#well --

[criticalrolo]

idk if you know but for some reason amazon released tlovm early today so it's already been out for a couple hours if you want to watch it!

OH FHLKJSFDHKKJAF FUCK WHAT --

[keikakudori]

so, if you didn’t know -- i never watched the deicide arc. i usually prefer reading manga to watching anime because of many reasons. but cas YELLED AT ME because, hey, aizen’s an eldritch horror by the thousand year blood war! and he got animated into his CANON ELDRITCH FORM IN THE DEICIDE ARC!

and i just. have. a lot of things to break down as a result of finally watching it. so much of it around aizen & aizen and gin’s relationship with one another. 

the tones of voices. the way aizen moves and looks to gin. just their whole fucking EVERYTHING. the manga made their relationship so fucking complex and intertwined in many ways.

the anime’s just MADE IT EVEN MORE PAINFULLY OBVIOUS! GOD!

oh and there’s the canon proof that the hogyouku was fucking with aizen and he was having to fight its will and all.

I HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO BREAK DOWN!

[noctalaethra]

ㅤㅤ. ݁₊ ⊹ .𓂃 ࣪˖ ִֶָ𐀔 ݁ ㅤ 「ㅤ@wyntremorneㅤ」ㅤㅤpresented a perspective: ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ㅤ ⤷ㅤdo you ever plan on forgiving yourself?

𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐒 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐔𝐌.ㅤㅤ❛❛ㅤㅤI don't know.ㅤㅤ❜❜ㅤㅤThe expression of the femme scarcely changes,ㅤsomething stirs behind the eyelids like the surface of a lake after the wind has finally settled.ㅤAmaranthines lower as buttlerfly lashes close down.ㅤThe admission remains the most quiet thing that has started the conversation,ㅤno reharsed wisdom waits to soften the meaning behind those words and absolutely there doesn't exist a graceful answer she can offer even with the years of reflection.

Honesty.ㅤFingertips trace the edge of one sleeve,ㅤa familiar habit that intends to anchor the now femme as the memory wanders elsewhere she cannot return to.ㅤThose days where the verdant scenery and the transition to autumn were the only worry left,ㅤto see the leaves falls unto the ground where they would rot awaiting the death as winter embraced them.ㅤA moment when treachery bonfires were the only warmth that would touch the pale countenance alongside a familiar face that asks for a dance that is no longer here echoes.ㅤThe rough hands of someone that she has now lost to time still aches in the what ifs and what is not.ㅤㅤ❛❛ㅤㅤFor a long time I don't think I believe I deserved to.ㅤForgiveness always felt like something meant for other people.ㅤSomething I could offer freelyㅤㅤ...ㅤㅤso long as I never expected it in return.ㅤㅤ❜❜ㅤㅤAnd those thoughts are the ones that brings the faint touch of a smile upon tiers that are pressed in a thin line.ㅤㅤ❛❛ㅤㅤIt's rather hypocritical when I say it aloud.ㅤㅤ❜❜ㅤㅤMelancholy is a companion that akin to fear festers upon the darkness corners,ㅤgrief is untouchable;ㅤit lingers and stays as long as you give it importance.ㅤOutside,ㅤsomewhere far beyond the window they are looking at,ㅤthe wind blows and she femme of springtide listens,ㅤas though nature might answer in the place of those voices long gone.ㅤㅤ❛❛ㅤㅤThere are things I've done that I cannot undo.ㅤPeople I couldn't save.ㅤChoices I still revisit when the nights grow too quiet.ㅤI used to think forgiving myself would mean pretending those things never mattered.ㅤThe thing is,ㅤI don't believe that anymore.ㅤㅤ❜❜ㅤㅤSuch certainty comes in a soft intonation,ㅤhead lifts then meeting Veronika's face without flinching at the thought of being seen.

❛❛ㅤㅤPerhaps forgiveness has less to do with forgetting.ㅤㅤ❜❜ㅤㅤThe existance of people that once loved her deserved to be loved too,ㅤeven when the flesh and bone rotted into the depths of the earth and the soul has returned to places she cannot go.ㅤSilence returns with a warmth tone this time,ㅤpatient.ㅤA certain smile returns to the facade of the femme,ㅤfragile and yet genuine.ㅤHands cross over the height of the chest.ㅤㅤ❛❛ㅤㅤAm I thereㅤ.ᐣㅤNo.ㅤI think the fact someone can ask me that question now and I don't get to answer never might be the closest thing to hope I've had in a very long time.ㅤㅤ❜❜ㅤ

[queencvbra]

tory: idk how a slayer could fall for a vampire, I could never.

me and cali in the background, Knowing:

[snowsurvive-aa]

@gilmre​ ( gilmore )     :     healing  is  not  linear , but  it’s  always  moving  forward .

cassandra  doesn’t  respond  for  a  long  moment ,  diverting  her  attention  instead  to  straightening  her  sleeves ,  the  hem  of  her  jacket ,  anything  that  could  possibly  be  askew  --  anything  that  would  be  easy  to  fix .     running  whitestone  is  hardly  easy ,  but  at  least  it’s  something  she’s  come  to  understand . . . her  own  trauma  and  experiences  are  a  different  beast  entirely .

