#warning night

[basiliskdragon]

ngl spinel makes me nervous because it reminds me a lot of my relationship with my mom and her ending of falling in with the smothering diamonds looking for a replacement pink/steven is uh

not fun for me

[basiliskdragon]

pats myself quietly on the chest

i know things have been awful for us lately, but consider: while the chance that they both hate us is nonzero, the likelihood is still under 40%, and statistically unlikely

itll be okay, probably

we can stop replaying interactions over and over, trying to figure out what we couldve done differently, and we can relax

its bedtime, bitch. get tucked and calm down. the sun will come back tomorrow and we’ll figure it out

its statistically unlikely. we’re safe. im safe.

[basiliskdragon]

bops myself in the face with a hammer: shut up, stop lying to us

people still love us as much as they did before. theres been no change, probably

youre trying to make us hurt worse and im callin you on it

just because things are quiet doesnt mean youve suddenly dropped in esteem

i wish my family didnt use silence as a punishment, it fucks me up when im trying to love my friends while busy and it suddenly looks like nobody in the world wants anything to do with me

there there you stupid bastard. things are fine and we need to chill out

[basiliskdragon]

my whole family is going out and doing things and im stuck at home alone, with the dogs, and i feel real garbo, and i dont know how to distract myself, cause my laptop is getting fixed

and im not good at anything! i do everything wrong!!! everything!!!!

i wanna die lmao

[basiliskdragon]

lmao, what if nobody likes me anymore

[basiliskdragon]

i stopped feeling good

[basiliskdragon]

i wanna like things and be good at things and not be a trash can of a person, and be genuinely happy and not feel like im festering around any one issue

but i dont get nice things, and the nice ones i do get are subject to ridicule, so i dont really like anything

my mom is mean and nobody else cares. its better if i dont like things, cause that way i never get hurt

i cant even keep the blankets i make cause my mom thinks i have too many. it doesnt matter if stuff makes me happy, i indulge too much and dont put enough work in and i kinda just wanna die a little

everything aches

[basiliskdragon]

i should definitely be paying more attention to whats in front of my face, but also:

im tired, the world is big and empty, and i think my friends are mad at me, even though that doesnt make sense

i wish i was still asleep. im not gonna manage to do anything worthwhile today and i dont want to make anyone upset because i feel like laying down someplace warm but dangerous

i am kind of hard to be around, my family says so, and i think maybe this would be too hard to be around

i need to call my doctor but i dont care and i cant care and theyre closed untill tuesday anyway

so. idk. ill figure out something to do with my time today. something will happen