ve been neglecting the ones which do. Makes sense since our relationship has taken on a long distance lens and will be for a bit. That requires a different sort of investment, and my general methods won’t cut it.

I think pulling the empress means that am the empress rn??? and I need to take leadership and nurture (?) myself and others. General good omen for love life too. Its a nice affirmation to have

the page of cups is abt embracing emotions and trusting intuition, and building a stronger relationship with my capacity for childlike joy which allows me to be more loose with my emotions. I’m pretty restrained to avoid looking ridiculous and ig it’s not serving me anymore, especially when it comes to being vulnerable and just enjoying being with other people

The emperor reversed warns me against continuing to be passive and shying away from taking initiative. It might also tell me that I don’t have enough structure (?) ?? Which would make sense with my personality. Erm. It could also potentially be positive, meaning that Im moving away from rigid and black and white ways of thinking

These are all together, which makes sense. There’s a very cohesive sort of advice to it. You’re doing good, have confidence and keep advancing and straying outside of your comfort zone type of thing

Onto the bottom row

Knight of cups is SPECIFICALLY a romance card in this deck. It advises that I shouldn’t expect perfection and get caught up in idealism, the road will have bumps and I might be disappointed sometimes. Don’t take things to heart sorta thing. Good advice since I’m pretty sensitive honestly 😭 little deviations irritate me and it drives wedges in our relationship (small as they may be)

I think that the sideways card in the lovers is bridging a connection between the knight of cups and the next card. The lovers itself is also advice on having a good balance between structure and innovation so ur relationships don’t fall into mindless routine which fits with everything else so far

The lovers linking the three of cup sideways tells me that the knight of cups advice is the EXACT reason why I feel isolation which leads to difficulty expressing myself sometimes, bc my ass just gets too caught up in my ideals of what things SHOULD be like.

Interpreting that my mindset is pretty much the direct influencer of whether it becomes upright (deep and gratifying almost publically celebrated love type shit) or reversed (growing apart, losing passion, neglect from lack of effort, etc)

I found all of this extremely accurate and cohesive, and the funny thing is that in the middle of interpreting spreads I usually end up taking action DURING THEM because I always pull cards that tell me to take initiative and I guess it gives me the courage to. And every single time it’s ended up for the better. Goddamn.

Along the lines of that I took the leap during this and spoke to the wife and now we have a day lined up to watch jojo together and then play stardew afterwards. Pure hangout time which we rarely get since he’s always in vcs or out with other groups of people (and when he specifically wants to hangout I’m out) we never really stay in vc together for longer than an hour or two at most because he always gets pulled away to other voice calls. I’ve been seeing more of a change in that as of recent however

[chalicenlnd]

okay with all of that being said. I found. All of it insanely intuitive. Actually. It wasn’t that difficult. I really really like these decks, I understand them easier than both the citadel and the unveiled. I guess that makes sense considering Zak

[chalicenlnd]

procured two new decks which I am INTIMIDATED by but something about both of them called to me

this one is beautiful, but terrifying

I usually despise minimalism but… zak coded.

Science and astronomy based

Again, very intimidating decks, but I had. To have them. Idk. Not really I don’t have to have anything but Z calls

They feel much more at home with him than my other two decks, but harder to grasp for myself, personally

[chalicenlnd]

we also not gonna talk about how every single tarot reading i got pulled for me that one day in summer (before half the people involved disintegrated) came true

also insane how the lovers being pulled repeatedly worked out. i brought the lovers notebook as a bit like a year ago, because haha funnie aroace person with lovers notebook haha silly. people kept interpreting the lovers card as self love for me and well. YEAH. thats growth. but also. and like literally not even a queerplatonic partnership or something like i always expected, a full ass conventional relationship with all the shit that usually comes with it.

all the sword and mental cards were relevant too because BOY did i burn out my neurons analyzing and reanalyzing aspects of the relationship and the behaviuor and cause and effects of both parties. also he's aware that im attracted to his intelligence. very aware. i think he might be a tiny bit insecure about it actuall

everything in my readings from back then coming out good things. ended up being right, a shit ton of things improved, and though it wasn;t completely painless i grew alot ithink i might have dried all the good fortune up though. idk ill ask zak later