First Annual BBQ
== WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL SERENITY LABS OFFICE BARBEQUE! The recent expansion of staff means it's time for a big old fashioned mixer event for everyone to get nice and acquainted with their fellow coworkers.
Enjoy the quaint scenery of Can Town's public park! There is a lovely little bridge overlooking the natural turtle pond and even a swing set! The usual hot spot for enjoying the beautiful weather today has been set up with paper cloth-covered tables of assorted decorative colors. Some are dedicated to drinks of many kinds (Non-alcoholic, of course. It's a family friendly event!). Others are piled up with chips and classic BBQ sides like creamy coleslaw and cornbread.
Three whole grills are manned by friendly salamanders who politely offered their service for a fair and reasonable price. A storm of burgers, hot dogs, ribs are being cooked up as we speak. Vegetarian options are also available upon request! Veggie burgers, grilled corn on the cob, giant grilled mushrooms. You name it, they've got it! The large cake avaliable is donated courtesy of the Fatherly Confections Bakery. Lawn games are set up and waiting to be used. Frisbee, soccer, and that bean bag toss game Corn Hole.
EVERYONE IS INVITED TO PICK UP A NAME CARD from the round table marked with white balloons. This will let people know who you are and what department you work in. As specified in the staff-wide email invitation, you are encouraged to have fun and make new friends within the different departments. == DAVE: -he's here, out in the public eye. Everyone please hang onto your pants. For the mixer today, Dave dresses plainly in jeans and a yellow t-shirt ft. a dodo bird with a the letters 'dodo' on it. Cherry red windbreaker tied around his waist. Clearly, the most fashionable. Oh he also has his name tag which reads "insufferable prick". Might as well put that on the table where everyone can see it.- ARADIA: -she's here too! and already plastered a name tag onto her sweater vest. she's just kind of wandering around aimlessly, enjoying the quaint park. she loves can town!- LATULA: -guess who else is here? it's latula. she's talking smack at the cornhole set up at every single person that dares walk by. unfortunately, no one's taking her on so far. she wears a name tag that says LATULA in awesome lettering, with her gamertag and other gaming accounts listed as well. "p34c34ndg4ngst4s" seems to be her common username.- LATULA: y4ll r34dy for th1s???? LATULA: whos r34dy to toss som3 b34nz b4gz 1n som3 HOL3Z, 4m 1 r1ght?????? LATULA: wh4t? 1s 3v3rybody 4fr41d to los3 to 4 grl?????? LATULA: so not r4d1c4l! >8[ SOLLUX: -Who forced this insufferable prick out into the actual sun, he's going to turn into the shriveled up husk he is on the inside. Sollux is here and unlike a certain SOMEONE he actually filled out his name tag the way he should; 2ollux captor 2y2tem2 techniiciian. And his outfit is slightly less douchey in that hes wearing grey skinny jeans (that are somehow still kind of baggy on his twiggy frame) and a tshirt with the upside down smiley flipping people off 🙃 🖕 - SOLLUX: -Hes parking it at the drinks table and has little plans to move from it.- [ GILDEROY the salamander spies the wandering sweater troll girl and tries to offer her a giant grilled mushroom for sampling. Seriously, it's as big as your head! Straight out of the LOWAS district! ] JOHN: -He's standing near the grill, chatting away with Francine and Bob. Probably laughing at a slightly off color joke told by Francine. Oh, Francine! That is inappropriate! He's wearing some shorts that show off his hairy legs, flip flops and his shirt is hidden by an apron that says DO NOT KISS ME. I AM YOUR BOSS. :) and affixed to it is a nametag that actually says his name and position because he's not a wiley asshole like certain people named dave.- SOLLUX: -Dave is the wileyist asshole.- ARADIA: -PEEPS- 0h w0w ARADIA: thats 0ne massive fungus -smiles at the salamander. how did he know she was hankerin' some mushroom? she will gladly have a nibble.- [ He knows with his special salamander eyes. It's tender and delicious! Just like mother used to make! ] ARADIA: -JUICY- SOLLUX: -He squints around and his eyes fall on Dave who happens to not be too far from him. Time to try and be social.- SOLLUX: wow ii alway2 knew that wa2 your real legal name. SOLLUX: way two fuck up a perfectly good name tag diickweed. TEREZI: -little dragon scampering around the tables. STEALING FOODS HERE AND THERE. There's a helpful nametag near the tip of her tail, but it's awful hard to see it when she's scampering like that.- ARADIA: -wanders some more while she nibbles on this mushroom. eventually she ends up near john. shifts her plate into one hand so she can wave.- hi b0ss SOLLUX: -Shit looks like they have rats. Scaly rats.- DAVE: -somewhere he feels people are thinking of him and his asshole again. His ears itch.- DAVE: youve never checked my birth certificate DAVE: do trolls even have those DAVE: probably not DAVE: also hi again DAVE: this is crazy but-- -Immediately gets distracted.- DAVE: holy shit is that a lizard or a cat or what the fuck who let that in here JOHN: -Peeps Aradia and aproaches with a friendly bounce in his step. He's also eager to get away from Francine a little bit because her jokes are kinda racist.- hey there aradia! you can call me john y'know. SOLLUX: ii know ii dont but who the fuck know2 a2 far a2 beforean-- holy 2hiit. -watches dragon lady speed by on a table.- DAVE: -takes a picture of the scaly blur.- KARKAT: =FUCKING ARRIVES= JOHN: -spies her mushroom- oh man those are really good. but really fillling? so many wasted years... SOLLUX: pretty 2ure you can po2t that on biigfoot2 fan 2ite and 2tart 2even onliine flame war2. SOLLUX: -Also no who invited Karkat.- ARADIA: -looks between john and the mushroom- i see y0u tw0 have a hist0ry JOHN: well y'know when you eat a lot of bread how it kind of feels like it's rising inside you- DAVE: why the fuck would i do that DAVE: this shit has nothing to do with bigfoot DAVE: -It's Karkat. He's pretty sure he's seen that guy around in passing.- JOHN: -stops everything to greet karkat from across the lawn- hi karkat! KARKAT: =He doesn't need an invite, he's just here. He lives near here, he doesn't need to see these assholes outside of work= SOLLUX: how do you know that freak of nature piilferiing our 2uppliie2 ii2nt biigfoot. SOLLUX: what giive2 you the riight two make that call. DAVE: anyway im ditching you now to hang out with someone who might actually be cool bye -abandons Sollux and heads towards the screaming troll by the bean bags. Hello, Latula. He's here.- TEREZI: FOOT S1Z3 -who even said that she's under a table now- DAVE: -What the fuck.- ARADIA: -haha, he has a pretty short attention span. she doesn't mind. waves at karkat, whoever and wherever he is.- SOLLUX: wow what the fuck??? SOLLUX: okay bye a22hole ii diidnt want to a22ociiate with you anyway2. JOHN: -then he goes back to their conversation- anyway, how are you liking can town? ever been on this side of town before? SOLLUX: -Hes now free to lock his eyes on Karkat and sip soda at him. Feel uncomfortable guy.- KARKAT: =lifts hand in greeting and makes his way deeper in, well things aren't on fire yet. Walks slowly.... staring back at Sollux= SOLLUX: -Its a stare off between assholes.- LATULA: -I AM COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!- YO!!!!!!!!!! how'z 1t h4ng1n ch13f s3cz? you f33lin l1k3 g3tt1n your 4ss k1ck3d tod4y? w3 gonn4 go DOWN! KARKAT: =How is Sollux having a stare-off with himself? Does Karkat have a mirror on his face= KARKAT: =scrunches up his face while angrily fixing his food= KARKAT: =Has yet to blink= SOLLUX: -Wow rude.- SOLLUX: -Anyways hes approaching to troll- SOLLUX: 2up kk. SOLLUX: diid you get my helpful emaiil. DAVE: hey weve just met but i think getting my assed kicked is basically all i ask for when walking up to someone DAVE: so i can tell were going to get along sup KARKAT: YOUR HELPFUL EMAIL FULL OF HORSESHIT AND RADISH? KARKAT: YES. I DELETED IT ON SIGHT. ARADIA: i live here actually ARADIA: but im n0t h0me 0ften ARADIA: as y0u might imagine my w0rk takes me all 0ver the place LATULA: SUP!! -she seems pleased with his response and puts a hand on her hip, grinning- yoooooo! th4t'z th3 sp1r1t!!! SOLLUX: iim god damn offended thii2 ii2 the la2t tiime ii try two help you you ungrateful cretiin. -He huffs.- SOLLUX: -And also looks at the food he's getting. Hmm. Eating might be a good idea eventually.- KARKAT: YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE ALL YOUR "HELP" IS YOU PANTING AT YOUR DESKTOP, MOISTENING IT WITH THE HUMID BREATH OF THE LONELY AND PITIFUL, AND WAITING FOR ME TO FALL CARELESSLY INTO YOUR POORLY EXECUTED TRAPS. KARKAT: =Takes a breath and bites into a burger= SO THANKS. DAVE: im full of that shit DAVE: team spirit DAVE: team spirit and me we go hand in hand marching in a halftime show gig DAVE: its all about the sport yo were here to win DAVE: are you SOLLUX: 2o you fanta2iize about me pantiing at my keyboard huh. NEPETA: =Dragging up a tarp. a drippy tarp= JOHN: yeah that is super interesting stuff. not that i know anything about it really, but i know we needed one. -picks off a sausage from a passing salamander- JOHN: and that was good enough for me! KARKAT: ONE: PAY ATTENTION, I SAID DESKTOP. SECONDLY: NO. NO NEVER. NOT EVER. LATULA: h4h4h4h4! h3llz Y34H!!!!!! 1m 4LW4YZ h3r3 to w1n! th4t's k1nd of my th1ng. sorry to k1ll your v1b3z! >8] SOLLUX: ii am payiing atteniion the be2t ii can. SOLLUX: iit2 not my fault your overly wordy tiirades are more dry then 2hiity over u2ed 2andpaper. DAVE: shiiiiiit that just blew me out of the water -says in monotone, just standing there.