#vontesla

[niuniente]

Happy birthday! Have some wisdom from Dylan Moran (always makes me grin) :) "Adults are terribly confused, messed up people. That’s because they forget, really, that they don’t have to pretend all the time. Really, the fact is that you’re not an adult at all - you’re just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don’t understand” Dylan Moran

Dylan was right - adults are just huge children :D That’s a good thing to remember, as you never “finish” you growing up and gain level of adulthood, when the growing stops.

[choking-on-roses]

Hey there human. Don't cut. It's a duct tape solution. The world feels a little heavy sometimes but that feeling? The anxiety, the pain, the sense of loss, the fear…those things let you know you're human. That your heart is still beating and with that comes ENDLESS possibility. You're not numb. You're not a robot. You're a completely unique creation made of star stuff who has access to unlimited gay porn and music :) I send you squishes…and recommend checking out the butterfly project.

*squishes back* Ahhhh thank you so much for the message! You’re so kind. And that’s true, there is still so much gay porn out there to read...

Okay, I just looked up the Butterfly Project and now I’m tearing up, it’s an interesting alternative to self-harm and I’m going to post this publicly for others who may not know of it and may find it helpful.

[choking-on-roses]

Can I pick two? Because 5. But 23, though. (sigh) Decisiveness isn't one of my talents :)

I can’t decide either- these all look fun so I’ll do all four.

5:(truth) If your parents knew everything you’ve ever done, what would they think is the worst thing? 

Don’t think my dad would be too pleased about all the lesbian sex…or any of the premarital sex, really, but especially the lesbian. :D

I’m not sure about mom…she already knows about the lesbian sex and she’s fine with it, so…I cheated on a science quiz once in 8th grade, so maybe that?

(dare) Tag the three nonmutuals you admire most.

This is tricky, because I’m lucky enough to have gotten follows from most of the blogs I really look up to. Let’s see…I really admire dominodamsel, yefione, and garrchomped! :3

23:(truth) What are your three biggest turn ons, and your three biggest turn offs? 

Turn ons (as they apply to fics): 1. Masturbation, 2. Pegging, 3. Sensation play

Turn offs: 1. Female subs in het porn. It really bothers me. 2. Choking (generally applying to face-fucking/blow jobs but like, actual choking, too. NOPE.) 3. When people write “waste” instead of “waist” -_- 

(dare) Put your music player on shuffle. Without actually listening to it, write the lyrics to the chorus of the first song. 

I CANNOT REMEMBER THE LYRICS TO ANYTHING TO SAVE MY LIFE I SWEAR TO GOD but let me try: 

The song is Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap. My lyrics:

Stay there, ????(something) SOFTLY coming over! While our blood’s still young, blah BLAH BLAH NAHUUUHHNN won’t stop ‘til it’s over, won’t stop to surrender.

Actual lyrics: 

So stay there'Cause I'll be coming overWhile our blood’s still youngIt’s so young, it runsWon’t stop ‘til it’s overWon’t stop to surrender

……NAILED IT. *puts on sunglasses and strolls away* HATERS GONNA HATE.

[themightynyunyi]

38, 78, 102 :)

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?I don't really have a dream guy, just be funny, nice, as fucked up as me and tolerate all my stupid things

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?pistachio, chocolate

102. Do you regret anything from your past?of course, things I said, things I didn't say

[vontesla]

Then one day, she woke up. The book of her past lay cast aside, dog eared with missing pages. His voice anchored her in dreams where she never went too far or became too lost. There was always a home to return to in the songs and stories of sleep. They didn't have to be reenacted to feel more real than anything that brushed her physical skin. But this awakening, this morning brought rain. Rain that blurred all the lines, washed away the fantasies and baptized her in the chill of truth. It was time now to come down from his sky. The moon now bound in skin and walking in overcast daylight. He who chased and loved her, had worshipped on the sabbath, then returned with her blessing to give light to an earthly female. And he who stayed and waited, loved the idea of her, harvesting her beams to hide from his nightmares and demons. But the sunrise storm...that symphony of destruction and realization... It took this book, this anchor, this deity and bathed her in new liquid. She rose, dripping with uncertainty on shaky legs and took the first step out of their collective shadow. Then another step into the wind and the sound of the ancient ones. And one more toward her sun and stars

[vontesla]

Morality caught fire...

Air perfumed with leather and smoke

The dirt packed solid under my boots

Steady as I go into this familiar grove

Confident of my control over my head

and my hips

until again...

I can faintly hear the deep baritone

riding out the guitar strings

drawing out instinct and addiction

forcing out movement through melody

until my skin is alive with...

sound, sex, submission.

I belong to no one and nothing

save rhythm...

and I'm acutely aware

of the distance closing between

the length of his reach

and the ends of the reins.

Subtle smiles comprised of

1 part distraction to 2 parts gasoline,

where I concede

again

to this familiar fuel

that reminds me how to hunt,

how to pray,

and how delicious the transition

when morality caught fire.

[vontesla]

Captive quotes

He sings me to sleep in another man's voice...

The nectar of his words pouring in through

my eyes,

my ears,

illuminating the murky waters of my soul

I bathe here in glowing wall of

perfect prose and lyricism 

ignoring the left brain for a moment

rolling the sweet words off my limbs and down my stomach

sitting deeper into the pool he made for me...

when I turn to a harsh ticking and find

his words imprisoned by parentheses

Borrowed emotions from another man

to another woman.

He loves me as her through his forefather's words.

[vontesla]

Cricket

Pulled from a shallow sleep by the alarm clock cricket stuck inside my wall, I stretch and make out animals from the cracks in my ceiling.  My anthem still looping on the computer as I analyze the events of the evening.  I scraped the reserve of my pride from the honey jar and poured it into a dance which I did over and over until my legs gave out.  The storm picked up where my dance left off and I wandered out into the cool grass with my thoughts and a glass of cheap wine...hoping the rain would wash away any delusions still waiting in the 3am of my head.  The rain came and went, delusions firmly in tact, as I sighed and spoke to my hostage.... "Alright.  Let's get through today and tonight?  We both plan our escape".  He never stopped chirrping.  I don't think he speaks English.  And it may be time to question my sanity when comforting an insect in a foreign tongue qualifies as a pep talk.