Marlene always liked to think of herself as a rational woman. She loved facts, data and concretes. And based on them, she knew what decisions she should make.
But she was also a big hypocrite. So the final say always belonged to her heart.
Marlene had a romantic soul, and she couldn't help it. She dreamed of love. She wanted someone to love her, and she wanted to love someone. And damn it, but she dreamed about a romance just like in the books she read so often.
Her mind told her that she should fall in love with someone nice who would respect her and who was always kind. A friend. Someone who had his own life in order and was rather trouble-free. Certainly not in a skirt chaser. But someone she could trust unconditionally and who she wouldn't have to be jealous of.
But she had fallen in love with Sirius Black.
Only her stupid heart could be to blame for that. Her mind didn't even notice when it happened until suddenly it was too late.
At the very beginning, when they met, Marlene thought it was impossible for them to ever get along. Sirius was the kind of person she tried to avoid: pureblood, arrogant, overconfident and a womaniser. If it hadn't been for their mutual friends, they probably would never have voluntarily spent time together.
And then they both joined the Order, and by accident (or rather terrible luck as Marlene thought at the time), she started renting a room in his house.
The beginnings had been difficult. To be precise, very difficult. He pretended not to remember her name and often had outbursts of anger. She tried to pretend that she was not terrified by the whole situation as much as by the war going on around them.
Eventually, bit by bit, Marlene began to discover the true face of Sirius Black.
He was a pureblood, but he absolutely did not share the views of his family. Sirius didn't talk much about his childhood, but Marlene was able to piece together the clues and had some idea of what it was like.
He was arrogant and overconfident. And he was absolutely terrified of it. On one hand, this behaviour served him as an armour so that no one would see through him. But on the other hand, he feared that it made him the same as his family.
He was a womaniser. Sometimes she even happened to have breakfast with some girl he brought with him for the night. So when Sirius told her that he loved her, Marlene obviously didn't believe it. Especially since this declaration was made without any warnings. It took her the longest time to understand this side of Sirius. But in the end, she understood.
At first, she assumed - hypothetically, of course - that he really was in love with her. And as she began to think about this hypothesis, it occurred to her that, after all, Sirius had no idea what love was! The people who were supposed to love him and teach him how to love others only hurt him and then stated that he was ungrateful.
So, since Sirius didn't know what love was, these feelings (which hypothetically occurred) must have terrified him. Love overwhelmed him, and he had no idea what to do with it. And because Sirius was Sirius, so he chose the path of complete destruction.
He chose it quite often.
Sirius was the complete opposite of who Marlene should fall in love with. And yet, she fell head over heels in love with him.
Why? She couldn't quite grasp it herself. After all, she hadn't had much experience with love either. And with actual romantic love, she had basically no experience at all. Even her first kiss had belonged to Sirius.
Only a few seconds before it happened, Marlene wasn't sure of her feelings in the slightest. She had no idea what she actually felt for Sirius. She was so nervous like she had never been before. Marlene tried to put her thoughts together somehow, to follow her reason. But while looking into his grey eyes, which she had never seen so close before, she was unable to put together even one coherent thought. Their faces were so close that she could feel the warm air he exhaled on her cheeks.
It was her first kiss, but her lips knew perfectly well what to do. Marlene remembers well that she thought then that a human being is probably already born with the knowledge of how to kiss others. And that kissing is, therefore, in some way, essential to life.
She from then on definitely could not imagine her life without kissing Sirius.
This feeling of happiness and this ever-growing need to be closer and closer to him, even though their lips were already directly adjacent to each other. Oh! And then, there was a nagging squeeze in the pit of her belly.
This wasn't a gentle kiss. And it wasn't just their lips that were moving. Marlene's hands rode the back and neck of Sirius completely instinctively. She didn't even note the moment when her legs wrapped around his body, and he supported her with his solid arms.