- DAVE: yeah i got nothing yo DAVE: youre names latula? feel like ive heard that name somewhere SOLLUX: new2fla2h we all know you own a the2auru2. ARADIA: -laughs a little- im sure it w0uld be a little 0verwhelming t0 try t0 c0mprehend the specific sciences 0f every0ne w0rking under y0u ARADIA: thats why we are all specialists after all ARADIA: and i f0r 0ne am happy t0 w0rk within an envir0nment which all0ws f0r that kind 0f f0cus 0n my studies KARKAT: RIGHT, RIGHT OF COURSE I SHOULD'VE FACTORED IN YOUR COMPLETE INABILITY TO FOCUS ON ANYTHING THAT ISN'T HUMMING WITH THE EFFORT OF A SYSTEM COOLING FAN. KARKAT: ALSO WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? AREN'T YOU ALLERGIC TO THE OUTSIDE? KARKAT: AND INTERACTION. KARKAT: AND PEOPLE. KARKAT: AND THE CRIPPLING WEIGHT OF YOUR PITIFUL EXISTENCE? [ There's cake, Karkat. Didn't you see it? It's why anyone is here. ] LATULA: of cours3 youve h34rd my n4m3 som3wh3r3!!!! try 3V3RYWH3R3! 1 do pro sk4t3bo4rd1ng tourn13z 4nd 4lso k1ck 4ss 4t pro v1d3o g4ming! LATULA: 1 W1N SH1T!!!!!! KARKAT: =motherFUCK= SOLLUX: ye2 ii am giive crediit and thank2 two the guy who pay2 both our paycheck2. SOLLUX: -Nods in the direction of John, oh... and Aradia is over there. Okay, he's still getting used to her presence.- JOHN: -nibbles on sausage- heheh! well damn if i don't try. but it's not like i'm going to be shimmying down cliff faces and playing hot potato with misc. irradiated rocks! i mean i think i'd be decent at the shimmying part but then why pay all these licensed proffesionals? SOLLUX: iim iin the proce22 of 2lowly pa22ing on in ab2olute and 2ilent agony. KARKAT: GODDAMMIT JOHN. JOHN: -bork? did someone say his name?- JOHN: :B??? ARADIA: i appreciate it ARADIA: but i still enc0urage it simply because its fun! -looks when john is called too, by virtue of being near him at this moment- KARKAT: =GODDAMN YOU JOHN= ARADIA: he seems upset DAVE: hold the shit i think i just realized im talking to the shit DAVE: capital tee ess its kind of a big deal DAVE: also why the shit am i here then oh yeah DAVE: youre going to kick my ass in hacky sacks or DAVE: bean hole or whatever the fuck this is SOLLUX: agreed one hundred percent. SOLLUX: iim goiing two try two quiit agaiin over thii2! -He says loud enough for John to hear as well.- SOLLUX: -Its gonna happen one of these days...- KARKAT: WHO ARE YOU KIDDING YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE SHUT THE HELL UP. TEREZI: -She's scuttling out a bit more, hopping around on various parts of the park. Now she's stealing a few confections, too.- KANAYA:- She has ARRIVED and has taken her nametag and done a totally normal thing, which is wear it. It says Kanaya Maryam, which is what she expects a nametag should say when she's wearing it. Anyways. She's just. Here. Standing.- SOLLUX: ye2 ii am you dont know what the fuck iim doiing. NEPETA: =stares at Kanaya= ARADIA: -oh right, and hello sollux. waves at him too with a smile.- [ Gilderoy the salamander sees the scuttling lizard rat and tries to shoot it from the confections. These cookies were donated generously! Back beast! He waves the broom threateningly. ] KANAYA: -Coughs- KANAYA: -Holds up her hand- TEREZI: -it's too bad, Gilderoy. she is TOO QUICK FOR YOUR BROOM.- She's got a big cookie in her tiny mouth.- LATULA: -stands proudly- d4mn r1ght 1ts a b1g d34l!!!!! 4nd y34h, cornhol3. 1 gu3ss you h4v3n't pl4y3d 1t b3for3? NEPETA: =crawls over, leaving her tarp of SUCCULENT MEATS unattended to climb the friend= NEPETA: :33 < hi clawnaya!! KARKAT: NOTHING. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE DOING. [ What a world... what a world... The rest of these are going to have to be covered by a lid then. And guarded HEAVILY. He's watching you, lizard. ] TEREZI: -A CHALLENGE.- KARKAT: =eats the rest of this burger. sCARFS, or rather big bites= SOLLUX: no that2 iit iim quiiting riight now ju2t two 2piite you--- SOLLUX: -Scrunches up his face watching this.- SOLLUX: ...dude. KARKAT: =chews and stares at him= SOLLUX: you are almo2t a2 dii2gu2tiing a2 me how do you 2tiil not know how two eat liike a per2on. SOLLUX: iim a2tounded. KARKAT: ..... =Furrows eyebrows= DAVE: dont even fucking talk to me about cornhole DAVE: back in texas its all i did DAVE: stuff lobs of corns in holes so often it was obscene DAVE: the c and the h in champ stands for corn hole for the record DAVE: i cant make this shit up -Yes he can.- KARKAT: ?????????????? KANAYA: -OH. She's not sure if Nepeta is going to do that literally or figuratively, but she lowers her hand after... about thirty seconds of keeping it up after Nepeta speaks.- KANAYA: I Expected That This Venue Would Attract You KANAYA: Considering Its Proximity To Processed Meats And Outdoor Greenery KANAYA: You KANAYA: Are Enjoying Yourself I Assume KARKAT: =Stares at Sollux= YOU EAT?????? KARKAT: I'M ASTOUNDED. SOLLUX: everyone ii2. SOLLUX: everytiime ii take a biite iit2 headliine new2. LATULA: d4444444mn, pr1ck! p33 r33zy! you got 4ll k1ndz of l1t3r4l on m3!!! NEPETA: =Definitely climbing the friend literally= NEPETA: :33 < i just got here but it s33ms fun! NEPETA: :33 < i brought meowre food! KARKAT: PROBABLY BECAUSE IT DOESN'T LOOK LIKE YOUR MALNURISHED FRAME HAS SEEN A SINGLE CALORIE THAT WASN'T THE DIRECT RESULT OF FILTER FEEDING LIKE THE STAGNANT FUNGI YOU ARE. DAVE: its a sad job but someones gotta do it -Holy shit, he has been standing here talking and talking for like ten minutes.- DAVE: speaking of sad jobs im the prick in security whats up LATULA: 1m th3 pyrop3 1n publ1c r3l4t1ons h44444444y! SOLLUX: eatiing ii2nt my maiin priioriity 2ue me. SOLLUX: iim hiigh functiioniing on low fuel. KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: KANAYA: Would You Say That Is A Pun On The Words Meow And Your As Though To Say I Brought Meowr Food But It Does Not Sound Correct Without A Slightly KANAYA: Increased Emphasis On The Latter Half Of The Word KANAYA: Suggesting That You Have KANAYA: Food That Belonged To Me At Some Point KANAYA: -another pause- KANAYA: Or KANAYA: In Hindsight It Is Probably Not That No KARKAT: OH BULLSHIT. NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33 maybe! who knows it might have! NEPETA: :33 < im pawfully sneaky! KANAYA: For The Sake Of Argument KANAYA: I Will Assume You Were Being Sneaky In A Different Way KANAYA: And Bringing Another Kind Of Food With You DIRK: -arrives on the scene... roxy said she'd meet him here, but she's NO WHERE TO BE SEEN. that's just... that's just fine. he can handle a social gathering without her to hide behind. he just has to look completely disinterested with everyone and aloof and hope they form favorable opinions of him based on that. like wow, what a cool and mysterious guy. let's fill in the blanks all on our own about him instead of actually approaching him only to find out he's basically only capable of speaking in bird squawks.- SOLLUX: youre ju2t jealou2 becau2e ii dont need two 2hove half an aniimal down my throat two keep bodiily functiion2 liike you clearly do. KARKAT: =Wow who is that mysterious douche over yander= DAVE: shh dont DAVE: dont hay DAVE: hay is for horses its like DAVE: all you need to DAVE: yep there he is DAVE: i spoke too soon -gazing at Dirk.- SOLLUX: -He already doesnt like the look of this guy.- DIRK: -wouldn't YOU like to know...- KARKAT: =Oh no, absolutely not= DIRK: -gazes back at dave- KARKAT: =Judges him over here with Sollux= LATULA: -looks in the direction of dirk- w41t 4 m1nut3 4r3 you s4y1ng th1s 1s som3 k1nd4 hors3 guy???? KARKAT: YES I'M SO TERRIBLY JEALOUS, IF ONLY I DIDN'T HAVE A FIT AND IN-SHAPE BODY THAT DIDN'T BLOW AWAY IN THE WIND. SOLLUX: be gentle yell any louder and ii might turn two du2t kk. KARKAT: I CAN ONLY HOPE. DAVE: im saying hes exactly some horse guy DAVE: who should probably get his ass over here and play cornhole SOLLUX: you want two fuckiing murder me. SOLLUX: ii 2ee how iit ii2. NEPETA: :33 < purrrrrhaps! h33h33h33 did mew bring anything? NEPETA: :33 < or did mew you bring yourself? NEPETA: :33 < both are good to nibble on! SOLLUX: ii mo2tly 2ee iit anyway2. KARKAT: NO BECAUSE THEN I WOULD HAVE TO TOUCH YOU. KARKAT: IT'S NOT WORTH IT. KANAYA: I Was A Bit KANAYA: Uncertain KANAYA: Regarding The Etiquitte KANAYA: And What Is Actually Appropriate To Bring KANAYA: ... KANAYA: I Mostly Brought Napkins KANAYA: You Wont Really Get Anything From Nibbling Them DAVE: -crossing park to awkwardly approach Dirk. The awkwardness runs in the family. Parks himself in front of him for a full second before talking.- hey DIRK: -nods.- Sup. -is this communication? yes.- SOLLUX: -Fakes a sigh of relief.- SOLLUX: thank fuck ii wont diie today. SOLLUX: diid you hear that world karkat vanta2 ii2 beiing the merciiful pii22 wiiggler he ii2. SOLLUX: ii doubt you could kiill me anyway2. ARADIA: -suddenly by sollux and karkat- did s0me0ne die SOLLUX: -Oh hey.- SOLLUX: yeah my hope2 and dream2. KARKAT: WHAT PART OF ME NOT WANTING TO TOUCH YOU DID YOU NOT UNDERSTAND? KARKAT: NO. THANKS FOR EAVESDROPPING BY THE WAY. ARADIA: :) DAVE: -Yep. Definitely communication.- DAVE: so DAVE: you made it DAVE: thats cool DAVE: wheres that roxy chick DAVE: thought she said she was coming with you or something DAVE: hand up in icepicks so now you dont have to worry about icebreakers DAVE: if she was in trouble youd tell me right NEPETA: :33 < can i nibble you then! NEPETA: :33 < i dont really get much furom it but its fun! NEPETA: :33 < its pawnding! SOLLUX: your liip2 say no. SOLLUX: but your obviiou2lly attracted two my hiidiiou2 body. SOLLUX: -Looks at Aradia.- hey aa how2 iit goiing. KARKAT: =EUGH= SOLLUX: welcome two priick2 viille. KANAYA: Ah KANAYA: Ha KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: Okay KANAYA: We Will Pawnd KANAYA: -She ducks her head down slightly because she's a LITTLE worried about Nepeta's balance there.