it  isn’t  often  that  she  disagrees  with  him ,  but  today  may  be  an  exception .     perhaps  it’s  rather  nihilistic  of  her ,  but  perhaps  she  can  be  forgiven  for  that ,  given . . . everything .          “ i’m  not  certain  that’s  true , ”          she  admits ,  eyes  only  half - focused  as  she  looks  out  the  window .          “ well .     perhaps  there’s  merit  in  the  non - linearity  of  it  all  --  that  much  is  certainly  true . ”          today  is  certainly  one  of  cassandra’s  good  days ,  where  she  can  get  to  her  feet  and  get  dressed  and  fully  participate  in  a  conversation ,  in  the  work  that  means  so  much  to  her .     but  that  does  not  mean  that  tomorrow  will  be  one  as  well ,  nor  the  day  after  that .     cassandra  will  work  through  it  --  she  always  does .     she’d  never  been  good  at  taking  breaks ,  even  as  a  child . . . and  then ,  it  didn’t  particularly  matter .     now ,  even  with  the  council ,  the  day - to - day  concerns  of  her  people  rely  on  her  pulling  it  together .     and  she  will ,  for  them .

“ but  sometimes . . . ”          the  words  are  heavy  on  her  tongue ,  awkward ,  and  she  shakes  her  head  to  clear  it .     the  de  rolos  had  never  been  taught  how  to  express  emotions ,  and  life  with  the  briarwoods  ( if  you  could  call  it  life )  hadn’t  exactly  been . . . well .     she  doesn’t  want  to  think  about  it .          “ it  feels  rather  one  step  forward ,  two  steps  back . ”

[kiicho]

@koorinohebi​ asked: ❛  it’s okay - let it all out . i’ve got you .  ❜ (From Kiomi) // Meme. ( Accepting )

  To that, she has nothing to say at first. There’s not an expression she can come up with that can properly iterate the maelstrom of sentiments such words illicit inside of her. It’s like a lotus seed, in fact. When your teeth sink into the outside, the subtle sweetness bursts through. However, further past the sweetness, the richness of the flavor is abruptly cut short by the bitterness in the center. 

  Her feelings are like that of a lotus seed right now. On one hand, Kichō isn’t so callous as to not appreciate what little kind gestures she is given from the world. Maybe her damaged soul also wanted the simplicity of being heard and comforted without guilt or reservation. She’s a sensitive person, anyway. Yet, the other part -- the center of her own lotus seed -- experiences something akin to distaste at the situation.

  Kiomi is a kind person -- tolerable and understanding. Kichō welcomes it, indulges in some of her Master’s more questionable traits. But she always maintains a certain level of aloofness with everyone. She keeps them close enough to bask in her hidden warmth and affection but further enough to way to where they can’t peer inside and make out her imperfections, her woes, her grudges. Even if Kiomi has her, Kichō can’t ‘ let it all out ’.

  And that is enough to stir up a gentle rage inside.

  “ ... You truly think all will be fine after I speak about everything to you ? ” 

  Even if Kichō is on the last bit of her life, desperately clinging until the terrible end, she wouldn’t want to expose herself like that. Not to anyone. Not to Kiomi. Not even to Nobunaga. Jūbei ... might have gotten some fragment of vulnerability from her hundred of years ago but even that blessing towards her has crumbled in its own way.

  Actually, even she can tell that her sudden anger is irrational. The sharp edge to her voice doesn’t fit something a normal person would put on in this situation.

  “ I’m not like you or Nobu or everybody else, ” Kichō says, “ I’m not someone who can move on and smile so wide. I can’t tell if it’s irritating to me or if I’m experiencing envy for the first time. ”

  Her pile of dark deeds and regrets are too great and unsavory to unload all of them onto Kiomi. Or maybe she’s trapping herself in hazy realities of her own making. In her mind, she can conjure up futures where they all finally come to realize that she’s lost her worth to them and will promptly abandon her like she deserves like she would expect. The thought itself makes her dizzy. The only thing that can bring about a more intense vertigo is her own revelations that, yes, indeed, nobody wishes to remain in the past and yet she, in all her pain, can’t seem to find a way out, no matter how hard she tries.

  She tries. Her joy is earnest here. It is, but there were many ends she did not reach, many secrets she’s had to keep. The biggest one is that she fears. Her heart tremors at just one thing.

  “ I’m sure, even if I tell you anything, you’ll just say that I should move on. That there’s no use thinking on it now. If that’s the case, I would prefer you all to remain ignorant of the resentments and regrets of my heart. ”

  It would hurt much less, if that were the case. 

  “ You wouldn’t understand. ” 

  Nobody can understand what she doesn’t say, but the most important part is that Kichō doesn’t want to say it. She doesn’t want to utter how her whole body went numb and cold like death when the messenger reported that Yoshitatsu had finally died by her hand. Her thoughts refuse to wander over to how she’d taken advantage of his compassion for her to end his life ; it was like putting down a wounded animal to her. There was no amount of mutual love to protect his life from her claws, not after he’d brought about such helplessness and resentment in slaying their younger siblings. 

  Whatever reasoning she had, however, did not lessen the burden nor the guilt. The agony of that time was second only to the absolute terror experienced in her death. Thinking on everything too much makes her head hurt further, feeling like she can’t concentrate on the situation in front of her. 

  She doesn’t take notice of the stinging in her eyes or the beginning formations of droplets on her lashes. It’s foreign to her. She’d never shed a single tear all her life because such displays were dangerous during her time. Allowing weakness would court death if one isn’t cautious enough. Gathering all her emotions and letting them fester in her chest was the only means of survival, one she can’t easily discard either. 

  “ If that’s all, please leave. I am not feeling well and want to rest. ”

[warraigoe-a]

       ❝   more than 1 sonic ?! i must be in heaven !  ❤   ❞