Everything was happening so smoothly that Marlene felt like she was made just for kissing Sirius. Until at one point, she felt his tongue slip into her mouth. The feeling was so strange and exciting at the same time that she gently gasped. Her body suddenly didn't automatically know what to do.
But Sirius was patient. He guided her, and without using words, taught Marlene what she should do.
Marlene had no idea how long their kiss lasted. When they finally broke apart, she was breathless and catching her oxygen greedily.
And just as she hadn't been able to come up with a single coherent thought before that kiss, after it, she knew one thing almost immediately: she was madly in love with Sirius.
Marlene McKinnon's first kiss belonged to Sirius Black.
It was also their first kiss together.
And Marlene knew that was terribly naive. And of course, it was unlikely. After all, they were young, and so much could still happen in life. She could still meet loads of other boys and experience first kisses with them.
But then at that moment, seconds after they stopped kissing, and Sirius pointed his finger at the window behind her, and she saw a shooting star, Marlene had one wish.
Her wish was that her first kiss with Sirius would also be for both of them their last first kiss ever.
Exactly half an hour ago, a loud bang shattered the glass in all the windows in the McKinnon Manor. Since then, Marlene's entire family had been fighting for their lives.
The worst part was knowing that no one would come to their aid.
Or at least not until sunrise. But the chances that they would survive until then were very poor. Not to say none. There were just too many Death Eaters.
Nor could they escape. All that was left for them to do was fight and hope for a miracle.
"Marls, look out!" shouted her cousin Rosalie pulling her away at the last moment before a spell could hit her from behind.
"Two have made their way into the corridor!" yelled one of her relatives.
Not good.
Under no circumstances could the Death Eaters get into the basement.
Marlene, Rosalie and Marcus ran to stop them from doing so. They quickly caught up with Travers and Selwyn. An exchange of shots began. It was three against two, but Marlene felt no advantage.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a green light, and a second later, she heard the sound of a body hitting the ground. She looked to the side.
"MARCUS!"
Marlene dropped to her knees next to where her cousin's body lay.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Another body fell to the ground. Marlene was horrified that it had hit Rosalie this time. But when she looked at her cousin, she realised that she was the one who had cast the spell on the Death Eater who had killed Marcus.
"We have to go after them, Mars!"
At first, she didn't understand Rosalie's words. Marlene didn't want to go anywhere. And she had to stay with Marcus, she couldn't leave him like this. Besides, she was tired. She had fought continuously for so long, she was constantly on the move! Now she no longer had the strength to get up, run after Travers and Selwyn and keep fighting.
" Grandpa and the kids are in the basement! We don't have time, Mars!"
Rosalie was right. Wasting no more time, Marlene left Marcus' body and ran with her cousin towards the basement. On the way, she heard someone running after them.
"Alarte Ascendare!"
Rosalie launched Selwyn into the air, preventing him from entering the basement. But Travers was faster and was now already in there.
The girls ran in and saw their grandfather duelling with Travers. Rosalie started to help him, and Marlena went to protect the children.
Grandpa and Rosalie were doing really well, and for a moment, Marlene started to hope that maybe they could survive all this somehow.
And then it got dark.
And cold.
A strange shiver went through her whole body. As a member of the Order, she knew from experience what that meant. She knew what had happened. Who had arrived.
Then Marlene had the feeling that a hurricane was passing through their basement. She felt strong gusts of air and heard children screaming as if they had been carried away by the wind.
Then the light returned.
And before them stood Lord Voldemort.
Marlene heard the screams of her two youngest cousins. She looked behind her, but they weren't there.
She looked around the room and saw Bellatrix holding three-year-old Jezabel and Malfoy with five-year-old Ares.
The entire basement was filled with Death Eaters.
"Orpheus McKinnon," said Voldemort," you know why I am here. Give me this, and I'll spare what's left of your family."
Thus Marlene's fears that her grandfather, Rosalie, Ares and Jezbal were now the last surviving members of her family were confirmed.