- KARKAT: I'M NOT SO DESPERATE FOR LOVE THAT I WOULDN'T SOONER FUCK A CONCAVE CACTUS THAN TOUCH TIPS WITH YOU. KARKAT: =wait... double negative= KARKAT: =LOOKS AT ARADIA= SO WHO ARE YOU? SOLLUX: Niice iimagery dude. DIRK: Yes. -please chill out you're making him nervous...- DIRK: She's fine. As far as I know. DIRK: Probably lost track of time or something. DIRK: Or she got lost in the deep green oculars of the latest dreamboat slash dork she's swooning over. KARKAT: SHUT UP NO ONE'S TALKING TO YOU I'M TALKING TO THE EAVESDROPPER. ARADIA: hell0 im aradia ARADIA: -points at nametag- im an archae0l0gist ARADIA: and an 0ld friend 0f s0lluxs which is why i invited myself int0 the c0nversati0n s0 readily -she probably would have done it anyway tbh- DAVE: what the fuck thats adorable DAVE: i mean shes adorable but i guess we all know that DAVE: dont tell her i said that -He can't chill out, Dirk. HE'S NEVER CHILL HIMSELF.- DAVE: you met john right DAVE: big boss DAVE: egberticus dorkholeifus DAVE: hes chilling by the salamanders if you want to say hi KARKAT: SOLLUX HATES OLD FRIENDS, SORRY TO SAY BUT YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW HOW MUCH OF A BAG OF LITERAL WASTECHUTES HE IS. KARKAT: ARCHEOLOGY IS COOL THOUGH. =Extends a hand to her= KARKAT VANTAS, CULTURAL ANTHROPOLOGIST. DIRK: Yes. I met him for my interview. DIRK: But I've avoided socializing as much as possible since I got the job. SOLLUX: -He has no comment and finishes drinking his soda.- NEPETA: =She might be half-blind but her balance is SO great, leans on Kanaya nad purrrs. Nibbles her= NEPETA: :33 < do mew know anyone else? KANAYA: Several KANAYA: But They Seem KANAYA: Busy DAVE: thats fair i mean i dont blame you DAVE: this shits fixing to become an asshole rompus around the ballpark yo DAVE: and were up to bat DAVE: but hey theres cake i heard so DAVE: might as well hang ARADIA: -!!! ANTHROPOLOGY BUDDIES. she takes his hand to shake excitedly.- thats awes0me ARADIA: i imagine we will be w0rking t0gether a l0t in that case DIRK: -crossing arms- Food is typically a good incentive to be at a place. DIRK: As like, a basic human need for survival I guess. JOHN: -he paused the socializing for a bit to grab himself an orange soda and some corn on the cob. watches the cornholing from afar as he nibbles on cob like a rabbit.- NEPETA: :33 < but still furrriends! you should go say hi! DAVE: hey john you son of a bitch DAVE: boss man DAVE: dude DAVE: psst DAVE: john DAVE: hey DAVE: bro DAVE: yo DAVE: john DAVE: hey DAVE: over here KANAYA: That Is Somewhat Of An Option I Suppose TEREZI: -casually pries up one of those lids put on the food earlier with her tail. SNEAKS SEVERAL MORE THINGS.- DIRK: -(bryson tiller voice) don't- SOLLUX: -Wait fuck his two childhood friends are going to be working together?- ARADIA: -WELCOME TO HELL WELCOME TO HELL- JOHN: borf??? someone def. just said his name this time. oh it's just dave. he bounds over. dave. you son of a bitch. -goes in for a weird hand grasp thing- KARKAT: OH YEAH MOST DEFINITELY. KARKAT: I FIND A LOT OF SHIT THAT'S NOT REALLY "MY AREA" BUT IT'S STILL COOL SO I TAKE IT ANYWAY. KARKAT: I'M SURE I COULD SHOW YOU SOME OF IT OR EVEN FORK IT OVER IF YOU WANTED TO OBSERVE SOMETHING MORE CAREFULLY. SOLLUX: of cour2e you both ended up hi2tory nerd2. SOLLUX: of fuckiing cour2e. KARKAT: UM.... WHO SAID YOU COULD TALK? SOLLUX: ii diid. DAVE: my god -there is no unironic bicep close up because Dave is too busy looking into the camera. As in Dirk. He's looking at Dirk while this happens.- SOLLUX: ii have a voiice and a wiill. KARKAT: SORRY THE JACKASS DOESN'T GET A VOTE. JOHN: oh hey guy! i remember you from the interview. -puts hands on hips- SOLLUX: iit2 weak but-- SOLLUX: your forum 2hiit ii2 a2 lame iin per2on a2 iit ii2 onliine. NEPETA: :33 < =bounces a bit= well who pawre they? NEPETA: :33 < they want to s33 you i bet! DIRK: Are we just going to reinact the entirety of the Predator? DIRK: If so I would like to play the role of the Predator so I can camouflage myself and duck into some trees for a while. DAVE: classic KARKAT: IT'S NOT WEAK. YOU'RE WEAK. ARADIA: -grinning as she looks between karkat and sollux- JOHN: i wanna be ahnold. i mean who knows if this shit doesn't go down the tubes i could probably run for governor! SOLLUX: ii am not my phy2iical therapii2t 2aiid iim not. KANAYA: Okay KANAYA: Um KANAYA: That Is Karkat KANAYA: And KANAYA: You Are Right There KANAYA: Obviously KANAYA: And That Is John KANAYA: He Is The One Who Employed Me KANAYA: And KANAYA: -SORTA STARES BLANKLY- KANAYA: Should I Actually Continue KARKAT: I'M SURE THEY MEANT IN TERMS OF YOUR PHYSICAL CAPABILITIES. THOSE BEING NONEXISTANT. =Eyes him= NEPETA: :33 < YES NEPETA: :33 < but we can start furrrom there! NEPETA: =puts her hands around her mouth= NEPETA: :33 < HI JOHN!! =big waves while on Kanaya!= DAVE: guess that leaves me in the role of dillon DAVE: get myself impaled as a motherfuck by the predator DAVE: my dying screams will alert the real dudes to the fight and thatll be it DAVE: my whole contribution to the plot DAVE: thanks john KANAYA: -OH OK THAT'S HAPPENING- JOHN: sounds about right. -scratches under chin- JOHN: h-ey ladies! -WAVES- SOLLUX: -Flipping him the bird.- SOLLUX: ii would 2torm off from your iin2ult2 but you two wiil probably talk 2hiit about me the moment ii leave. SOLLUX: fuck that iim not enabliing your go22iip 2e22iion. NEPETA: =pats Kanaya's face= KARKAT: =YOU IDENTITY STEALING ASSHOLE= KANAYA: ... KANAYA: -LOOKS UP AT HER- KANAYA: -then over at John- KANAYA: -she slowly approaches- KANAYA: This Is KANAYA: Acceptable Weather For A Gathering KANAYA: Dont You Think JOHN: heheheheh. isn't that cute? how she just kinda...climbs on people? JOHN: i think it would be less cute if somebody else did it. JOHN: but it's cute when she does it. JOHN: -chatting to dave and dirk about this- DAVE: -oh shit, more people are coming. Glancing towards Dirk. Is he actually still there?- DAVE: .... DAVE: is nobody else going to talk about the meat pile on the ground DAVE: because that sure is a thing happening over there JOHN: -doesn't even skip a beat- hey there kanaya! NEPETA: =YOU'RE WELCOME= JOHN: i think it's great weather for a gathering. nothing says bbq like scorching heat am i right? DIRK: -HE'S STILL HERE. FOR SOME REASON.- NEPETA: =purrs at them= NEPETA: :33 < hi! DIRK: -cautions a glance at... meat pile?- NEPETA: =S T E A K= KANAYA: -she does not seem to notice anything unusual about the meat pile, either. Seems pretty normal, for a meat pile.- KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: I Have A Certain Degree Of Nostalgia For Intense Sunlight JOHN: -hey there cute kitty girl. he gives her an extra wave-. DAVE: sup DAVE: im the insufferable prick in security DAVE: ... DAVE: do you actually work with us -to Nepeta- JOHN: dave don't be fucking rude. she's in medical. KARKAT: THAT INSINUATES YOUR PRESENSE MAKES A DIFFERENCE. SOLLUX: -Its dave strider hes always fucking rude.- JOHN: -true tho.- Nepeta: :33 < im a doctor! DAVE: i mean yeah okay DAVE: shes scarred to shit and missing an eye but thats okay DAVE: its like--- DAVE: yeah DAVE: dammit DAVE: shes perfect SOLLUX: iit doe2 becau2e unliike you aradiia i2nt a complete tra2h talkiing a22hole friiend. JOHN: i'm sorry. he doesn't get out often. JOHN: he doesn't know that commenting on people's EYE BLINDNESS is rude, god dammit dave. DIRK: -he's gonna go... eat a hot dog. fades away throwing a peace sign.- NEPETA: :33 < h33h33 i still have the eye! NEPETA: :33 < my furrriend offurred to cut it out and repawlace it but thats DUMB =she's unfazed and drops down to stand on her own feet= NEPETA: :33 < its ok! KANAYA: -BLINK. Little legs at her sides twitch.- KANAYA: Its Fine KANAYA: Which Is A Thing I Say On My Own Behalf Mostly KANAYA: What KANAYA: Is That Really How It Happened DAVE: see john DAVE: shes cool unlike you JOHN: -pshhhh- whatever! DAVE: -offers nepeta a fist for bumping- NEPETA: =Almost punches but slows down at the last second to give the gentlest.... bunp= JOHN: -fuck that's the cutest thing he's ever seen. he wants to bite his fist. instead he bites this corn cob- DAVE: this is going to be the start of something fucking beautiful -Shades glint. He can already tell.- NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33 i f33l the same! SOLLUX: anyway2 ii thiink we are 2uppo2ed to 2ociialiize wiith people we dont know. SOLLUX: 2o move your a22 over two the formiing group 2o ii have an excu2e two have a few word2 wiith egbert about haviing an event out2iide. DAVE: -Okay, that's enough personal contact for one day. He's shuffling off for the bean bags again.- you ever play cornhole before -to Nepeta.- KARKAT: FUCK YOU I HAVE TO MOVE. SOLLUX: or iif you know anyone el2e iintroduce me. KARKAT: WELL, DO YOU KNOW KANAYA? KARKAT: SHE'S KIND OF OVER THERE WITH JOHN. JOHN: so kanaya. i heard from you. because it was on your application. that you carve a mean topiary. SOLLUX: no. -He didn't even look over to where she was.- NEPETA: :00 < whats that? =follows this stranger= KARKAT: WOW YOU SUCK, ALRIGHT LET'S GO. =makes his way over to John and Kanaya= KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: I Was Not Sure That Would Be Relavent To The Job KANAYA: But I Have Never Had To Fill A Resume Before KANAYA: That Is Indeed KANAYA: ... KANAYA: An Accurate Representation Of My Interests SOLLUX: -Hes grabbing a plate with one whole hotdog and following.- DAVE: its like DAVE: you put corns into hole but first you have to imagine the corn doesnt exist DAVE: and the hole is the list of existential questions you ask yourself when youre alone at night DAVE: also its got bean bags that you have to hacky so DAVE: altogether makes some kind of game JOHN: psshhh! irrelevant. you know what the board would really love in front of our bulding?