Does anyone else struggle with volume control?
I'm like 99% sure it's neurodivergency related, but sometimes I wonder if some of how it presents these days is specifically masking related
As a kid, my volume control issues were almost always related to me being too loud. I wasn't trying to be too loud, I just had no awareness of how loud or quiet my voice was.
Nowadays, it's the opposite, I'm always told to speak up or that I'm being too quiet. I know some of it is anxiety related but I also wonder if it could be masking related.
I got picked on and bullied for my neurodivergent traits all the time growing up. Everyone (especially my 'friends') labeled me as annoying, and my loudness was one of the big reasons why.
As I got older, I started masking most of my neurodivergent traits in an attempt to be liked and accepted, I didn't even realize that's what I had been doing until I was 18. I can't help but wonder if my switch from too loud to too quiet is related to the masking.
I'm still loud, but it's only when I unmask (which I mainly only do by myself or with my bsf), and when I do there are still lots of times when I talk much louder than I need too.
When I'm not by myself or with my bsf, I'm very quiet. I'm constantly asked to speak up and have to repeat myself 3 or 4 times before what I'm saying can actually be heard/understood.
My mom gets really frustrated because of it.
I don't know how to make her understand that's it's not intentional. I have to give myself a pep talk in my head sometimes because I'm trying to make sure I talk at normal volume. There are times when I open my mouth to talk, and even I can barely hear my voice. I don't know why volume is so hard for me.
Sometimes it feels like there's just a randomize button on my volume. One sentence is barely audible and the next is damn near yelling.
People get really frustrated with me because of it, and that just makes me feel worse. I'm already frustrated with myself because of it, I don't need other people getting annoyed with me while I'm trying my best to talk normally. It's just not as easy and automatic for me as it is (or at least seems to be) for other people.