Marlene knew that her grandfather would never give in. She knew that no one would come to their aid, and they had no way to escape. She knew that the children would be the first to die. She knew that she would be the last to die after seeing the last members of her family dying. She didn't have time to say goodbye to them.
She didn't have time to say goodbye to anyone.
Not even to Sirius.
Suddenly Marlene mentally shifted from that basement to a completely different time and place.
This morning. Just a few hours earlier. Their bedroom.
Sirius was still in bed. He didn't like getting up early, so she didn't want to wake him. But unfortunately, she had to leave now.
She walked over and knelt beside him, then kissed him lightly on the forehead.
He did not even stir.
Trying to be quiet, she started to leave the room.
"Are you leaving without saying goodbye?" he asked in a sleepy voice.
She smiled under her breath and approached him again.
" That' s not true. I left a kiss on your forehead."
"Really? Hm, I don't remember anything. I guess you'll have to do it again."
She knew how this was going to end, but nevertheless, she started to lower her lips towards his forehead. Only for him to pull her further down, and their lips came together.
It was a gentle yet tense kiss, after which she found it difficult to stand straight on her feet.
"Ok, now I have to go. They're waiting for me."
"I know."
"See you, Sirius!"
"I will be waiting for you."
I will be waiting for you.
I will be waiting for you.
I will be waiting for you.
Marlene went back to the basement, but she could still hear Sirius' words in her head.
She didn't tell him goodbye.
She said, 'see you later'. And he promised to wait for her.
And Marlene knew that Sirius would keep his word. Therefore, she had to do everything to keep hers so that they could see each other again.
Her brain suddenly started working at a crazy fast speed. She began to analyse all the possibilities and tried to anticipate her opponents' moves.
And suddenly, something occurred to her.
She again confirmed her assumption that there was no way she could save Ares and Jezabel. There was nothing she could do for them. There was no chance of saving her grandfather, either.
But there was still one way out for her and Rosalie.
Admittedly, the chance that her plan would succeed was about 5%. But she had to try. After all, she had promised Sirius that she would come back.
Marlene reviewed all the possibilities once more, and when she again found no better solution, she grabbed Rosalie's hand and began to pull her backwards.
Her manoeuvre took the Death Eaters by surprise, and they had no idea what she was going to do yet. This gave her at least a temporary advantage. However, with every step she took, her intentions became clearer. She knew that Rosalie had already grasped what she wanted to do. She could feel it in her body language. Marlene didn't have to drag her anymore, she just ran on her own.
"Avada..."
Apparently, Voldemort also realised what Marlene wanted to do.
It was now or never!
Marlene and Rosalie jumped up and had their goal literally at arm's length.
They rarely cooked for one another. Due to their duties in the Order and different working hours, they usually didn't have time to eat together at all. And when they did spend time together, they were either invited to their friend's place for dinner, or they preferred to spend the time in a different way.
So one day, Sirius surprised her with a dinner for two, and her reaction was certainly worth the hours spent over pots and cookers. And he didn't have to wait long for her to return the same gesture.
Just a few days later, he returned from some mission to a house filled with beautiful smells. And in the kitchen, he found Marlene waiting for him with dinner ready. As he saw what she had cooked, Sirius felt a little ashamed that he had only made some pasta for her.
Marlene had a gift for cooking. Everything she served was just perfect. Her dishes were not only a wonderful sensation for the tongue but also for the eye. She created dishes like she created her paintings. She poured all her creativity, soul and personality into them.
Her dishes looked as if they had been prepared by a real chef. She served food that Sirius didn't even know existed. And she decorated them like little masterpieces.
Sirius' signature dishes were fish and chips, pasta with tomato sauce and mac and cheese. And Marlene served dishes such as saddle of venison on kashotto with mushrooms and kale chip, celery steak with scorzonera puree or cod fillet with burre blanc sauce and rhubarb and fennel assiette.