- -WHOOPS HERE COMES THE DORK TRAIN. BEEP BEEP.- NEPETA: :33 < cant i just eat the corns? isnt purr mouth a cornhole? it still exists then! SOLLUX: -Its true... they are dorks.- KANAYA: No KANAYA: I Dont Think Ive Met The Board KARKAT: HEY KANAYA. HEY ASSHOLE. =Kanaya and John respectively= JOHN: well no- by that i meant i have. and i was gonna tell you. it was kind of a lead in.- JOHN: hey guys. enjoying yourselves? -grins at sollux- TEREZI: -Now that she's content with raiding the food tables, she's just gonna jump down from a perch and SHAPECHANGE back into a normal troll. Mostly-- a troll. A not very normal troll.- KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: I See KANAYA: You Can Still Do That If You Want SOLLUX: wow you know john2 2peciial niickname and everythiing already. -Squints at John's grin. Do not smile at him. He aggressively shoves hot dog into his mouth over this.- DAVE: okay new plan well go with your idea DAVE: we eat as much corn as possible DAVE: and then come back and figure out what to do with the bean bags DAVE: -changes his direction to head towards the food places where Terezi is shapeshifting.- DAVE: DAVE: okay that just fucking happened DAVE: whaddup JOHN: yep. we're already on a familiar friend level, which is what i take that nickname to mean. TEREZI: >:O TEREZI: 1 R3FUS3 TO 4DM1T 4NYTH1NG H4PP3N3D 3V3R TEREZI: TH4T 1S 3NTR4PM3NT SOLLUX: 2ure why not iit2 totally 2omethiing liike that. NEPETA: :33 < !!! NEPETA: :33 < its purrezi!! KARKAT: THAT'S MORE OR LESS WHAT IT MEANS. DAVE: except what nepeta saw with her eye DAVE: shes a key witness DAVE: with way more connections than cat puns it looks like DAVE: purrezi DAVE: do i get a nickname JOHN: -HE'S GOING TO AGRESSIVLEY SMILE AT YOU SOME MORE.- TEREZI: TH4T, 1 SUPPOS3, 1 W1LL H4V3 TO 4DM1T TEREZI: TH4T 4S F4R 4S N3P3T4 1S CONC3RN3D MY N4M3 1S PURR3Z1 TEREZI: 4ND TH4T 1T M4Y OR M4Y NOT B3 TRU3 >:] NEPETA: :33 < hmmmmmmm =rubs chin at Dave= JOHN: anyway i was just gonna tell kanaya that i think she should do her topiary thing in front of the building if she gets the inclination. DAVE: can i call you purrezi TEREZI: 1 DON'T KNOW TEREZI: YOU DON'T R34LLY S33M TH3 TYP3 TO 4GGR3SS1V3LY K1TTY C4T 4BOUT W1TH YOUR T41L R41S3D H1GH TEREZI: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 TH3 KIND OF 4CT1ON F1TT1NG TH3 PROF1L3... TEREZI: OF 4 S3R14L POS3R >:o!!!! KARKAT: OH YEAH, YOU SHOULD. SOLLUX: ii2 that goiing two be 2ome attempt two make iit look nice? SOLLUX: al2o hey kanaya. SOLLUX: iim 2uppo2ed to iintroduce my2elf. SOLLUX: 2ollux. SOLLUX: there we are all 2et. JOHN: (proud of you buddy). SOLLUX: (do not do thii2.) JOHN: (prouuud of youuu) JOHN: -trollface.jpg- SOLLUX: (ii wiill 2ma2h all your 2hiity humor mug2.) DAVE: she went and stone cold stunned this motherfucker DAVE: bagawd he had a family DAVE: calling me out for the furry im not apparently DAVE: all because i dont have paws or a tail DAVE: but what she fails to see is the furry was inside me all along DAVE: its discrimination is what it is DAVE: dis fucking crimination DAVE: i cant believe this SOLLUX: (ii know where you keep them.) NEPETA: =LEANS AT DAVE, go on= TEREZI: YOUR DR4M4T1CS 4R3 H1GHLY CONV1NC1NG, HUM4N! BUT YOU F41L TO T4K3 ON3 TH1NG 1NTO 4CCOUNT TEREZI: DUR1NG 3V3N TH4T CONS1D3R4BL3 R4NT TEREZI: YOU D1D NOT M4K3 3V3N 4 S1NGL3 PUN 4BOUT YOUR R1D1CULOUS FURR3D 4LT3RN4T1V3! TEREZI: WH1CH COULD P3RH4PS B3 1GNOR3D TEREZI: BUT FOR 4 COMPL3T3 4ND UTT3R L4CK OF 3MB4RR4SS1NG 4N1M4L NO1S3S TO PUNCTU4T3 YOUR H1GH 3MOT1ONS -she clasps her hands together- TEREZI: 1 DOUBT YOU H4V3D Y1FF3D 3V3N ON3 S1NGL3 TH1NG JOHN: (i know you love these little conversations of ours but we should stop talking in parathenticals, i think we are excluding people) JOHN: woo! DAVE: oh i have yiffed DAVE: i have yiffed so hard in my day you dont even know DAVE: you smell that its called my natural musk DAVE: purr even for the catsona thats literally happening before our very eyes DAVE: a cat awkete DAVE: awkete purrmusk DAVE: nice to sniff you NEPETA: 833 TEREZI: HMM TEREZI: 1 SUPPOS3 TH3 SM3LL OF PURRMUSK 1S S1M1L4R 3NOUGH TO TH3 SM3LL OF YOUR NO DOUBT CONS1D3R4BL3 SH4M3 >:P TEREZI: YOU 4R3 OFF TH3 HOOK TH1S T1M3 4WK3T3 SOLLUX: -Good talk john- SOLLUX: 2o anyway2 what are you doiing job wii2e kanaya. SOLLUX: not that ii offiiciially care but iim pretendiing two iin front of our employer. KARKAT: WOW, FUCKING LEAVE. JOHN: dude, that's so rude. SOLLUX: iim ju2t 2ayiing ii dont de2criimiinate job2. SOLLUX: damn. SOLLUX: -But no he doesnt really care.- DAVE: thank purrezi DAVE: nepiddy paws DAVE: shit there it is the best nickname in existance JOHN: his official title systems technician. but you know what he really is? tech support. JOHN: he is support for every tech. TEREZI: 1T'S 4LL DOWNH1LL FROM H3R3 >:'[ SOLLUX: that2 me. NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33! NEPETA: :33 < the hill could be in a valley and it pawlso goes uphill furom here too! DAVE: god what the fuck even DAVE: who are you DAVE: i think im gonna die everything you say is like gold DAVE: make a market off that purrdorkable shit DAVE: you do calenders? NEPETA: :33 < no but i can make one spawcifically fur you if you want NEPETA: :33 < fur a price! :PP DAVE: i would buy the shit out of that DAVE: youre hired NEPETA: :33 < you havent even heard the cost yet silly! TEREZI: WOW TEREZI: W3LL YOU KNOW WH4T TH4T M34NS TEREZI: YOU H4V3 NO CHO1C3 BUT TO OFF3R TH3 MOST R34SON4BL3 PR1C3 YOU POSS1BLY C4N >;D NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33 itll be the fairest purrrice there is! SOLLUX: -Hes eating the rest of this hot dog. Its impressive because wow nutrition.- SOLLUX: -And it wasnt freezer burned or anything.- JAKE: -A faint rumbling in the distance, this can only mean an old-fashioned MOTORBIKE is pulling into the parking lot. Carrying two passengers even! The driver appearing to be a young man with tattoos all along his burly arms. On his head is a green skull-shaped helmet which compliments the cute pink cat helmet he gifted to Roxy. Why it's none other than Jake English! Should anyone know him? Only if you work for Skaianet! Or if you're John! Once he's parked, Jake is swinging a hairy leg off the bike and standing straight, fixing up his puffy vest.- JAKE: ... -Oh yeah! He still has his helmet on. Time to clip that off his head. Behold the boyishly cute coif of black hair, scuffy square chin, and big adorkable grin.- Saint mary and joseph roxanne! It looks like we made it! SOLLUX: -What an entrance.- DIRK: -mid bite of hot dog while this happens- KARKAT: =Great more douchebags= ARADIA: -hey she works at skaianet! thats her!- SOLLUX: -Connections are incredible.- SOLLUX: -Jabs a point elbow into karkat.- look at tho2e douchebag2. KARKAT: =GRUNTS and scowls, shoving Sollux= I SEE THEM. I ALSO SEE THIS ONE. KARKAT: BUT ALSO I SEE THEM. ONE OF THEM IS OBSESSED WITH HUMAN PHALLUSES. I WON'T SAY WHICH. ROXY: -She made sure this was definitely no kind of computer helmet, for the record, to avoid any of that weird brainwashing bullshit. It is absolutely adorable, though. She would be grinning, but she's feeling a little sick, her hair a little windswept from all that... well, wind. She is feeling just a little sobered up from all that drunk riding she just did.- ROXY: whhheeeeew rly??? ROXY: -pops off helmet- all i can see is whizzin colors and all i can smell is hotdogs ROXY: someone point me in the direction of the trashcan pls DAVE: -hovering around Nepeta and Terezi still.- okay so whats youre definition of a fair price DAVE: are you talking money or DAVE: do i have to crouch and let you rub my tummy or something DAVE: cmon talk business with me DAVE: you mediate this exchange purrezi make sure nobody does nothing underhanded FEFERI: -When did she get here? It's uncertain, but thanks to someone she is wearing actual clothing! Frankly, the tiara is the most important accessory, in her opinion.- FEFERI: -She's been watching for some time, but now she's discreetly swallowing chunks of barbequed meat whole. Once she's done doing that, she might actually greet someone. She's pretty excited about it!!- DIRK: -he's near the trashcan, where he belongs.- SOLLUX: -Dont shove him his brittle. Except not really, he hardly stumbles and just shoves right back even though he started this.- SOLLUX: can i gue22? SOLLUX: iit2 the giirl right? NEPETA: :33 < its simpawl really! NEPETA: :33 < i want to see meowre of pawkete 833 ROXY: -excuse u she is obsessed with any kind of phallus- SOLLUX: unle22 iit2 the dude tryiing two compen2ate for 2omethiing. KARKAT: DON'T START SHIT SOLLUX AND YES IT IS THE GIRL. JAKE: -big smiles and oblivious to Roxy's condition.- That would be my fault roxaroo. All those left turns? Im surprised as all blazes we made it at all! JAKE: JOHN YOU TEETERING SON OF A GUN. WHERE ARE YOU? -he yell- SOLLUX: that 2omethiing beiing hi2 own 2hriiveled human phalla2. DIRK: -THIS AGAIN???- SOLLUX: iim not 2tartiing 2hiit. KARKAT: YOU'RE DEFINITELY STARTING SHIT BY NOT KEEPING YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF. ROXY: bluuuhhhh -Is that Dirk??? She would greet him but she's too busy greeting this trash can. BRB y'all.- JOHN: jaken bacon! -RUNS AT HIM- JOHN: -FULL FORCE- JAKE: Hah! There you are! -arms out, ready to catch this large man flying at him.- COME HERE YOU. DIRK: -he's grumpy because he's been in public far too long and he thought roxy would be here earlier. giving her a look. which is just his usual look, but it's INTENSE.- JOHN: -chest bumps- hey man! it's been forever! SOLLUX: what you mean liike thii2? -elbow jabs him again.- SOLLUX: 2orry your ju2t iin the way of my natural movement2. SOLLUX: move or deal wiith iit. JOHN: i didn't think you'd show! JAKE: Ahhh well that would be my fault. -laughs sheepily and rubs the back of his neck.