what should people keep in mind when writing characters with NPD?
Good question! NPD presentations often fall into more grandiose or more vulnerable, although all people with the disorder have both grandiosity and vulnerability. I’ll try to give advice for both ends of the spectrum, but keep in mind that people can fall in the middle too
Writing overt/grandiose:
The more overt/grandiose are usually reactive with anger or frustration when their mindset is challenged, burying their vulnerability to the point they refuse to acknowledge or look at that part of themself. They are usually deeply angered when people try to tell them that there is something wrong with them, as the idea of being seen as imperfect or flawed makes them feel exposed or out of control. When they are alone in their own thoughts, people’s words or criticisms may circle in their mind like a rumination, making them feel like they need to reassert their power to “prove” those people wrong and ensure their image is perfect. They DO have high vulnerability and insecurity, they just cope with it by trying to run away from it because their vulnerability can feel scary to face, as it challenges their idea of being perfect. Instead of blaming oneself, the blame goes outwards onto people, society, or their unluckiness. The main struggle of people with highly grandiose NPD is a lack of control over people’s perception of them. This lack of control can lead to the anger response that we see sometimes. What’s important to pay attention to is that this mindset very often comes from a trauma or fear they’re unable to process, such as being abused emotionally or physically. They felt like they were out of control, weak, or degraded as a child, so now they need to be the one in power instead. This trauma may be deeply repressed, as admitting to it would mean admitting to vulnerability. But it WILL show up, they may experience flashbacks or other PTSD symptoms that they suffer through alone, out of fear that others will judge them for their weakness. They may even brush off the trauma, acting as if it wasn’t a big deal and didn’t even affect them at all. They’re also often highly competitive, with games, sports, opinions even. They may push others into competing verbally, physically, or intellectually just to feed their ego and prove something to themself or others. People may even be annoyed or confused by this because the person with NPD craves conflict while others see things like board games and conversations more casually. Writing highly grandiose NPD is the harder choice because it’s usually the kind of archetype that gets villainized in media. The most important piece is recognizing their vulnerabilities. Make the reader understand and sympathize with their pain, help them understand that they were once a child with a different reality, give the character breakdowns they experience when alone, have them experience the feeling of emptiness that comes about when they realize they don’t feel truly intimate with anyone, that they only really trust in themself. They may struggle to realize they’re “not normal”, believing that other people are simply inferior, but often that belief is challenged when they’re constantly ending up alone and isolated. If you know Gregory House, he’s a good example. He can be cruel, including to people who love him, and he acts like he doesn’t care, but when he’s alone he ends up realizing he’s suffering from the lack of intimacy, from the fact he devalues and tries to get one over on everyone. And it’s a cycle that repeats. Someone with NPD doesn’t just “learn from failure” and then wake up and change their mindset, they make hundreds of mistakes, often refusing to admit they were mistakes at all. They may know internally that they fucked up, but refuse to admit it to others or even themself. They’re very very attached to this defense, as the narcissism is what’s protected them for years of their life.
Writing covert/vulnerable:
The more covert/vulnerable are very much aware of their insecurity, constantly second-guessing and trying to convince themself and others that they aren’t really bad or inferior. They frequently have bouts of self-loathing, insolation, seeking attention or proving themself in ways like hypersexuality, serial dating, eating disorders, dangerous activities, etc. They may be very conscious of their shortcomings and feel extreme jealousy and high anxiety and paranoia because they can’t tolerate being disliked or judged, constantly worrying that they’re being perceived a certain way. Unlike highly grandiose NPD, they may have big emotional outbursts in front of others, whether intentional or not. They need to be validated, even if it means exaggerating or seeking pity on purpose. They often suffer when alone because they define themself based on other’s opinions, so they NEED to be seen and interacted with, they need to be emotionally consoled and complimented. Also unlike highly grandiose NPD, they are constantly tortured by their trauma and shortcomings, all of that being very surface-level instead. They may even be obsessed with being a “good person”, trying so hard to prove they aren’t as bad as they feel. They’re in a constant emotional up and down, often having a higher tendency for self-harm or suicidal urges to punish themself or escape feeling so out of control. They often have bigger shifts between self-love and self-hatred than those with grandiose NPD, having very high highs and very low lows, often switching between the two in only a second of being triggered by something.
What to avoid:
Making your character a murderer or physically violent probably. Unless many other characters are also murderers, don’t make them the bad guy evil villain. We already have too many “narcissist” bad guys. You could instead make time an anti-hero or just a complex character! Someone who is maybe more of a chaotic neutral, who is self-serving but can still end up working hard towards good feats. Take Gregory House as an example again: he’s a man who struggles a lot and can be very cruel, but he ultimately saves many many lives and is still cared about by people in his life despite his struggles. We see how self-loathing he is behind closed doors, his struggles with substances and depression and otherwise.
Another very important thing to include is to really give them an interesting personality. Make them funny or curious or quirky, don’t just make their entire character about being a narcissist. Music taste is NOT a personality trait, try to avoid this altogether. Many writers basically just create an evil narcissist character and then make his music taste the most interesting part of his personality. Alex DeLarge is obsessed with Beethoven and classical music, Patrick Bateman is obsessed with listening to music, Hannibal likes Bach…I could go on and on. Just don’t do it. It’s such a lazy way to give an “evil” character a personality. Honestly making them unreasonably attractive and well-dressed can be a poor choice too. Part of NPD is that they’re convinced they need to be or are perfect even though they’re human like any other person. They don’t need to be clean-cut, stylish, and gorgeous to have NPD. Them being attractive or rich is not what gives them NPD. Remember, NPD is irrational, that’s what makes it a disorder. Also remember that someone with NPD can be abused in the present as well, they’re not always just a mean emotionally manipulative perpetrator. They may also be a victim, being hurt by someone actively or suffering from something in the story that isn’t a childhood trauma.