Most often, Sirius had no idea at all what he was putting into his mouth. But it didn't matter because he was never disappointed. Her dishes were always delicious. Whatever they were.
It was ironic that of all the dishes she prepared for him, his favourite was... a cheese sandwich.
Well, Marlene simply made the best cheese sandwich in the world! It was, obviously, a very simple dish. However, Sirius was never able to duplicate the taste of the sandwich prepared by her. He had no idea what exactly made her sandwich better than any other. There was just.... That something!
Marlene was aware of the fact that for Sirius, the cheese sandwich was her best dish. But she wasn't entirely thrilled about it. Every time she served him some new fancy meal, she would ask if it was better than the cheese sandwich. Many dishes came close to it, but none managed to beat the taste of this sandwich.
Eventually, Marlena stopped worrying that her Risotto with crawfish and mussels couldn't beat the taste of a regular sandwich. And when she knew they wouldn't be able to have a meal together, she would prepare this sandwich for Sirius so he could eat it later. Marlene often made larger portions and hid some in the fridge. She would also put a spell on the container to keep the sandwiches fresh.
When Marlene left home one day and never returned, three sandwiches were left in the fridge.
Sirius didn't believe in her death. But her absence was becoming more and more noticeable with each passing day. And as the days went by, the traces she left behind began to fade.
Lily washed the glass she had left in the sink. A few days later, James put the book she had left on the coffee table back on the shelf. And one day Sirius has thoughtlessly taken her towel and washed it along with his own. He had been very unfocused that day because he had thrown his Gryffindor red sweatshirt into the washing machine along with the two cream towels. It wasn't until he took the laundry out and saw that her towel was soiled with pink stains and not even a strand of her hair was on it that he realised what he had done.
At some point, even her room stopped smelling like her perfume.
Her absence was becoming more and more annoying.
Sirius believed she was alive and would one day walk through their front door and throw herself longingly around his neck. But nevertheless, he treated all the remains of her like relics.
The three sandwiches left in the fridge tempted him every time he opened it. He decided, however, that he would save them for a special occasion. Sirius knew very well that the spell she used on the box would keep the sandwich fresh for many, many years. However, once the box was opened, the spell would go, and there was no way to cast it again.
When he ended up in Azkaban, he would get the same slush every day, which would look like mud. Then Sirius regretted not eating those sandwiches, as he was sure he would never have the chance to taste them again.
For twelve years, he had dreamt of those sandwiches many times. When he finally escaped, he wondered if he should take a chance and go for them. One day he even went to the area around his old flat with that intention. But unfortunately, it was under constant surveillance by several Aurors.
A second chance came when the Order of the Phoenix was reactivated. During one meeting of the Order, it turned out that they needed some documents from the First War that were still in his flat. And Tonks volunteered to go and get them. As an Auror, she could enter his flat under the pretext of looking for some evidence, and it would not arouse anyone's suspicions.
Taking the opportunity, Sirius asked his baby cousin to bring him the three boxes from his fridge.
"Sirius, you do realise that these sandwiches are now definitely in the final stages of decomposition, right?"
"A freshness spell was cast on them," he explained. "Just bring them with you, okay?"
Sirius had never told Tonks about Marlena, and he didn't feel like explaining it to her then. Though he had a feeling that Tonks already knew about who she was and what Marlene McKinnon meant to him. He suspected Remus might have told her something during one of their all-night missions. (They had surprisingly many such missions together.)
On the day Tonks was due to return from her mission to his flat, Sirius couldn't concentrate on anything. He wondered what he should do with those sandwiches. Should he save them for later again? No, he had been dreaming of tasting them for far too long. He missed them almost as much as the person who made them. In the end, he decided to eat one today and leave the other two for later.
Remus decided to keep him busy with conversation while they waited for Tonks. And at some point, they heard a loud bang, followed by loud shouts from his mother's portrait.