- JAKE: Its been some time since i vouyered on this side of town! ROXY: -BLUIUUUHHHHHHH. Sorry Dirk, she still can't deal with you right now until she's done.- ROXY: -Which is incidentally about fifteen seconds later or so. Smacks her lips.- ROXY: wow i feel grate now ROXY: oh shit hi KARKAT: =ALRIGHT, SHOVES= DIRK: -VOUYERED???????- KARKAT: WHOOPS. DIRK: -he's never leaving his bat cave again- ROXY: wtf u doin JOHN: i think the word you're looking for is ventured my dude! -slaps his back- JOHN: but no hard feelings. get some cake. JOHN: mingle~ SOLLUX: -Okay this time he teeters some.- SOLLUX: -Holds his arms out to steady himself again. Fuck karkat was no peepsqueak after all.- SOLLUX: do you even liift ii hardly felt that. DIRK: -stares at her after she just... horks right there.- Uh. DIRK: Losing my appetite. KARKAT: DON'T MAKE ME LIFT YOU. JOHN: (also is your friend okay she just threw up) FEFERI: -She has discovered cake. She isn't certain what it is, but she is sniffing it, and also stroking her fingers over the icing. Oooh!- ROXY: cool thats good SOLLUX: you wouldnt embarra22 us both liike that you coward. ROXY: hows the party KARKAT: WANNA BET? JAKE: If you dont mine! Im starving! -Doesn't even realize what he said before...- Uh.... JAKE: I take it all has to do with the sharp turns and whirls and such? KANAYA: -she is kinda hovering now near John too.- (Yes That) KANAYA: (Regarding The Vomiting) [ Gilderoy the salamander is throwing such a bubble at the cake getting desecrated by fishy fingers. Cease miss! For the love of glub! Glub glub glub glub! ] SOLLUX: yeah iill bet on iit ii could u2e the extra-- =spots feferi at the cake for a moment.= SOLLUX: what the fuck. DIRK: I don't know. I've been on the outskirts the entire time. -offers her a mint?- FEFERI: Glub glub glub GLUB glub!!!! [ GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB GLUB PROTESTIVE GLUB! ] FEFERI: GLUB. SOLLUX: karkat there are fuckiing cake 2tealiing fii2h giirl2 here. FEFERI: -Licks the icing off her fingers while staring Gilderoy in the eyes.- SOLLUX: that2 fucked up. SOLLUX: anyway2. -SHOVES HIM HARD.- SOLLUX: -It was all a ruse. Thank you random icing feferi.- [ He has seen wars but nothing like this before. He sheds a single salty tear. ] KARKAT: SOLLUX PLEASE. KARKAT: THAT'S OUR DISGUSTING THEIVING CO-WO-- =SHOVED= KARKAT: ALRIGHT YOU KNOW WHAT CAPTOR! =GRABS HIS SKINNY WAIST AND LIFTS. It's graceful and beautiful and people should probably throw roses only its not that at all= ROXY: -grabs and DEVOURS mint.- waaaat srsly??? ROXY: come on man ROXY: u been holein urself up for enough centuries im like 200% sure SOLLUX: -fUCK!!- JOHN: woo! i think that chest bump brought up my internal temperature. -removes apron.- DIRK: It hasn't been nearly enough. DIRK: Did you know it's been some time since your buddy vouyered around this side of town? JOHN: -shirt says VOTE MAYOR and the current year.- FEFERI: -She is satisfied. 38)- FEFERI: -Also eyeballs the Sollux lift.- 38O FEFERI: -Is this another land dwelling bonding activity??? Maybe she should find someone to lift.- ROXY: ........ ROXY: sounds like ur the one doin the voyeuring SOLLUX: are you 2hiiting me right now?? -Hes glaring down at him. This uh, probably would have been more intimidating if he could still do anger sparks around his eyes and horns.- ROXY: 2 the surprise of literally no one KARKAT: GUESS WHO'S GETTING PUT IN A FUCKING TREE? THE ASSHOLE. THAT'S WHO! =mARCHES for a tree= ROXY: wait hold that thought ROXY: i think my buddy karkat is bout to lay the smackdown on a nerd DIRK: It's not my fault he's screaming in tongues. Like, what even is his aestheti-- -holds that thought- DIRK: -GRUMPILY- JAKE: Hah! Its only the goal my bro! JAKE: Shall i go check on roxy? JAKE: -Don't mind if he does! He's trotting over here with Roxy and Dirk.- Ahoy there! JAKE: Have you found your sea legs rubix cube...? -What? Is there a brawling happening? Jake is distracted.- TEREZI: DO YOU N33D ROP3 >:O -YES HI LET'S STRING UP A NERD- SOLLUX: -NO- SOLLUX: hold the fuck up!! -Hes grabbing hold of Karkat's arms and digging in his nails. Do you feel them claws??? - DAVE: wow -just kind of watching this. Amazing.- JOHN: -it's okay he's following- guys JOHN: GUYS. DIRK: -eyes angrily downcast at hairy thighs as they approach. he hates this.- SOLLUX: ii am goiing to wreck you iif you arent puttiing me down riight NO-- SOLLUX: ........................ SOLLUX: 2up john. KARKAT: =Turns to Terezi= ...... YES. KARKAT: I AM HOLDING THE FUCK UP! THAT'S WHAT I'M DOING. REMOVE YOUR FILTHY FUCKING CLAWS BEFORE I GET AN INFECTION. KARKAT: WHAT JOHN? I'M BUSY. SOLLUX: claw2 come out when ii go down nookbreath. JAKE: -They're the kind of thighs that trek mountains and climb trees to rescue stray kittens. Not too sculpted, not too soft. Just right.- KARKAT: WOW!!!!!!!!!!! DIRK: -NO.- JOHN: i set up all these games if you wanna horseplay. put down the tech support. JOHN: -hands on hips- KARKAT: THAT'S AN INTIMATE DETAIL I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW. AND NO JOHN. KARKAT: THIS ISN'T A GAME. KARKAT: THIS IS REAL FUCKING LIFE. ROXY: -snRKS at the spectacle and then peeps at Jake- o ye ROXY: i got this shit locked the fuck down now ROXY: aint no kinetic force gonna ruin my day nemore TEREZI: H3H3H3 TEREZI: TH3Y N3V3R GO W1THOUT 4 STRUGGL3 TEREZI: -SHE DOES HAVE ROPE THOUGH. WHY WOULDN'T SHE- TEREZI: 1 4M NOT SUR3 1F HORS3PL4Y C4N R34LLY COMP4R3 TO UP-STR1NG1NG LATULA: -runs back into the scene, where the hell has she been? who even knows. it looks like she's missing something awesome, though- d444444444444444mn d1d 1 just W4LTZ my w4y 1nto a troll l1ft1ng comp3t1t1on???? PR3P4R3 FOR TH3 OWN ZON3!!!! SOLLUX: yeah you need me iim a preciiou2 commodiity. KARKAT: I DON'T NEED SHIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER. SOLLUX: oh yeah then diid you actually fiix your computer yet?? LATULA: who w4nts to b3 on th3 w1nn1ng t34m? 4k4 MIN3! TH3 B3ST! grlz only! JAKE: Oh if youre sure... -hovers at Roxy.- Would you like something to drink? Some water or fruit juice? JOHN: if you put sollux up in the tree everyone is going to expect candy to come out when you beat him. but all that's going to come out is salt. FEFERI: O)(!!! Lift M-------E! -At Latula.- JOHN: and then everyone will be super disappointed in my party. JOHN: and it'll be all your fault karkat! KARKAT: THERE'S NO ROOM FOR ANYTHING TO COME OUT OF. KARKAT: =rattles Sollux a little. Like a shit because YES. He lifts= FEFERI: Or.... should I lift YOU? DAVE: -don't mind if he stands behind Nepeta a little bit.- LATULA: YOU GOT 1T F1NZ3R3LL4!!! -and there she goes, running over to feferi at full speed and lifting her before she has a chance to be the one who is being lifted- h1y4h!! NEPETA: =is smol and watching= SOLLUX: -HISSS- SOLLUX: -If hes going up hes holding onto karkats arms with his needle nails.- ROXY: i absolutely would like something to drink thank u sir :3 KARKAT: FUCK! WILL YOU STOP THAT!? JOHN: there's not even booze at this party. i mean seriously guys...what the fuck... JAKE: Righto! Right as uh. JAKE: As soon as this all settles down? -eyes the commotion.- KARKAT: =Know what. Drops his ass= DIRK: -grunts- I can grab you something. FEFERI: )(-E-E )(-E-E )(-E----------E! -She is LIFT. She's a bit heavier than she looks, but she's holding her balance pretty okay.- KARKAT: OKAY, JOHN. YOU DO REALIZE SOLLUX IS SOCIALLY INCAPABLE AND PUSHES EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BUTTON THERE IS RIGHT? DIRK: -reapositioning...- FEFERI: Are we WINNING? JOHN of course i realize that. do you know how long i've worked with this guy? SOLLUX: NO! SOLLUX: 2ee john thii2 ii2 what happen2 when you hiire people why of all the fe2teriing excu2e2 of troll diid you piick the 2econd wor2t fuck iin-- -OOF. He lands on his feet thanks to a very brief cushion of psionics.- KARKAT: SECOND WORSE?? JAKE: Would you? Youre a peach mister-- JAKE: Well damn! I guess ill shuck my own corn here huh? -laughing as Dirk moves off.- Are you sure youre feeling well rox? We can always book it! Just give the word! ROXY: -gives dirk a LOOK. a look that says......... why? but also a look that says...... 👀 - SOLLUX: -Hes dusting himself off.- yeah 2econd wor2t you arent even good enough of a fuck up to be be2t at that. DIRK: -HE'S GONE. and then he's back a moment later with a bottle of water.- LATULA: -sure, she wasn't as light as she tHOUGHT but that doesn't mean she's going to DROP her or anything! the SECOND sollux is dropped, latula eases feferi down onto her feet before pumping her fist in the air- w3 won b4b3z!!!!! KARKAT: OH FUCK YOU, IF THERE'S SOMETHING THAT I'D BE THE BEST AT IT WOULD BE BEING THE WORST SO YOU CAN PISS RIGHT OFF WITH THAT ATTITUDE. MAYBE NEXT TIME KEEP YOUR ELBOWS TO YOURSELF. SOLLUX: john are you 2eeiing how he talk2 two me? SOLLUX: thii2 2ack of mu2cle bea2t 2hiit ii2 2uppo2ed two be my friiend. SOLLUX: do you get what ii have to deal wiith? -Not that he had to deal with it for eight or so years.- JOHN: -sollux and karkat are giving him a headache. he can't handle both of them at once. he walks off.- KARKAT: LOOK AT THAT. YOU'VE BROKEN HIM. GOOD JOB. SOLLUX: wow look what you diid karkat. -Watches him boss go.- ROXY: aww shucky darn jake ROXY: yeah im all good here i wanna hang with my peeps!! ROXY: specially after alla that i think i earned my prize ROXY: thank u tho you adorable manfeast <3 KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK? kitters - Yesterday at 10:14 PM ROXY: -wtf Dirk when did you get back here- JOHN: -to make his speech!- JOHN: alright everybody! can i get your attention for a minuite! SOLLUX: john ha2 delt wiith my shiit forever obviiou2ly iit wa2nt me who broke hiim. SOLLUX: al2o 2hut up he2 2ayiing 2omethiing. NEPETA: =Eating steaks by Dave, SCARFING= DIRK: -just in time to hear "man feast."