#vomits everywhere

[semi-completely-original]

Happy birthday to the most married man in all of Teyvat

[talkingtotheghosts]

was it really necessary to hold his guitar<3

[sunday-shoes]

I am violently afraid of getting new alters

[talkingtotheghosts]

[bl0odyacolyte]

being around other humans makes me physically uncomfortable and not even in like. an edgy way lmao. I can never quite explain to people how prolonged my isolation has been and have them understand entirely, or not immediately assume I'm exaggerating or that "it's not that bad".

Throughout sixteen years of my life, I have had one friend.

I had acquaintances in primary school (for americans that was when i was 4-10) which were people I talked to and played with, but no one I was friends with lol. I have memories of pacing the perimeter of the playground just daydreaming for literal years because I felt inherently incapable of connecting with any of these people, even if I couldn't put my finger on it at the time. And I was desperate to have friends too, it wasn't like I didn't try, because I did. I tried so hard. I don't know why I never clicked with any of them. It literally just wouldn't work.

In secondary school, I had no one. Not even acquaintances I spoke too on occasion. It was an entirely new level of isolation even as I was surrounded by peers. Like, I did try in the beginning but again, I just couldn't get any relationship to stick. So I withdrew. Three whole years I went speaking to no one, spending my lunch times staring at a wall or writing in a notebook. You don't understand. like not there's no way I can put the experience into words. I spent all of that time doing nothing. i was being bullied by these boys a few years above me to put the cherry on top and the only clear memories i have of secondary school is the aftermath of the shit they did to me. sitting in class covered in mud or missing one shoe or with my clothes torn

I dunno. In retrospect it's no one else's fault but mine. I think I've written this in a way that suggests that it was others that pushed me away when really it was me burning bridges. People did try to talk to me in secondary school but id become such a fucking misanthrope and convinced that trying was a waste of effort, I'd just ignore them until they left. I went slightly insane during that time.

eventually I had to drop out because I wouldve killed myself if I had to keep enduring. boredom does something weird to your brain lol. I was on autopilot in school by that point, so it wasn't like I was even learning anything, I'd genuinely just black out until I got home.

queue the worst time of my life, no school so no reason to get out of bed. I'd literally only get up like once every three days to go to the toilet lol

it went on like that for a few months until I met. uh. lets call him Qasim. I clicked with him the moment we started talking. like whatever i had been missing when i tried any other time was suddenly there and with him and he was my reason for living. blah blah blah he was so violently nauseatingly abusive that in the end, it was me that had to cut him off, after enduring for a year because he was still the best thing to ever happen to me.

im so lonely lmao i didn't know what i was missing until i met him and now he's gone I'll never have anyone again

i keep trying to reach out to new people but theyre all so fucking disgusting it gives me a headache and i genuinely just spend days on end feeling sick from having to interact with these genuine animals but i refuse to go back to being alone so i just have to keep going lolol i wanna crack my head open against a brick wall and bruise my face so hard its not recognisablewhy am i a foreign creatureto my own species ots not fair im always on the outside looking in and im trying so hard to break the glass but its not fucking working

im a weird fucking abominatipn wearing human skin and its nobodies fault not even mine but fuck i need to slit ny throat abd put myself out of my misery anywats

[h3r-uns0b3r-ways]

wow i'm feeling unloved right now

[operation-rejuvenation]

imagine being alive before the internet

[bunnydoobles]

i need to stop summoning all these fandoms and gaining so much traction

my dogman blog/content is booming, then i befriended the lotf fandom (it's so small, i love just mooting everyone up), suddenly my horrid henry au/content got hyped, and now my Eltingville OC has simps and fanart- lord have mercy-

the demand is driving me crazy aaouyghh i swear i'll deliver soon