They both knew what had happened. Tonks had tripped over the umbrella stand. Again. In no time, he and Remus ran to the ground floor to help her.
When they got there, Sirius suddenly petrified. Remus stepped around him and went over to help Tonks up from the ground. Usually, in moments like this, Sirius went to cover his mother's portrait. But this time, he was unable to move even an inch.
His gaze was fixed on the floor. Lying on it was a box and a smashed sandwich. His sandwich.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!"
Tonks looked at him with horrified eyes, but Sirius didn't give a damn. The rage that possessed him was ten times stronger than his self-control.
"Must you always be so clumsy!! Couldn't you watch where you're walking for once?!"
Sirius felt like there was a potion boiling in his veins that could boil over in a second.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
"I don't care that you're sorry! Look what you've done!!"
Suddenly Sirius realised that there was only one sandwich lying on the ground.
"Where are the other two?"
"There was only this one."
"WHAT?! Of course, there were more! There were three boxes in the fridge! THREE! What about the other two?!"
"Sirius," Remus reprimanded him.
"The other two boxes were already empty. Probably one of the Aurors who searched your apartment must have eaten them."
No.
This couldn't be happening.
The rage Sirius felt was only equalled by the anger he'd felt when he'd discovered fourteen years ago that Pettigrew had tricked them all.
"Sirius, it's just a sandwich," said Tonks in a soft voice. Probably to reassure him. However, it had the opposite effect.
"Just a sandwich?! Just a SANDWICH! How dare you say that! You..."
"Sirius!"
Suddenly Remus was standing between him and his cousin. His nostrils fluttered, and his pupils changed shape slightly. His face was one big warning sign for Sirius.
At first, he felt the urge to punch Remus. But then...
He calmed down. He suddenly realised what he was actually doing. Beating up his best friend and taking it out on the only relative he had contact with wasn't going to change anything. And certainly not for the better.
Sirius looked at the sandwich lying on the ground. After a brief moment of thought, he picked it up off the ground. The floor was actually relatively clean. And it was the only Marlene sandwich that still existed. It was possible that this would be the last time he would taste it. Sirius absolutely wouldn't let it go to waste. Had it been lying on the ground for more than ten seconds? Well... Whatever!
He returned to the kitchen and placed his sandwich on the best-looking plate. Remus and Tonks hadn't joined him, and he didn't hold it against them. He bet they probably went somewhere to talk about his outburst and were analysing his mental state. Pff...
Sirius knew he should apologise to them, but he didn't feel like it at the moment.
He concentrated entirely on his sandwich. Unfortunately, he couldn't cast the freshness spell on it again and leave it for another time. He had to eat it now or never.
It tasted just as always! Sirius consumed it very carefully and slowly. He chewed each bite more often than usual, and he tried to remember the taste for as long as possible. It took him over an hour to eat it. And by the end, he couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
It was simply delicious.
***
Three days later, Tonks dragged him forcibly into the kitchen. She claimed she had a surprise for him. At first, Sirius didn't want to agree. For the last few days, he didn't feel like doing anything. He just wanted to lie in his room.
Besides, he still hadn't apologised to Tonks and Remus for his behaviour.
However, he noticed that his cousin had inherited her mother's stubbornness. So he eventually had no other choice and went down to the kitchen with her.
He found Remus and Molly already waiting for him there. Sirius was convinced that they had arranged some sort of intervention to talk about his behaviour. However, Tonks quickly explained to him the real reason for the meeting.
She made Sirius sit down at the table, and suddenly four plates were placed in front of him. On each of them was a cheese sandwich.
"Tonks, what is this?"
"Me, Mum, Remus and Molly made sandwiches for you. We tried to replicate the one I dropped. I am sure that at least one of them will be as good as that one."
What?
It took Sirius a moment to understand Tonks' words.
And then he wasn't sure what to think about it.