- NEPETA: =looks up= :?? FEFERI: -THEY WON!!!!! She screeches momentarily before John starts happening.- SOLLUX: -You have his attention boss man.- DIRK: ... -offers her the bottle.- LATULA: 4w y34h!! -faces john- l3ts g3t PUMP3D!!! ROXY: ..... 8) ROXY: -takes it and twists it open slowly. this is weird.- DIRK: -THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ASK HIM TO COME OUT INTO PUBLIC. HE MAKES THINGS WEIRD.- DIRK: -he hopes they've all learned a valuable lesson.- TEREZI: -She's a small dragon again, paying a LITTLE attention to the boss.- ROXY: -gdi dirk- KANAYA: -well ok this is happneing JAKE: Right you are lalonde! Couldnt have said it better myself! -snaps his fingers into a finger gun.- ;D JAKE: Feast of a man all by myself! Hot dog! JAKE: ... JAKE: By jove its a mountain of hot dogs! -scurries off for the FOOD.- DIRK: -watches him leave.- ... JAKE: -Oh wait, is John happening? He can listen!- ROXY: (there he goes....) - 👀 - DIRK: -solid snake noises- JOHN: haha, nice enthusiasm latula. -this is why he hired her. shes better than a bar recruiter- LATULA: -DUHHH!!!!!- DIRK: Anyway, as I was saying. DIRK: What's his deal? ROXY: what u mean whats his deal ROXY: like JOHN: anyways! i just wanna thank all of you for coming out today. and i especially want to thank our friendly salamanders, Bob, Gilderoy and Francine for manning the grill. you guys did a great job. if you all like these salamander products please consider voting in the upcoming local elections so we can help get these salamanders the right to vote. ROXY: why-- hold that thought x2 JOHN: it's really messed up that they can't vote. DIRK: -HE'S BEING SO RUDE.- KARKAT: =WHAT THE FUCK THEY CAN'T VOTE?= DIRK: -whats this about salamanders.- KARKAT: =Pay attention u tool, they can't VOTE LOOK AT THEM. GODDAMN= FEFERI: -Wtf is a vote? 38D- DAVE: -taking a snapshot of John with his VOTE MAYOR '69 shirt. No caption needed.- NEPETA: =Something dumb she's sure but they should be able to DO IT= ROXY: o no... these poor manders KANAYA: -She glances around. She is one of many people who has never been able to vote in an election before.- KANAYA: Is KANAYA: That What We Were Here For KANAYA: I Mean Its Fine I Just Did Not Realize That Exactly JAKE: -Is confused and also concerned but politics aren't exactly his forte... He thinks John knows what he's talking about though and trusts him immediately. Thumbs up for John!- JOHN: -HELL YEAH THEY SHOULD- anyway. i just wanted to say that i really believe i hired the best people for all your respective jobs. we're all very different but i'm sure we can come together for a common goal. which is first and foremost to give people a secondary option to crockercorp anywhere we can because crockercorp is evil, and secondly to uncover the mysteries of wild magic for the common good and stuff! JOHN: so keep relaxing and having fun...and get ready to work your butts off, because we are not gonna have it easy like those snobs. JOHN: -mike drop- JAKE: -CLAPPING! HORRAY!- SOLLUX: -Yeah everyone fuck crocker corp it aint that great.- SOLLUX: -Has great health plans though.- DIRK: -well said. now that he started paying attention.- DIRK: -ah... is he supposed to clap? what are social cues.- NEPETA: =claps!!= DAVE: -gets sprinkled by sauce as Nepeta claps. He's still chilling by her.- KANAYA: -politely claps- KANAYA: -looks at a salamander- KANAYA: Sorry KANAYA: I Have Been Living In The Desert KANAYA: And A Temple There In Part KANAYA: But Voting Is Probably A Thing That Will Happen Once I Have KANAYA: Concise Instructions On How One Does That NEPETA: =Sure.... sauce= ROXY: YEA FUCK CROCKER CORP!!!!! DAVE: -Sauce...- JOHN: -he likes your friend jake- SOLLUX: alriight. SOLLUX: that wa2nt actually half bad. SOLLUX: not that that commentary ii2 meant for anyone iin partiicular but at lea2t a few of hii2 redundant 2peeche2 are semi-viiable. ROXY: -this was a delayed yell because she was sipping water.- LATULA: whooooooo!!!!! [ Gilderoy glubs in appreciation of Kanaya. Would she like a cookie? ] DIRK: -c... claps....??- SOLLUX: -Hes probably saying it at karkat though.- DIRK: -shit did he start clapping too LATE?- DIRK: -he hates parties he's never going to another party in his life.- KANAYA: Oh KANAYA: Thank You JOHN: -he still heard it. he always has an ear attuned to sollux's super tsundere compliments- JAKE: -It's fine Dirk! Jake is clapping and clapping in his stead.- SOLLUX: -You just love the sound of his lispy voice.- ROXY: -she's not even clapping, she has a water bottle in hand- JOHN: -glows at everyone and sips soda- DIRK: -just pretends they're all reenacting that scene in eva- SOLLUX: -He will actually tell you it was good when they arent in public. He has an image john.- DIRK: -congratulations... congratulations....- SOLLUX: -if people knew he could be nice then they would expect it from him.- ARADIA: -she's gonna tell EVERYONE- JOHN: -if that's what you need to do, you dot hat dirk.- FEFERI: -She's snuck an entire handful of cake now. Who is the wiser? No one. She's munching it next to Latula.- JAKE: -BOUNCES TOWARDS THE HOT DOGS and rubs hands together.- Who can go wrong with free food? No one actually! -laughs all by himself and starts grabbing up his own food serving.- ROXY: .... -SIGNS LOUDLY at the direction of Jake's ass.- ROXY: so neway ROXY: like u were sayin ROXY: or like i was sayin JAKE: -His ass is present and looks great in khaki!- ROXY: i forgot where we left off TEREZI: YOU KNOW 1T R3M41NS OV3RWH3LM1NGLY L1K3LY TH3Y'R3 GO1NG TO ST34L TH3 3L3CT1ON 4NYW4YS TEREZI: -a dragon says that from the food table- TEREZI: 1TS NOT 4S THOUGH 4NY OF TH3S3 1NV3ST1G4TORS KNOW TH31R W4ST3 CHUT3S FROM 4N 34R C4N4L TEREZI: -STILL THE DRAGON SAYING THIS- FEFERI: -suddenly looks at the dragon on the food table- LATULA: -gasps at feferi- wh3r3 th3 fuck d1d you scor3 TH4T C4K3 g1llz? DAVE: -gazing at the dragon. He can't believe dragons have political opinions.- FEFERI: -Does... Does that need to be speared??? Food probably isn't supposed to be talking.- DIRK: It's nothing anyway. -crosses arms again.- TEREZI: -DONT U EVEN TRY IT >:o- FEFERI: O)(! I got it from t)(at platform t)(e glubby fellow is guarding. 38) FEFERI: Glub. FEFERI: -BUT???? LISTEN. FOOD????- ROXY: oh pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ROXY: PFFFFBBBFBBBRFBFFBBRT LATULA: mmmmm!! c4k3 pr3p4r3 yours3lf cuz 1m gonn4 34t y4!!!! -runs over- JAKE: PARDON YOU. -says, bringing his plate o' food back to Roxy and Dirk. Time to chow.- ROXY: why are you bein such a gd downer ROXY: like moren usu-- -oh hi Jake- ROXY: :T DIRK: -HE WON'T STOP KEEP HAPPENING.- JAKE: Whos a downer! Not mister cool fellow here! JAKE: Come now! Its a festive gathering! FEFERI: .... -She wants to watch this girl eat the cake. She likes this girl. She's so enthusiastic. Feferi can relate.- DIRK: -is he making fun of him- ROXY: -no dirk that's his secret he's literally just this pure- JAKE: Theres even free food! -Of course not. Everything Jake says is 100% genuine.- Whats there not to enjoy? LATULA: -makes a big scene over cutting a piece of this CAKE. EXTREME!!!!- ROXY: nothin imo DIRK: -the social anxiety, mostly- Eh. -shrugs- ROXY: -SEE??? GET WITH IT DISTRI.- FEFERI: 38O JAKE: Would you like to give the old soccer ball a swift kick? -asking this to Dirk clearly. Maybe he can help him have fun?- FEFERI: Does it kelp to eat t)(e cake.... more -EXTR-EM-ELY???? EQUIUS: -He is here now. Or was he here the whole time? As HUGE as this troll is, it's kind of easy to miss him. He's wearing his weird body-hugging armor thing and standing with his arms crossed near the outskirts of the party.- DIRK: -slow blink behind shades. soccer...? is he being invited to play.... sPORNTS?? this can't be real.- DIRK: Uh. DIRK: Sure. Why not? DAVE: -Holy shit.- ROXY: o ye dirk is a pro at ye olde SPORTSball NEPETA: !!!! LATULA: -looks over at feferi- w3ll y34h!!!! you gott4 show th3 c4k3 wh4t your3 m4d3 of!!!! NEPETA: =SCAMPERS AND TACKLES HIM= NEPETA: =get wreked= EQUIUS: -Darn it Nepeta, he was attempting to survey the- He's wreck'd- ROXY: ..... -him big.- JAKE: Hah! Only one way to prove it! -let him scarf down two or three of these hot dogs here.- So whats your name again? JAKE: Its gone and slipped my mind. -Oblivious to bigs at the moment.- NEPETA: :33 < hi equius! why pawre mew wearing your silly spandex? :PP EQUIUS: D --> That is your first error JAKE: Starts with a dee... JAKE: And youre great friends with roxy i recall. JAKE: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm! EQUIUS: D --> Among a 100ng train of similar errors FEFERI: )(mm... I t)(ink I understand! FEFERI: )(ow's T)(IS? -She's equipping her 2x3dent and twirling it over her head for a brief moment before STABBING the cake. And possibly the table.- EQUIUS: -Holding her at arms length like bby simba- DIRK: -just... watches him guzzle down these dogs.- Dirk Strider. FEFERI: -THUNK.- EQUIUS: D --> It is not spande%, it is a STRONG synthetic material of my own design EQUIUS: D --> And what else would I wear FEFERI: GOT IT. 38D NEPETA: =hangs there= NEPETA: :33 < something that doesnt empawsize purr butt all weirdly! JAKE: -shoots his hand out for a quick shake- Jake english my fellow! A damn great pleasure! :D ROXY: (deez nuts) DAVE: -startles as the trident happens. Welp.- EQUIUS: D --> This is my professional attire and I will not wear aneighthing else -STUBBORN SNORT- EQUIUS: D --> Now tell me if you are enjoying yourself at this social gathering NEPETA: =grabs her own feet= NEPETA: :33 < i was eating and making furriends! FEFERI: -It's a little bit difficult to pick up the cake like this, and most of it falls apart, but there's still some on the prongs, so that basically counts.