I've only been on two first dates ever. Here's the story of the first one.
Jesus.
I will admit to checking Craigslist's "missed connections", like, twice incessantly for 10 months to no avail. But I digress...
I talked to a few people here and there through OkCupid. I was active on the site for a couple of months. However, I only went on ONE date. Nevermind the fact that I still didn't know how to date EVEN ON THE INTERNET.
Okay, so the date. He initiated it - thank God. We meet up for coffee. He's not really my type averagely attractive, but at that moment in my life, I was as desperate as a middle-aged man trying not to get an erection during his prostate exam. Things are going mediocre, at best. We're making small talk...for, like, two hours. It was actually fucking awful, and I didn't know how to leave.
Things got really weird when he told me that he sees things. I have family members who are psychic and see demons, so okay fine. I coincidentally am sitting next to a piece of wall art that was probably bought at Big Lots on clearance. It's just your average landscape photo:
He nonchalantly tells me how he sees swirly colors with a skull sticking out of the photo:
He continues on for about six minutes while I smile and nod and wonder if he realizes I'm uncomfortable. I, personally, saw a desert portrait.
He clearly had a mental disorder.
This, in combination with his already undeniable social awkwardness, causes me to mumble that it's getting late and that I should go. He says he'll call me. We awkwardly hug goodbye, and I sprint to my car unashamedly doing the Sign of the Cross.
I come home, mutter to myself "welp, I guess it's back to the grind", and immediately start browsing the dating website of doom.