He felt like laughing. How would any of their sandwiches compare to Marlene's! Sirius was really close to exploding with rage again and telling them how idiotic their idea was. But then, he saw something in Tonks' face that immediately calmed his nerves.
It was only a small smile. But at the same time, it expressed a great lot.
Then he looked at the sandwich that she made.
The bread was crookedly sliced, the cheese was slightly burnt on one side, the rest of the ingredients were almost flowing outwards. This sandwich could win a contest for the world's ugliest sandwich. Marlene would never serve something like that.
Tonks wasn't a good cook. Actually, only a few months ago, she started learning how to cook from Remus. Their lessons always ended up with a terrible mess in the kitchen. And here she was, with the world's ugliest sandwich, trying to make him happy.
He realised then that Tonks just wanted to help him. She did it in one of the worst possible ways, but in the end, it's the intentions that count, right?
Finally, Sirius agreed to taste all four sandwiches. And he had to admit that they were all good.
"So, which one is the best?" Tonks asked.
Call me crazy, but yours, Tonks."
Sirius couldn't explain it to himself, but it really was so. The outside of her sandwich was genuinely awful. The taste of it, though, was fine. And if he had to be honest, there was something very close to Marlene's sandwich in it.
But it wasn't a sandwich from Marlene.
Something was missing. But Sirius couldn't tell what exactly it was.
The disappointment caused by this realisation must have reflected on his face. Tonks didn't pursue the subject of sandwiches further and just let Sirius go back to his room.
After that, she never tried to take any action related to that topic again.
***
A few months had passed since the sandwich incident, and a lot had changed since then. Or at least for the people around Sirius. He, on the other hand, was practically in the same place.
It was an ordinary day, and Sirius got up surprisingly quite early. He hadn't managed to fall asleep again, so he decided to go to the kitchen to make himself some breakfast. He absolutely didn't expect to meet someone there.
"Good morning Tonks! What are you doing here so early?"
"Hey, Sirius! I made muffins for you guys. Do you want one?"
"For us? Or for Remus?"
Her cheeks turned instantly red.
The two of them had been playing cat and mouse for a while now. Sirius was very well aware of it, probably even better than they were. But until at least one of them would admit their feelings, Sirius could do nothing. So he waited and teased them to get a confession out of them. And he was sure Tonks would crack very soon.
"For you. Both of you. So, do you want a muffin or not?"
"Yes, please."
Tonks handed him a muffin that was overflowing with chocolate. The cake was chocolate, the icing was chocolate, and Sirius was sure there would probably be liquid chocolate inside.
"Are you sure you weren't thinking of someone special while preparing those muffins?"
"I have no idea what you're talking about."
"You know, there are only two residents in this house at the moment. One, after eating a strip of chocolate, already feels over-sweetened. And the other can eat a whole bar of chocolate by himself and then sip it with hot chocolate."
"I also can eat a whole bar of chocolate on my own," she said.
"I don't doubt that. But I'll repeat the question. Did you bake these muffins with both of us in mind? Hm?"
"You're weird, you know? Sorry Sirius, but I don't have time for your weird questions. I have to go to work."
That said, she ran out of the kitchen as if she was being chased by a furious hippogriff. Sirius laughed under his breath. Well, apparently, he has to wait a little longer before Tonks finally breaks.
Sirius bit off a piece of the chocolate muffin and started chewing it very slowly.
That taste.
No, that's not possible.
Sirius took another bite and was as focused as if he was solving some puzzle.
Again.
But it was impossible!
He took another bite. And when he felt it for the third time, he could no longer deny it.
The muffin from Tonks tasted exactly like the cheese sandwich from Marlene.
Sirius grabbed his head, wondering how this was even possible. After all, these were two completely different dishes. They had practically nothing in common except...
Of course!
It looked like Tonks had cracked that day after all and didn't even know about it.
And Sirius finally found out what the secret ingredient was that made Marlene's sandwich so special.
The answer was so obvious that he laughed to himself that he hadn't thought of it before.