- NEPETA: :33 < so yes! DIRK: So are we gonna clasp hands together and do an unironic bicep close up? ROXY: -slowly facepalms next to Dirk- alicici - Yesterday at 10:45 PM LATULA: >8[] LATULA: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL!!!!!! JAKE: ??? JAKE: Say rx. Isnt that a reference to a meme? JAKE: If so then yes! -LAFF and shakes his hand VIGOROUSLY- Put er there chum! FEFERI: 38D!!!! FEFERI: -She's looking at Latula for approval. That face seems approving enough???- FEFERI: GLUB GLUB GLUB. EQUIUS: D --> -sets her down- I suppose that is satisfactory EQUIUS: D --> If these friends of yours are worthy subjects DIRK: -this backfired terribly. TRIES TO KEEP A STRONG GRIP WITH HIS NOODLE ARM.- ROXY: you got it jake ROXY: u nailed it down real quick im proud o u EQUIUS: D --> -Judges coworkers appraisingly.- ROXY: nothin gets past this guy huh NEPETA: :33 < they are! =scampers over to Dave and pokes him in the back= LATULA: sw33t 4s FUCK!! m4n you just 4bout bl3w m3 4w4y w1th sk1llz l1k3 th4t!! SOO R4D!!! NEPETA: =Equius is gonna make friends= JAKE: I nailed it rough and swift with nary a pause hello! -says all this while shaking Dirk's noodle arm. Finally releases him.- Hah! EQUIUS: -Marches along after her stiffly- ROXY: ...... -mmmmmyep.- DIRK: -mmmmwhatcha saaaaaay.- DIRK: -mmmm that you only meant well... well of course you did...- ROXY: -here lies dirk & roxy- DIRK: So about kickin' balls around. DIRK: Why did I say it like that. DIRK: -WHY DID HE SAY THAT OUT LOUD- ROXY: -fuckin.... snORTS???- ROXY: i got like 3 gueses and the first 2 dont count JAKE: Right! Theres one right over there! -spies the soccer ball over yonder.- Ill go warm it up for us! JAKE: -scampers off, abandoning his food plate.- NEPETA: =Pokes Dave right in the BUTT= DIRK: He's going to warm it up. ROXY: gallopin off again like a majstic gd stallion DAVE: eep -monotone. He was spacing out staring at the defeated cake.- ROXY: -steals whatever was left on Jake's plate.- ROXY: -nom.- DIRK: I guess I'm gonna go. DIRK: Play soccer with your special friend. EQUIUS: -HORSE SNORT- D --> Nepeta that is inappropriate DIRK: Enjoy the show. NEPETA: :33 < this is my furriend, the new one! this is my old, old, old, old, OLD furriend EQUIUS: D --> -squints. why so much emphasis on old. u sayin he old.- NEPETA: =So old= EQUIUS: -SQUINTS HARDER. HE'S A YOUNG FRESH STALLION- FEFERI: GOOD. -She's bouncing on her heels now, all riled up and licking sugar off her pointy weapon.- T)(at was fun! FEFERI: -Peers around at their audience. Is that a guy staring in their direction???- DAVE: old old old old old old old old DAVE: -faint beat boxing.- DAVE: sup equius DAVE im insufferable for short DAVE: prick for long and uh DAVE: yeah fuck it that basically sums up me DAVE: -sweats. No, he wasn't staring. It's the shades.- ROXY: i am ROXY: absolutely gonna do exactly that with or w/o your permission thank u :3 EQUIUS: -flabberghasted- D --> I see NEPETA: =She saw that= DIRK: -grunts and... slinks off after jake.- EQUIUS: D --> -This human is raunchy.- NEPETA: 833c JAKE: -giving the old ball a kick! And a kick!- HIYA! LATULA: 1t w4s th3 MOST fun!!!! b4s1c4lly b3c4us3 of how 3xtr3m3 1t w4s. EQUIUS: D --> Human you will tell me what department you work in EQUIUS: -This is how you talk to humans.- DAVE: -sitting there straight faced through this all.- DAVE: security DAVE: aka the best department EQUIUS: D --> That is also my department EQUIUS: -Ok he socialized- NEPETA: =equius dont be rude, but dave is chill she just chinhands and "GASPS"= EQUIUS: -Are u happy Nepeta- NEPETA: :33 < what a clawincidence! NEPETA: :33 < mew have so much in common FEFERI: Y-----EA)(. -She's still staring at Dave, and grinning. Maybe she should go greet that little group there, too?? She looks at Latula again.- FEFERI: I like you. FEFERI: W)(o AR-E you?? DIRK: Kick that over here. DAVE: -The cat puns... they kill him...- DAVE: yeah DAVE: i got spandex too DAVE: so thats another thing we have in common EQUIUS: D --> You are wrong, we do not have that particular thing in common EQUIUS: D --> For this is not spande% I am wearing currently, but a synthetic material of my own design JAKE: -grins as Dirk comes over.- Its about time! Its just about ready for a serving! -lobs the ball right at Dirk.- NEPETA: :33 < (hes touchy pawbout his spawndex) EQUIUS: -Flicks ear at Nepeta. >:C- DAVE: oh DAVE: ok DAVE: but you see why i would think it was spandex right LATULA: -that's affirming, too bad it's fleeting as hell- 1m r4d grl 3xtr4ord1n4r3 4lso known 4s l4tul4 pyrop3!!!! NEPETA: =mrrp, looks up at= DAVE: -internal weep at the mrrp..... Shit.- LATULA: 1 do th3 publ1c r3l4t1ons sh1zz for th1s pl4c3!!! EQUIUS: -She is very cute. But stop saying he's wearing spandex. He sees you.- DIRK: -surprise, he easily stops it and rolls it up on top of his foot, then proceeds to show off by bouncing it on one heel, then over to the other. suddenly he's in his element.- EQUIUS: D --> -huffs- No I cannot say that I do EQUIUS: D --> Security employee, Dave NEPETA: :33 < its meowstly because of purr butt i think NEPETA: :33 < also other pawrts that are REALLY detailed in that! EQUIUS: D --> Nepeta! JAKE: Holy macaroni! JAKE: Would you mind that coordination? JAKE: That finnese? JAKE: I think were in the presence of some kind of professional here folks! -does the camera angle with his fingers. This is very silly.- FEFERI: I S-EA. FEFERI: Public reelations.... T)(at means you know a lot about )(ow land dwellers finteract? NEPETA: =pats his arm, biceps= NEPETA: =very detailed= NEPETA: =GOD EQUIUS= DAVE: yeah i dont endorse any of that shit she just said ROXY: -yeah he is pretty cool... IT'S RUDE FRANKLY.- EQUIUS: D --> -flares nostrils. Well his body is a work of art, made to be 100ked upon.- EQUIUS: D --> -Preens a little.- NEPETA: =slightly smug cat face, he likes the attention= DIRK: -yes, he is great, isn't he? and not an awkward nerd like he was behaving 5 minutes ago. it was all a ruse.- DIRK: -bounces it once more, then lets it fall so he can kick it back at jake.- ROXY: -no he is definitely still that too- DAVE: -he's a little uncomfortable with this guy's proximity and hyper detailed muscles here.- DAVE: -poker face though. He sips his apple soda.- DIRK: -LIES- NEPETA: =smugger cat face= EQUIUS: -flips hair bashfully at her smug cat face. He's beautiful isnt he? Then he notices the apple soda.- D --> I will seek refreshments NEPETA: =Wait a second.... is that ground cake over there?= EQUIUS: D --> But not unhealthy swill with which to po100t my body EQUIUS: D --> -goes in search of actual apples- NEPETA: =Did she not notice the ground cake??= JAKE: Huzzah! -allows it to bounce off his chest before it rocks back down to the ground.- Awww bust. JAKE: So much for that! -jogs off to try and chase it. Borf. Boof.- KANAYA: -NO- NEPETA: =Low creeps to the cake, she's gonna eat this. Waste-not-want-not. Sticks her hand right in= DIRK: -watches him go. he's feeling a lot more relaxed now... this is actually kind of fun.- KANAYA: ...There Are Things To Eat That Are Not On The Floor KANAYA: Nepeta DAVE: -takes a perfect picture of this.- DAVE: -He's probably going to start a whole blog of Nepeta being cute. Sorry guys.- FEFERI: -stares at Nepeta....- DAVE: -Nepeta fan club.- FEFERI: )(I! FEFERI: I sea you also found t)(e conc)(fection. 38) NEPETA: :33 < wouldnt it be wasteful? :00 NEPETA: =licks it--- OH, Looks at Feferi= NEPETA: :33 < hello! KANAYA: It Would Be KANAYA: Also A Bit Less Likely To Make You Sick NEPETA: :33 < oh! h33h33h33 its fine im a doctpurrrrrrr NEPETA: =Offers Kanaya ground cake= KANAYA: No KANAYA: Please No KANAYA: -puts a napkin in that hand- KANAYA: Feferi KANAYA: Did You Put That There FEFERI: Y-----ES! 38D JAKE: At attention mister strider! -kicks the ball back to him- :D FEFERI: I was eating t)(e -EXTR-EM-E way. EQUIUS: D --> -comes over by the REFRESHMENTS table and sees this floor cake. He snorts in disapproval but he's used to Nepeta eating things off the ground by now. Still, to see a SEADWELLER doing it...That's just sad.- NEPETA: =Her cake was napkin'd!= NEPETA: =gently lifts napkin, neatly puts it to the side and eats this hand of cake= EQUIUS: D --> -picks over table for veggies and or fruit tray.- NEPETA: =WIMP= EQUIUS: =SAVAGE= FEFERI: -She isn't EATING the ground cake. She just stabbed the cake, and then licked it off the pointy end. GOSH.- NEPETA: =That's fair= FEFERI: -The cake just happened to succumb to gravity during that process.- KANAYA: I Will Concede That This Is Extreme By All Merits FEFERI: T)(ANK you! 38) DIRK: -sweeps at it, but this time takes off with it. JUST TRY AND GET IT BACK.- NEPETA: :33 < mew s33m fun, im nepeta! :DD KANAYA: Yes KANAYA: She Is From The Ocean Nepeta EQUIUS: -Lurks for this conversation. Also eats pineapple.- JAKE: This way this way! Where the hell are you going?? -running after Dirk, waving his arms about.- NEPETA: :33 < is the ocean furry fun? NEPETA: =Eats more ground cake= DIRK: -looks back at him to throw a peace sign- KANAYA: -MAKES A FACe- JAKE: Hah! Well there you have it! -laughs and throws a hand.- The indubitable winner of the game! Congrats! FEFERI: It's F-EFURRY FUN. 38) FEFERI: I'm Feferi! NEPETA: !!!! NEPETA: :33 < h33h33h33h33h33h33!!!! GOOD ONE! FEFERI: 38D!!! FEFERI: GLUB GLUB. DIRK: -stops and goes back to bouncing it on his heel- ... DIRK: You're supposed to try to take it from me. NEPETA: =Points to the lurking horse= NEPETA: :33 < this is my furrriend equius, hes not wearing spandex! FEFERI: )(-ELLO -Equius! FEFERI: I like your NOT SPAND-EX. EQUIUS: -Darn it, Nepeta. He sighs inwardly and dips his head in greeting.- KANAYA: -She does not. BUT TACTFULLY DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING. She'd rather not be seeing most of this. Ground cake. Eugh.- EQUIUS: D --> Seadweller FEFERI: -Oh. She likes him.