Questions 28, 37 and 40 for the ask game 😊 tyia!
28: Do you ever make impulsive decisions?
I don’t know? I mean, sometimes I’m like “I’m not gonna vacuum today! I’ll do it Wednesday instead!” or “I want a Dr. Pepper now even though I really shouldn’t!” but I am very aware of what I am doing. Sometimes you gotta let your brain that evolved to want short term pleasure have what it wants, you know?
37: Have you ever been surprised by someone staying in your life?
Any friend post Bad Times that’s stuck around. If you don’t know what the Bad Times was - it was 2009 to 2011, with maybe some tendrils in 2012 and 2013, when I was a favorite target of Simsecret and also the person I thought of as my best friend was actually an emotionally abusive asshole, and it was a whole thing and it ended in a fiery explosion, quite literally if you describe the hemorrhaging ulcer that way. ;)
So yeah….by the end of that I thought I was a horrible person and that no one wanted me around and that I didn’t know how to human right, but I’ve been focusing on healing ever since, and I’m a lot better now. Maybe still not great at boundaries, since I just laid all that out there, lol. But yeah - I’ve rewired my brain a great deal and now I’m fairly sure I’m not a terrible person and maybe some people like me and maybe I’m worth being friends with, but it can still surprise me when anyone other than the spousal person sticks around and wants to talk to me.
40: What makes you feel confident?
Rereading my work, actually. The brain rewiring has also resulted in me acknowledging that yeah, okay, I actually am decent at writing, no matter what any trolls and/or weird stalkers with a decade long hate-on for me say.
Hanging out with the spousal person too. :) Whenever I say “I wish I was pretty and interesting” he says “You are!” and he is very supportive and respectful, and when we’re watching stuff on streaming together and I snuggle back into him and bring his arms down around me, there’s nothing better than that, and even my anxious and traumatized brain feels safe and secure and like I’m enough and I’m okay. :)
