Warning: Contains mentions of past abuse and current emotional and psychological abuse and cheating
Just because someone doesn’t put their hands on you doesn’t mean they’re not abusive...
Oliver Spade never heard the word love for the first 16 years of his life. All he knew was pure rage and anger by the hand of his father. His mother came from a rich family and dumped a young Oliver with his father pretty much the moment he was born. Why his father never gave him up, no one knows, but Oliver always thought his father liked having a punching bag around the house he could yell at and blame everything on and that’s why he was kept around. The young boy was blamed for everything. For ruining his father’s life despite him never being asked to be born. For being the reason he drank. For being the reason he lost his job. Everything was always Oliver’s fault, and he paid for it every day and every night physically and psychologically for 13 years.
On his 13th birthday, Oliver gave himself the gift of running away. He cleaned out his father’s bank account and actually found an account that was being funded by his mother’s family that his father had been stealing from. No wonder he kept Oliver around. So he took the money and ran. And ran as far away as he could. The first flight out of JFK airport was to LAX and Oliver moved across the country with nothing but the clothes on his back and about $10,000 burning a hole in his pocket, and zero plans.
He spent his first night in LA sleeping in the airport so he could get a fresh start the next day since he’d have to find a place to stay and a job. And for his first two years in LA he lived in a sleezy motel working the front counter in exchange for his room and also bussed tables at a restaurant nearby since the owner took pity on him and paid him under the table and had everyone convinced Oliver was actually 18. He also sang on the boardwalk for tips and on his 16th birthday a miracle happened. A club owner happened to walk by and hear Oliver’s covers, and after asking how old he was, to which Oliver lied and said 21 since he could’ve passed for 21, the man offered him a job to sing a couple nights a week. Oliver happily accepted but only after asking if he could have a permanent job there as well. Apparently the only job opening was a bar tender, and of course Oliver freaked out hearing that because a) he was only 16, but he did have a fake ID that said otherwise, and b) he knew how his father was and he didn’t want to subject himself to that life either. But Oliver was smarter than his father was, didn’t let the opportunity pass by. It would be good money, and hey, if he had to he could probably mess with the drunk people’s tips. He just had to hope he didn’t get caught.
So that night he bought himself a book of drink recipes and studied all night long so he could pretend he knew what he was doing and wasn’t too suspicious. Oliver worked at that club for about a year before he was found out and very quickly fired. And while he was on his way out with his tail between his legs, he bumped into a boy who looked so out of place and uncomfortable it was actually pretty funny and Oliver couldn’t help himself from talking to him. They struck up a conversation, and after drinking an entire expensive bottle of liquor he stole from behind the bar while on the dance floor, the stranger got more and more handsy, and Oliver wasn’t about to stop him. He needed the distraction, and while he had never been with a guy before, Oliver really didn’t mind. His drunken mind actually liked him and his body wasn’t saying no.
What actually happened that night, Oliver didn’t know, but what he did know was that the next morning, well afternoon, he woke up naked next to that stranger whose name he still didn’t know, in a room Oliver knew he couldn’t afford even in his wildest dreams. They woke up tangled in each other and even when they were both awake, neither one made a move to distance themselves. So after a few minutes of sober introductions, Oliver quickly realized he didn’t want to leave. There was a kindness to Wally that he had never known and he wasn’t too keen on leaving.
Flash forward a year and Oliver could say with 100% confidence, that he had never been happier in his entire life. It was the anniversary of the day they met, and now that Oliver was long gone from the boy who shared walls with druggies and prostitutes, and was now proper “Axiom material” with a paid internship with Wally’s dad’s company, Oliver felt like splurging a little bit on his boyfriend. He spent all morning cleaning his apartment, spent days planning the food and even managed to get his hands on a bottle of the liquor they drank when they met. All that was missing was his boyfriend. And Wally never showed.
Maybe he forgot how big a deal that day was, they were drunk off their asses afterall, or maybe he really was that busy, but Wally called saying he couldn’t make it about an hour and half after he said he would be there. And by the time he called, Oliver had already finished the entire bottle of liquor and was so long gone he didn’t even remember Wally calling. That was the day the dream ended. Oliver realized how much happier and lighter he got when he drank, and Wally ended up becoming more and more distant, so every time he was blown off, he drank. But quickly got out of hand and Oliver’s disappointment with his boyfriend boiled over to when he was sober too. He could only take so much of being put on the back burner until he started to fight back. And once he found his voice, he never stopped.
He never laid a hand on Wally, Oliver vowed never to do that to someone else the first time he realized what his father was doing was wrong, but words got his point across just as well. Fights happened pretty much daily, and more often than not in the early days, their fighting typically ended in the most passionate nights of their relationship. Oliver almost forgot what it felt like to get more than a couple minutes of his boyfriend’s attention, so he found himself picking fights mainly for the passion and sex that came from it. Oliver felt ignored and abandoned and one night Wally pressed the wrong button and he grabbed Wally’s wrist and said, “I don’t need this bullshit. Get your fucking life together and call me then” and walked out. Later that night in a phone call Oliver doesn’t remember making, he called Wally yelling at him and saying how he did this to him and how this was all his fault. But he never hung up the phone after his tirade. The moment he was done yelling, he started sobbing and saying how much he fucked up and how much he loved Wally and wished they could go back to how they were.
And the next day, Oliver swallowed his pride and went crawling back to his boyfriend with a ring and asked if he could forgive him and if he would marry him. Mainly Oliver hoped a ring on Wally’s finger would remind him he had something to come home to. And for a while they were good again. But then a company party happened and Oliver drank more than he should’ve and when Wally told him to slow down, Oliver blew up and told him he wasn’t around enough to boss him around like that, and later at home their argument escalated to a full blown fight and Oliver walked out, but not after Wally threw the ring at him.
He figured if Wally didn’t want him, he would find someone who did. So Oliver called one of his friends and asked if they wanted to meet up. And once again, a kiss turned to more and Oliver woke up in the arms of one of his female friends. He never thought he would be the type to actually cheat, but god it felt good to feel wanted for once again. But after a week of sneaking off his friends, Oliver ran into Wally again and they made up because Oliver knew how charm his baby boy. He never told Wally he cheated, but whenever Wally got distant, he was never discreet with his flirting. And every time Oliver flirted with someone other than Wally, something in Wally got possessive and quickly the that feeling of Wally wanting him became something he craved and he did anything to get his boyfriend to act that way.
But on their fourth anniversary that bit him in the ass. Wally was being distant because he was planning something big. But Oliver didn’t know that so he was off with some girl trying to make Wally jealous again. And he didn’t even realize how badly he fucked up until a major deja vu moment happened and Wally called asking where the hell he was and Oliver didn’t have an excuse other than the fact he was with someone else and he could hear the hurt in Wally’s voice. Oliver didn’t know what was wrong with him or what came over him when he responded but all he could say was “If only you loved me and wanted me this much when I wasn’t with someone else.”