- NEPETA: =Licks the icing from between her fingers, hi kanaya= JAKE: ! JAKE: Shuck my darn is that the game were playing?? And here i thought it was just kicking around for fun! JAKE: But if you want to make a sport of it... -Suddenly looks serious. As serious as a bucktoothed dork can look anyway- Then by george youve got one! -CHARGES HIM.- FEFERI: You may call me Feferi! NEPETA: =theres a lil grass in there= FEFERI: -She knew land dwellers ate grass. SHE KNEW IT.- DIRK: Oh shit. -BOOKS IT AGAIN, kicking the ball along.- NEPETA: =CONFIRMED= EQUIUS: -Call her Feferi. Like her first name. Does not compute.- FEFERI: -DO IT.- 38) FEFERI: -Or don't. She doesn't actually care that much.- JAKE: -Dirk's got speed and Jake's got force. He has no problem diving in a youth roll to punt the ball from under Dirk.- Down and dirty now thats what i call a game! >:D! JAKE: -scrambles back up to give it a chase.- EQUIUS: D --> -looks really unsure- Ok ROXY: (rip dirk) FEFERI: T)(ank you! FEFERI: -just casually, thoroughly eyeballs him. there is a lot to look at here.- EQUIUS: -He said he would call her by her first name but he's still a little uncomfortable with doing so. Out of the corner of his eye he sees two humans observing SPORTING EVENT. He dips his head again.- E%cuse me, ladies EQUIUS: -He trots in that direction- FEFERI: -There he goes...- 38( DIRK: Fuck. -down and dirty... indeed... he thinks he likes this tenacity. but there's no time to appreciate it, he has a game to win. even though there's no structure or rules here to help dictate a winner. WHATEVER.- DIRK: -after regaining his balance, he flashsteps forward to give himself that upperhand, catching up to the ball again and then kicking it off in another direction.- EQUIUS: -Speeds up to a canter (read: jog) when he sees that flashstep. That intrigues him. He jogs towards Dirk and Jake- JAKE: Great scott and a-- WHOOPS. -He tried changing directions so fast, he ended up slipping on some grass and taking a hard tumble.- OOF. YOWCH! DIRK: -HA. wait... is he ok? slows to a trot, and then to a stop... watches jake carefully.- EQUIUS: -Comes to 100m over Jake, just as he tumbles- EQUIUS: D --> Human, I was going to request admission into your sporting game EQUIUS: D --> However DIRK: -holy SHIT him big.- EQUIUS: D --> -simply reaches out and tugs Jake to his feet- ROXY: -chinhands at this??? until Jake falls down. oop.- ROXY: (SPORTS intensify) JAKE: Wh- -He sees large feet and hears a deep rumble voice and suddenly he's getting LIFTED. Holy shit, he doesn't think he's ever been MANHANDLED before. He's usually the bigger guy in the group?- JAKE: -Suddenly brought to his feet but there's still a taaaaaaaaaaall amount of stacked muscles to take registery of.- JAKE: ...However?? -wheezes, glasses crooked and covered in grass- EQUIUS: D --> You lost your balance EQUIUS: D --> -Like, duh- DIRK: ... -trots back over, nudging the ball along with him.- JAKE: It was a trick of the grass! Testing the gravity? You know its not always stable! -laughs dorkily and loudly, reasonably red in the face. Is now attempting to clear the grass and such off himself.- AHEM. Pardon all of that if you would! EQUIUS: -Flares nostrils at the word stable. Was that a horse pun? His sweaty face also gets a thin tinge of b100- D --> Of course EQUIUS: D --> I am Equius DIRK: -this got really gay suddenly- ROXY: -suddenly???? pls dirk- DIRK: -no shut up- ROXY: -she's only been eyeballing u kicking around balls for the past fifteen minutes- ROXY: -JUST GUYS BEIN DUDES.- ROXY: -guys she has crushes on and/or is in love with.... being dudes.........- ROXY: -where's the cake tbh- JAKE: Equius! Well howdy do there fella? -sticks his hand out for a shake. His hair is still sticking up with pieces of grass.- JAKE: Jake english! At your service! That will be... emergency search and rescue i believe? Find yourself alright this afternoon? DIRK: -hangs out kind of awkwardly behind them a short distance. threes a crowd...- EQUIUS: D --> -GRASPS THIS HAND FIRMLY. Not so firmly as to injure it though, just enough to test this chipper human's fortitude.- EQUIUS: D --> I work in security and technical operations EQUIUS: D --> And you -LOOKS AT DIRK. He sees you.- JAKE: Zoinks ahoy! Some grip youve got there! -laughs and then perks up- Oh! So youre the man the eye in the sky! That man! JAKE: -claps Dirk on the back while he's here.- This is dirk strider! A new found associate but damn if he wont be a friend next time we give the old ball a kick! Isnt that right dirk? Were on the right path! EQUIUS: -He will grasp this human's hand also.- DIRK: -flinches between the hand clapping his back and the hand FIRMLY GRASPING his own.- DIRK: That's me. DIRK: Dirk Strider. DIRK: Future friend of English. DIRK: We bonded after knockin' around some balls. DIRK: Also I specialize in technomancy development. EQUIUS: D --> That is a fascinating field -completely sincere- EQUIUS: D --> I would like to join in your recreational ball-kicking as I am a fan of physical pursuits JAKE: Well sure have at it equibroski! -wipes at his forehead. He sweaty.- Just as soon as i check in with rox is that okay? Shes the perky looking dame just over yonder! -WAVES AT ROXY- EQUIUS: D --> I beleive such an activity would STRENGTHEN the camradery between coworkers EQUIUS: D --> -Gazes at Ro%y- EQUIUS: D --> -Slow gazing- JAKE: Would you like to be a gent and introduce yourself? DIRK: Do it. She'd love you. EQUIUS: D --> -He's shy tho....But he's not going to show it because he isn't a baby wiggler- EQUIUS: D --> Yes JAKE: Well lets get hoppin! Fair lady here we come! -leads the entourage off towards her- EQUIUS: D --> -Trots his butt after Jake- ROXY: -oh shit she's sitting on the ground iwth a plate of cake and wide eyed at the sudden approach of BIG MEN.- JAKE: -Are you eating ground cake...- EQUIUS; D --> -frowns. Nepeta you are a bad inf100ence on the humans.- ROXY: -NO. IT'S NOT!!!!- JAKE: At attention roxie doxie! -salutes at her.- Were introducing the new friend! JAKE: Call him... equius. -stroke his chin, waggling eyebrows at her.- EQUIUS: D --> -Nods because that is his name. You are correct. Gazes.- DIRK: -big men... and dirk. except he's still kind of. in the background.- ROXY: o shih -mouth full of cake. she swalows and stands up.- heeeeyy big boi ROXY: u can call me ROXY: ..... roxy EQUIUS: D --> -It's possible that he is completely blocking view of Dirk.- EQUIUS: D --> Ok EQUIUS: D --> Ro%y -prounounces it weird- ROXY: yep that sure is my name JAKE: Hah! Isnt he a gem??? -he giffaw- Say dirk! Get your ass over here! ROXY: or like close enough DIRK: Mh. -shuffle... shuffle... into the foreground.- ROXY: yeah where even is dirks ass? ROXY: o there it is EQUIUS: -Watches this. Assumes that Dirk must be below Jake in the human social order because he constnatly responds to Jake's orders.- JAKE: Some place back in the field it looks like! -hehehehe- JAKE: So mister equius! Have you tried the giant mushrooms yet? EQUIUS: -ears go forward- No, I have not EQUIUS: -Where???- DIRK: -HE WOULD BE SO PISSED OFF BY THAT ASSUMPTION- JAKE: By the grill! You see them? With the salamanders? DIRK: -he's here now. beside roxy.- EQUIUS: D --> -He whinny. Those 100k delicious.- E%cuse me, Ro%y EQUIUS: D --> -Quickly gallops over to get himself a mushroom- JAKE: ... -He whinny...... SNRK.- ROXY: -hi. she leans against him a little.- :) ROXY: o ur excused DIRK: -responds to it kind of stiffly... but does ultimately lean back against her.- JAKE: -finger pistols at both Roxy and Dirk.- Some day huh? Its been a blast! JAKE: Will you be hanging out with dirk today rox? There might be something i need to visit with before the day is through if you dont mind! JAKE: Let me know if you need a ride home! ROXY: i thiiiink mayb i should ROXY: this guy could use a lil more me in his day -nudges Dirk like EH???? EHHHH???- JAKE: Hah i daresay youre right! -nudges elbow at Dirk with a big grin on his face- Keep an eye on her huh? You two have fun! JAKE: -suddenly turns and cups his hands around his mouth to holler at Equius.- Mister equius! Ill be taking my leave now! Ill be seeing you around the base come soon! DIRK: Naturally. -FOR I AM. THE DAY MAN.- EQUIUS: -What? He wanted to play the human sports. He simply nods, slightly disappointed.- JAKE: -There's always next time my bro!- EQUIUS: -Comes back to Dirk and Roxy with his arms full of mushroom- JAKE: -scampering off for his motorbike, throwing on his helmet again. Waves at Dirk and Roxy before kicking it to life. He's out!- ROXY: BYEEEEEE EQUIUS: -He is HERE. Nibbling quietly.- ROXY: -adorable... :')- ROXY: hows the shrooms flexquius DIRK: -kind of.... places a hand on the back of roxy's shoulder. he knows she likes the affection so she'd probably especially like it in public? now that he's feeling better he kind of wants to make up for being a prick earlier.- a tiny horse - Today at 12:16 AM EQUIUS: D --> Tender and moist -responds readily- EQUIUS: D --> I highly reccomend it EQUIUS: D --> -Continues chewing. Was that a pun or did she get hsi name wrong.- ROXY: -she knows what she's about son. she looks up to Dirk and smiles at his touch, though; not a grin, but genuine pleasure from even just the tiny bit of affection. she's wriggling just a little closer.- ROXY: yea ROXY: i probs will ROXY: get some i mean EQUIUS: D --> -He tears off a piece of his own mushroom and presents it to her.- ROXY: !!!! ROXY: -WHAT A PLEASANT HORSE MAN.- aww thnx!! -noms it right out of his hand. because. she's still not ENTIRELY sober, and it made sense at the time.- DIRK: -roxy, please...- EQUIUS: -Did she just start eating out of his hand like an animal. He stands there stiffly as she nibbles. Well he's not going to pull his hand away. He feels sweaty and is reminded of petting zoos.- ROXY: -nom nom nom.- :3 ROXY: -WHAT A SUCCESSFUL DAY.-